Question on Dating

[Jcnava15]

I would like to know your opinion on how a young catholic man should be handling his dating life.

In the past, before I reverted to Catholicism, I was very outgoing, and tried to date as many girls as I could. However now that I have found my faith again, and feel that I am ready to start dating again, I am in need of some good advice.

I am someone that loves meeting new people. My favorite way is to go up to random girls I see throughout my day, and initiate a conversation that will possibly lead to a date. I enjoy the confidence it gives me, plus the fun of making new friends, and possibly finding a good girl.

However, knowing how I have used this in the past, I feel guilty even thinking about it. I feel as if no matter what I tell myself, I just want to use it to sleep with as many girls as I can (not that I have slept around alot, only that my sole goal was to sleep with as many as I could). This feeling of guilt has made me a little shy, and unconfident, and making me feel like I have to choose between faithfulness to God, or dating a good girl.

So what should I do?

 

[Khalid]

Dating is a process of discernment to the vocation of marriage, much as the novitiate is a process of discernment to the vocation of the religious life. Don’t date if you’re not in a position to marry, or a girl that you wouldn’t consider marrying.

I’m sure others have more to add.

 

[Shannon9791]

Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dating as many girls as you possibly can. As long as you’re ONLY DATING THEM and not trying to get in their pants. The more you date, the more you find out about what you like and don’t like. It’s kind of like putting together a puzzle. You like one girl because she’s really intelligent, but she’s not very funny. So you meet the funny girl who’s smart but she’s not Catholic. Then you meet the Catholic girl who’s just dumb, and more fun to laugh at than laugh with. You realize all the piece parts together make up what you’re looking for in a wife, then you start looking for that girl. Just know, no one is going to fulfill every quality on you list. You will not meet an astro-physicist who looks like Emma Stone, cooks like Paula Deen, and is as funny as Ellen Degeneres.

And that’s not to say you have to settle, just realize that girls don’t come like that in the real world, and neither do guys, as I’m sure the ladies on this board will attest, unless one of them is married to a guy who is a doctor who looks like Ryan Gosseling and he can fix a car like Jesse James and cook like Emeril LeGasse and is as funny as Steve Carrell. And that’s impossible, because I’m the only guy like that, and my wife isn’t on this forum

 

[Bookcat]

One suggestion would be to seek out faithful Catholic girls …limit your “randomness”…to those who will be good companions and helpmates in following Christ…and with whom to raise a Christian family…

Marriage can be a difficult vocation (just see all the ones with problems) --it is better to be married to one who has the right way of looking at life…who lives from faith!

If one is fishing for some deep-sea-fish --running around from pond to pond is not going to help much. (I am not a fisherman…but I imagine such is the case).

(my wife is taken…but I am sure there are many others out there…via associations…Church groups…etc …one could even try a good site like avemariasingles.)

(also this will be helpful in terms of the moral aspects of dating: ewtn.com/expert/answers/dating.htm from a writer at EWTN …

(One note though on this reading…I would note that when they say “as soon as he begins to enjoy…” under “pure intent”… it would mean before knowing consent…))

 

[Khalid]

I don’t have a car, can’t cook anything that’s not simple and ethnic, lack humor, am an idiot (who believes in God and his Church, synonymous to many Americans), and look like Vico Mortensen (or Jesus/Homer/Plato depending on who you ask).

The last one is enough to get unwanted attention, sadly, in a commentary on the poor state of morality and culture in more than one way.