Question for those who practice NFP

[scree]

This is obviously a delicate question. For those who practice NFP, how often do you need to abstain when you are trying to avoid pregnancy? Prior to getting married, I was under the impression it was just a few days a month for most people. Now that we’re married, it’s closer to 75% of the time we need to abstain. We’ve talked to 3 different “coaches” who all confirm that our analysis based on the charting is correct. This obviously makes things much more difficult than expected. Is this normal? Does anybody know what the average is?

 

[Debora123]

When we did NFP it was about 12-14 days per month of abstinence. So a little less than half the time.

 

[AB_Juney]

It’s been about 10 to 12 days for us. We use Creighton, and the days lessened as we became more aware of what we were doing, and some of the rules were relaxed.

 

[jilly4ski]

It depends on how “conservatively” we are practicing the method, or how long my menses lasts. If forgo any relations during phase 1, then it is close to 20 days. Which is a large majority of the month. Or if my menses is long or heavy and we forgo relations because of that we often miss our window for phase 1, and then end up abstaining until phase 3.
Otherwise it is closer to 12-15 days.

Often we just decide that we really don’t have serious reasons and chose not to abstain, and usually end up get pregnant.

 

[Corki]

We had about 8-10 days of planned abstinence, including menses. But we did not have a VERY serious reason to avoid so we were not using the most conservative rules.

 

[Blenderx]

Conservatively (that is, avoiding any activity before ovulation), we have to avoid 3 out of 4 weeks a month. I ovulate around day 20 with an 11 day luteal phase. So peak + 4 leaves us very little time. We have multiple serious reasons that won’t change with time and so will be avoiding indefinitely once this baby is born. I hate NFP more and more, but I understand the reasons behind it and want to be faithful.

 

[cavaleriesoldaa]

If you do not include mensies, it’s closer to 5-8 days. We have found that it forces the man, myself, to be more involved and understanding of my wife’s cycles, and certainly has brought our love life to a new high. Another example of following God’s law only makes life better.

 

[twoangels]

This is obviously a delicate question. For those who practice NFP, how often do you need to abstain when you are trying to avoid pregnancy? Prior to getting married, I was under the impression it was just a few days a month for most people. Now that we’re married, it’s closer to 75% of the time we need to abstain. We’ve talked to 3 different “coaches” who all confirm that our analysis based on the charting is correct. This obviously makes things much more difficult than expected. Is this normal? Does anybody know what the average is?

The average is about a week of abstinence between your periods. It can involve more, especially after you’ve had a baby. Your cycle can also dramatically change once it returns. I used to have much shorter cycles and I had terrible cramping the first day (plus burning sensations the day before my period with premenstrual spotting). Since I’ve had my daughter, its all gone. It was like a system reboot.

Creighton is usually recommended to women with irregular cycles.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I use the Billings method and am currently avoiding pregnancy. To be on the safe side my husband and I abstain between days 10 and 20 of my cycle. If I am not sure about where I am in my cycle, then we abstain for longer, until I am certain that I am infertile. So it is about 10 days to 2 weeks of abstinence for us.

 

[PaulGH]

I think my wife and I typically have to abstain for about 12 to 14 days in the middle of my wife’s cycle, though it can occasionally be as long as 20 days or even a bit longer. But in those cycles when the abstinence time is longer, that is because that entire cycle is longer (e.g., 36 or 40 days total instead of about 29 days), so the number of non-abstinence days per cycle usually doesn’t change much at all. (For the record, we use the Billings Ovulation Method.)

You mentioned that you have talked to three different NFP coaches. Were these coaches all teaching/coaching the same method of NFP? If so, you might want to try a different method, to see if you get better results. There are several NFP methods, and some methods work better for some couples, while other methods work better for other couples. The major methods that I know of include the Sympto-Thermal Method (STM), Billings, Creighton, and Marquette. Here is a post where I elaborated a bit on the different methods.

It is possible that your fertility signs simply aren’t as easy to interpret as most people’s, and that therefore you simply will have to abstain much longer than most couples. But if I were you, I wouldn’t accept that answer until I had tried at least two or three different NFP methods (as taught by qualified instructors). You also could visit a doctor who uses NaPro Technology (a pro-life, morally sound method of treating fertility problems), to check if there is any medical problem which could be making your fertility signs difficult to interpret. (You can find a doctor at www.fertilitycare.org.)

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

I use the Billings method and am currently avoiding pregnancy. To be on the safe side my husband and I abstain between days 10 and 20 of my cycle. If I am not sure about where I am in my cycle, then we abstain for longer, until I am certain that I am infertile. So it is about 10 days to 2 weeks of abstinence for us.

I forgot to mention that my cycle lasts between 26 and 28 days. That means up to 50% of time we abstain.

 

[The_Bucket]

My wife’s cycles are very long and very uneven, so the abstinence also varies dramatically. By the 20/21 day rule we’re usually green-lighted from near the end of menses through Day 13-14. Then it gets very different.

