Question for Catholic Wives and Engaged Women

[LadyLillian]

The Encyclical Casti Connubii interprets the words of St. Paul, teaching that wives are commanded to obey their husbands in certain circumstances.

“Domestic society being confirmed, therefore, by this bond of love, there should flourish in it that ‘order of love,’ as St. Augustine calls it. This order includes both the primacy of the husband with regard to the wife and children, the ready subjection of the wife and her willing obedience, which the Apostle commends in these words: ‘Let women be subject to their husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, and Christ is the head of the Church.’”

“Let divine charity be the constant guide of their mutual relations, both in him who rules and in her who obeys, since each bears the image, the one of Christ, the other of the Church.”

https://w2.vatican.va/content/pius-...ents/hf_p-xi_enc_19301231_casti-connubii.html

My questions are these:

Catholic wives, do you believe God has commanded you to obey your husband in certain circumstances? If you live this obedience in your marriage, is it a struggle for you or are you happy to submit?

Catholic engaged women, how have these teachings and Bible passages affected your engagement and decision process about marriage? Has it caused you anguish or delay in entering into matrimony?

 

[pianistclare]

Try the search function. THere are literally hundreds of threads where people lose their minds over the correct interpretation of this document and St. Paul.

Marriage involves two people acting in concert, equitably, and charitably.
Sometimes, one person has to defer to the other. The sex of that person is irrelevant.

 

[Mi_Rose]

The paragraph after the one you quoted in Casti Conubi.
LThis subjection, however, does not deny or take away the liberty which fully belongs to the woman both in view of her dignity as a human person, and in view of her most noble office as wife and mother and companion; nor does it bid her obey her husband’s every request if not in harmony with right reason or with the dignity due to wife; nor, in fine, does it imply that the wife should be put on a level with those persons who in law are called minors, to whom it is not customary to allow free exercise of their rights on account of their lack of mature judgment, or of their ignorance of human affairs. But it forbids that exaggerated liberty which cares not for the good of the family; it forbids that in this body which is the family, the heart be separated from the head to the great detriment of the whole body and the proximate danger of ruin. For if the man is the head, the woman is the heart, and as he occupies the chief place in ruling, so she may and ought to claim for herself the chief place in love.

 

[Horton]

I feel you may have a distorted view of what marriage really is. If a woman believes she is called to marriage, and has found her spouse, why would she feel “anguish” entering into matrimony?

I think you need to seek out solid advice from your priest or a female spiritual director about what the Church really says in these matters rather than relying on your own distorted interpretations.

 

[Mi_Rose]

My husband likes to say happy wife happy life. It to me is another way of saying what Saint Paul says. Husbands love your wives as Christ loves his church. Now I am out of here. Two comments on wifely submission is plenty.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Catholic wives, do you believe God has commanded you to obey your husband in certain circumstances? If you live this obedience in your marriage, is it a struggle for you or are you happy to submit?

Catholic engaged women, how have these teachings and Bible passages affected your engagement and decision process about marriage? Has it caused you anguish or delay in entering into matrimony?

The Catholic wedding vows that we took did not include the word “obey”.

My husband would never demand that I “obey” him any more than I would demand that he “obey” me.

My Catholic parents did not order each other around; they talked to each other like equals and adults. I wouldn’t expect any ordering around in any marriage of mine either.

 

[una_ecclesia]

I’ve only been at this marriage gig for a year and a half, but my rule of thumb when it comes to the dynamics between him and me in a way that follows the complementarity of spouses as described by Casti Connubii and the like is that if we have a disagreement, we talk it out and come to an accord. Problem solved. But if not, if he has shown that his reasoning is not mainly for his own motives, but rather the good of the family, even though I might disagree with some specifics, I defer to him in the end.

My role here as “chief in love” is to make sure that the motives at least are not out of selfishness but are out of a true concern for our family. I’m a sort of check on that, as the wife and probably more circumstantially aware spouse lol. The times where I have to defer are rare, but they have happened and I trust him enough to do the “love your wives” part of the bargain. Most of these times, he ended up being right anyway, which makes deferment easier, and if it was wrong, it wasn’t a major deal, because even wrongish decisions motivated by love are easier to fix than those motivated by sin.

 

[alice24]

Aaaand another submission thread. Why is this such an important aspect for so many?! If I would need to weight this so high I would be less happy married.

 

[F_Marturana]

Catholic wives, do you believe God has commanded you to obey your husband in certain circumstances? If you live this obedience in your marriage, is it a struggle for you or are you happy to submit

No. I obey God through the Church. Thankfully my husband does the same.

 

[His_helpmeet]

I’ve been married for almost 7 years now. I try to be a submissive wife. Fortunately my husband makes it easy. I think of submission in terms of the husband does NOT get off scot-free. If he screws up he has to answer to HIS Boss, who is Christ (cf. St. Paul). Hubby defers to me in certain areas, such as the catechesis of our daughter, because I am more knowledgeable in those areas. He discusses any plans with me in advance. We try to be a good team.