Question for happy married Catholics

[Kit15]

When you first met your spouse, did you just KNOW that they were your soulmate? A lot of people say this about their marriage, but due to the high divorce rate, I’m fairly unconvinced, so I wanted to ask any Catholic couples that are reading this.

No. Absolutely not. And looking back, it totally boggles my mind that we ended up together. (Though I was 14 at the time)

First time I saw my husband he was getting a french horn lesson during a marching band practice for incoming freshmen. I thought he was a gifted 10 year old that was allowed to start high school early. He struck me as solitary…and possibly arrogant, and smarter than thou. For a kid his age he was awfully articulate and had quite the vocabulary.

Then I found out he was actually my age. That was basically the start of my misconceptions being dispelled. He was every bit as smart as I imagined him to be…but actually not arrogant. We got to be fast friends though it would be many years before we’d date. We had many friends who felt we should have dated in high school. But we’re grateful that we “grew up” together as friends before considering something as serious as a long term relationship.

The process from “first met” to “marriage” took a little over 10 years. If my 24 year old self could go back in time to my 14 year old self and tell her HE was the one I’d someday marry…my younger self would have probably either laughed or freaked out…and not because she was talking to her future self.

But he’s a great man…and a very unique man (eccentric as anything…but in a fun way). I can honestly say I’ll never meet another guy like him.

 

[1ke]

When you first met your spouse, did you just KNOW that they were your soulmate? A lot of people say this about their marriage, but due to the high divorce rate, I’m fairly unconvinced, so I wanted to ask any Catholic couples that are reading this.

When we first met? No.

But, I did “just know” that we were right for each other and that he was the man for me.
But, I “just knew” after lots of talking with him on serious matters and discerning together our “must have” and “dealbreaker” items.

 

[jilly4ski]

My Dh “just knew” the first time we met (maybe not the first time, but the first time we spent and significant time together) I on the other hand had to be told by my MOHTER that this boy liked me.

We met on a church mission trip, though we are the only couple to come out of this ongoing venture.

 

[Kindness]

God surprised me with my husband because I had just been in a short dating relationship with a young man who had pursued me and pursued me. I was an exchange student from Europe at Georgetown University. The young man who wooed me had just moved to D.C. to work for John McCain in the Senate (this was the mid '90s). He would meet me outside the school gates with poems he’d written and books he wanted to share with me and in the end I was won over and I really starting thinking “Wow I’m really starting to like this guy”. Just as my heart started to soften he suddenly said to me 'You know, we’re not dating or anything".

I was totally confused. I thought I had somehow had some kind of brain freeze. Wasn’t he calling me and meeting me every single day? Wasn’t he asking me to meet him every day and visit all the sights of D.C.? Wasn’t he telling me his life was complete with me? That I was wonderful, beautiful etc. etc.? Didn’t he insist on my meeting his brother and sister-in-law? Eventually I realized this is what my American girlfriends were telling me. American men, blew hot and cold, they played games, they didn’t know what they wanted. I came to my senses. Our course we were dating! It didn’t matter what he said, in Europe if you behave like that you are seeing someone.

I decided then and there, no more American men! I was not looking for a relationship and this man had chased me and chased me until finally I relented and started to really care.

Of course shortly after this I met my American husband of 13 years! I would not even consider dating him after my first experience and we just became friends. But eventually his goodness (and God’s will) conquered. When he told me he was madly in love with me after we’d only known each other about 3 months I finally took him seriously. We decided we would try dating and within literally about 3 weeks we both realized we wanted to get married. We were married within a year of meeting. This floored me because I never, ever expected to meet someone and marry them so quickly, in fact I wasn’t even thinking of marriage or a serious relationship at the time. I don’t know if I had “butterflies” so much as I didn’t want to ever be apart from him.

Even now he was away from home for 5 days and we Skyped each other over the web. When I saw his face I just loved him so much and he said the same. We missed each other so much and we just love to be together. It’s more like meeting a person that you can build a strong foundation with for everything else in your life. You can literally build a life together. You want a co-worker in life who wants to build the same things you do and of course they need to be cute

I guess my story reflects the fact that we may have a few false starts dating but God can use these to help us recognize what we want and need and to see that in others. We also should spend time focusing on developing ourselves into a good future spouse. That is, not what others can do for us but what we can do for others. I don’t believe there is one person or “soulmate” for us. We can become soulmates in our marriage by sharing our love and souls: two become one.

 

[Serap]

I would also like to add that when you’re with the right person, when you fight, you don’t hold any hard feelings afterwards b/c you love them so much and they feel the same about you. You both yearn to make-up shortly afterwards no matter how bad the fight was. Both of you come to eachother saying you’re sorry and that you love eachother.

When I was with the wrong person, one of us would always be saying “sorry”; for what, we weren’t sure. There was always one person that was indifferent after a fight.

 

[idrum677]

I do want to warn everyone who is in RCIA or confirmation class, or thinking about it, this is the best kept romantico secret in the Church, you would be surprised if I told you how many marriages started here, and now they are coming back with babies to baptize, and bringing kids to CCD. OOOOH I love my job.

Don’t forget yourh retreat teams. That’s how I met my wife.

 

[masha]

I do consider my husband to be my soulmate, but because he is someone I connect to on a soul-level. I think you can have a few soulmates of different genders without necessarily being in love with them.
I knew as soon as I met him that he was the one for me, we were just good friends for years before he had the same realization. Which was good, because while we’re obviously made for each other, we weren’t perfect for each other until we’d grown up a bit. Now we’re one of the happiest couples we know!

