Question For All The 20 and 30 Year Olds!

[Joe_5859]

I feel with Catholics, the parish really only wants us around when it wants us to serve them. They being the clergy, the families and the elderly, always want us to give to them, but they never give back. They treat us like resource for their ministries instead a group at the most vulnerable time of their lives in desperate need for ministries. Sad that the groups with much more life experience and wisdom want us to volunteer for them but won’t volunteer for us.

I think the success of the Beer Club is because it is probably the first time in a VERY LONG time that young adults in your parish get to be participants instead of servers.

I think there is a balance that needs to be struck between formation and service. We need to be careful not to go to either extreme.

Obviously, we need to avoid viewing a demographic as nothing but work horses who will do all the work without needing anything in return. That’s how people burn out. They need to be filled up so they can help fill others up.

However, there is also a danger in catering to a demographic too much as though they are the consumers and the rest of the parish are the suppliers. You may get them in the door, and they may even enjoy the experience, but when the suppliers get tired and burnt out, will the consumers stick around and pitch in or simply move on to another location where they can continue to function as beneficiaries of the service of others?

I have encountered a number of people who seem to want the parish to serve their every need as though we had an army of priests with nothing but time and a bottomless wellspring of financial resources. That’s just not where most parishes are at—nor do I think it would be particularly beneficial for parishes to be in such a place. Living the Christian life means loving. And love entails sacrifice and service.

Of course, there are going to be limitations to what an individual can do. We can’t expect the 90 year old man in the nursing home to be flipping pancakes for the Knights of Columbus pancake breakfast on Sunday mornings. Or the stay-at-home mom of 5 children under the age of 6 to be leading RCIA. Grant it, there are some people in those situations who actually could handle serving in those ways, but in general we need to rely on people to discern and give back something, even if they can only manage the widow’s mite. And as their life circumstances change, so too will their capacity to serve.

 

[LittleWay92]

I typically “split” after church because I am a nurse and often am trying to get to church during my weekends that I work. My shifts on the weekend are twelve hours, so between sleeping, eating, and mass there is not much time left.

As far as social events go, I would personally prefer an event which is flexible with time so that I am not pressured to be there at a certain time and stay for the entire event. My work schedule is inconsistent and therefore I find it difficult sometimes to make it to events for the entire duration.

 

[joshvanrad]

I’m built to serve. I am most fulfilled when I’m serving something.

Serving my parish and the people around me are some of the greatest gifts in my life. My parish and pastor/ spiritual director have served me a great deal in times where I have genuinely needed it. However, I know I have the means to serve people with my time and resources, so that is where I would like to focus my attention.

I have a very strong desire to draw my peers together, and help them to get to know each other better. I believe with a lot of help and prayer this can take form. I have had a great response, so far, from everyone I have talked to about this. It may already be taking shape, as a few peers have asked me if we could sit down after our Sunday evening mass and workshop the idea as a group… so it would appear I’m already building my core group.

I GREATLY appreciate all of the advise and ideas in this thread. It has given me a lot to think about, and will most definitely help steer me in this process.

Prayers are always appreciated!

-Joshua

 

[misspriss]

Childcare. (*that’s what the Baptists around here do)

I am in my 20s, married, and have young kids. I always feel left out of young adult events because they are squarely for singles and couples. Drinks and fun, right at kids bedtimes…I cannot afford babysitters and have no family who will do it. I am not going to go to an evening event WITH the kids and spend the entire time trying to appease an overtired 3 year old and 18 month old.

Wish I had better (name removed by moderator)ut!

 

[ConfusedLucy]

I’m built to serve. I am most fulfilled when I’m serving something.

Serving my parish and the people around me are some of the greatest gifts in my life. My parish and pastor/ spiritual director have served me a great deal in times where I have genuinely needed it. However, I know I have the means to serve people with my time and resources, so that is where I would like to focus my attention.

I have a very strong desire to draw my peers together, and help them to get to know each other better. I believe with a lot of help and prayer this can take form. I have had a great response, so far, from everyone I have talked to about this. It may already be taking shape, as a few peers have asked me if we could sit down after our Sunday evening mass and workshop the idea as a group… so it would appear I’m already building my core group.

I GREATLY appreciate all of the advise and ideas in this thread. It has given me a lot to think about, and will most definitely help steer me in this process.

Prayers are always appreciated!

-Joshua

That sounds like a promising development and I hope you have a good meeting. The other thing I forgot to add was that group meals are often a good way to bond.

 

[AClaire11]

Childcare. (*that’s what the Baptists around here do)

I am in my 20s, married, and have young kids. I always feel left out of young adult events because they are squarely for singles and couples. Drinks and fun, right at kids bedtimes…I cannot afford babysitters and have no family who will do it. I am not going to go to an evening event WITH the kids and spend the entire time trying to appease an overtired 3 year old and 18 month old.

Wish I had better (name removed by moderator)ut!

Also, if it’s a parish ministry, hold the events at or near the parish. I’m not going to spend an hour on transit, trying to wrangle an energetic baby and a stroller on my own, because the mom group is too good for the playgrounds at or nearby the parish and want to meet in a fancier neighborhood. Parishes have boundaries for a reason.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Definitely pick a reasonable location. The last thing I feel like after work is another commute.

