Question about the sign of peace during mass.

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Isabella1

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Is it appropriate to hug a family member, boyfriend or friend during the sign of peace at mass? Or even to give a hug and a kiss?

I have been doing this all my life, but was recently told that it was not appropriate. I realize it is not appropriate with someone you do not know, and a handshake of peace will do (as I always have done). But I can’t help not liking the thought of only shaking a family member, or good friends hand as if they were a stranger.

That actually is quite painful in my opinion. I don’t know maybe I am wrong. Can anyone help me out with this? Thanks.
 
Some people consider it inappropriate because you are showing more love towards one person than another (at least, this is how it was explained to me).

I don’t see how you can not hug/kiss your spouse or family member though.
 
It should be fine as long as it doesn’t turn into some kind of make out session. No passionate kissing while the Blessed Sacrament is on the altar. 😉
 
The rubrics don’t prohibit it specifically, and if you limit it to folks you would appropriately hug or give a simple peck on the cheek to otherwise, I don’t see the harm.

Where it would go over the top, IMO, is:

**1. Where it would go beyond a quick, simple hug or a kiss to the loved one.
  1. Where you started extending it to strangers or near strangers.
  2. Where -heaven forbid – an individual or congregation started to make it a norm, either formally or informally (by congregants showing exasperation or taking offense if someone chose not to participate. Don’t laugh – I’ve seen it happen more than once)**
 
Ewe! I am talking about a peck on the cheek, or peck on the lips. Example: I always kiss and hug my daughter, parents and close friends. I guess with a boyfriend you would avoid a kiss on the lips but what about a peck on the cheek, or a hug?

Whenever I see families hugging and giving a peck on the cheek, it always gives me a smile. I certainly don’t expect them to give me one, nor do I want one from anyone I don’t know, that would not be comfortable.

Silly I know, I just can’t help to feel happy to see families and friends do this.

Do you really think it makes others feel less loved?
 
My girlfriend and I always go to Mass together. I would always just shake her hand, because I was recognizing the presence of Christ in her and in all of those in the church.

She questioned me about it, so I now kiss her. I have no problem kissing her, but for some reason kissing didn’t seem to fit the meaning of the Sign of Peace. I felt it was best for me to comply with my girlfriend’s wishes.
 
Fidelis said:
The rubrics don’t prohibit it specifically, and if you limit it to folks you would appropriately hug or give a simple peck on the cheek to otherwise, I don’t see the harm.

Where it would go over the top, IMO, is:

**1. Where it would go beyond a quick, simple hug or a kiss to the loved one.
  1. Where you started extending it to strangers or near strangers.
  2. Where -heaven forbid – an individual or congregation started to make it a norm, either formally or informally (by congregants showing exasperation or taking offense if someone chose not to participate. Don’t laugh – I’ve seen it happen more than once)**
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Thanks so much. I was wondering what the rubrics said or didn’t about it, and forgot to ask.

Well that solves it. So hugging and pecking it still is for me with my family and friends. 👍 Unless of course they don’t want a hug or peck, then I will extend a hand shake, just like I do the others around me that I don’t know. 🤷
 
Oh boy, there is no end to this sort of discussion.

For me, the key point is that the Sign of Peace is a liturgical ritual, not a personal moment.
It was not designed to give an opportunity for personal displays of affection, but to signify the peace of Christ to one another as Christians.

To give an example, if one’s wife or girlfriend were an EHMC, it would not be appropriate for her to say “the body of Christ, Jim.” and give a little hug. It would blur the distinction between the liturgical and the personal.

Liturgical, not personal.
 
JimG said:
Oh boy, there is no end to this sort of discussion.

For me, the key point is that the Sign of Peace is a liturgical ritual, not a personal moment.
It was not designed to give an opportunity for personal displays of affection, but to signify the peace of Christ to one another as Christians.

To give an example, if one’s wife or girlfriend were an EHMC, it would not be appropriate for her to say “the body of Christ, Jim.” and give a little hug. It would blur the distinction between the liturgical and the personal.

Liturgical, not personal.
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Have you not received or given a hug at the sign of peace? Just wondering because you did not say either way.

I don’t feel it is a personal moment. But somehow it appears to be quite cold to me when I don’t hug those who are sitting in the same pew as I am, that are involved directly in my life. Does this make sense?

