Question for ex-Protestants/Catholic converts

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I’m a craddle Catholic woman who has been dating a Baptist man. Currently he does not attend any Protestant church because he feels that the people who attend them are there just for appearances and are extremely judgemental. He wants to marry, and has agreed to go through RCIA so we can marry in a Catholic church. However, my fear is that he’s be doing that just to marry me and without truly believing or wanting to practice the Catholic faith. An even greater fear is that once married, he will resent attending a Catholic church with me, or refuse to attend a Catholic church with me, or even worse, continue to refuse to even attend any church. I love him very much, but I want God to be the center of our marrige and I will not marry a man unless his heart truly wants to practice the Catholic faith as a family.

Which books on Catholicism would your recommend to plant seeds of interest in converting? Specifically, which are the BEST/most convincing to a Protestant. I also plan on reading many of these books as I’ve realized I need to learn more about my faith to do a better job defending it. However, in his case, I’m afraid he’ll only read 1 or 2 books initially. If neither catches his interest, I suspect he will not truly desire to investigate Catholicism any further. 😦

Books I’ve heard about are:

Home Sweet Rome
Reasons to Believe
Born Fundamentalist, Born again Catholic
Catholic & Christian
Four Witnesses
Surprised by Truth
Catholicism & Fundamentalism

Which of these would you recommend? Are there any other books you prefer?

Are there any good books that make strong but respectful case against Protestantism being a better/ or more true church than Catholicism?

Thanks so much for your help.
 
Howdy,

It’s best to get everything discussed between you two before the marriage. Otherwise you might be entering into a marriage that’s not a true one. There’s too much heartache in putting off telling each other what each of you want in the relationship.

IMO, his willingness to go through RCIA is a good sign. Those who convert feel an interior call to join the Catholic church. If we try to force it on anyone, there’s a goodly number of folks who would immediately resist and possibly flee lol

Ask a priest for help so you can get face-to-face advice 'n guidance.

Books I’d recommend: the CCC in abridged form, “The Penny Catechism”, “The Catholic Church Proved By The Protestant Bible”, “A Brief Catechism for Adults: A Complete Handbook on How to Be a Good Catholic” by William J. Cogan (Author), “Convert’s Catechism of Catholic Doctrine” by Peter Geiermann. There are others but these will help get you started towards reading the books that reach out to you and fill your inner-most needs in deepening your faith.

Above all, pray to our Lord; ask for His guidance and support. Ask our Mother Mary for her help, as well.

Lastly, relax. The Catholic church has the answers to all our needs. One thing i like about it is that no matter how long i study, there will always be something new to learn or ponder. I’m a convert, too. The Protestant churches didn’t have all the answers for me. There have been many converts to Catholicism because they’d been seeking God’s fuller peace and Divine Will which they couldn’t find elsewhere.

God bless you. May your married life be a happy one full of laughter and cheer.

ysiC, pat
 
Hi

I kind of am still half protestant & half becoming catholic.
…to get your husband to become catholic you must explain the Eucharist to him, most importantly.
 
You know…I’m a firm believer that God “gets us in there” wherever we are at the moment. When I converted I will honestly say I was a cafeteria Catholic. I converted because my husband was Catholic and we had decided to baptize our children Catholic. Then, an amazing thing happened…I saw people who were in love with God and their Catholic faith. HEY, I want that! 24ish years later I’m on my way to becoming a Secular Carmelite (God Willing that is).

So be excited that he is converting…be excited when you go to Mass…tell him how wonderful it makes you feel to go to Mass TOGETHER. Let him see you LIVE your beautiful Catholic faith with joy and the rest will folllow.

God Bless!
P.S. My parents…in their 80’s converted this past Easter. NEVER in a zillion years did I think they would convert. Never underestimate God!🙂
 
Catholic For A Reason (all of them)
Suprised by Truth
Rome Sweet Home
were all great ones for me, in no particular order.
Prayers,
Josh
 
Oceangirl said:
I’m a craddle Catholic woman who has been dating a Baptist man. Currently he does not attend any Protestant church because he feels that the people who attend them are there just for appearances and are extremely judgemental. He wants to marry, and has agreed to go through RCIA so we can marry in a Catholic church.
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Just so you’re aware, he doesn’t have to become Catholic in order for you to marry in the Catholic church.

