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Xantippe
Guest
Funny!
Question for men-would you leave your wife if she lost her looks?
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She will lose her looks. So will I. That’s life. The marriage vows are “til death do us part”. I take that seriously.
As for obesity, I wouldn’t leave but if my wife was unhealthily obese I’d certainly try to encourage her to lose weight. More for her health than my pleasure. I’d expect her to do the same for me.
To answer your question. No. I can’t ever see myself leaving my wife for any reason.
It is probably harder for a committed Catholic (male or female) to find a marriage partner these days. It’s often the case that you meet someone who is a “good” Catholic but they turn out to be compromising in areas of the faith that you’d rather not compromise in.
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Arizona_Fat_Gir
Guest
In general, and I am not talking about men dumping their wives, but it is a known fact that young and beautiful women get preferential treatment in our culture. They might as well have magic mirrors, where they say, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall…” You know the rest. Sometimes a man will get rid of his older, less attractive wife to marry a much younger, beautiful trophy. It may be that he thinks his wife no longer fits in.
After putting her husband through school, a woman was dumped for someone else. I remember that because I worked in that business. It happens all the time.
Hopefully, when girls get married, they will screen their potential mates carefully and get the feel of where they are coming from. Just because Jesus said this is wrong to leave a spouse to marry another doesn’t mean everyone follows His teaching. It can be heartbreaking to be dumped, but the guy that does this will someday be shown the error of his ways. Maybe.
After putting her husband through school, a woman was dumped for someone else. I remember that because I worked in that business. It happens all the time.
Hopefully, when girls get married, they will screen their potential mates carefully and get the feel of where they are coming from. Just because Jesus said this is wrong to leave a spouse to marry another doesn’t mean everyone follows His teaching. It can be heartbreaking to be dumped, but the guy that does this will someday be shown the error of his ways. Maybe.
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pianistclare
Guest
I don’t think any one is doing that. SHE is the one getting all worked up. None of us are angry.Wow, OP, I hope you don’t leave CAF because of other posters here. There is no need to question the OP on why they are asking, as if it were forbidden to make up a thread and ask. Do you have to have a serious reason to post? No. And like many teachers repeat" there is no stupid questions, but only stupid people that don’t ask." This is a Catholic forum community, not CARM. Why nail the OP against a cross?
She has a posting history. It’s public record. Why don’t you think context matters???
I looked for the faith. I wasn’t prepared to marry someone who was “iffy” about the faith or didn’t accept certain Church Teachings. She is a beautiful woman. But she’s grown more beautiful the more I know her. Beauty isn’t just looks.
I’d say serious Catholic men probably look for the faith too. Also perhaps a good sense of humour and someone who you share interests with. Probably the things you’d expect.
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mommy_k
Guest
This is what is being posted by the op many many times.
Any suggestions by others to improve the situation is shot down, in every single post.
It seems that physical attractiveness in her mind is the only thing that matters…
That’s why talking to a therapist or priest is being suggested.
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Neofight
Guest
No Elena, it’s not.
What you witnessed was sarcastic, rude and uncharitable comments from two individuals.
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February
Guest
Hi OP. I think you have a valid question. I am not a guy, but do have some (name removed by moderator)ut.
I do not post here often, but have been reading the forums for years. I will say this as a therapist myself, as someone who has sought grief counseling, and as someone who has had a number of clinical supervisors…therapy isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be. For every good caring therapist, there’s one with bad advice, bad morals, and who really should be working on their own issues before helping others. There’s a tendency to medicate (and over medicate, including young children) and scoff at spirituality and religion. I’ve also seen quite a few “man-hating” therapists, and those who push for divorce for their clients rather than working through issues (even with Catholic/Christian therapists). Suggesting therapy to others can also come across as hurtful and judgmental if not done in the right manner.
In other words, therapy isn’t always the solution. You do what is right for you. If anonymous internet posting is helping, so be it. If you want to find a therapist, make sure they are a good fit for you. If there is someone else who might be able to help you (friend, priest) seek them out.
At any rate, I have only been married a short time and have already “lost” how I looked on our wedding day. Unfortunately that is due to 2 full term pregnancies resulting in infant death both times. Losing weight with no babies to show for it is awful! It is much worse when you find out your husband has been addicted to porn your entire relationship. OP, there is hope though, and there are good men out there. Even my husband, who is kicking his porn addiction, working on his faith, and loves me regardless. My dad stuck by my mom through cancer, surgery, and chemo until she died. And honestly, my husband has gained weight too, and I love him more now after all we’ve been through.
I do think you can tell before marriage if a person is superficial or will stay with you for better or worse. I certainly knew at least a couple guys I dated would not be a good husband. Discernment of a good spouse is important.
I am sorry if others have made you feel badly about yourself. Remember though that you were created with a reason and purpose! I’m sure you are a beautiful person inside and out.
I do not post here often, but have been reading the forums for years. I will say this as a therapist myself, as someone who has sought grief counseling, and as someone who has had a number of clinical supervisors…therapy isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be. For every good caring therapist, there’s one with bad advice, bad morals, and who really should be working on their own issues before helping others. There’s a tendency to medicate (and over medicate, including young children) and scoff at spirituality and religion. I’ve also seen quite a few “man-hating” therapists, and those who push for divorce for their clients rather than working through issues (even with Catholic/Christian therapists). Suggesting therapy to others can also come across as hurtful and judgmental if not done in the right manner.
