Question for those separated/divorced

[nana3]

I have a question for those of you who are separated or recently divorced. My MIL is separated and in the process of getting a divorce. She doesn’t want the divorce and is not the one who filed for it. Her husband who is 21 years younger than her filed for it and left her in October of 2008. At first he continued to pay the mortgage of the house, but he has asked her to put the house up for sale and she refuses. After the New Year, he served her with divorce papers and ceased helping her financially in everything except child support. They adopted her grandchild who is now 7 years old. She is a disabled child too with a mild case of cerebral palsy and many other medical problems. She may be 7, but is mentally at the level of a 3 yr. old. Here is the question. Her lawyer says he needs to pay more than just the child support. He should be paying for half the medical co-payment (which I agree with) and half the mortgage and half the utilities of the house. His lawyers says that all he has to pay is the child support and that is it. Here are two Florida lawyers saying two different things. Who is right?

Has anyone been in this situation? My sister recently divorced, about three years ago, but when her husband left he did not have to pay the mortgage or utilities for he did not live there. My sister almost lost the house. My MIL is also barely making it but is convinced that he needs to pay her more money because she has a child of special needs. She keeps mentioning medical bills, but the child has two insurances and all she has to pay for is co-payments, which I do think her husband should pay half or all of.

I will wait and see what some of your responses are. I don’t know who to believe here for when I talk to both of them, both tell me they are in the right and their lawyer is right. By the way, my MIL is the one living in the house and her husband lives in an apartment for now.

 

[LSK]

I don’t know what the laws are in Florida but if he is that child’s legal father he is responsible for the child’s care just as the mother (your MIL) is…I would listen to her lawyer.

 

[Christy_Beth]

If the title for the house is in his name, he should at least help pay for it. As far as selling it, is it his way of getting rid of that debt? Actually, if only his name on the mortgage, then he can sell it with or without her approval.

I hope and pray that everything will work out. I know how hard it is to go through a messy divorce.

 

[JustAnotherThou]

A thing about our judicial system.

We wouldn’t need Judges if the Lawyers were always right!!!

Tell that joke to a lawyer someday and watch his response

 

[joandarc2008]

Just have faith that things will work out the right way. I think when they take one look at the young man with the older dignified lady they will probably make some assumptions regarding committment that seem to be correct from what you have already said.

God bless,

 

[nana3]

Thanks for all of your responses. It is hard to see my MIL suffer in all this. I love both of them, but I don’t like how her husband has been treating her and he has a mistress too, his age. That is what hurts her the most. He is even putting down in his divorce papers that he wants her to pay half of his legal fees, can you imagine that. He is the one who wants the divorce and wants her to pay for half of his fees and all of her fees.

Anyway, they do go to mediation on March 18 to see if they can get him to pay half of the mortgage and half of the child’s medical bills that are not paid by the medical insurance. He is denying these so far. We don’t think he will agree but they have to go to mediation first before going to court according to my MIL’s attorney. They go to court next.

It is all so strange for he did not want a divorce for he said he could not afford it and now he can. I guess he can now since all he pays my MIL is $600.00 a month and that is it for child support. My MIL says that is not enough, but she is not using that money for my niece, her daughter. She is using it to pay the mortgage for she doesn’t want to lose the house. She is working overtime and having to pay a baby sitter and that is where a lot of her money goes and she feels that he needs to pay for that too. He said that is why he pays child support and that is what that money is used for. I guess, that is where the Judge will have to come in for the lawyers are not always right, huh as JustAnother already mentioned here.

 

[iluvmybabies]

I have a question for those of you who are separated or recently divorced. My MIL is separated and in the process of getting a divorce. She doesn’t want the divorce and is not the one who filed for it. Her husband who is 21 years younger than her filed for it and left her in October of 2008. At first he continued to pay the mortgage of the house, but he has asked her to put the house up for sale and she refuses. After the New Year, he served her with divorce papers and ceased helping her financially in everything except child support. They adopted her grandchild who is now 7 years old. She is a disabled child too with a mild case of cerebral palsy and many other medical problems. She may be 7, but is mentally at the level of a 3 yr. old. Here is the question. Her lawyer says he needs to pay more than just the child support. He should be paying for half the medical co-payment (which I agree with) and half the mortgage and half the utilities of the house. His lawyers says that all he has to pay is the child support and that is it. Here are two Florida lawyers saying two different things. Who is right?