So the real question is whether he wants to become Catholic for himself. Does he go to Mass with you? Is there any attraction there for him?

What would your reaction be if he didn’t convert? Is that a deal breaker for you or could you see yourself married to a non-practicing Baptist?

Attending the catechetical sessions for RCIA might be good for him in terms of understanding what you believe and what is important to you. But whether he becomes Catholic is between him and God.
 
Choosing to be Catholic, by William J. O’Malley is a good book starting with the importance of faith.
 
I just converted at the Easter Vigil, 2005. To put it in better perspective, I married a cradle Catholic 42 years ago on April Fool’s Day (can you think of a better day to get married?) and just turned 65 last month. At any rate, when I, at long last, finally decided to explore the Catholic faith (after being a “born again” Christian all my life), I told my wife, two kids, and eight grandchildren that I was entering the RCIA process not for them, but for myself. If anyone joins RCIA because they want to please someone else, that is a recipe for disaster. A future spouse must have a desire for it, not feel compelled to have to take the journey to make another person happy. Fortunately, because I took the journey for myself and no one else, it was most edifying in every way imaginable. Thus, my ultimate entry into the Church was the most satisfying experience I’ve ever had…and the fire continues to burn. As far as books or other sources that impacted and influenced me during the process, I would have to say that Scott Hahn’s story of his conversion on c.d. had a great impression as well, of course, his follow up book to the c.d. which was Rome Sweet Home. Surprised By Truth also was most interesting to understand how people of widely diverse backgrounds all ended up at the same place in the final analysis. A couple other good books are My Life With the Saints by James Martin, and The Seven Storey Mountain by Thomas Merton. Again, please be sure that participation in RCIA is for the right reason–for personal spiritual growth and knowledge rather than to fulfill someone else’s wishes.
 
I am currently going through a similar experience. My girlfriend and I originally met in a protestant church. (We were just friends at that time) She went through RCIA for merely information purpose and ended up converting this past Easter. (I was still Baptist at the time) We started dating in May and I will have to admit that I did start attending Mass to be with her. However, I was questioning my faith and asking why people believe the way they do before we started dating and was wanting to research the various denominations. In beginning this journey I began reading books to get a better understanding. I read Home Sweet Rome, Catholicism for Dummies, Born Fundamintalist Born again Catholic. The more that I read the more I understood and wanted to join RCIA this year (first night of class is tonight ;)) We are too discussing getting married and having a Catholic wedding, and she felt the same way; that I was doing this just because of her. Over time she saw that I was genuine in my search of Catholicism and is standing beside me if I need her for any questions. I would recommend the 3 books that were stated above. I would also recommend that you talk to your priest and possibly someone who you have a close relationship in the church that can take the time to hear and see the process first hand and be objective. We have found an abundant supply of people who have a special interest in our journey, spiritually, and as a couple. Continue to pray about this and always remember that people are praying for you and your significant other. I know I sure will. 🙂
 
Oceangirl said:
I’m a craddle Catholic woman who has been dating a Baptist man. Currently he does not attend any Protestant church because he feels that the people who attend them are there just for appearances and are extremely judgemental. He wants to marry, and has agreed to go through RCIA so we can marry in a Catholic church. However, my fear is that he’s be doing that just to marry me and without truly believing or wanting to practice the Catholic faith.

Thanks so much for your help.
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That is one reason why I left the Anglican Church and am attending RCIA this year. You should speak to him about your worries now before you get married.

You should get a copy of Scott Hahn’s conversion story - it is very moving - he was Protestant and converted to Catholicism.
 
I joined the Church about 5 years ago. I started out going to RCIA for my kids: Catholic husband, the kids were starting religious education. I didn’t want them to have to ask why Daddy went up for Communion and Mommy didn’t. But, what started out for them became one of the best things I ever did for me.

