Hello GMarie
I have several thoughts to share, actually
First of all, I think it’s important to look at the concept of awards, and what they signify. Awards and other forms of accolades are a species of recognition, and, more specifically, of affirmation, so let’s talk about that. Affirmation is an inherent need in human beings. We need to know that we are good and worthy of love. That we are both valuable and valued. It’s essential to our emotional development, and is a need that stays with us all our lives, although it changes as we go through life stages.
When we are very young, the primary means of affirmation comes from our parents. They (would ideally) affirm us in many ways: when they praise us, when they tell us we are good/smart/beautiful/athletic/brave, when they tell us we did an excellent job, or that they are proud of our effort, when they place our photograph on the wall, when they hang our artwork on the refrigerator, when they trust us enough to give us responsibility, when they audibly thank God for us, when they notice us doing something good, when they look on and smile approvingly at us, when they hug and kiss us, when they spend time with us, when they actively listen to us, and on and on and on. As we mature, the need for affirmation does not disappear, although it takes different forms. We still need recognition that what we do is good and valuable and worthwhile, and more importantly, that
we are good and valuable and worthwhile. So where does adult affirmation come from? Well, some of it can still come from our parents perhaps, but most of it branches out to the people whom we interact with daily. For those who are married, one’s spouse is often a good provider of affirmation. For those in the workforce, whether paid or volunteered, the admiration and reliance on one by one’s colleagues, or the recognition and gratitude from one’s clients can be a good source of affirmation. Close family members and friends also help with affirmation. (And, of course, it can also come from within us, and also from the knowledge of the God who knows us to the very fiber of our being and loved us into existence. I am not attempting to diminish the profound importance of these last two, but it does not negate the fact that we still have a very real need for affirmation from our fellow human beings.)
Home-schooling moms and stay-at-home moms are often excellent at affirming their own children, but as for themselves, well, often they receive little-to-no recognition, and their work is (at least ostensibly) undervalued. I think it is very important for you to remember that, if your children’s love cups are full, then societal awards are superfluous for them. Good things, yes, but not essential. The one who may need that extra boost of affirmation might just be you. Cultivate that, if that is the case. It’s one of the best things you can do for your children. We need to receive affirmation as well as give it. Cultivate friendships, and join a homeschooling group if you aren’t already active in one. Other home-schooling moms are your colleagues in a sense, and you can support each other like no one else can! Also, I have known home-schooling groups to offer their own academic awards with science fairs and real cap and gown graduations, which are just a lot of fun! Feel free to shoot me a pm if you’re ever bored
I’m always happy to exchange ideas with new friends.
Also, it may help to remember that academic prowess and IQ are not the sole determinants of life success and happiness. Indeed, one of the best things you can do for your children to help ensure their happiness and success is to prepare them emotionally for life, to give them the tools they need to succeed! I am speaking not only of the emotional intelligences (self-awareness, self-control or mood-management, self-motivation, empathy, and relationship skills), but also of the many emotional competencies which contribute to our success and sense of well-being (for example, developing traits such as optimism, confidence, and resiliency). Because you are a home-schooling mom, you are in a very unique position to cultivate these life skills in your children, so hold your head high
Regarding feelings of jealousy, (I’m not sure that you necessarily have it, but since you asked) this is how I handle it when it occasionally crops up. My spiritual director told me that if we struggle with a particular kind of sin, one of the best things we can do to is to cultivate the opposite virtue. For thoughts of jealousy, this means that I ask that God will bless that person much more than they have already been blessed. This practice opens the heart wide open and blows any feeling of jealousy right out of the water. (I’m not kidding–it knocks jealousy’s socks right off! If you can do this, you’ve won the battle, and that actually makes you feel good!)
Finally, if you think your children would really benefit from hearing their grandmother affirm them, and you have such a relationship with your mom where you can do so, you could potentially ask for her help in affirming your children. This would need to be done very sensitively and diplomatically, avoiding anything that might sound like criticism or blame. (For example, something like this might do the trick: “Mom, I think such and such child could use an extra boost for her self-esteem. I’m doing my best to affirm her, but I think some outside praise would really go a long way with her. Can you help me out?” Grandmothers can be great that way!
Good luck, and God bless you
