Question

[grace68]

I have a question. My mother -n- law called last night for my us to go eat out with them. We decided not to go, but she called back to see if my daugther could go with them. My daughter went. I would rather my daugther not sleep over, so I told her to just come back home. I didnt want to tell my daugther why, but the reason was because my brother n law lives there and his girlfriend has been sleeping over lately. When my mother n law came over my daughter told her that I said I did nt want her to sleep. My mother n law said it was ok for her to stay over night. I didnt tell my mother n law why I felt that way, so my husband said for my daughter to go get her clothes in case they were late, so she could sleep over. She did end up sleeping over, but now I feel like I have committed sin by letting her stay there. My daugther is going to be seven in October, but even at a young age I dont want her to think it is ok for a girl to sleep over at her boyfriends house. It would be one thing if she stayed over and slept in another room, but she stays in the same room as him. Should I talk to my mother n law about this? Should I not allow my daugther to sleep at her house anymore? I dont want to be judgemental, but I just feel like I am comitting a sin if I allow my daughter to sleep there.

Should I go to confession and talk to my priest this afternoon about it? I just do not want to receive communion unworthily. I would appreciate your prayers and any advice you could give me.

Kerri

 

[Bookcat]

It is not being “judgmental” to call a spade a spade. “Judge not” does not mean that one does not refer to objective truth… (of course it is truth with charity)

Jesus called a spade a spade …he did such and he called us even to fraternal correction… (one must judge of course as to if to say something or when or how…)

As to sleeping over…

If it was my child…they would not be sleeping over…(You had the right idea there)

As for confession…one would have to examine your conscience on the matter…

certainly though it being Lent…it is good to go more frequently to confession in any case

 

[Bookcat]

Compendium of the Catechism (issued by Pope Benedict XVI)

1. When does one commit a mortal sin?

1855-1861
1874

One commits a mortal sin when there are simultaneously present: grave matter, full knowledge, and deliberate consent. This sin destroys charity in us, deprives us of sanctifying grace, and, if unrepented, leads us to the eternal death of hell. It can be forgiven in the ordinary way by means of the sacraments of Baptism and of Penance or Reconciliation.

1. When does one commit a venial sin?

1862-1864
1875

One commits a venial sin, which is essentially different from a mortal sin, when the matter involved is less serious or, even if it is grave, when full knowledge or complete consent are absent. Venial sin does not break the covenant with God but it weakens charity and manifests a disordered affection for created goods. It impedes the progress of a soul in the exercise of the virtues and in the practice of moral good. It merits temporal punishment which purifies.

CCC vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P6C.HTM

 

[Bookcat]

Also important from the Catechism:

1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:

• by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
• by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
• by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
• by protecting evil-doers.

---

Respect for the souls of others: scandal

2284 Scandal is an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil. The person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor’s tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense.

2285 Scandal takes on a particular gravity by reason of the authority of those who cause it or the weakness of those who are scandalized. It prompted our Lord to utter this curse: "Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened round his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea."86 Scandal is grave when given by those who by nature or office are obliged to teach and educate others. Jesus reproaches the scribes and Pharisees on this account: he likens them to wolves in sheep’s clothing.87

2286 Scandal can be provoked by laws or institutions, by fashion or opinion.

Therefore, they are guilty of scandal who establish laws or social structures leading to the decline of morals and the corruption of religious practice, or to "social conditions that, intentionally or not, make Christian conduct and obedience to the Commandments difficult and practically impossible."88 This is also true of business leaders who make rules encouraging fraud, teachers who provoke their children to anger,89 or manipulators of public opinion who turn it away from moral values.

