Question for married folks

  • Thread starter Thread starter raes
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

raes

Guest
Hello,
I am getting married in a few months and I have a question for all the married people out there.

I have been with this man for 5 years in a relationship where we have strived to put God first. I love this man so much, and I know that he loves me. I have been reading a lot in preparation of our sacrament of marriage (books like Three to Get Married, etc)

However, my question is this: I know that my fiance loves me, but I find it really hard to comprehend that he is going to make a vow before myself, our family, and God to say that he is going to love me for the rest of our lives.

Maybe it’s a self esteem issue, but I can’t understand how someone could make that type of committment to me. I feel as though I will be able to love him for the rest of our lives, but that is because he is easy to love.

Can anyone else share some wisdom on this? Or has anyone else felt the same way.
 
First, congratulations!

I think a lot of women and men feel this way.

It is just so awe-inspiring that another person can love us in such a way that is unconditional forever. This person can love us through our bests, our worsts, in sweatpants, in cocktail dresses, when we have colds, when we look great, during pregnancy, during births, and so on and so forth.

For me, I knew my husband loved me more than anything in the world before we walked down that aisle, but the idea that he could love me forever was such a massive idea. However, I never once doubted his ability to do so. Still sometimes I can be just at the grocery store or in my office or anywhere really, and I have this overwhelming feeling of unconditional love just come over me. The kind where you break into smile, and no one knows why you are smiling!

Part of it is wedding jitters and excitement. The other part may be self-esteem but I bet you most people become overwhelmed! 😉

Good luck with your wedding preparation!
 
raes said:
Hello,
I am getting married in a few months and I have a question for all the married people out there.

I have been with this man for 5 years in a relationship where we have strived to put God first. I love this man so much, and I know that he loves me. I have been reading a lot in preparation of our sacrament of marriage (books like Three to Get Married, etc)

However, my question is this: I know that my fiance loves me, but I find it really hard to comprehend that he is going to make a vow before myself, our family, and God to say that he is going to love me for the rest of our lives.

Maybe it’s a self esteem issue, but I can’t understand how someone could make that type of committment to me. I feel as though I will be able to love him for the rest of our lives, but that is because he is easy to love.

Can anyone else share some wisdom on this? Or has anyone else felt the same way.
Click to expand...
I’m not sure I understand the question, but here goes.

Give him the benefit of the doubt. HIs loves you in the same manner as you for him. That concept should help you understand, but it is not something you should take for granted. It must be constantly be worked on.
 
Are you sure you aren’t projecting your own hidden feelings onto him? Make sure that deep down inside you yourself aren’t having issues with committing to him for the rest of your life.

Maybe you fear that just because he’s easy to love now maybe he won’t be so easy to love somewhere down the road? Did your folks have some issues in their marraige that left some negative feelings in you about marraige?

Only you know, but that’s what I thought when I read your question. Chances are it’s exactly what you suspected - self-esteem.
 
How do you know that you can commit to loving him forever? You seem to have self-esteem or trust issues… I would look at them now before it interferes with a marriage.
 
raes

Thank you for asking that question!

In a way it helps me to understand women more, but don’t believe I will ever be able to achieve that state.

Bear in mind that there are many ways in which to lose a spouse, not only “not loving you any more” - I have a young engineer, who after her honeymoon discovered she had cancer and has struggled with this for about two years now - the prognosis is not good!

I have been married for over 29 years and have found from time to time that my wife fears that I will abandon her, each time shocking me as the thought never really entered my mind! Women are not at all logical about these things it seems!

My eldest daughter was married in 2001 and now lives in Ky with her family - they are a great source of inspiration to me, seeing how they and their two kids are immersed in love.

In August one of my twin girls was married and in my speech I told the couple that they, like I when I was married, were told that they would become one, did not really understand what is meant. I thought I did. When I saw how the marriage of my eldest daughter had turned out, I could see what one-ness was and how it was present in my own marriage. It takes time. And grace!
I also commented on the importance of love, how infectious it was, how it manifested itself in my grandchildren and how it was visible among the whole family (that came from Ky and the UK to attend).

Now, you would know why you want to marry and what these vows mean.

What you are starting in marriage is sacramental!

Trust in Him - it’s an integral part of a sacrament.
 
raes said:
However, my question is this: I know that my fiance loves me, but I find it really hard to comprehend that he is going to make a vow before myself, our family, and God to say that he is going to love me for the rest of our lives.

