Question for moms who have had depression

[leonie]

I go through periods of depression. I always have it postpartum. I have it many winters. But these past two years have been rough.

I am not getting better from my winter depression. I usually kick it in May. Now it is mid July.

What I want to do is tell my husband that our family life needs to be structured around me breaking out of this dark hole.

That would entail cleaning out the house, keeping it very neat, and fixing up some things in the house because I can tell I cope better when the house is neat. I need the yard mowed regularly, too.

I would like to stop extracurricular activities for the fall because I am finding the activities and the cost of them to be a big stress.

I would like time to exercise and to go to Mass and/or Adoration several times a week.

We have two grown and out of the house kids, one living at home college student, six minors: 16, 14, 11, 7, 4, 2 years.

Is this selfish or unreasonable? It would be temporary just until I am better.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I don’t think this is selfish or unreasonable. You wouldn’t think it was if you had a broken arm. I would suggest seeing your doctor though. Maybe your depression is being worsened by an a physical cause.

:hug:

 

[pensmama87]

I don’t think this is selfish or unreasonable. You wouldn’t think it was if you had a broken arm. I would suggest seeing your doctor though. Maybe your depression is being worsened by an a physical cause.

:hug:

I agree with this.

Have you sought treatment for depression in the past? I would definitely recommend that if not. I have been depressed and it is very helpful to have someone neutral offer a fresh perspective even when you think you have it all figured out.

 

[Xantippe]

I don’t think this is selfish or unreasonable. You wouldn’t think it was if you had a broken arm. I would suggest seeing your doctor though. Maybe your depression is being worsened by an a physical cause.

:hug:

Right.

The one thing I have concerns about is that if you cut off your kids’ extracurriculars, you may be accidentally cutting yourself off from social contact. So I would suggest throwing out the ones that don’t bring you social interaction, but keeping the ones that do, if that is an issue.

As you said, it’s just for a term.

And be working with your doctor.

Best wishes!

 

[slh3016]

I go through periods of depression. I always have it postpartum. I have it many winters. But these past two years have been rough.

I am not getting better from my winter depression. I usually kick it in May. Now it is mid July.

What I want to do is tell my husband that our family life needs to be structured around me breaking out of this dark hole.

That would entail cleaning out the house, keeping it very neat, and fixing up some things in the house because I can tell I cope better when the house is neat. I need the yard mowed regularly, too.

I would like to stop extracurricular activities for the fall because I am finding the activities and the cost of them to be a big stress.

I would like time to exercise and to go to Mass and/or Adoration several times a week.

We have two grown and out of the house kids, one living at home college student, six minors: 16, 14, 11, 7, 4, 2 years.

Is this selfish or unreasonable? It would be temporary just until I am better.

I’m so sorry you are struggling with this. Here are some thoughts…

a) Cleaning out the house - I think this is good for everyone’s mental health occasionally.

b) Keeping the house very neat - Are you shouldering this responsibility right now or is everyone helping to do their part? I find that I tend to take on too much in this regards because I have a control issue and “want it done right” but I am robbing my children of the responsibility to learn how to work. You still have teenagers and older adolescents. Do they have chore charts or clear and scheduled jobs/expectations?

c) The lawn mowed regularly - who does this now? Seems like a PERFECT job for a 16 yo or even a 14yo.

d) Extracurricular activities - can’t really comment because I don’t know the details or costs or schedules. However, I know that I naturally want to withdraw from people when I have those periods and it’s counterproductive for me.

e) Exercise and Mass - Since you have older kids, can you use them to babysit the youngers to give you some alone time for exercise and Mass?

My husband CONSTANTLY tells me I’m not utilizing the resources I have (my kids ) in helping with chores, etc. I’m wondering if you might be in the same boat as me: trying to be all things to all people at all times. That’s a definite recipe for depression.