Question (not challenge) from an atheist

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hopefully_wild

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Hello.
I myself am an atheist however my mother was raised Catholic. I was thinking of ways to try and better our relationship and I realized I didn’t really know much about her religion or what her beliefs are. I was hoping I could get some help learning about it and asking some questions.
My first question is specifically, is there a chance my mother believes that I am damned to hell? I can’t imagine how terrible that would feel. I don’t know how to ask her and how to talk about it with her. Does anyone have some ideas?
And I wouldn’t mind answering any questions of me in return.
Thanks
 
hopefully_wild said:
Hello.
I myself am an atheist however my mother was raised Catholic. I was thinking of ways to try and better our relationship and I realized I didn’t really know much about her religion or what her beliefs are. I was hoping I could get some help learning about it and asking some questions.
My first question is specifically, is there a chance my mother believes that I am damned to hell? I can’t imagine how terrible that would feel. I don’t know how to ask her and how to talk about it with her. Does anyone have some ideas?
Thanks
Click to expand...
Firstly…welcome to the Catholic Answers Forum!!!

I have to go to bed, but your thread caught my eye so I wanted to post real quickly. Besides, I am sure you will get plenty of posts once there are more people logged on.

Sadly…there is always a chance your mother thinks you are “damned to hell”. This does not mean that this is what is taught by the Catholic Church. I know I will get some rebukes for this comment.

God’s mercy and forgiveness lies beyond our scope of reasoning. And no Christian, living the Christian life, should put that judgment on anyone…no matter “how sure” they are. A Christian at the time of Hitler would have been wrong to say “Hitler is damned to hell”. That is not our judgment to make…period! (Even though I ended the sentence with an exclamation point…lol!)

My best advice to you is to dialogue with her. And learn about the faith, from a Catholic perspective. Talk to her priest, read the Catechism of the Catholic Church (actually…it is best as a reference guide…it is a lot to digest as an actually book from cover to cover.) Learn about it in some way…but FROM a Catholic perspective!

Ask your mom about her prayer life and why she believes/what makes her believe. Maybe something has happened in her life that she has felt the presence of God pull her close to Him.

I hope your mom is understanding of your current beliefs. It is only understandable to have our doubts about the world. There is a lot of people teaching “truth” and it is only human to have questions and not be able to know all the answers. And I promise…God knows this as well!

I pray the best for you and your mom! (that’s a trite thing to say I know…but I mean it!)
 
tGette is actually correct. Your mom may be concerned for your soul, (as are we. 🙂 ) but no one but God can know for sure of another person’s final end.

However, that said…Why would you assume that she thinks that if she hasn’t verbalized it to you?

One thing that I would ask, is what are your reasons for rejecting belief in God?

Atheism, as such doesn’t really have set dogmas, and I have found that most have their own reasons for their position.

Sometimes there is even a confusion in that some folks don’t actually deny the existence of God, but simply question it, which is actually better known as agnosticism, which here again, isn’t exactly a dogmatically defined belief system either.

It just helps to have some idea of where you’re comin’ from.🙂
 
Maybe you’re a bit of a St Augustine. 🙂

I doubt that your mother seriously thinks you’re going to Hell.
Mother’s tend to give their kids the benefit of the doubt. If anything, she likely believes that you’re young (to her you’re still a kid–at any age) and don’t know what you’re doing, because if you did, you would be Catholic.

IMO, which may be true or not, your mother doesn’t worry about your eternal life, but worries about how your atheistic pov might be harming your earthly life. She probably believes that you would be a happier, more complete person if you knew that Jesus does exist and that the Catholic Church is His church.

You’ll never know what she thinks, though, until you ask her.

“Hey, Mom, do you believe that atheists go to Hell when they die?”

Be prepared for the answer. You might feel unsulted if she answers, Yes.

Emotions are funny things. No one wants his mother to think he’s not worthy, even of something he thinks doesn’t exist.
hopefully_wild said:
Hello.
I myself am an atheist however my mother was raised Catholic. I was thinking of ways to try and better our relationship and I realized I didn’t really know much about her religion or what her beliefs are. I was hoping I could get some help learning about it and asking some questions.
My first question is specifically, is there a chance my mother believes that I am damned to hell? I can’t imagine how terrible that would feel. I don’t know how to ask her and how to talk about it with her. Does anyone have some ideas?
And I wouldn’t mind answering any questions of me in return.
Thanks
Click to expand...
 
Don’t forget that you are not damned until you die. Up until that point, there is hope, although you may be farther and not nearer to God.

Your question is a very insightful and sensative one. I commend you for thinking about her feelings.
 
kalt said:
IMO, which may be true or not, your mother doesn’t worry about your eternal life, but worries about how your atheistic pov might be harming your earthly life. She probably believes that you would be a happier, more complete person if you knew that Jesus does exist and that the Catholic Church is His church.
Click to expand...
There may be some truth to this. I have struggled with depression since grade school. I recently had a lapse and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I worry that my mother may think that I won’t ever be happy until my beliefs change because I have no control over what I do or do not believe.
 
hopefully_wild said:
There may be some truth to this. I have struggled with depression since grade school. I recently had a lapse and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I worry that my mother may think that I won’t ever be happy until my beliefs change because I have no control over what I do or do not believe.
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Please tell me that you are in treatment for this. I would hope that you are getting both councilling and medication, but anything would help, other than self medicating.
 
