Question regarding convalidation

[forgetmenot]

Hi to all,

My husband and I are going thru the same process, he is nonCatholic, I left the Catholic Church 30 years ago and the Lord called us both to the Church individually and as a couple. My husband is needing an annulment. The waiting is difficult, I’ve been an emotional basketcase realizing what grave sins I committed in leaving the Church, etc. We’ve been waiting for over a year since filling out paperwork. It’s been a rollercoaster of hope, despair, joy and depression, and crying at every Mass has been the norm, though I’m getting a little stronger. I’ll be lifting you all in prayer, I can’t help but wonder if this is justice, I’ve never read in the Bible or experienced Jesus telling a repentant sinner he or she would have to wait a year before He would welcome that sinner with open arms into His loving Heart. I’m “offering up” my suffering (which is very similar in intensity to the suffering I experienced when going through divorce or other acute emotional trauma) for my Church and specifically for the annulment process and for those going through it. Sometimes I feel like I can’t endure this any longer but I know that my loving Lord would never cause His children to suffer without bringing good out of it (Romans 8:28), He is a loving God and everything has a purpose, of that much I am sure.

Barb

 

[forgetmenot]

Hello, BarbC -
I have waited nearly 30 years for my spouse to apply… it is surely very difficult, and you are not the only one who cries at Mass… I’ll think of you at Mass, tomorrow… my spouse is working on it, for the umpteenth time, and I’m afraid that he’ll put it down, again… please pray for me to be strong. I feel no one else does. We both need to keep the faith that this will all work out. Take care, and keep me posted.

 

[barbc]

Thanks for responding, forgetmenot,

I agree, we need to be lifting each other in prayer, one of our priests has stated that the largest “denomination” in the world is Catholics who have left the Church, most of them due to divorce/remarriage issues. I’ll will be praying the rosary for your husband’s strength in continuing the process this week. We’ve had some good news! The tribunal has approved his declaration of nullity, now we’re waiting for the archdiocese give the final stamp of approval, but the scary part is over.

The Lord gave me peace in the waiting about a month ago, through the words of St. Theresa of Avila, set to music by John Michael Talbot. “Let nothing trouble you, let nothing frighten you, everything passes, but God will never change. Patient endurance will obtain everything, for whoever has God wants for nothing at all. God alone is enough, God alone is enough, for whoever has God wants for nothing at all.” Then the Holy Spirit brought a parable to mind–Jesus told His disciples that when they go to a wedding feast don’t sit in a seat of honor, at the head of the table, but sit in the seat of least honor, then maybe when the Bridegroom comes, He will invite you to sit up closer to Him. The Lord reminded me to be grateful that I am at the feast, and that for now I’m to sit in the “seat of least honor.” To stop the tears, I started sitting in a spot in my church where I could stay in my seat (or on my knees) through Communion and not go up for a blessing. I needed to emotionally “detach” somewhat and remember my gratitude for being there. I’m so sorry you’ve had to wait so long to receive the sacraments, I hope this has encouraged you. I know your suffering is not in vain and my hope is that when you finally receive Him your joy will far exceed all the pain you’ve experienced.

Barb

 

[forgetmenot]

Thank you, Barb.
I did pray for you, today, at the time when they asked for special intentions. You are a sweetheart for answering me, and I actually am so happy for you. As for me, it will happen, I know it, though sometimes it’s difficult - been crying all these years. Our history together is long, met in college, made a ‘vow’ to one another, mutually split, he married & had a child, less than 4 years was back in my life. It hurts so bad. It’s what was always right between my husband and I. I have always believed that; otherwise, I would never had returned to him. Keep me in your thoughts, and I will remember you. Please let me know what’s next for you.
forgetmenot

 

[Andreas_Hofer]

I am in a similar situation, except that my husband is not Catholic. I am irritated over the fact that we have to “jump through so many hoops” here in Phoenix in order to have the marriage convalidated. Apparently the rules are not the same everywhere and in many places the pastors prescribe preparation on a case-by-case basis… as it should be in my opinion. We have two children and are not intending to have any more, yet we have to attend NFP for a six week period. I am 36, and we are both certain that we will not want to have any more children. I am also a mess when I’m not “hormonally regulated”, so going off birth control is just not happening!

Part of the reason for preparation is so that couples understand what goes into a true marriage and what must be committed to - it turns out that without knowing it you are, as other have pointed out, in the class of people who do not realize one essential part of giving valid consent to a marriage (openness to life).

Hoping someone can offer some guidance on my situation. My fiance and I are both Catholic, and we have started preparing for our December Catholic wedding. My fiance is in the Army, and it looks like he will be deployed before December. We still need to complete pre-marriage classes.

We have been thinking about having a civil marriage (JOP) now and then having a convalidation when he returns from Iraq. We would like the convalidation to be a public ceremony with our friends and families with a reception following. Is this possible, or is a convalidation always a private ceremony? Our priest is telling us that we should wait…

Thanks.

By all means do not go through a JP wedding to effect the civil status. While in some countries the Church requires civil marriage before ecclesiastical marriage, in this country JP weddings are really more like a “pretend” wedding and thus come far closer to conveying outright disrespect for the real deal. The Archdiocese for Military Services should, as pointed out above, be willing to accommodate the difficulties of servicemen.

 

[forgetmenot]

As we were going to wed,anyway, my priest said to only have a civil ceremony with a j.p. He warned against going to another church, another faith, as this would really cause problems. He was fully aware of the circumstances. If I had my rathers, it would have been the real deal, but it wasn’t to be at the time. I firmly believe we were never living in sin; we were just waiting for the right time to straighten out the mess. I’ve had priests tell me some pretty bad things, yet, having attended a conference re: annulments with my spouse, I have learned there are good priests/brothers,…, out there that are willing to help and not condemn. I’ve waited this long, and will continue to need the support of others who’ve been through this. It has been very difficult, but I believe I’m seeing the light at the end of this tunnel. Unfortunately, it took almost 30 years to get there. So many things, though, have come up and have been talked about, rectifying some of the hurt. I have faith this will work out in the end; hopefully within the next seven-nine months, after the paperwork gets in. God Bless. forgetmenot