Sometimes the cycles are 35 days. Sometimes they are as long as 45+ days. Obviously I’m a much bigger fan of the 35-38 day cycles. Otherwise we’re looking at nearly three weeks before Phase III.

But everyone’s mileage varies. Some women are extremely regular and for them it’s closer to 8 or 9 days. For others, it’s tough to even determine times of fertility. In our case it’s become fairly easy to know when she’s nearing and at peak fertility, but the gray area is from Day 14 until when that peak time hits.

 

[helplesspilgrim]

100%. Have tried multiple things and tried doctors. No luck.

 

[Allegra]

We abstain usually 14 days per cycle and that includes menses. We have only been using Creighton for three months and we are told that we will probably get a few more usable days once we are more comfortable with the system.

 

[scree]

Thanks for everybody’s (name removed by moderator)ut. I guess we still have to abstain more than the average person, but it sounds like the average is a lot higher than I expected (and higher than what was advertised to me).

 

[teresadeavila]

Marquette is very effective for us; we only need to abstain less than 7 days since I know almost precisely when I’m fertile. Fertility monitors can be pricey but online buying makes it a little less costly - esp for the sticks. But then having kids and a crazy work schedule is our NFP - an issue we’re working on, that is, finding time for intimacy.

 

[Em_in_FL]

This is obviously a delicate question. For those who practice NFP, how often do you need to abstain when you are trying to avoid pregnancy? Prior to getting married, I was under the impression it was just a few days a month for most people. Now that we’re married, it’s closer to 75% of the time we need to abstain. We’ve talked to 3 different “coaches” who all confirm that our analysis based on the charting is correct. This obviously makes things much more difficult than expected. Is this normal? Does anybody know what the average is?

Thanks for everybody’s (name removed by moderator)ut. I guess we still have to abstain more than the average person, but it sounds like the average is a lot higher than I expected (and higher than what was advertised to me).

What method are you using? 75% of the time does seem extremely high.
Do you have health issues that cause your cycle to be abnormal (and by abnormal, I don’t mean irregular… it’s *normal *to have irregular cycles and still not have to abstain THAT much).
If you do have health issues, are there ways you can address those underlying issues that could result in having a more normal fertility cycle?

For someone with healthy cycles (which is a caveat, I’m aware), even the most conservative use of the sympto-thermal method would allow you to have the luteal phase available. A normal/healthy luteal phase is 9-17 days long. A normal/healthy cycle length is, on average, around 28 days long… so *statistically *speaking that’s AT MOST 68%…
I know I’m talking all statistically here… but those are the real numbers based on healthy/normal cycles (allowing for healthy/normal variations).

If you DO have underlying health issues… do whatever you can to get the right medical treatment… for overall health - including healthy marital relations!

 

[Blenderx]

What method are you using? 75% of the time does seem extremely high.
Do you have health issues that cause your cycle to be abnormal (and by abnormal, I don’t mean irregular… it’s *normal *to have irregular cycles and still not have to abstain THAT much).

If you go back and look at my post, you can see how its entirely possible to have to avoid that long in a normal, healthy cycle.

 

[scree]

What method are you using? 75% of the time does seem extremely high.

Have tried both Creighton and Couple-to-Couple.

Do you have health issues that cause your cycle to be abnormal (and by abnormal, I don’t mean irregular… it’s *normal *to have irregular cycles and still not have to abstain THAT much).
If you do have health issues, are there ways you can address those underlying issues that could result in having a more normal fertility cycle?

Yes, there are some life-long health issues. I would be surprised if it would impact cycles, but it may be the cause. Unfortunately nothing can be done at this point. Talked to many doctors.

For someone with healthy cycles (which is a caveat, I’m aware), even the most conservative use of the sympto-thermal method would allow you to have the luteal phase available. A normal/healthy luteal phase is 9-17 days long. A normal/healthy cycle length is, on average, around 28 days long… so *statistically *speaking that’s AT MOST 68%…
I know I’m talking all statistically here… but those are the real numbers based on healthy/normal cycles (allowing for healthy/normal variations).

Thanks, that’s the information that I was looking for. I am still surprised, because NFP was advertised to me as just a few days a month when you need to abstain. Still definitely sounds like we have to abstain more than average, but the average is a lot higher than I thought it would be.

 

[Kelfa28]

I use STM with couple to couple.

I have fairly regular cycles but my luteal phases are almost always on the short side.
It’s usually around 10 days or so.

I try very hard to take advantage of as many phase 1 days as I possible can. I know I’m playing with fire a little bit since my husband and I have serious reason to space pregnancies…I’m only 5 month PP so I’m sure my cycles aren’t totally back to normal.

I’d say we’d have to abstain about 50% of the time…worst case scenario…

usually we only abstain about 30-40% of the time though.

We’ll see how effective it is…though I’m sure a pregnancy announcement may be announced at some point in the not so distant future.