Has anyone been in this situation? My sister recently divorced, about three years ago, but when her husband left he did not have to pay the mortgage or utilities for he did not live there. My sister almost lost the house. My MIL is also barely making it but is convinced that he needs to pay her more money because she has a child of special needs. She keeps mentioning medical bills, but the child has two insurances and all she has to pay for is co-payments, which I do think her husband should pay half or all of.

I will wait and see what some of your responses are. I don’t know who to believe here for when I talk to both of them, both tell me they are in the right and their lawyer is right. By the way, my MIL is the one living in the house and her husband lives in an apartment for now.

Good day, I am very sorry to hear about your MIL’s situation, GOD bless her, help her and guide her! I have a question, how many years were they married? In many states such as in CALIFORNIA, if the couple were married for 10+ years the exhusband has to support her until she remarries-meaning she will receive alimony and a share of the bills usually 50/50… I was supposed to get that but my exhusband refused due to uhm-he was broke-same excuse as always, so I get 67 dollars or alimony…and 995 for child support for 3 children…

I am not sure what the laws are in florida but the best thing is for her to take it up with the judge he will know more about the situation than the lawyers and the judge will help her more, hopefully!

 

[nana3]

Good day, I am very sorry to hear about your MIL’s situation, GOD bless her, help her and guide her! I have a question, how many years were they married? In many states such as in CALIFORNIA, if the couple were married for 10+ years the exhusband has to support her until she remarries-meaning she will receive alimony and a share of the bills usually 50/50… I was supposed to get that but my exhusband refused due to uhm-he was broke-same excuse as always, so I get 67 dollars or alimony…and 995 for child support for 3 children…

I am not sure what the laws are in florida but the best thing is for her to take it up with the judge he will know more about the situation than the lawyers and the judge will help her more, hopefully!

She has been married for 16 years to him, but Florida doesn’t have that law. My sister was married 15 years and could not get alimony for she was working at the time. I guess if you are working, you don’t get alimony. I know I asked my MIL if she was going to get alimony and she said her lawyer was going to try to get it, but didn’t sound like she would have a good chance in getting it because she works too. As far as him having an affair that doesn’t matter either for Florida is a no-fault state in marriage as well as in car accidents. She may have to do as my sister and be forced to sale the house anyway. She will not like it but will have to do it unless she can give him his half of the house worth. He doesn’t even care if foreclosure happens. My MIL still makes excuses for him and says he is suffering from major depression. She even interfered once and when he was sick with the flu called his doctor when he was on his way there and talked to him to tell him that he needs to be put on an antidepressant. Her husband got so angry when he saw her the next time. That is only one reason he says he is divorcing her, for she is very controling. I would agree with him there. But there is no excuse for the way he has been treating her lately. It is unexcusable.

Anyway, thanks for the advice. Unfortunately, the laws are different here. My MIL would love it if they were like California’s laws here though

 

[joandarc2008]

It is a sad state we live in when divorces are treated like car accidents and marriage licenses are easier to get than driver’s licenses.

God Bless,

 

[iluvmybabies]

She has been married for 16 years to him, but Florida doesn’t have that law. My sister was married 15 years and could not get alimony for she was working at the time. I guess if you are working, you don’t get alimony. I know I asked my MIL if she was going to get alimony and she said her lawyer was going to try to get it, but didn’t sound like she would have a good chance in getting it because she works too. As far as him having an affair that doesn’t matter either for Florida is a no-fault state in marriage as well as in car accidents. She may have to do as my sister and be forced to sale the house anyway. She will not like it but will have to do it unless she can give him his half of the house worth. He doesn’t even care if foreclosure happens. My MIL still makes excuses for him and says he is suffering from major depression. She even interfered once and when he was sick with the flu called his doctor when he was on his way there and talked to him to tell him that he needs to be put on an antidepressant. Her husband got so angry when he saw her the next time. That is only one reason he says he is divorcing her, for she is very controling. I would agree with him there. But there is no excuse for the way he has been treating her lately. It is unexcusable.

Anyway, thanks for the advice. Unfortunately, the laws are different here. My MIL would love it if they were like California’s laws here though

Well that’s terrible and in a way I am grateful I decided to move back to california before getting divorced…My aunt got divorced in fl too and she barely gets anything at all for her 4 kids…Now most of them are grown up but still she was married to that man for what 10+ years or so and all he ever did was cheat on her, manipulated her, abused her mentally and emotionally, made her work while he would go from job to job to no job to under the table jobs to no work at all…OMG it kind of sounds like what I went through with my ex…Ouch!!

I feel terrible for your MIL, I am sorry to hear that…I just think that she should def take it out in court and see and hear what the judge can do to help her…

May GOD be with you and your family and esp you MIL during her time of need!