 

[CountryMom27]

I believe in soul mates. I believe God set aside my husband for me because He loved me so. I believe He set me aside as a gift for DH because of his love for my husband. When we met, we were attracted but I was busy as was he, and it was several months before we could go out. We didn’t leap into romance. We spent time getting to know one another. We had much in common - interests, aspirations, faith, importance of family…

I realized I was in love with him several months later (we were also in different cities, so we didn’t see each other all of the time). Then one day, we were out for a walk, and talking about hopes and dreams and our beliefs in life. And I remember the sun shining on me through the clouds, and feeling a moment of complete certainty. It was as if the world had stopped spinning for just a moment. A moment that does not come often. I felt that God was telling me that this was it - he was the one I had been praying for. And since that moment I have known. That as long as we are both alive we are one in spirit with God. And that is my definition of a soul mate. Two souls, joined together in holy matrimony, with the Holy Spirit.

We married a few years later. Now 11 years this spring we will have been married. We have two amazing children. We are going through difficulties now but are committed to working on them. Divorce, for us, is not an option or a consideration, any more than disobeying God. We pledged our lives to each other and to God. That is not something we can take back. We did a lot of premarital counseling and it has helped. Life has NOT been easy on us and that is our struggle now. But we are working through this rough patch, seeking help, praying for one other, and relying on our faith to get us through.

 

[happymommy]

…there are days when I’m glad he hasn’t walked in the door yet

I never feel like that.I just looked at the clock and thought, 3 more hours and he will be home. I miss him very much when he is gone. I try to watch out for when he is getting home, so I can be the first one at the door to get the first kiss!! Sometimes the kids beat me to it and he comes in with a kid on each leg and one hanging around his neck and I still get a big kiss!! Somedays if the kids know I’m waiting for him, they’ll wait too and then we race to see who gets to him first! He works hard for us, puts in crazy hours. It makes him so happy to have us excited when he comes home.

 

[chevalier]

Well, I’ve known her somewhat already from childhood and although I was always drawn to her, there was a bit of a break after the first contact. As a teen, the first time I tried to hit it off with her, I needed a bit more time. I wasn’t yet man enough. Her dark complexion and temper was particularly alluring, but she was a bit bitter and required quite a nerve to put up with. Later, however, during highschool times, we grudgingly became inseparable, although as friends first. She was able to make me move mountains and though at times, and while I met others too, I would always somehow return to her in the end. I came to know her sweet side too. I quickly came to need her company like eight times a day or so. We moved with nearly the same intensity through university years and while we had a bit of a drop in frequency of contact when I went to my first real work, she always remained in the picture and the semi-separation taught us new things. Becoming more independent taught me to appreciate her from a whole new perspective… cherishing moments and taking delight in all her new facets that I discovered (she never really became old or boring, quite the contrary) instead of just hoarding her presence. Recently, we’ve become closer again in the sense of spending more time together and although it’s not as intense and unrestrained as in the teen years, there is more understanding and more refinement now. It seems we’re each other’s other half. Her name is Coffee.

 

[sandusky1011]

I haven’t read all the responses yet but I don’t really believe in soulmates. I do believe that God chose my husband for me and we were very much in love. It wasn’t until later though that I became a Catholic and took my marriage seriously. It’s a good thing, too, because we’ve had our ups and downs and there are times I wish I had chosen someone that was more like me instead of my opposite. But, we are in it for life and make it work the best we can. I still love him very much.

 

[whatevergirl]

Well, I’ve known her somewhat already from childhood and although I was always drawn to her, there was a bit of a break after the first contact. As a teen, the first time I tried to hit it off with her, I needed a bit more time. I wasn’t yet man enough. Her dark complexion and temper was particularly alluring, but she was a bit bitter and required quite a nerve to put up with. Later, however, during highschool times, we grudgingly became inseparable, although as friends first. She was able to make me move mountains and though at times, and while I met others too, I would always somehow return to her in the end. I came to know her sweet side too. I quickly came to need her company like eight times a day or so. We moved with nearly the same intensity through university years and while we had a bit of a drop in frequency of contact when I went to my first real work, she always remained in the picture and the semi-separation taught us new things. Becoming more independent taught me to appreciate her from a whole new perspective… cherishing moments and taking delight in all her new facets that I discovered (she never really became old or boring, quite the contrary) instead of just hoarding her presence. Recently, we’ve become closer again in the sense of spending more time together and although it’s not as intense and unrestrained as in the teen years, there is more understanding and more refinement now. It seems we’re each other’s other half. Her name is Coffee.

*Why you! That was mean!!! hahaha Here I was, reading through this, thinking…awwww, I hope chev connects again with this woman…and maybe marries her.

Coffee??!! That was quite clever. *

 

[anna1978]

I don’t like ‘soul-mate’…but yes, I still remember seeing him and looking up to his face as I stood next to him, and thinking ‘I want him!’ I met my dh through a Catholic dating agency, back in the day when you still wrote letters first and then arranged to meet up, and after a few letters, he phoned me during my break at work ( never gave anyone my home number!) and we arranged to meet up after work the next day. He hadn’t sent me a photo and by then I’d met a whole bunch of men, and they’d all been…not my type…He was ‘different’ from the minute I clapped eyes on him though, and I just ‘knew’…we got engaged 6 months later, married 6 months after that and here we are 10 years later…and I still look at him and feel that same buzz!

 

[Bluegoat]

I’m not Catholic and have only been married 6 years. But the first time I saw my husband (at work) I thought - “he isn’t my type at all! Now I suppose I’ll probably end up marrying him.”

According to him, he didn’t really notice me until much later when I was wearing an outfit which he said was particularly flattering at a dinner, unlike the work uniforms which make everyone look like swamp creatures. But I’m not sure he was thinking about soul mates at that point in time.

I don’t really believe in soul mates anyway. There are any number of people one could marry happily, and it will be hard work with every one of them.