Question for Stay-At-Home-Moms?

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mandajane

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Hi!

I have a question for any SAHMs out there. Did you feel called to be a Stay At Home Mom? Or was it more a choice of necessity?
 
Can’t it be both?😃

I had to quit my job while I was pregnant with my daughter due to going on and off bed rest for the first 10 week, then being so sick I lost 20 lbs. 😦 After she was born we found out that I couldn’t make enough money to pay for just the childcare.

It seems like there is always something that comes up. I always get this feeling on inner peace when I’m at home with my kids. The house runs better, we are all less stressed, even with less money.
 
It was a calling for me. I knew I wanted to be a mom since I was nine years old. THen I grew up and decided I wanted to be a working mom, but as soon as I knew I was pregnant, I knew I just wanted to stay home and take care of my child. have not been to work since.
 
I felt like it was the right thing to do. I used to listen to Dr. Laura a lot, and she thinks the most important job is being a mom. Eventually, I agreed with her point of view…children need their mom.
I have an engineering degree and had a well paying job before my oldest was born.
 
It wasn’t a necessity. It was a possibility, and a great privilege, so we grabbed it. Not everyone is so lucky. Most working parents don’t have an opportunity like this, and not everyone who intends to do it gets to do it. Some try and find they are not cut out for it; it is not the only way to raise a family. (I think it is better if those who find they are poorly suited to it to see if some other alternative works better for their family. You have to be willing to sacrifice, but sometimes that’s sacrificing your imagined ideal for what actually works best for your children.)
 
mandajane said:
Hi!

I have a question for any SAHMs out there. Did you feel called to be a Stay At Home Mom? Or was it more a choice of necessity?
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we took a huge financial hit when I chose to stay home and be a full time mom. I made more than my husband. But had told him when we got married I wanted to parent my children myself. We did without a lot and had a few very tight times. But I never missed a single part of my kids’ lives. My sons are very close to me. We talk about everything.

It’s all about attitude. I never saw my life as a full time mom as less valuable than when I was working. In fact, I saw it as more valuable. Jobs come and go, careers rise and fall but mommyhood is forever. I had a blast, teaching myself new things. Teaching the kids new things. Having time to volunteer at their school and go on trips and help with plays.

We struggled to pay for Catholic school. I sold anything I had of value, my horse, my truck, my trailer and lots of other stuff. Vacations consisted of campouts or visiting relatives. No Disneyland, but a day at the local festival. In fact one time, I had my two small kids at the local festival and only 4 tickets for rides. Some lady came up to me and gave me a whole roll of tickets. She said I looked like a loving mother and wanted my boys to have fun. Boy did we!

We don’t own a home, our car is 12 years old but my sons are both in college, one attends a private almost ivy league school on scholarships and the other goes to a state school with scholarships and loans.

I went back to work when the boys were sophomore and junior in high school. I have a decent job and really like it. I’ll never be rich in money but I am rich in family. God always provided enough for us to get by and enjoy life. I even have a new pony, truck and trailer now.

It’s a tough decision for today’s families to make. But you’ll never regret it if you do it for the love of your children.
 
When our oldest was born seven years ago after paying for daycare I would have only had around a hundred dollars left from my paycheck. My husband and I really didn’t see the point in me working because of that.
However being a stay at home mom is something I had always wanted to do, I really didn’t want it any other way. We have had hard times, and even now we do not have a have lot of money, but we are richer in other ways. I could not imagine not being a stay at home mom.
 
I was very definately called to motherhood but being a SAHM was a combination of good luck (financially) and shared belief between my husband and I on traditional roles in marriage.
 
I definitely think I was called to stay at home, but I was forced into that calling when my employment was terminated the day I returned from maternity leave. 😛 I am stubborn, and God needed to give me a good kick in the pants for me to realize what was up!

I do work 6-9 hours per week out of the home now out of financial necessity. My stubbornness led to my taking out many thousands of dollars of loans for a graduate degree I will never use (which I could have foreseen, just because of the job market where we knew we would be making our home.)

Ah well, at least now I’m learning the virtues of humility and thrift…😉
 
Ummmm…I kinda fell into it lol!

I started out working full time both before and after I was pregnant with my DS…then when he was about 9 mths old I stepped down to part time which I liked alot. I still got out of the house but I felt like I could still be with DS and run the house better. Financially I probably should have stayed full time though. DS was watched my my mother in law so daycare wasn’t a big issue. Then I decided to go back to school for nursing and I also quit my job (mainly b/c they had moved farther away and it was a really long drive). So I did that for a while but didn’t finish nursing school. I then got pregnant with my older DD and got a part time job (10 hours a week) with CAtholic Charities. It was nice b/c I got out of the house and made enough money for groceries. That was before the recession…then the recession hit and I was out of work for a looooonnnnngggg time despite looking for various part time work. I went back to school for Massage Therapy and graduated this past may and work at a spa part time. It’s nice b/c I work in the evenings and every other sat. afternoon. DH watches the kids so no paying for daycare 🙂

That being said I would never work full time again…it was too stressful. I never felt like I had time to take care of myself or the house or the kids…part time works nicely for me b/c I get to be with the kids and take care of the house and still have a little time for me and I also get to get out of the house a few days a week for a few hours.
 
Called definitely. My boss even offered me a promotion to come back to after maternity leave when I told him I wouldn’t be coming back. As tempting as it was, the extra money and job opportunities, I knew that I was meant to raise my son. Things have not been easy, financially or on my sanity being a SAHM, but I am 100% positive I am doing what I am supposed to.
 
