Question on Detraction

[Mr.Blank1.5]

Hi,
There are instances when friends and associates of mine gossip or talk badly about others. When I’m with a group I usually keep silent. However, when I’m having a conversation with one friend and they start talking badly about other persons, it’s hard for me to say “you probably shouldn’t say things like that” because I think it would just come out awkward. Unfortunately I often respond with “hmm” or “I see” and feel uncomfortable.

Now I never repeat the negative things they say to anyone else, but am I still guilty of committing detraction by not actively telling others to “stop it”?

 

[baltobetsy]

Just change the subject as quickly as you can.

Or try, “Didn’t your mother teach you if you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all?” With a smile, of course.

Betsy

 

[cradlecatholic5]

It’s very hard not to get “sucked in” … I try very hard NOT to chime in, walk away. Sometimes if I’m not able to get away, I’ll say “thank goodness we’re all different. It’d be a boring world if we were all the same.”

 

[roveau]

I think you’ve been doing the right thing. Comments such as ‘hmm’ and ‘I see’ are neutral comments. Just the other day in a similar situation I said, ‘Oh I thought that person was good at what he did’. Just saying something like, ‘well, there you go’ and then changing the subject may work should work.

You can’t tell adults to ‘stop it’ or lecture them. But staying silent or using neutral phrases will send the message that you are not interested in such gossip. When it’s group gossip at work I sometimes find it easier to make an excuse and walk away and do something constructive.

 

[Bookcat]

Just change the subject as quickly as you can.

Or try, “Didn’t your mother teach you if you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all?” With a smile, of course.

Betsy

also…facial expressions can help…