Question about what is OK during

[DefenderPro]

Hi all,

I’m new here, and do not wish to post anything too explicit intentionally. However, seeing as this is a big forum and that we are in the ‘moral theology’ section, I’ll try to best phrase my question in a clinical manner.

What is the Christian stance on oral sex? Now I have looked this up of course, but answers are conflicting depending on who you ask, and is it OK during dating? I have never seen this as a problem before but lately I’ve been dating a girl who is a bit religious and all that, it’s not so much that I’m trying to get her to do anything she doesn’t want to do, but rather gaining an understanding of her POV.

Regards,

 

[TheDoctor]

Welcome to the forums.

For Catholics, any sexual contact outside of marriage is a sin (and that includes oral sex and mutual masturbation) so it is not OK during dating in any form.

Because you have not seen it as a problem does not negate the fact it is a sin. That the young lady you are dating has high moral standards is a compliment to her.

If you want to understand the Catholic teaching on the subject, here is a link to the Catechism to get you started: scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm#2353

P.S. - it is obvious you are not Catholic but your profile lists you as such. If you cannot be honest on an internet forum, how can anyone expect you to be honest in a relationship?

 

[DefenderPro]

Welcome to the forums.

For Catholics, any sexual contact outside of marriage is a sin (and that includes oral sex and mutual masturbation) so it is not OK during dating in any form.

Because you have not seen it as a problem does not negate the fact it is a sin. That the young lady you are dating has high moral standards is a compliment to her.

If you want to understand the Catholic teaching on the subject, here is a link to the Catechism to get you started: scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm#2353

P.S. - it is obvious you are not Catholic but your profile lists you as such. If you cannot be honest on an internet forum, how can anyone expect you to be honest in a relationship?

Mate, first off I was going to thank you for your response but clearly I can’t after reading the rubbish you just posted.

1. I am Catholic – I think what you should have implied was that I’m not a practicing Catholic, to which I won’t deny. I am a ‘cradle Catholic’ or whatever that term is, in fact my family heritage is probably more Catholic than the pope, you get what I mean.
2. You don’t know the lady, I give a simple picture of an incident, and you’ve managed to conclude that I’m not Catholic and that she already has high moral standards. Perhaps “The Doctor” should take a crash course in basic philosophy and learn how to make a few simple assertions?
3. Don’t question my honesty, you don’t know me, and I don’t know you. I think however you’re painting a rather vivid picture of your personality though, keep going.

 

[Ophelia23]

Sexual contact outside of marriage is considered a grave sin. Oral sex–among other things-- while dating is simply not allowed. The link provided in the first response is a good one. Bear in mind that the Catholic teaching on human sexuality states that our sexuality is an incredible gift from God that we are to share with our spouse and our spouse only. I pray your heart be humbly opened to the truth of purity.

God be with you!

 

[DefenderPro]

Sexual contact outside of marriage is considered a grave sin. Oral sex–among other things-- while dating is simply not allowed. The link provided in the first response is a good one. Bear in mind that the Catholic teaching on human sexuality states that our sexuality is an incredible gift from God that we are to share with our spouse and our spouse only. I pray your heart be humbly opened to the truth of purity.

God be with you!

Thank you Ophelia for your kind response.

 

[Joe_5859]

Just ignore The Doctor’s “P.S.” and you’ll be fine.

The Doc and Ophelia are correct, though. Sexual activity outside of marriage goes against Catholic moral teaching. That includes oral sex. Even within marriage, oral sex could only be used as foreplay. The marital act would still need to be completed in the usual way.

The Catechism is a great source for getting at exactly what the Church teaches. But if it seems a bit “dense”, you might try a popular book like Christopher West’s The Good News About Sex and Marriage. That one gets recommended a lot for understanding not only what the Church teaches but why (which is very important). I highly recommend it.

 

[CompSciGuy]

As stated before no sexual activity is acceptable during dating. it is taught that such an act is acceptable within the context of marriage as long as it is foreplay and not carried out to climax. However I think most would agree that oral sex is inherently chauvinistic… I mean think about it. Would you want to have someone else’s you-know-what in your mouth? I’m guessing the answer would be no. Chances are neither would your girlfriend or your wife should you ever marry. Why would you want to do that to someone you really, truly love?

 

[TheDoctor]

Mate, first off I was going to thank you for your response but clearly I can’t after reading the rubbish you just posted.

Not an issue, I was not looking for a pat on the back.

Mate, first off I was going to thank you for your response but clearly I can’t after reading the rubbish you just posted.

1. I am Catholic – I think what you should have implied was that I’m not a practicing Catholic, to which I won’t deny. I am a ‘cradle Catholic’ or whatever that term is, in fact my family heritage is probably more Catholic than the pope, you get what I mean.

Sorry, I don’t get what you mean about the more Catholic than the Pope comment. Can I ask honestly, if you are Catholic in name only can you really say you are Catholic? I think based on your post it was a fair assumption. Understand please as you dive into the forums that there are many who list their status as “Catholic” and then challenge everything the Church teaches and stands for. In any event, if you took it as an insult, I do apologize - it was not meant that way.

1. You don’t know the lady, I give a simple picture of an incident, and you’ve managed to conclude that I’m not Catholic and that she already has high moral standards. Perhaps “The Doctor” should take a crash course in basic philosophy and learn how to make a few simple assertions?

