Question re: emailing illicit photos

[bmaj]

Unfortunately I think that this type of emailing and the disgusting conversations about sex and women happen at a lot of jobs and among male friends. More so than most women know about it seems.

At least from what my fiance has told me. He currently works in an office dominated by men and he’s been truthful with me telling me that many of the men will actually talk about their sex life and joke about women, even if they are married. I’ve been around the men at various work gatherings like parties and things and I can tell he is telling the truth. It seems that among some men, it’s okay to joke about things like sex and nudity even if it’s about your wife or other women.

He told me it was also very common place amongst his hockey teammates.

Thankfully, I do truly believe him when he says that he does not participate in these things and the guys know not to try and get him to partake in these discussions of sex life (which we as a non-married couple have none of anyways).

I know there are plenty of good Christian and Catholic men, like my fiance, who don’t partake in this type of disgusting talk and things, but it is out there, despite how wrong it is.

Thank you for that info, BF. I’m very glad that you don’t have this difficulty with your fiance. If I had known years ago that things would be like this with my husband, I never would have married him. The fight against satan in this life can be awfully difficult, but a marriage vow is sacred, so I keep praying and doing all I can to try to help my husband steer clear of this parasite.

 

[SeekingWisdom]

I think your husband needs a new set of friends and to stop using his current friends as an excuse for doing an activity that is objectively evil and subjectively causing you pain and inflicting severe damage on your marriage. No normal man who has left young adolescence is fixated on this type of thing.

Yes, this. I am speechless. I don’t know anyone like that and no one I know has a husband who has friends like this.

 

[a_priori]

…men in their 50s…

:banghead:

 

[whatevergirl]

*Hi bmaj;

This might sound harsh, but I think your husband needs some new ‘‘friends.’’ Sounds like he has been making FABULOUS progress from other threads where you updated us, but with friends like this, who keep tempting him to take steps backwards, he really should turn his back on those friendships. Seems like for every step he makes in progress, his friends are tempting him to go one step back. When we make changes in our lives, those around us might not like the changes, and try to keep us footed in sin. His ‘‘friends’’ don’t see porn as sin, it seems like. But, sometimes changing behaviors, means having to change the old social circles you once hung out in, because those social circles can serve as temptations. They just don’t sound like people who are healthy for him to have in his life, right now, until he is strong enough not to be tempted.

Just my thoughts. Blessings to you for a merry Christmas! :hug1:*

 

[kage_ar]

It is not common among practicing Christian men (or women). It is common with the secular world.

It will get you fired at work.

 

[whatevergirl]

*bmaj–my husband is 50, I’m 40…and not all men do this. To those here who think this is a middle aged man issue, WRONG. I work with middle aged and men in their late 20’s and early 30’s…very conservative environment (or maybe it’s pretend conservatism), and I have heard derogatory comments, and so forth about women…so, age has nothing to do with it, really. Or geography, etc…

This is something your husband has either convinced himself of or he wants to convince you of. You can’t do this alone…he should be more concerned with what YOU think, than his ‘‘friends.’’ I sense that he is making progress, but he needs to want to do this for God, for himself…not solely for you. I am concerned that if that is his sole motivation, he isn’t going to stick with it, especially if he still doesn’t see anything inherently wrong with getting pics from friends, like this. He has to really really want to change this because deep down HE knows it’s wrong, not just because he is worried about what you think about it. I hope that he stops this behavior soon…and that he really considers changing this circle of ‘‘friends.’’ Prayers with you, that he will continue to fight the good fight with this …and that God gives you the strength to persevere. You’re an awesome wife, you are very patient. More patient than I might be, dare I say? *

 

[a_priori]

…and not all men do this. To those here who think this is a middle aged man issue, WRONG.

Thank you whatevergirl.

 

[Augusta_Sans]

bmaj–my husband is 50, I’m 40…and not all men do this. To those here who think this is a middle aged man issue, WRONG. I work with middle aged and men in their late 20’s and early 30’s…very conservative environment (or maybe it’s pretend conservatism), and I have heard derogatory comments, and so forth about women…so, age has nothing to do with it, really. Or geography, etc…

I recounted what I had personally experienced, you recounted what you personally experienced. That your experience differs from mine does not make my experience “wrong.”

