Question on marriage.

[eva77]

Does the church accept that a woman is married once her dowry is paid?

A little more on this…In my country, as in most African Countries, dowry is paid by the man to the intended wife’s family, it’s sometimes referred to as ‘traditional marriage rites’, and once this is done, the man and woman are considered a couple. Infact, after the traditional marriage ceremony the new bride goes to the husband’s home, and some couples don’t even do ‘church wedding’ until after a long period. Our Country’s law recognises the payment of dowry as legitimate, actually you can’t simply return a dowry, there are court proceedings to follow before you can get a ‘divorce’ from the ‘marriage’.
I read an article on a catholic site that listed dowry a sin, because it*** ‘‘gets in the way of the bride’s voluntary commitment to give herself to the groom without outside interference.’’*** I wouldn’t argue with this point, in the ancient days maybe, but now, it isn’t so, even before your dowry is paid, the groom has to make like 3 trips to your hometown, and those 3 times the bride is asked if she accepts him as her husband, and he doesn’t make the trips alone, he comes with kinsmen, who act as witnesses. Oh…and the real dowry is 60 naira(Nigerian money) maximum, which is about 0.300075 US dollars.

So…What is the church’s teaching on dowry, and is such marriage accepted by the church???

 

[pensmama87]

To my knowledge, dowry has nothing to do with the Church’s understanding of marriage. If you are Catholic, you are not married until you and your spouse have a Church wedding.

What you are describing sounds like a civil matter (since dowry is regulated by the government), and a cultural matter. It would be wrong for a Catholic couple to begin living together after a dowry has been paid but before the Church wedding.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Does the church accept that a woman is married once her dowry is paid?

A little more on this…In my country, as in most African Countries, dowry is paid by the man to the intended wife’s family, it’s sometimes referred to as ‘traditional marriage rites’, and once this is done, the man and woman are considered a couple. In fact, after the traditional marriage ceremony the new bride goes to the husband’s home, and some couples don’t even do ‘church wedding’ until after a long period.

The Catholic Church would not accept such “traditional marriage rites” as valid for a Catholic. Catholics need to be married according to the laws of the Church.

 

[Vico]

Does the church accept that a woman is married once her dowry is paid?

A little more on this…In my country, as in most African Countries, dowry is paid by the man to the intended wife’s family, it’s sometimes referred to as ‘traditional marriage rites’, and once this is done, the man and woman are considered a couple. Infact, after the traditional marriage ceremony the new bride goes to the husband’s home, and some couples don’t even do ‘church wedding’ until after a long period. Our Country’s law recognises the payment of dowry as legitimate, actually you can’t simply return a dowry, there are court proceedings to follow before you can get a ‘divorce’ from the ‘marriage’.
I read an article on a catholic site that listed dowry a sin, because it*** ‘‘gets in the way of the bride’s voluntary commitment to give herself to the groom without outside interference.’’*** I wouldn’t argue with this point, in the ancient days maybe, but now, it isn’t so, even before your dowry is paid, the groom has to make like 3 trips to your hometown, and those 3 times the bride is asked if she accepts him as her husband, and he doesn’t make the trips alone, he comes with kinsmen, who act as witnesses. Oh…and the real dowry is 60 naira(Nigerian money) maximum, which is about 0.300075 US dollars.

So…What is the church’s teaching on dowry, and is such marriage accepted by the church???

That seems to be the equivalent of a civil marriage in other places in the world. A civil marriage is not the same as Catholic Matrimony. Matrimony must be entered into with the approval of the Catholic Church when either person is Catholic.

 

[MamaJewel]

The Catholic Church would not accept such “traditional marriage rites” as valid for a Catholic. Catholics need to be married according to the laws of the Church.

I’m almost certain that this is not the case.
I’ve met priests who have ministered to African cultures where this is common practice and the viewpoint of the Church is different for baptized Christians in those circumstances than here in the US. Speaking to priests who have performed marriages in African cultures, the approach to those marriages was different than the “convalidation” approach that we see here. We can’t mistakenly assume that the Church doesn’t take into account cultural and societal norms. I would imagine that the African tribunals don’t hand out annulments like we do here in the states either.

 

[MamaJewel]

Eva,

The priests that I’ve met who ministered to African Catholics had no issues with the cultural norms that you describe. I remember one missionary priest who visited my parish stating that often the couple will already have a small child or young children when they have their church ceremony. He didn’t seem to think the couples were “living in sin” or anything like that. Rather, their lifestyle choices were presented as part of the sacramental process, similar to the process of St Joseph and Mother Mary’s marriage.

As far as the article you mention, it’s written for a different culture where dowries might be considered a sin. Unfortunately, sometimes people filter their cultural truths to be the only truth.

If you have any concerns or questions, you could probably email or call the archdiocese or local diocese of the area where you are from to have your concerns answered. There might be a special dispensation in your native region for the marital process that you describe. Or there could be a set of norms specific to African culture.

 

[Rau]

I’m almost certain that this is not the case.
I’ve met priests who have ministered to African cultures where this is common practice and the viewpoint of the Church is different for baptized Christians in those circumstances than here in the US. Speaking to priests who have performed marriages in African cultures, the approach to those marriages was different than the “convalidation” approach that we see here. We can’t mistakenly assume that the Church doesn’t take into account cultural and societal norms. I would imagine that the African tribunals don’t hand out annulments like we do here in the states either.

The a Church is universal. To my knowledge, a Catholic is obligated to be married before a Catholic priest. I’m not aware of the specific restrictions, if any, that apply to the venue, or the form of ceremony. But mutual promises made before a Priest is necessary, as far as I am aware.

 

[eva77]

Eva,

The priests that I’ve met who ministered to African Catholics had no issues with the cultural norms that you describe. I remember one missionary priest who visited my parish stating that often the couple will already have a small child or young children when they have their church ceremony. He didn’t seem to think the couples were “living in sin” or anything like that. Rather, their lifestyle choices were presented as part of the sacramental process, similar to the process of St Joseph and Mother Mary’s marriage.

As far as the article you mention, it’s written for a different culture where dowries might be considered a sin. Unfortunately, sometimes people filter their cultural truths to be the only truth.

If you have any concerns or questions, you could probably email or call the archdiocese or local diocese of the area where you are from to have your concerns answered. There might be a special dispensation in your native region for the marital process that you describe. Or there could be a set of norms specific to African culture.

Thanks.
I was particularly concerned with the article saying payment of dowry was considered a sin in the catholic church, so i needed some clarifications on that. Also, to correct the veiw that dowry meant forced marriage,(if that’s why its considered a sin) because it doesn’t. Also I had Catholic Priests including a Monsignor at my traditional marriage ceremony.

Yes, I agree that I have to be married by a Catholic Priest, to fulfil the sacrament of holy matrimony, am just saying that here, well, it is accepted that you are married once dowry is paid, its been practised before we had any form of organised religion. My grandparents didn’t have any church wedding, so would We say their marriage wasn’t holy???

Basically, all I need is to know the Church’s veiw on dowry, I’m trying to be a good catholic. However, if there’s no doctrine on the issue, guess i’ll work with my conscience.