Yeah, but moving out, it means my family will know where I live and will visit me.
I do not want to be visited.
So I prefer running away to a place where they do not know where I am
I don’t know your background; have you completed a college degree?
If not, going to a college that’s
really far away–say, a thousand miles or so–from your family might be a great start, as that will severely limit visits while also providing you with a built-in support system.
If you do have a degree (or equivalent job training), I still second the moving-a-long-distance away suggestion, just line up a job first.
Either way, as another poster suggested, speaking to someone with a background in assisting abuse victims may be quite helpful. You may have opportunities you don’t even know you have until you talk to someone like that!
At first, you may not want to give your family information beyond what state/area you live in, and that’s okay. If relations improve and show marked improvement over time, you can always later choose to give them more information. If not, you’re still protected.
(I would
strongly recommend, however, that you establish contact with someone safe and check in with them regularly once you’re in a new area, just as a safety precaution. It’s not a good idea to be in a situation where no one will notice that you’re missing.)
Now, while moving away is a great start, you may need to still work on setting boundaries with them. Boundaries are a lot easier to put into place and enforce from a thousand miles away.
They can’t just stop by, they can’t expect you to be home all the time, and so the only contact you might have with them is phone- or internet-based, which is something you have control over: “I’m not going to discuss X topic with you. How’s the weather out there?” (If asked again, “I said X was not up for discussion. If you bring it up again, I’ll have to go.” Then follow through, which is the most important part of boundary-setting.)
All of that having been said, if they grossly violate any sort of reasonable boundaries or expectations or are engaged in serious abuse with no inclination to change–cut contact and leave. I say this as someone who hasn’t spoken to her parents for almost three years for precisely those reasons: I moved far away, limited contact, set reasonable boundaries and outlined them several times as necessary, and those boundaries were not only not respected, they were violated in ways that I wouldn’t have believed possible. As a result, I moved shortly thereafter, didn’t give them my new address, and haven’t communicated with them since. I’ve found that I have a great deal more peace in my life without that sort of nonsense. No one is allowed to treat you badly. No one.