Please explain what the meaning behind the “liturgical ritual” is then? If it is just something that you mindlessly do out of being a ritual, that is pretty strange isn’t it? I see priests come down and hug parishioners. Are they wrong?

Understand, I am not trying to argue at all. I am really trying to understand and discern weather or not I am suppose to be doing this according to what the Church teaches. I rarely come on this forum, only when I have a question that I can’t find the answers to. Thanks for your patience and help.
 
I will allow this thread to continue to help the OP with her question. Please keep in mind that Church disciplines are not dogmas nor are they dispensible if we don’t care for them, and post accordingly, with patience and consideration.
 
Jean_Anthony said:
I will allow this thread to continue to help the OP with her question. Please keep in mind that Church disciplines are not dogmas nor are they dispensible if we don’t care for them, and post accordingly, with patience and consideration.
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Thank you, I appreciate it. Hopefully I can come to a conclusion soon. I know some of my questions may be down right silly to some, and probably should be a no brainer to me (being a cradle Catholic). But I sometimes get confused as to what is wright and wrong where the mass is concerned. And of course want to follow the Churches teachings as best I can. I appreciate being able to come on this Catholic forum to help direct me on the right path. Thanks again.
 
Isabella1 said:
Have you not received or given a hug at the sign of peace? Just wondering because you did not say either way.
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Yes. I make it a practice never to turn down a hug or to neglect to offer one if it’s expected! There are some hugging congregations, and some non-hugging congregations. So I’ll go along with whatever practice is done.

The sign of peace has been in the Mass for a thousand years, but the congregation has only been doing it in the current manner for about 40 years. Probably in those Pre-Vatican II years, many in the congregation didn’t even notice the sign of peace when it occurred.

When it was first instituted in the congregation, most people didn’t know what to do. They turned to one another and said “Peace be with you,” which is a fine thing to say even to your wife and family. Later, some spouses took to squeezing each others hands while saying that.
It took a few more years before hugs or kisses became the practice.

And that’s OK too, as long as we keep it short and sweet. But it did bring about distinction. Offer your neighbor a hug, unless he’s a stranger or non-family member, then it’s just a handshake. So we ended up with varying degrees of the sign of peace. It’s a little bit disorienting because now we are making distinctions between those who are only Christians, and those who are family. The liturgical moment has become the personal moment, and the degree to which one is included in the sign of peace depends to a large extent to whether you are related to those around you.

But like you, I don’t intend to start an argument here. To answer your question in the original post, it is appropriate to hug or kiss a family member or boyfriend or friend, as long as it’s understood that we are primarily extending the peace of Christ from the altar to the congregation.
 
As someone who shakes my husband’s hand and my son’s hand during the sign of peace, I just feel that there is a time and place for everything. When I see people hugging and kissing at Mass, I just think they want to draw attention to themselves. It is just a personal opinion, if you care what other people around you may be thinking as you hug and kiss at Mass.
 
JimG said:
Yes. I make it a practice never to turn down a hug or to neglect to offer one if it’s expected! There are some hugging congregations, and some non-hugging congregations. So I’ll go along with whatever practice is done.

The sign of peace has been in the Mass for a thousand years, but the congregation has only been doing it in the current manner for about 40 years. Probably in those Pre-Vatican II years, many in the congregation didn’t even notice the sign of peace when it occurred.

When it was first instituted in the congregation, most people didn’t know what to do. They turned to one another and said “Peace be with you,” which is a fine thing to say even to your wife and family. Later, some spouses took to squeezing each others hands while saying that.
It took a few more years before hugs or kisses became the practice.

And that’s OK too, as long as we keep it short and sweet. But it did bring about distinction. Offer your neighbor a hug, unless he’s a stranger or non-family member, then it’s just a handshake. So we ended up with varying degrees of the sign of peace. It’s a little bit disorienting because now we are making distinctions between those who are only Christians, and those who are family. The liturgical moment has become the personal moment, and the degree to which one is included in the sign of peace depends to a large extent to whether you are related to those around you.