 

[Jennifer132]

Our parish has PYC (Parents of Young Children). Actually, I think it is diocese-wide. Most of the parents are in their late twenties, early thirties. They have a discipleship group, and then they have monthly events for the whole family, and ever so often they will have nursery so the parents alone can get together. Some examples are: concert at the parish, tailgating party at the parish, minute to win it style event, dinner and wine date for the parents, mom’s night out events, pumpkin patch with the kids, etc.

As far as singles, I think similar events could draw people in as singles as well. Myself, I prefer making friends through Bible studies, etc, less awkward and it’s easier to feel like you can contribute to the group. But we have many couples who attend all the PYC events and seem to benefit from the strictly social aspect.

 

[stelline]

I’m going to echo what a couple other posters mentioned. I am married in my 30’s with young children and no one to watch them for us. We have YAM at our parish, but no ability to go because of the tots. Childcare isn’t an appealing option (personally) for a myriad of reasons which I won’t delve into here.

How we cope? After Mass a ton of us young folks, with and without kids, hang out in the pavilion snacking on donuts and coffee while the kids run around playing in and on the tree, bushes, and lawn. We and others keep a loose–yet vigilant–eye on the kids as they mill about and we get to hang out with our friends. The environment is extremely conducive to socialization (shade, tables, lawn, climbing tree). People stay for up to an hour after Mass! One of the best things about this is that all the people are already there for Mass anyway, so no separate trip (or readying of children!) is required to get together to socialize. (It does, however, add extra cars to the already-cramped parking lot during the next Mass…oops.)

I will admit, this also works well at our parish because there are a LOT of young families who come to this particular Mass time and most of us have come to know each other over time. Networking is key–if you see your friend speaking with a newcomer, it’s easy to join in and introduce yourself as well.

Certainly, this is no sit-down event where a presentation of the Faith is given, but I assure you, lots of discussion of Catholicism happens here. The key is to be well versed in the Faith yourself so that knowledge and understanding can be rubbed off onto others when the the topic–naturally–comes up.

You mentioned that everyone splits after Mass. I’d start there. Lure them with donuts if you have to, lol. Start introducing yourself and friends to others there. Learn names, what they do for a living, how long they’ve been coming around the parish. Eventually people will hang out longer to talk and be more at ease. Having an enticing place for children to run around and play with other kids will be an incentive to keep young parents there longer. Parents are more willing to stay when they see their kids are entertained with other children.

 

[Bataar]

I agree that there needs to be fun, social events for people to participate in. It seems every time a thread like this comes out, the general ideas are to have Bible study and/or prayer groups. Don’t get me wrong, those are all well and good, but they’re hardly the best way to get Catholics to interact and meet each other. Several years ago, a protestant friend of mine invited me to their church’s monthly board game night. The guy who runs it would lead a prayer at the beginning and that was it as far as religious themes go.

Again, I’m not saying the church needs to do away with religious only events, but in this time period where it’s really hard to meet people, there needs to be both options. I’m 38 and haven’t had a Catholic friend since I was a little kid and my mom arranged play dates between me and her friends’ kids.

 

[misspriss]

I’m going to echo what a couple other posters mentioned. I am married in my 30’s with young children and no one to watch them for us. We have YAM at our parish, but no ability to go because of the tots. Childcare isn’t an appealing option (personally) for a myriad of reasons which I won’t delve into here.

How we cope? After Mass a ton of us young folks, with and without kids, hang out in the pavilion snacking on donuts and coffee while the kids run around playing in and on the tree, bushes, and lawn. We and others keep a loose–yet vigilant–eye on the kids as they mill about and we get to hang out with our friends. The environment is extremely conducive to socialization (shade, tables, lawn, climbing tree). People stay for up to an hour after Mass! One of the best things about this is that all the people are already there for Mass anyway, so no separate trip (or readying of children!) is required to get together to socialize. (It does, however, add extra cars to the already-cramped parking lot during the next Mass…oops.)

I will admit, this also works well at our parish because there are a LOT of young families who come to this particular Mass time and most of us have come to know each other over time. Networking is key–if you see your friend speaking with a newcomer, it’s easy to join in and introduce yourself as well.

Certainly, this is no sit-down event where a presentation of the Faith is given, but I assure you, lots of discussion of Catholicism happens here. The key is to be well versed in the Faith yourself so that knowledge and understanding can be rubbed off onto others when the the topic–naturally–comes up.

You mentioned that everyone splits after Mass. I’d start there. Lure them with donuts if you have to, lol. Start introducing yourself and friends to others there. Learn names, what they do for a living, how long they’ve been coming around the parish. Eventually people will hang out longer to talk and be more at ease. Having an enticing place for children to run around and play with other kids will be an incentive to keep young parents there longer. Parents are more willing to stay when they see their kids are entertained with other children.

That sounds like fun! Unfortunately my church is downtown and it’s all parking lot and streets. We have to have an off duty cop at mass because a lot of homeless frequent the area. Not exactly a great place for kids to play out!