Question for you catholic women: Have you ever experience postpartum depression?

[Cyril_Of_Canada]

Hi. I’m looking into the possibility that my wife has post-partum depression. I’m hoping to hear from experiences of women on this forum that went through it and if it caused them to lose respect for their husbands. My question is for those women who went through post-partum depression, did you lose respect for your husband? And if you did, did you think it was because of something else unrelated to your depression?

 

[Tantum_ergo]

Hi. I’m looking into the possibility that my wife has post-partum depression. I’m hoping to hear from experiences of women on this forum that went through it and if it caused them to lose respect for their husbands. My question is for those women who went through post-partum depression, did you lose respect for your husband? And if you did, did you think it was because of something else unrelated to your depression?

Cyril, have your wife go to her doctor. Do not, repeat not, attempt to diagnose and/or treat your wife through looking through posts from 'other women who went through this."

 

[Cyril_Of_Canada]

Cyril, have your wife go to her doctor. Do not, repeat not, attempt to diagnose and/or treat your wife through looking through posts from 'other women who went through this."

Yes! She is still away in her native country of Japan with my son. That is my plan once they return. I was looking at a website that handles that and provides professional help and advice and I thought it would be helpful to help comfort me to hear from other people’s experiences while I’m in limbo.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I am terribly sorry that you are separated from your son and it sounds like life is not easy for you at the moment. Also, I never had kids so I don’t know what post-partum depression is about however…to answer your question about ‘is it something else unrelated’. One thing you can be sure, if all women were like me and my husband was looking into post-partum treatment for me…to say I would loose respect for him is only half of it. I would also be furious with him. I think you need another approach

 

[pensmama87]

I’ve had it twice. The first time it went undiagnosed for a year, the second I began treatment before diagnosis.

It’s had major impacts on our marriage, but some of that was also due to the very real adjustments we had to make having a baby. That shift exposed some major weaknesses both of us had.

One thing women sometimes say to each other is that hormonal changes just amplify everyday irritations. I know it can drive me crazy when my husband is dismissive of things that bother me because “it’s just hormones.” Well, no, actually, the things he’s doing (or not doing) always bug me, but I can cope better/set it aside when I’m not in hormone crazyland. That’s not to blame him for my issues, but it goes a long way when instead he’s sensitive to those things, and maybe moreso when he knows it’s harder for me to deal.

ETA: Sounds like your situation is very unusual too, which just adds stressors all around. I think it can be wise to do research (but real research, don’t rely only on anecdotes like here) but the basic advice is always the same in marriage - love your wife.

Men sometimes experience depression after birth, too, because the adjustment is really severe. Being apart is probably very hard on you, even if you’re not dealing with sleeplessness and other factors.

Counseling could be very beneficial in this situation.

 

[Cyril_Of_Canada]

I am terribly sorry that you are separated from your son and it sounds like life is not easy for you at the moment. Also, I never had kids so I don’t know what post-partum depression is about however…to answer your question about ‘is it something else unrelated’. One thing you can be sure, if all women were like me and my husband was looking into post-partum treatment for me…to say I would loose respect for him is only half of it. I would also be furious with him. I think you need another approach

She began looking into it before I did and has plainly told me she suffers from depression and even recommended a book to me about women experiencing depression called “What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew” and has told me she feels she has it due to a number of factors, such as moving away from her church and place of residence at the time to a new location two months after she gave birth to our son.

 

[Xantippe]

Hi. I’m looking into the possibility that my wife has post-partum depression. I’m hoping to hear from experiences of women on this forum that went through it and if it caused them to lose respect for their husbands. My question is for those women who went through post-partum depression, did you lose respect for your husband? And if you did, did you think it was because of something else unrelated to your depression?

I never had a diagnosis of postpartum depression, but looking back, there was something going on after my middle child was born.

I felt really indifferent to/irritable with my husband and older child, and wished they’d just go away and leave me with the baby. Of course, the baby eventually got big-time colic, and then I wished he would go away, too.

That all lifted eventually (and I did have more sitter help than the average mom), but it was not a great time.

 

[psalm90]

On this website, in the encyclopedia, in the entry for St. Elizabeth of Hungary, there is an alleged quotation from her. The circumstances were she just had her third child (she was at the age of 20) and she was told that her husband had died in the crusades. This encyclopedia atttributes to her the statement that “all the joy had gone out of her life.”

Now, she died at age 24, but amidst all the saintly things she did, she turned her children away to be raised by someone else.

the last part of her life was characterized by her giving away what I would call ridiculous amounts of wealth to the sick and poor. Giving things away is sometimes an action that people contemplating suicide or death would do – giving things away that they don’t need any more. Now, that started before her husband died, and he was amused by what she was doing.

I think it’s not a stretch to say that she was suffering from depression, post-partum or otherwise. She was married in an arranged marriage at age 14 ! Between age 20 and age 24 a bishop was trying to arrange another marriage for her and she declined. I think the encyclopedia makes a case that she was suffering from depression.

The encyclopedia entry ends by stating that she died at an age when others were just beginning to live their lives in full. The article says nothing about depression itself nor does it contain any speculation about her extravagant generosity, except to attribute it to someone with overbearing religious influence on her. I consider that suspicious too.

Everything stated here is purely my opinion

 

[nodito]

I never had a diagnosis of postpartum depression, but looking back, there was something going on after my middle child was born.

This is how I describe my experience with my first born. I didn’t think I had depression at the time, but looking bad, life seemed too sad and hopeless, especially by comparison with my life later. I remember sitting in the rocking chair, holding my baby, and just crying. I can remember very clearly the morning around 3 or 4 months postpartum when I looked at the sun coming in the window and it occurred to me that maybe life would get better.

But I don’t remember ever losing respect for my husband. There were times when I felt angry or disappointed with him while I was pregnant (and realized even at the time that I was being more sensitive than normal), but after the babies arrive, I was just grateful for his love and help.

 

[AClaire11]

Everyone experiences depression differently. For example, I feel very low and hopeless, and get angry and irritated very easily. Some people eat more, others barely remember to feed themselves. I didn’t lose respect for my husband during my period of depression, but other people might. This was when we were dealing with infertility… I didn’t have ppd but might have had mild ppocd.