Was I to conclude from your description that she has low moral standards? I was paying her a compliment based on your limited description.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

As stated before no sexual activity is acceptable during dating. it is taught that such an act is acceptable within the context of marriage as long as it is foreplay and not carried out to climax. However I think most would agree that oral sex is inherently chauvinistic… I mean think about it. Would you want to have someone else’s you-know-what in your mouth? I’m guessing the answer would be no. Chances are neither would your girlfriend or your wife should you ever marry. Why would you want to do that to someone you really, truly love?

Won’t gross you out with the details, but my wife and I do it all the time.

These matters are for a couple to discern, the important thing is that he knows in what sense it is acceptable, beyond that, it’s a matter for the couple to determine.

TheDoctor:

Understand please as you dive into the forums that there are many who list their status as “Catholic” and then challenge everything the Church teaches and stands for.

Guilty!

 

[DefenderPro]

Not an issue, I was not looking for a pat on the back.

Take note of how others have responded, then take a look at how you have responded. You are someone of no significance (in my perception) in the forum responding to me, I don’t need to hear your forked-tongue responses. If you wish to continue like this go look for another forum to instigate reprisals.

Sorry, I don’t get what you mean about the more Catholic than the Pope comment. Can I ask honestly, if you are Catholic in name only can you really say you are Catholic? I think based on your post it was a fair assumption. Understand please as you dive into the forums that there are many who list their status as “Catholic” and then challenge everything the Church teaches and stands for. In any event, if you took it as an insult, I do apologize - it was not meant that way.

I think it’s fairly obvious that I did take insult – do you wish me to write out a monologue? Being more Catholic than the pope was a bit tongue-in-cheek, meant to demonstrate Catholic heritage. I fill out my details as Catholic, that’s what I consider myself to be, I really am not looking to fill out your check-list before I can call myself Catholic. I suggest you worry about yourself and not whether others are Catholic or not, especially people you don’t really know.

I probably agree with some aspects the Church teaches and probably not others, what is it to you?

Was I to conclude from your description that she has low moral standards? I was paying her a compliment based on your limited description.

That is of the least consequence, my question warranted no observation from anyone on her moral standards, it was only about whether the act in question was moral or not.

 

[ahs]

However I think most would agree that oral sex is inherently chauvinistic… I mean think about it. Would you want to have someone else’s you-know-what in your mouth? I’m guessing the answer would be no. Chances are neither would your girlfriend or your wife should you ever marry. Why would you want to do that to someone you really, truly love?

You do realize, of course, that there are women who actually LIKE to perform such a practice…and have such performed on them. Setting the morality of it aside for a moment…I don’t think you can successfully make a case that oral activities are “inherently chauvinistic”. Some men who want to request such an act might be chauvinistic, sure. But you could not argue that ALL of them are…nor can you ignore the women who partake in the act, on both sides (giving and receiving) who actually WANT to.

As to the OP, +1 on the others who have already answered…ANY sexual conduct outside of Marriage is a sin.

 

[DefenderPro]

Won’t gross you out with the details, but my wife and I do it all the time.

These matters are for a couple to discern, the important thing is that he knows in what sense it is acceptable, beyond that, it’s a matter for the couple to determine.

Guilty!

 

[Rose71]

It’s small wonder people get confused though. I grew up in a very Catholic family. In fact, I think my parents were a little un-worldly and didn’t even contemplate that I might be hearing things about sex from the age of 10 or 11.

By 12, I thought I knew it all. I knew what to do and I also knew all about oral sex! I had absolutely no idea it was wrong outside marriage…because nobody ever thought to tell me!

By 16, I knew it was ‘officially wrong’ but that ‘realistically’ everyone was at it!!! (or rather, some people were bragging about it and the media liked to pretend everyone was at it!)

By 18, I knew that sexual intercourse was not permitted outside marriage. My understanding was that it was morally woring to risk creating a new life outside the stability of marriage and that this was the Church’s way of protecting the concept of family life and moral certainty.

Fortunatley (thank you, strict parents) I had already made a choice to wait until marriage, but discovering all sexual contact outside marriage was wrong was a pretty huge shock to me - because I only realised in my mid-30s I guess I just didn’t have the kind of parents who discussed things in such detail (they refered to sex as ‘intercourse’ and that meant penetrative sex)

This is in spite of attending Mass every Sunday and striving to lead a good Catholic life. If you don’t know something is a sin - you don’t know. If you make the effort to ask, because someone has suggested it might be, you ought to be treated with sensitivity and compassion - not a stern moral lecture.

There are a few areas of my fait that I worry about, question and find difficult to accept, but I would still call myself a Catholic.

 

[mommamaree]

As stated before no sexual activity is acceptable during dating. it is taught that such an act is acceptable within the context of marriage as long as it is foreplay and not carried out to climax. However I think most would agree that oral sex is inherently chauvinistic… I mean think about it. Would you want to have someone else’s you-know-what in your mouth? I’m guessing the answer would be no. Chances are neither would your girlfriend or your wife should you ever marry. Why would you want to do that to someone you really, truly love?

Points 1 and 2 I address CompSciGuy. Point 3 I address the OP.

1. I assume you mean fellatio is chauvanistic? Several thoughts here…First, wife orally stimulating her husband to prepare for intercourse is not chauvanistic. Second, many wives like to do this as an act of love. Third, there are different attitudes/postures the husband might assume in this act, but generally speaking, the passive receiving of pleasure from the active wife can be nice.
2. Oral stimulation of the wife by the husband may be done to achieve the wife’s climax, before or after intercourse occurs.
3. No sexual contact, even oral sex or mutual masturbation, is acceptable outside of marriage. Within marriage, oral or manual stimulation is acceptable as foreplay, or to achieve the wife’s climax, during a session of lovemaking. But the husband must climax in the usual way, inside his wife.