 

[whatevergirl]

I have a question for those of you who are separated or recently divorced. My MIL is separated and in the process of getting a divorce. She doesn’t want the divorce and is not the one who filed for it. Her husband who is 21 years younger than her filed for it and left her in October of 2008. At first he continued to pay the mortgage of the house, but he has asked her to put the house up for sale and she refuses. After the New Year, he served her with divorce papers and ceased helping her financially in everything except child support. They adopted her grandchild who is now 7 years old. She is a disabled child too with a mild case of cerebral palsy and many other medical problems. She may be 7, but is mentally at the level of a 3 yr. old. Here is the question. Her lawyer says he needs to pay more than just the child support. He should be paying for half the medical co-payment (which I agree with) and half the mortgage and half the utilities of the house. His lawyers says that all he has to pay is the child support and that is it. Here are two Florida lawyers saying two different things. Who is right?

Has anyone been in this situation? My sister recently divorced, about three years ago, but when her husband left he did not have to pay the mortgage or utilities for he did not live there. My sister almost lost the house. My MIL is also barely making it but is convinced that he needs to pay her more money because she has a child of special needs. She keeps mentioning medical bills, but the child has two insurances and all she has to pay for is co-payments, which I do think her husband should pay half or all of.

I will wait and see what some of your responses are. I don’t know who to believe here for when I talk to both of them, both tell me they are in the right and their lawyer is right. By the way, my MIL is the one living in the house and her husband lives in an apartment for now.

I’m in Florida, and the law is this…a % of what he makes–that’s it. It’s not up to the man, the wife, the man on the moon…it’s that cut and dry…if he makes ‘x’ dollars, it’s a percentage of that…whatever that percentage is. I know this because we have a good friend who is going through a divorce, and his wife here in Florida, wanted more money that the courts are alloting her and she won’t be receiving it…it’s a percentage of what the person earning the most makes.

I think that the fact that the child has additional medical expenses should be taken into account…but, just a cut and dry equation…it’s a flat percentage. I am sorry this is happening, and I feel the worst for the child involved. Prayers going out to your family!

 

[whatevergirl]

I don’t know what the laws are in Florida but if he is that child’s legal father he is responsible for the child’s care just as the mother (your MIL) is…I would listen to her lawyer.

It’s a percentage, and it’s pretty high, from what I’ve seen here with our friend…

 

[nana3]

I know this is off the topic a little, but for those who said they were praying for my MIL, she is emotionally a mess currently. She came home last night to find most of her furniture gone. Her husband took it upon himself to take what he wanted out of the house. She was so upset. She was in fact hysterical. We received a call from my dh’s uncle who wanted my dh to go to his mother’s house at that moment to calm her down, but it was 11:30 p.m. and my dh takes some strong medications at night and he had just taken them. I would not let him go driving. I take medications too and I had taken mine much earlier. We waited until his mom was done talking to her sister and we called her. She was a mess on the phone. We could hardly understand her. We adviced her to please change the locks of the house. We have all adviced her of this when he first left, but because he takes care of her daughter when she works late, she did not want to do this, but now she was angry at him and did not want him in the house anymore. He called after taking what he did and told her back up her things on the computer to a disc for he was coming for the computer tomorrow. My dh went to her house today and encouraged her to change all the locks of the house and she did it. She has little money since she only works three days a week and gets only $600.00 from her husband for child support for that is the percentage of what he has to pay according to his income. So we had to pay for it all. It was expensive, but it had to be done. He would leave her without anything. She must still love him for he left his motorcycle in the garage and her sister encourage her to go and sell it today so that she can use the money to pay bills, but she would not do that to him. She won’t even take off her wedding ring. She is in denial that her marriage is over. Please pray for her. She did get a hold of her lawyer and she did tell her that he had no right to take the furniture for that is to be decided in court on how they will divide it. Her lawyer was glad that she changed the locks and said she should have done it when he moved out. Now we are encouraging her to open her own bank account and all that. She doesn’t want to hear of it yet.

Please pray for her. Her eyes this morning were so swollen from all the crying. She is also afraid of her husband now. She called him up and told him that she changed all the locks and he told her that she had no right for his name is on the house. The house he refuses to pay half the mortgage of. Anyway, he said he would be there in the morning. He threaten to break the door down if he had to. I told her that if she has to that she needs to call the police. It would be his own co-workers for that is his city and he is a cop. I hope he won’t do it, but she could also file a restraining order if he threatens her more. He did call her a “psycho woman” for changing the locks.

