Question for married people

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Bulldawg

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I have a question for all the married folks here. When you were dating you spouse before yall got married. Were there ever times yall fault or argued? Was there ever times you considered leaving them? I hope these questions dont seem odd.
 
Yes, I imagine all couples do. Actually we rarely fought (or do now) it was more frustration with circumstance (long distance) than a disagreement.
 
No we didn’t. And if a young couple does alot of fussing and fighting in the dating stage, I’d make note of that. Might be trying to tell ya something.
 
No, we didn’t fight and we don’t really fight now. We don’t always agree, but we never have big blown out fights like some couples.
 
happymommy said:
No, we didn’t fight and we don’t really fight now. We don’t always agree, but we never have big blown out fights like some couples.
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Ditto. My DH and I have disagreements, and we definitely bicker sometimes (usually over stupid stuff) when we’re tired and stressed, but we haven’t ever had a big fight. This is after seven years together- 7 months of dating, 11 months of engagement, and 5.5 years of marriage.
 
SeekerJen said:
Ditto. My DH and I have disagreements, and we definitely bicker sometimes (usually over stupid stuff) when we’re tired and stressed, but we haven’t ever had a big fight. This is after seven years together- 7 months of dating, 11 months of engagement, and 5.5 years of marriage.
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I’m glad to hear it!! Most people don’t believe us, but we really don’t fight and we’ve been together for 15 years, married for 13 of them.
 
bulldawg,

you also asked about big lies in dating relationships, too.

if a couple is living chastity, then it’s a whole lot easier to see that a dating relationship misses too many important marks. if a couple is having premarital sex, lots of red flag/ big problem alarms get ignored or explained away.

i don’t know how else things are going in your relationship, but from your minimalist questions posed here today, it sound like amongst other things, things are going bad.

***dating ***is the time you get to walk out.
 
monicatholic said:
bulldawg,

you also asked about big lies in dating relationships, too.

if a couple is living chastity, then it’s a whole lot easier to see that a dating relationship misses too many important marks. if a couple is having premarital sex, lots of red flag/ big problem alarms get ignored or explained away.

i don’t know how else things are going in your relationship, but from your minimalist questions posed here today, it sound like amongst other things, things are going bad.

***dating ***is the time you get to walk out.
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Yeah, no kidding. If there are this many problems when you’re just dating, you’d better believe they’re not going to improve once you’re married. The problems will be the same or worse, except once you’re married to those problems you’ll feel trapped.
 
We dated for 2 years and have been married for 30. Honestly, we never fought while dating. We’ve never had a “knock down drag out” ever. We’ve had some spirited discussions but nothing I would call a fight where we became nasty toward each other.

Almost every couple I know who had many spats while dating kept right on spatting (only more so) when they got married. Many are divorced now.
 
Bulldawg said:
I have a question for all the married folks here. When you were dating you spouse before yall got married. Were there ever times yall fault or argued? Was there ever times you considered leaving them? I hope these questions dont seem odd.
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Yes,
and yes!
And I think if either of us had known how hard it was going to be, we both would have run a mile in the opposite direction!
He was a perfectionist. I still am not perfect!
I tried hard, but sometimes miss some step somewhere… He has learned to turn some of his complaints about my faults and failings into a kind of tolerant humour…most of the time! 😃
 
BamaRider said:
No we didn’t. And if a young couple does alot of fussing and fighting in the dating stage, I’d make note of that. Might be trying to tell ya something.
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Where were you when we needed you!..but we’ve made 40 years
 
We never had big fights like where we called eachother names or anything big. When I was growing up somewhere along the way I learned to get attention by pouting or picking a little fight about nothing. I used to do that a lot when we were dating. I was 23 when we got married and somewhere along the line I recognized what I was doing and don’t do that anymore. I now have 3 children so I have to act like an adult, lol! I never wanted to leave him. We had a long distance relationship and he was/is catholic and I was/am not. We definitely had our hurdles but we never broke up or wanted to. We don’t really fight now either. We have disagreements but we don’t raise our voices. We have only been married for 6 years, but I know we’ll be together forever. Why what’s going on with you?
 
My DH and I had spirited discussions a few times. We like to get into deep conversations.

The closest thing we’ve ever had to a fight was once, when he was tired and cranky, and I interrupted him one too many times when he was playing a computer game. He told me not to, in a way that hurt my feelings - but, basically, I over-reacted. I got all quiet and even sniffed a time or two, but was over it by morning. He leaves before I wake up…

He sent me flowers from work!

I do love that man… :love: :love:

May every one of us be blessed in our marriages!

Ruthie
 
Any couple that tries to tell you they don’t or never bickered or engaged in some form of “fighting” is lying. They just do it in different ways…maybe passively. Noone agrees on everything all of the time. And finances and exhaustion are the main causes of it. STRESS!!! Life is stressful. But if you’re fighting now you should think about what you are getting into.

It’s not a formula for success but a word of wisdom I learned a long time ago that has worked so far. If you think you might want to marry someone you believe you love then observe the parent of the potential spouse - particularly the parent of the same sex as your future spous. Is this someone you could see yourself married to when you get old? It helped me sort of but it wasn’t without trials. Our arguements were caused mostly from hidden pain my wife buried deep down and didn’t surface until she started her conversion to Catholicism. Now I know why she had so many issues. I did the right thing by sticking it out even though there were times I was miserable and lonely. Make sure there aren’t any hidden, especially painful, secrets. They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

I’m going on 20 years of marriage. I’ve thought about running several times but mostly because I felt betrayed religiously…I fell away from the Church because of their anti-Catholic positions while I was struggling with many issues. I used my Catholic conscience to survive much of what I went through. I chose to help her rather than myself. No one should ever do what I did. But I love her and she loves me. We are a very good couple. The reasons for the arguements are mainly from not being trained properly how to deal with anger issues caused from experiences in our past. I partly knew her situation but didn’t realize just how deeply she was scarred. If there ever was such a thing as a soul-mate she’d be mine. I’ve give my life for her…in fact I have and will continue to until the day I die.
 
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