In other words, therapy isn’t always the solution. You do what is right for you. If anonymous internet posting is helping, so be it. If you want to find a therapist, make sure they are a good fit for you. If there is someone else who might be able to help you (friend, priest) seek them out.
At any rate, I have only been married a short time and have already “lost” how I looked on our wedding day. Unfortunately that is due to 2 full term pregnancies resulting in infant death both times. Losing weight with no babies to show for it is awful! It is much worse when you find out your husband has been addicted to porn your entire relationship. OP, there is hope though, and there are good men out there. Even my husband, who is kicking his porn addiction, working on his faith, and loves me regardless. My dad stuck by my mom through cancer, surgery, and chemo until she died. And honestly, my husband has gained weight too, and I love him more now after all we’ve been through.
I do think you can tell before marriage if a person is superficial or will stay with you for better or worse. I certainly knew at least a couple guys I dated would not be a good husband. Discernment of a good spouse is important.
I am sorry if others have made you feel badly about yourself. Remember though that you were created with a reason and purpose! I’m sure you are a beautiful person inside and out.
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Peebo
Guest
Well…i’m in the twilight years and so is my wife…she is still as pretty as ever…I would hate to be some one like Hugh Hefner…to me he’s one filthy rich lonely wrinkly old guy who chases after all those models who are young enough to be his grand daughters…and the only reason they are with him is because he is filthy rich…it’s sad also to see those so called celebrity women who chase after much younger men…soon as a younger female takes an interest in them they soon forget about the old cougar
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Irishmom2
Guest
What does this have to do with the question?
Can’t it just be a hypothetical question with no need for therapy suggested within the first couple of posts?
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LiamQ
Guest
To paraphrase Mother Angelica: Sweetheart, if I go to hell it’s not going to be over my wife’s need for makeup.
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Gliggle
Guest
Hi Elena maybe you need to hear some inspiring stories about physically damaged women? Turia Pitt comes to mind, she was very badly burnt in a bushfire, and lost her looks (she was very attractive lady prior), however she has become a public figure and widely respected for her courage, and she definitely has an inner beauty that her scars can’t hide.
She still wears beautiful clothes and isn’t ashamed of her body, she doesn’t hide her body or her face, people everywhere love her, because she is a living and obvious example that true beauty comes from within. She is also sponsored by an athletic clothing company, because she represents strength, beauty and endurance to many people.
emirates247.com/lifestyle/bush-fire-victim-ex-model-turia-pitt-engaged-to-michael-hoskin-2015-08-09-1.599705
She still wears beautiful clothes and isn’t ashamed of her body, she doesn’t hide her body or her face, people everywhere love her, because she is a living and obvious example that true beauty comes from within. She is also sponsored by an athletic clothing company, because she represents strength, beauty and endurance to many people.
emirates247.com/lifestyle/bush-fire-victim-ex-model-turia-pitt-engaged-to-michael-hoskin-2015-08-09-1.599705
I agree with this. I think if my wife got burned in a fire my main concern would be her welfare and if she was ok psychologically if she “lost her looks” in this way. I’d be sorry that her looks were gone so to speak. But I’d be thinking more along the lines of being sorry that this befell her rather than “oh no, I can’t look at you anymore”.
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Anglewannabe
Guest
I remember asking my dad (who loved my mom to pieces) if he still though my mom was pretty. He said ‘I have been looking at her for so long I can’t wee her anymore’ ie he had built a life with her to the point what she looked like had become irrelevant. He loved her to pieces for HER
OP, I have a suggestion for you. Have a look at all the married women you know. I am positive you will see a lot of happily married women (both young and old) that would NEVER fit Hollywoods description of beauty in good marriages with husbands who love them to pieces
Angie
OP, I have a suggestion for you. Have a look at all the married women you know. I am positive you will see a lot of happily married women (both young and old) that would NEVER fit Hollywoods description of beauty in good marriages with husbands who love them to pieces
Angie
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Irishmom2
Guest
Well said, Angie! 
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Elena321
Guest
Thankyou
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Elena321
Guest
Are you male or female?No. I’m already ugly enough for this to be a non-issue.
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redbetta
Guest
No problem.Thankyou
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Elena321
Guest
I love cats so I might buy the “crazy cat lady starter kit” lol.
Take into consideration that not everyone comes from where you come from.
So what may be obsessive to you and something you don’t relate to,someone might come from a different place where beauty is highly valued and they are surrounded by it.
Even if something is “truly obsessive”, the obsessivness may be changed by getting different perspectives from/hearing stories from different people.
People can assist/converse with another.It doesn’t have to only come in the form of a $300 an hour Therapist.
Even if someone feels they have nothing to add on a topic,someone else might have something they’d like to say.
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Elena321
Guest
Sorry for your situation.Its seriously hard in this modern world to find a partner based on Catholic/Christian marriage foundation.
Maybe “keep your options open” and be open to all women (Christian or not) when looking for a relationship and then pray that God will guide them?
And/or maybe also consider looking for a bride from countries such as Russia + Ukraine (often Orthodox religion)?
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