The books you and others have mentioned are good. Some people may be daunted by even an abbreviated catechism. A "short course’ in Catholicism can be found in Catholicism for Dummies – it was written by 2 priests and has been featured on EWTN’s Bookmark show. It gives brief explanantions for most of the Catholic doctrines. I found it very interesting even after RCIA.

A great book for anyone wanting to know Jesus more is Pope Benedict’s Jesus of Nazareth. It definitely connects Jesus to the Church and to the Eucharist. I recommend it to everyone.
 
You and he need to talk, talk, talk and talk about this some more. You both need to know what you expect from each other when you are married. You need to talk about money, in-laws, children, leisure time, the kind of home you want, where you plan to be in 10 years in terms of jobs, kids, money, home. You need to talk a lot before you get married to minimize surprises after you get married. And you need to talk about religion/faith. If you can’t talk about these things now it will be hard to talk about them when you are married.

I think it’s okay if he goes through the class for you if you both understand that is what he is doing and you don’t have unrealistic expectations. If he says he won’t become catholic then you need to decide whether or not you can live with that. You need to talk NOW and decide NOW what you can live with later. But whatever you do don’t put any pressure on him. What he is now is the man you are going to marry. Marriage doesn’t magically change someone. You need to accept what he is now and decide if that’s what you want in a spouse. Go to a pre-cana class. Someone at your church should be able to help you with this.

I don’t mean to sound like I’m lecturing you. You sound very level headed. It’s just that too many people who get married don’t talk enough before they are married about issues that are very important to them. This issue seems important to you and you need to share your fears with him. As far as him converting, just give a wonderful example of what it means to be Catholic. Spouses are supposed to help each reach heaven and by living your life as a Catholic you will do more for him than nagging will do. Oh, yeah - pray a lot also.🙂

Oops! I meant to say go to an Engaged Encounter.
 
Rkirby, that is excellent advice to all dating couples. Too many people skip this and wind up in divorce court. As much as it hurts, it is much better to breakup before the marriage if you realize it won’t work.
 
note: he is not required to become Catholic, nor to attend RCIA, in order to marry a Catholic. he would be very wise to attend RCIA to learn what the Church teaches, if only because he loves you, wants to know more about what is important to you, and more specifically learn what you must promise and live out especially with regard to children.

that being said, any of the books listed are great
Rome Sweet Home is the best first book IMO because the authors went through the process themselves and are candid about the challenges to their marriage.

if he denigrates your religion, makes fun of how you practice, and shows signs of interfering with how you live out your faith, he is rejecting a key part of your identity, and that is a deal breaker right there. If he refuses to allow you to welcome children into your life and raise them Catholic, run like mad. the fact that he is judgmental about other people in their religious practice is a sign he “might” be uncomfortable in his own mode of living because such criticism of others often covers up a disconnect between what he knows to be right and what he actually does.
 
Grace and greetings OceanGirl:)
I am not familiar with his church, but there are problems within every assembly.It may be that your fiance has a nomimal attitude and/or understanding of what it is to believe in God. I wouldn’t recommend anyone marrying anyone Catholic or otherwise who was nominal in their faith. The addages, ‘‘I can change him’’ or ‘‘that will come later’’ certainly seems to apply here and as you may already know is false and sinking sand for any relationship let alone a future spouse. If you believe you should be together, I would call it off until each of you are more secure in your own faith. Here’s another addage that aptly applies. ‘‘It’s better not to marry at all, than to marry the wrong one.’’
With all of that, I am sure you will ultimately do what you want to do, I hope and pray you make the right, often difficult decisions.
God bless you both, by his graces, his servant, Nic:)
Oceangirl said:
I’m a craddle Catholic woman who has been dating a Baptist man. Currently he does not attend any Protestant church because he feels that the people who attend them are there just for appearances and are extremely judgemental. He wants to marry, and has agreed to go through RCIA so we can marry in a Catholic church. However, my fear is that he’s be doing that just to marry me and without truly believing or wanting to practice the Catholic faith. An even greater fear is that once married, he will resent attending a Catholic church with me, or refuse to attend a Catholic church with me, or even worse, continue to refuse to even attend any church. I love him very much, but I want God to be the center of our marrige and I will not marry a man unless his heart truly wants to practice the Catholic faith as a family.