2287 Anyone who uses the power at his disposal in such a way that it leads others to do wrong becomes guilty of scandal and responsible for the evil that he has directly or indirectly encouraged. "Temptations to sin are sure to come; but woe to him by whom they come!"90

 

[Bookcat]

As for “judge not” and fraternal correction here is one article:

blog.adw.org/2009/11/fraternal-correction-the-forgotten-virtue/

here is an older one (1909! or so) that can be I think still useful:

newadvent.org/cathen/04394a.htm

(though I will note for those out there who are scrupulous…do not scruple over this…but speak with your confessor…for it can be the case that those who are scrupulous are to often “not” give fraternal corrections…for their scruples enter into it…ones confessor can advise you…)

 

[bubble_lady]

Definitely talk to your mother-in-law about it; explain why you did not want your daughter sleeping over. It may be after the fact now, but honesty is the best policy, and you do not want your daughter to be scandalized. If your daughter comments about what she noticed when she stayed overnight, talk with her about it. Use it as a teaching moment.

 

[grace68]

Thanks for the comments and help Book cat and Bubble lady.

I will go to confession this afternoon and explain the situation to my priest. I will talk to my mother n law, but I also want to ask the Holy Spirit for the right words to say. She is a very religious person and loves the Lord. I am hoping she will be understanding.

I also deal with the situation of my other brother n law being in an invalid marriage. My children have slept over before, and maybe I should not have allowed this either. My daughter of course does not know that they are invalidly married, but she may figure it out one day. THey live in Alabama now, and I wondered if it was ok for us to have stayed there when we went visit in December. I want to make sure that I am doing the right things because I want to be a holy person. I will talk to my confessor about both situations.

Please continue to pray for me.

God Bless,

Kerri

 

[1ke]

Should I talk to my mother n law about this? Should I not allow my daugther to sleep at her house anymore? I dont want to be judgemental, but I just feel like I am comitting a sin if I allow my daughter to sleep there.

Your HUSBAND needs to tell his mother that your daughter cannot stay over if she is going to allow his brother to have overnight female guests.

Should I go to confession and talk to my priest this afternoon about it?

You did not commit a sin.

 

[RosaryFan]

I have a question. My mother -n- law called last night for my us to go eat out with them. We decided not to go, but she called back to see if my daugther could go with them. My daughter went. I would rather my daugther not sleep over, so I told her to just come back home. I didnt want to tell my daugther why, but the reason was because my brother n law lives there and his girlfriend has been sleeping over lately. When my mother n law came over my daughter told her that I said I did nt want her to sleep. My mother n law said it was ok for her to stay over night. I didnt tell my mother n law why I felt that way, so my husband said for my daughter to go get her clothes in case they were late, so she could sleep over. She did end up sleeping over, but now I feel like I have committed sin by letting her stay there. My daugther is going to be seven in October, but even at a young age I dont want her to think it is ok for a girl to sleep over at her boyfriends house. It would be one thing if she stayed over and slept in another room, but she stays in the same room as him. Should I talk to my mother n law about this? Should I not allow my daugther to sleep at her house anymore? I dont want to be judgemental, but I just feel like I am comitting a sin if I allow my daughter to sleep there.

Should I go to confession and talk to my priest this afternoon about it? I just do not want to receive communion unworthily. I would appreciate your prayers and any advice you could give me.

Kerri

I don’t think you’ve committed a sin by allowing your daughter to sleep over your mother-in-law’s house. I think it’s more like you got trapped into it because you were ill-prepared to explain your concerns at the time. However, now that you’ve had time to reflect, if it is a regular occurrence that your daughter would sleep over, then you should find a way to let your mother-in-law know your concerns. That way, she can make sure there aren’t any extra overnight guests if and when your daughter stays over. If you feel like would cause problems, you could just say something like, “Mom, if you don’t mind, I prefer that she sleeps home in case So-and-So has his lady friend overnight. I don’t want to have to explain to my daughter about pre-marital sex at such a young age”. Otherwise, you could just tell her that you don’t want your daugther seeing immorality as a normal part of life at grandma’s.

If your mother-in-law has any decency, she will respect and admire you for your strong moral beliefs. After all, you are following a good Christian lifestyle and you have every right, as the girl’s mother, to approve or disapprove of any questionable circumstances your daughter may be in.

It’s not easy raising kids now. I have a 9 year old daughter and I cringe at the world she must grow up in!! We’re faced with opposition even in our own families!!