But like you, I don’t intend to start an argument here. To answer your question in the original post, it is appropriate to hug or kiss a family member or boyfriend or friend, as long as it’s understood that we are primarily extending the peace of Christ from the altar to the congregation.
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Thank you so very much. This really helped me. God Bless you, and Peace be with you. 👋 (couldn’t find a hand shake smiley)
 
The Bishop of my Diocese recently sent out a newsletter trying to remind everybody not to hug. The point is that you are around Brothers and Sisters and all should recieve the same greeting. So the norm is usually handshake. Even family members ought to recieve handshakes. When one hugs another it shows that you are showing preference.
 
Isabella1 said:
Is it appropriate to hug a family member, boyfriend or friend during the sign of peace at mass? Or even to give a hug and a kiss?

I have been doing this all my life, but was recently told that it was not appropriate. I realize it is not appropriate with someone you do not know, and a handshake of peace will do (as I always have done). But I can’t help not liking the thought of only shaking a family member, or good friends hand as if they were a stranger.

That actually is quite painful in my opinion. I don’t know maybe I am wrong. Can anyone help me out with this? Thanks.
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Isabella,
This is what the Church has to say on the matter in Redemptionis Sacramentum. I believe it directly answers your question. The emphasis is my own.

[71.] The practice of the Roman Rite is to be maintained according to which the peace is extended shortly before Holy Communion. For according to the tradition of the Roman Rite, this practice does not have the connotation either of reconciliation or of a remission of sins, but instead signifies peace, communion and charity before the reception of the Most Holy Eucharist. It is rather the Penitential Act to be carried out at the beginning of Mass (especially in its first form) which has the character of reconciliation among brothers and sisters.

[72.] It is appropriate “that each one give the sign of peace only to those who are nearest and in a sober manner”. “The Priest may give the sign of peace to the ministers but always remains within the sanctuary, so as not to disturb the celebration. He does likewise if for a just reason he wishes to extend the sign of peace to some few of the faithful”. “As regards the sign to be exchanged, the manner is to be established by the Conference of Bishops in accordance with the dispositions and customs of the people”, and their acts are subject to the recognitio of the Apostolic See

The questions to ask would be
Is hugging and kissing people at this time a sign of “peace, communion and charity?” especially if one treats friends and family one way and strangers another.

Is this truly a “sober manner”?
 
Our priest, bless him, has just stopped doing the whole thing. He just says “The peace of the Lord be always with you” , the people respond, and he continues with the mass. He has received many appreciative comments.
 
I think that since we are only human there is no way one can express the same love to strangers as we do to our own family. My wife and I exchange cheek to cheek greetings and a slight hug. If our son is with us and next to me a slight hug will do. For others I look at them and extend a handshake, smile, and say softly “The peace of Christ”. Personally I think** that** is a sober manner of exchanging the sign of peace.:hug3: Some close friends of mine when I see them, we always exchange a hug when we greet if I go to their house or they come to mine. But if I am with them at their church, or even close relatives, I give them a hand shake. I actually feel stupid extending my hand to my wife. I have checked with some liturgy experts and they say that giving a hug and a peck to the cheek one’s spouse if perfectly OK.
What I don’t like is what happened this morning. I was not able to attend my usual parish so went to a different church where the liturgy is really beautiful and no hanky-panky is introduced by the priests. A man in front of us obviously had a cold and cough and I could see that he was sneezing in his hands instead of using a handkerchief. I was hoping that he would only cover his mouth with his left hand but no, he used both hands. He then turns around to everybody to shake hands. The church I usually attend, because its is an AU church, does not have the sign of peace as we are all still kneeling at that point. But if I had been that man, I would excuse myself quietly and just smile and indicate that I would not shake their hands because of my cough and cold. I personally feel its rude for somebody to be spreading their germs through their hands. “Peace be with you and here are my germs”.bleah!!! :tsktsk: My wife and I as soon as we got back to the car purified our hands with hand sanitizer that she carries in the car. I think that there should be a different sign of peace or something to avoid things like this happening.
 
JimG said:
You’re welcome. Shoot, I was hoping for a hug!
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Oh sorry :blushing: I was trying to be proper, ya know with a stranger and all. But you did say you never pass up the opportunity to receive or give a hug, so here ya go :hug3:, I hope this is an appropriate peace hug, it’s the only one I could find.
 
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