hopefully_wild said:
There may be some truth to this. I have struggled with depression since grade school. I recently had a lapse and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I worry that my mother may think that I won’t ever be happy until my beliefs change because I have no control over what I do or do not believe.
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Hey there,
And welcome to the forums.
I also suffered from these disorders. To ‘attempt’ to control it, i turned to alcohol. That obviously didnt work and i became an alcoholic. I then kicked that and finally got some help, i always thought i could ‘handle’ it, but i was kidding myself.
I then got the help i needed, i was also a lapsed Catholic. As i was getting better, i started going back to church. I felt so much love going there, it really changed my life.
I found so much comfort in believing in Jesus, and now, i dont have hardly any of these symptoms and i feel ‘almost’ complete in my life.
I pray that whatever road you choose to take, your condition will improve.
 
dolphinlove said:
Hey there,
And welcome to the forums.
I also suffered from these disorders. To ‘attempt’ to control it, i turned to alcohol. That obviously didnt work and i became an alcoholic. I then kicked that and finally got some help, i always thought i could ‘handle’ it, but i was kidding myself.
I then got the help i needed, i was also a lapsed Catholic. As i was getting better, i started going back to church. I felt so much love going there, it really changed my life.
I found so much comfort in believing in Jesus, and now, i dont have hardly any of these symptoms and i feel ‘almost’ complete in my life.
I pray that whatever road you choose to take, your condition will improve.
Click to expand...
Rather than “pray for my condition”, do you perhaps have any advice to offer?
 
hopefully_wild said:
Rather than “pray for my condition”, do you perhaps have any advice to offer?
Click to expand...
Well, ill still pray for you.
But the best advice i can give is avoid foods that contain stimulants, which means caffine, sugar, alcohol, pretty much artificial things.
Also, do as much exercise as you can, it really does help a lot.
Also, keep a journal of your thoughts. Writing is a great way to let off steam and it helps get your thoughts into perspective.
These are the things that helped me most… and praying… but i take the praying part is not your ‘thing’. But taking that leap of faith also helps. 👍
Hope this helps.
 
hopefully_wild said:
There may be some truth to this. I have struggled with depression since grade school. I recently had a lapse and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I worry that my mother may think that I won’t ever be happy until my beliefs change because I have no control over what I do or do not believe.
Click to expand...
I wish you all the best. Stick with your meds and therapy. I’ve never been depressed, so I don’t have any advice for you. I know people who’ve had depression, though, and they do very well when they stick with their meds and therapy.

Is belief in God something that you’re considering?
 
Dear Wild,
I had a catastrophic nervous breakdown (PTSD with reactive pdychosis) about 4 years ago. Along with this, of course, came major depression. I am glad you are getting help for your depression. I am still in therapy and still taking my meds, which helps immensely.
I am interested in what kind of questions you may have for Catholics…can we help here on the forum?
As far as your original question, I doubt that your own mother thinks you are going to hell. And the rest of us would hardly dare to presume such a thing. Only God knows our hearts.
Tell me, are you a serious atheist or are you an agnostic? I used to be an atheist, myself.
 
hopefully_wild said:
Hello.
I myself am an atheist however my mother was raised Catholic. I was thinking of ways to try and better our relationship and I realized I didn’t really know much about her religion or what her beliefs are. I was hoping I could get some help learning about it and asking some questions.
My first question is specifically, is there a chance my mother believes that I am damned to hell? I can’t imagine how terrible that would feel. I don’t know how to ask her and how to talk about it with her. Does anyone have some ideas?
And I wouldn’t mind answering any questions of me in return.
Thanks
Click to expand...
Hi Wild,
I left the faith when I was 18 and returned 40 years later. I did not return through my efforts, rather, it was only through the influence of God’s Grace and then there was really no decision to make. You can read my posts for the story.
One of the influences which helped me understand why I left was the study of psychology and working as a therapist for 30 years. I learned how fragile our attachments are to our parents and how an insecure attachment to one or both of them begins the process of developing an identity built on a foundation that feels and then is believed to be permanently wrong.
I could go on and on. However, I would suggest to be open and honest about your worry that your mother may be worried about your salvation. This beginning dialogue can begin to build more security in your communication with her. We learn our communication patterns from observation and internalization of our parents patterns. Take a risk and tell her you are asking because of her importance to you. You grew in her and consequently the two of you are closer than anyone can be.
Good luck.
 
kalt said:
Is belief in God something that you’re considering?
Click to expand...
I don’t think it’s as easy as that. I don’t think people can choose what they want to believe, I think it’s one of those things where you either do or you don’t.
 
hopefully_wild said:
I don’t think it’s as easy as that. I don’t think people can choose what they want to believe, I think it’s one of those things where you either do or you don’t.
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hopefully,
I agree with the first sentence!

On the second, I would suggest that you follow tgette’s advice in post #2.
My best advice to you is to dialogue with her. And learn about the faith, from a Catholic perspective. Talk to her priest, read the Catechism of the Catholic Church (actually…it is best as a reference guide…it is a lot to digest as an actually book from cover to cover.) Learn about it in some way…but FROM a Catholic perspective!
Click to expand...
Ask your mom about her prayer life and why she believes/what makes her believe. Maybe something has happened in her life that she has felt the presence of God pull her close to Him.
Click to expand...
Just be open-minded and see what happens. In the meantime, there are already a number of people here who are praying for you.

Jon
 
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