Maybe it’s a self esteem issue, but I can’t understand how someone could make that type of committment to me. I feel as though I will be able to love him for the rest of our lives, but that is because he is easy to love.
Click to expand...
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage 🙂 I am regularly amazed by the thought that my husband was willing to take vows that he would love me and be with me forever. This can only be surpassed by the fact that he was ready to marry me well before I was certain I could marry him!

For me, the most important thing was having talked about issues that often drive couples apart such as lack of time together, ‘falling out of love’, money, children, adultery and so on - and agreeing on various ways that we would each put our best effort into not allowing these things to happen. The fact that we were able to have those conversations and talk about ways through problems meant that I felt able to trust him in this matter since he’d shown his commitment to our marriage.

I firmly believe that the willed commitment to love someone for the rest of your life and to do everything in your power to make it happen is what makes a strong marriage.

So, to me, it does sound a bit like self-esteem issues - if you’ve agreed about lots of important issues and you believe that he has a deep commitment to your marriage then that’s what you need to know 🙂

Hope that helps!
 
Hey, I feel the same way after 12 years of marriage to Mr. Right. I feel so lucky to have him.

Sometimes, I get all smooshy-faced and ask him, “How’d I get so lucky?” He always responds, “You must have been bad as a child.” 👍 (“Smooshy-face” is our family word for a loving expression.)

Yes, you need to both count on the graces that come from the sacrament of marriage and work on the marriage. It does take work to keep a loving marriage together - but I find it joyful work!

Praying for you,

Ruthie
 
We have talked a lot about important issues, and about our marriage. We are also very aware that love is not a feeling, it is a decision and a lifestyle.

I have no issue with making the decision to love him for the rest of my life.

I think it is more of a self-esteem issue. I feel more unworthy of his lifetime of love, and more bewildered that he wants to commit to love me forever. (Sometimes I feel very unlovable)

I know he loves me now, but forever is a long time… I know we will be great together and have a wonderful marriage…

I just have to work on my self-esteem and my feeling of unworthy-ness.

Thanks everyone for you help.

Blessings.
 
raes said:
Hello,
I am getting married in a few months and I have a question for all the married people out there.

I have been with this man for 5 years in a relationship where we have strived to put God first. I love this man so much, and I know that he loves me. I have been reading a lot in preparation of our sacrament of marriage (books like Three to Get Married, etc)

However, my question is this: I know that my fiance loves me, but I find it really hard to comprehend that he is going to make a vow before myself, our family, and God to say that he is going to love me for the rest of our lives.

Maybe it’s a self esteem issue, but I can’t understand how someone could make that type of committment to me. I feel as though I will be able to love him for the rest of our lives, but that is because he is easy to love.

Can anyone else share some wisdom on this? Or has anyone else felt the same way.
Click to expand...
The reason we make wedding vows as a sacramental act is that it is not possible for any human being to do what needs to be done in marriage: love another person “forever.” Our vows empower our choice and sustain our commitment. By vowing perfect fidelitiy to you (or you to your spouse) you are vowing to God that you will ALWAYS rely on Him to enable you to sustain your commitment.
 
raes said:
We have talked a lot about important issues, and about our marriage. We are also very aware that love is not a feeling, it is a decision and a lifestyle.

I have no issue with making the decision to love him for the rest of my life.

I think it is more of a self-esteem issue. I feel more unworthy of his lifetime of love, and more bewildered that he wants to commit to love me forever. (Sometimes I feel very unlovable)

I know he loves me now, but forever is a long time… I know we will be great together and have a wonderful marriage…

I just have to work on my self-esteem and my feeling of unworthy-ness.

Thanks everyone for you help.

Blessings.
Click to expand...
I dunno. I don’t think anybody is “worthy.” That doesn’t mean we deserve ill treatment. It just means that we are all short of wonderful. I also think that self esteem as generally understood in our culture (like the L’Oreal ads from 2 decades ago: “I’m WORTH it!”) are insidious. We may be WORTH the blood of Jesus Christ but even He redeemed us with supernatural love. On our own, we’re pretty much maggots.

. . . happily married for 37 years.
 
Mercygate… thank you.

With regards to what you said, I ‘knew’ that our vows are what gives us the strength, but I really needed to ‘hear’ that.

Thanks again.
 
raes said:
Mercygate… thank you.

With regards to what you said, I ‘knew’ that our vows are what gives us the strength, but I really needed to ‘hear’ that.

Thanks again.
Click to expand...
May you be blessed with many happy years together. And remember, in the wedding at Cana, the best wine came last.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top