Cariethra said:
Can’t it be both?😃
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That is EXACTLY what I thought when I read the question, and I laughed when I read it immediately after. 🙂

For me, it was both. When my husband and I bought our house, we purposely found one that we could afford on one salary because we’d talked about when kids came and how we’d like for the option for me to stay home if I wanted. Well, we were forced into that decision when I got fired (while 6 months pregnant right before Christmas from a Catholic school. Long story short, I was “white glove inspected” and there were therefore “reasons for termination” but others who had the same violations - in my case, lateness because I was puking - were overlooked). While I would have preferred different circumstances - it being my choice - I really am happy being home all the time. I get to see my daughter learn how to crawl and then walk, be there to make sure she eats well, take her to the doctor, and now I get to do it all again with my son. Childcare in our area (DC Metro) is expensive and my salary would pretty much pay for someone else to take care of my kids anyway.
 
We planned on me staying home with our kids.

It was important to both of us to have one parent at home.

It is a calling and a necessity that we planned our lives around.

If circumstances change and I have to work, we’ll adapt. We always do!
 
OP, thank you for posting this question. I have enjoyed reading the replies. 🙂

For me, I had always expected to be a SAHM. In large part, I guess I saw motherhood as my greatest vocation. I chose to forego graduate school and put hubby through when we were trying to build our family (fertility issues). When we finally had our child, a few opinionated relatives thought I would naturally go back to work (can’t throw away that degree) and have my mom raise him. Well, hubby and I were both highly offended.

In later life, I saw the same offensive relative struggle with regrets about going back to work when her kids were little and looking for some type of validation for her decision. The decision is really an individual one that nobody should be made to feel guilty for one way or the other.
 
I’m mostly asking because we’ve been talking again about raising children, now that our wedding is approaching. We’re still in agreement as to what we’ve said before, but recently I’ve felt more and more like I would want to stay home with my children, and ensure they have a proper upbringing. Not that I think that the childcare workers around me are incompetent, but I firmly believe that catholic culture and tradition starts in the home, and my children will have a firmer foundation if I take a direct hand in raising them.

My FH has said time and again that he supports me in whatever I decide in regards to staying home or working … but I know that he has dreams for me, of working and having a fantastic career. He talks all the time about my future in the fashion industry, and how great I’ll be, which I love, but when i bring up being a SAHM, he’s like “Oh if you want to I support you.” then says nothing about it.

I’m just curious really if being a SAHM is a vocation, or if I’m just being needy by wanting to stay home with any kids I might have.
 
You can always/usually go back to work. It’s impossible to get the years you would have stayed at home back.

Plan to be able to make do on one salary (you never know, he might lose his job and you’d have to support him) and then if you decide that you need to stay home, you already have the means to do so, and if you decide to work, you have a cushion built up for childcare.

Side thought: it looks like your wedding is coming up fast, and it’s possible that the stress of planning is making it difficult for him to talk about hypotheticals. You working is right now a concrete thing, and kids are an abstract possible future. I know that my own husband was less than chatty when I went off on what ifs simply because he didn’t have any idea of what it would actually be like.
 
mandajane said:
I’m mostly asking because we’ve been talking again about raising children, now that our wedding is approaching. We’re still in agreement as to what we’ve said before, but recently I’ve felt more and more like I would want to stay home with my children, and ensure they have a proper upbringing. Not that I think that the childcare workers around me are incompetent, but I firmly believe that catholic culture and tradition starts in the home, and my children will have a firmer foundation if I take a direct hand in raising them.

My FH has said time and again that he supports me in whatever I decide in regards to staying home or working … but I know that he has dreams for me, of working and having a fantastic career. He talks all the time about my future in the fashion industry, and how great I’ll be, which I love, but when i bring up being a SAHM, he’s like “Oh if you want to I support you.” then says nothing about it.

I’m just curious really if being a SAHM is a vocation, or if I’m just being needy by wanting to stay home with any kids I might have.
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It is prudent to make career decisions that will give you a greater amount of flexibility when children arrive, but other than that it is probably best to wait until the time comes when this becomes a question. When that happens, you’ll know the specifics of what your options are. But no, it is not “needy” to want to choose children you love over a career you love. There may be realities that keep it from happening, but of course it is not wrong to want it!
 
Have you considered working from home?

We run a full time eBay business from home, its fun and pays the bills. You also get to spend more time with the kids.

Most people think eBay is too hard to find products to sell however we use Waterhouse Research, They show us which products make over 100% profit.

If you have any other questions, please do not hesitate to ask.
 
I have always wanted to be a SAHM. I didn’t get the opportunity until our second was born and by the time we paid for gas and daycare so I could get to work we were in the hole each month. I agree with the poster who said life is better this way, even with the tighter budget. Our time as a family when my husband gets home is really just time for the family, all the cleaning, laundry, housework, errands is done for the day and we can really enjoy each other. It may take a year or so after you have kids to see the value in it, my husband wasn’t keen on the idea when we got married but now that he’s seen the difference between me working and not in our lives he admits he wouldn’t have it any other way.
 
We have been working together at home since 2005 however we have automated the ebay business a lot so we don’t have to be around all the time to run it. This gives us both the flexibility to do our own thing during the day. My husband likes building and flying model planes where I like to work in the garden and look after the animals. Your own business gives you flexibility and more hours for you both to do the things in life you want to do.
 
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