Question about wedding

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BrokenFortress

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So, I’m not getting married, not even engaged, but I am in a very committed relationship of 4.5 years and we do talk of marriage in the near future. So I just have something I’ve been thinking about and don’t know where to ask it…

Okay, so I became Catholic 3 years ago while at college. The college is 5 hours away from my home town. A year after I became Catholic I moved cities again to a different college. So obviously I changed parishes. I was very involved at this parish and was devoted to the choir for the 2 years that I was in this town. But I did not join this parish.

Now, I moved back home to my parent’s house to save some money. I have not joined a parish officially here at home. There is one parish that I go to almost every Sunday. The other Sundays I’m spending with my boyfriend who lives 4 hours away and we go to his parish there. So this brings me to my question.

When we would want to get married, would I need to be an official member of a certain parish in my hometown? I ask because to me, this wouldn’t make much sense since after we would get married I will go live with him over in his state. So then I would have to switch parishes again. But I want to get married here since this is where my family is and we would be doing all the planning. Also, I’m not sure if it matters but his uncle is a priest over by Washington D.C. and I know my boyfriend’s mother would want him to preside over our wedding, at least this is something she had mentioned.

So is going to this one parish almost exclusively while I’m here sufficient? Or will they require me to have been an actual member?

See, it’s all very confusing for me because none of my family is Catholic. I go to Mass each Sunday by myself and I have no one to ask these questions to. I could ask my boyfriend as he also is a very strict practicing Catholic, but I’m not sure if he would know the answers.

There isn’t a question as to whether or not I’m a practicing Catholic, I guess I would just need to figure out how they determine that so I can make sure I have that evidence seeing as I’m not a formal member of any parish. I’ve just moved around a bunch and haven’t had anyone directing me so I never was sure if it was a requirement to become a member since I know I’ll be moving again after we marry. And once we would get married we would settle down and join a parish together.

I hope that wasn’t confusing… It’s just something I’ve been wondering about
 
I think the best way to answer this is to contact the office of the church that you are attending and explain your situation and see what they say.

Where I live, you are charged for the use of the church if you are not a registered parishioner. The reasoning, I believe, is that if you are registered, your weekly offerings contribute to the church so you are not charged for the use of it for your wedding. It should be a simple matter to register, and typically you need to wait at least 6 months before getting married, so it’s probably not a bad idea to register while you are at home.
 
To add to Sasha’s comment, the cost difference can be substantial. Around here, a registered parishioner gets the church for $400. A non-parishioner gets the church for $2000.

One way to get around this is to use checks in the collection basket. Even if you’re not registered with the church, if you can show 6 months of regular contributions (or whatever the required “wait” is for a wedding), most parishes I know will “credit” you for that time when you register.

But why bother with it? Even if you’re moving soon, it’s not really any effort to change parishes.
 
I thought I would post this as a direct quote from my church bulletin:

MARRIAGE: Contact the pastor at least 6 months prior to the desired date. Bride or groom must be registered and practicing the faith for at least 6 months.

Make an appointment & go talk to the pastor. That is is your best way of finding out exactly what he requires in this circumstance. That way, you know exactly what must be done & aren’t wondering until too late!

Good luck !
 
Unless the Parish you attend is a tiny one where everyone knows everyone by first name - not being a registered memeber will have an impact on your wedding.

Go to the office tomorrow, fill out the card and VIOLA you will be a member!
 
Oh okay thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut guys!

And yes, that is quite a difference in the cost of using the church!

I guess that I should join since it seems like it isn’t something hard to do, since I’ve never done it before I wasn’t sure what all was involved 🙂
 
BrokenFortress said:
Oh okay thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut guys!

And yes, that is quite a difference in the cost of using the church!

I guess that I should join since it seems like it isn’t something hard to do, since I’ve never done it before I wasn’t sure what all was involved 🙂
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It’s really easy. In some parishes, you just fill out a form (name, address phone number, etc) and that’s it. In the most extreme case I’ve ever seen, you fill out a card, have an “interview” with the volunteer coordinator (to explain the ministries in the parish, suggest ones that might fit you, and to give you a tour), then fill out a second form (which, if any, ministries you’ll volunteer for). A few weeks later you’ll get your envelopes (and, if applicable, emails from the ministry leaders) and you’re registered. It’s easy to do and there are no downsides.

The reason of the price difference is to catch the “occasional Catholics”. It’s presumed that they haven’t been donating (either time or treasure) to the Church, so the higher price is variable cost + overhead cost. Registered parishioners in good standing are presumed to have donated to the parish (either monetarily or through time in a ministry) and therefore covered overhead and are provided the church at variable cost. To take it out of accounting lingo: if you’ve paid for a car over the years and now own it, driving to the store really just costs you gas. If you’ve never paid for a car, and now have to rent one to get to the store, you have to pay for gas + the car rental fee. Hopefully that makes sense.
 
According to canon law, you are automatically a parishioner in the parish in which you reside. You actually don’t have to do anything other than prove that you actually live in the boundaries, and if they give you a hard time, call a canon lawyer in your diocese. 🙂

But, most parishes do give a discount if you have been registered there for a particular period of time, by way of the rentals and all that stuff.
 
Oh, interesting, now there is something I didn’t know! Thanks for posting that 🙂
 
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