 

[whatevergirl]

*Hi Augusta;

Yes, no one is ‘‘wrong.’’ I just have seen too many threads on here where the people range in ages and have had friends who’ve been through this when I was in my late 20’s/early 30’s, to know that this isn’t really an issue that mainly middle aged men grapple with…that’s all I was saying.

bmaj, praying for you both. God bless. *

 

[whatevergirl]

*Oh, by friends I meant my female friends who were in their 20’s/30’s, whose husbands were viewing porn.

bmaj, I think I told you about one of them when we lived in PA, and eventually her husband gave it up on his own, but it took a while…so hang in there, and keep the faith. I pray your husband will break free from this soon. *

 

[Rascalking]

I just turned 30 a few months ago, and I am a guy. I have alot of friends of the same age.

I do NOT think it is common at ALL. I know most guys looked at dirty magazines sometime in their life-but not all men have that habit. When it comes to emailing pornographic pictures, I can assure you that it is NOT common at all.

Because men are men, we will always be more enticed by the visual. Often times, men can look at manequins and be aroused. It doesn’t mean your man-or his friends-are disgusting perverts, sometimes we, as men, don’t think before we send/act. (this is coming from a man who actually doesn’t have a strong visual drive…just something I’ve observed in my friends) I am NOT justifying it, just trying to make it understandable.

Sometimes our friends don’t have the same morals as we do-I’ve gotten some jokes and other things that are questionable, but I just delete them.

 

[Monica4316]

I think your husband needs a new set of friends and to stop using his current friends as an excuse for doing an activity that is objectively evil and subjectively causing you pain and inflicting severe damage on your marriage. No normal man who has left young adolescence is fixated on this type of thing.

I think your husband needs to find new friends who wouldn’t be putting him in such situations, because they lead to sin.

 

[bmaj]

So, your husband (and the men involved in this) have already convinced you this is “the norm.” Your post before this said, paraphrasing, that this is so much “the norm”, wives who say otherwise are probably just ignorant of the reality. Maybe your husband has sold you on a false, perverted notion of reality.

I agree with 1ke. “Everybody” is not doing it. Your husband isn’t just a victim of a cruel world. It’s his choice. I guarantee you have neighbors, acquaintences, etc choosing differently–they just may not be who your DH wants to be friends with.

PS–I don’t doubt it is a big problem. I just don’t want you to think you’re the odd one out because you think ir’s wrong. Have faith that it is a choice and therefore can be “unchosen”.

SJ2-
No, they haven’t convinced me that the behavior is the “norm”; I was simply trying to find our how widespread the issue is because it will assist me in my discussions with my husband. I know there are men out there - Catholic, Christian, or otherwise, who likely do not do this, but I also know that many probably do.
I also understand that this habit (as well as his so-called friends) is all of his own choosing, but getting him to choose otherwise in both arenas is not an easy task. Thankfully, our Good Lord is beside me, and some very helpful posters here also.

 

[bmaj]

bmaj–my husband is 50, I’m 40…and not all men do this. To those here who think this is a middle aged man issue, WRONG. I work with middle aged and men in their late 20’s and early 30’s…very conservative environment (or maybe it’s pretend conservatism), and I have heard derogatory comments, and so forth about women…so, age has nothing to do with it, really. Or geography, etc…

This is something your husband has either convinced himself of or he wants to convince you of. You can’t do this alone…he should be more concerned with what YOU think, than his ‘‘friends.’’ I sense that he is making progress, but he needs to want to do this for God, for himself…not solely for you. I am concerned that if that is his sole motivation, he isn’t going to stick with it, especially if he still doesn’t see anything inherently wrong with getting pics from friends, like this. He has to really really want to change this because deep down HE knows it’s wrong, not just because he is worried about what you think about it. I hope that he stops this behavior soon…and that he really considers changing this circle of ‘‘friends.’’ Prayers with you, that he will continue to fight the good fight with this …and that God gives you the strength to persevere. You’re an awesome wife, you are very patient. More patient than I might be, dare I say?

Thanks so much for the (name removed by moderator)ut, WEG. Yes, he’s definitely making progress and isn’t going to the trash websites anymore, so I’m trying to keep that progress going along as best I can. The info from everyone here helps a lot with the email situation. Hopefully another virtual 2 x 4 upside his head from the Lord is on its way soon, too! Meanwhile, I think prayer and continued communication with him is key.
God bless you and everyone here for your assistance!