 

[joandarc2008]

I don’t know what the individual rules are in your state but if she gets no help from the police because of his status on the department she can always contact internal affairs as well.

God bless,

 

[maryjk]

I don’t know what the individual rules are in your state but if she gets no help from the police because of his status on the department she can always contact internal affairs as well.

God bless,

If he loses his job, she will get nothing. I don’t know that this is the way to go.

nana3,

Could she sell the house? I know housing prices are down, she might not get what she would like for it. But if she can sell the house, that might be the way to go. Get into something more in line with what she makes plus what he has to send her?

 

[joandarc2008]

QUOTE]Originally Posted by joandarc2008
I don’t know what the individual rules are in your state but if she gets no help from the police because of his status on the department she can always contact internal affairs as well.

God bless,

If he loses his job, she will get nothing. I don’t know that this is the way to go.

Thats all fine and good but if the situation turns abusive I think she has more to worry about than what she gets financially. He can always get another job and be taken for child support - her child cannot get another mother.

God bless,

 

[maryjk]

Thats all fine and good but if the situation turns abusive I think she has more to worry about than what she gets financially. He can always get another job and be taken for child support - her child cannot get another mother.

God bless,

Wow, I must have missed something, sorry. I didn’t read where he was abusive.

If he is abusive, you or someone needs to call the police. Don’t wait. Get an Order of Protection now. It won’t help if he really wants to hurt your MIL, but it will give her some leverage if he comes near her. She needs to protect herself and the child.

 

[nana3]

He is not abusive, but has threatened her on the phone to “break down the door” if he has too, to come into the house. That is what she is afraid of. I guess he did not show up this morning for she would have called us. But her sister is also looking out for her and is ready to call his Captain at his work if he continues to threaten her on the phone. We have told her that it is best that they don’t talk and only talk if they need to about he child and visitation and that is it. He is very angry right now because she changed all the locks in the house and he wanted to come and get the computer. That is what he is so angry about.

I am concerned too for I have to babysit on the 27th at my MIL’s house. My dh just told me this last night. He and his mother are going to a baseball game. I told him what if her husband shows up and wants to come in and demands to come in. I don’t want all that stress or to be caught in all that. He knows she needed someone for that day for he was going to watch his daughter that day. I told my husband that I would watch my niece, but here at my house. I would feel safer and if my MIL didn’t like it, she can stay home from the game. My dh just told me to call the cops, but I said what if he forces his way in before I can call the police. I don’t want that mess. He just wants to get in to get his computer and his motorcycle.

I have not seen him in so long that I don’t know if he can get as angry as my MIL has described him. All I do know is that while they were married, I thought he was verbally abusive to her, but she took it and didn’t say anything. So I guess he is capable of getting violent.

 

[nana3]

If he loses his job, she will get nothing. I don’t know that this is the way to go.

nana3,

Could she sell the house? I know housing prices are down, she might not get what she would like for it. But if she can sell the house, that might be the way to go. Get into something more in line with what she makes plus what he has to send her?

We have told her that this is what she will have to do and will end up doing anyway in the long run. She is a stubborn woman. She thinks that her lawyer will get all this money for her from her husband. She thinks that he will have to pay more in child support just for having a special needs child. She thinks that she will get more child support money because she is driving here and there to medical appointments and using so much gas. She thinks that he needs to pay for all that. She has no co-payment. She pays for no medications for the child has two insurances. She is not going to get any more money in that area. She is not going to get money for her time to go to and from appointments. She thinks that he needs to pay for babysitters, but that is what the child support money is for. She doesn’t seem to understand the scale and percentage that they use here in the state and that this is all she will get from him. She may get alimony and is is trying for that, but she may not too. If her child is ever taken off of medicaid and she has to pay a co-payment then he should pay for that too, but for now she has none. I asked her what does she use the child support money on and she admitted that she uses it to pay the mortgage.

She refuses to sell the house and move into something smaller. She is getting older and can’t do yard work and is now forced to do it for she can’t afford to hire anyone. She has a pool and now she has to clean it and do the upkeep on that too. I told her and my husband has told her that she is better off in a condo or an appartment, but she said she likes that house and will not move. When the divorce is final, she may have to sell the house. She also hates the woman next door, the woman he is having an affair with and she has already sold her house. So I mentioned to her that she can sell her house. If this other woman marries her husband once the divorce is final, she told me that she will not allow her daughter anywhere near that woman, but again that is not up to her and she can’t do anything about it. Like I said, stubborn, stubborn. We can only advise her, but I guess until a judge tells her to sell the house, she won’t.