Which books on Catholicism would your recommend to plant seeds of interest in converting? Specifically, which are the BEST/most convincing to a Protestant. I also plan on reading many of these books as I’ve realized I need to learn more about my faith to do a better job defending it. However, in his case, I’m afraid he’ll only read 1 or 2 books initially. If neither catches his interest, I suspect he will not truly desire to investigate Catholicism any further. 😦

Books I’ve heard about are:

Home Sweet Rome
Reasons to Believe
Born Fundamentalist, Born again Catholic
Catholic & Christian
Four Witnesses
Surprised by Truth
Catholicism & Fundamentalism

Which of these would you recommend? Are there any other books you prefer?

Are there any good books that make strong but respectful case against Protestantism being a better/ or more true church than Catholicism?

Thanks so much for your help.
Click to expand...
 
Oceangirl said:
Are there any good books that make strong but respectful case against Protestantism being a better/ or more true church than Catholicism?
Click to expand...
I think this is well done by “How Firm a Foundation”, a novel by Marcus Grodi. It’s about a Protestant minister becoming more and more convinced of Catholicism and drawn to the Church. It’s about 500 pages but well worth it. What I liked about it is that key Bible verses and key concepts are repeated several times–good for my “mature” brain–and put into the context of a person thinking and meditating upon them. I’ve heard it said that this book is useful for catechesis, and I agree.

My heart goes out to you. It seems you have a lot of worries and other people are giving you even more. I would say, don’t borrow trouble, don’t dive into the “Big What-If”, and keep it simple. I pray that this young man will experience a real and deep conversion of the heart and soul.

Protestant for 27 years–now hungering and thirsting to be Catholic!
 
Scott Hahn is great, but may not be the best first book as a Presbyterian background is FAR different than a Baptist background.

I’d look at the video “Common Ground” and Steve Ray’s “Footprints of God” videos. Steve Ray was a Baptist, his books like “Crossing the Tiber” speak Baptist-ese 🙂

Currie’s “Born Fundamentalist/Born Again Catholic” is another that will more speak the language your boyfriend will understand.
 
Personally, I love the Surprised by Truth books, and many of the others mentioned are good choices too.

You need to be very careful, as your fears are not unfounded. The last thing you want is a torn family life. Don’t do that to yourself and to your children.

By all means, giving him material to read is a good thing. If you see that his interest is genuinely sparked and he is actively asking for more books, that is a good sign. If he starts to speak excitedly about Catholicism and asks numerous questions, that is a good sign. If he has a happy attitude about and looks forward to RCIA, that is a good sign.

BUT, if he barely gets through a book or two with languish, or seems sarcastic about certain teachings of the Church, take note. If he isn’t taking the initiative to go to RCIA or continue learning about Catholicism, chances are he isn’t into it. It will be a likely reflection of how he will feel towards Catholicism in the future.

Tread with caution. I hope the best for you and his conversion, but don’t fool yourself if its apparent he’s only “converting” for you and not himself. Best wishes to you.
 
good luck. He may or may not become Catholic, but hopefully he will learn to respect your differences and I think that is all we can ask of people in life.
I grew up Protestant and there are alot of misunderstandings and myths Protestants usually have about Catholics. I had started becoming less resistant to even learning about Catholicism when I had learned about the 2nd Vatican Council. Then also reading Evangelicals who do not hate Catholics and even quote them helped alot, like Phillip Yancey ( great book of his called Soul Survivor. you mentioned how much your husband hates fake-ness and other issues in Christian churches. this book addresses that kind of stuff). Quasi-Catholic/Evangelical Brennan Manning’s books helped dispell my myths about Catholicism too. I personally would not have done well getting drenched in Catholicism quickly. I had to slowly get used to many of their ideas, like slowly getting used to really hot water. This may take a while.
 
Eric P. “Hot water”? Please explain. I’m a convert of almost 4 1/2 years and don’t think I’ve ever heard that term used. (Oh, sorry, I just got it. I was taking you too literally instead of figuratively which is what you meant to convey.)
 
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