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Pro-Life_Teen
Guest
Are you obligated, as a Catholic, to tell your future spouse/spouse about past sins/temptations after going to confession?
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ChurchMilitant
Guest
It seems to me that anything that would motivate one to hide part of himself from his spouse should be discarded. Why would he want to conceal such things from his spouse? Sure it may hurt her, but nothing less than a total surrendering of onesself is demanded by marriage. I don’t know that keeping such things private is intrinsically or profoundly evil, but is it love?
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Catholic2003
Guest
You are obligated to tell your future spouse if you have undergone voluntary sterilization (i.e., vasectomy or tubal ligation). In general, any fact whose nondisclosure could be grounds for annulment needs to be disclosed.
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Pro-Life_Teen
Guest
Catholic2003, I’m speaking about more like… stupid things that teens do. Wandering thoughts, for instance.
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CuriousInIL
Guest
In a word, No. Indeed many priests will counsel married folks not to share their confessions.
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sententia
Guest
IF one had a previous problem with pornography or something, perhaps that would be something that they may want to mention.
I don’t see any reason to tell one’s spouse about every sinful thought that pops into my mind, though. Unless there has been something in one’s history which may affect the relationship, I don’t think so.
I don’t see any reason to tell one’s spouse about every sinful thought that pops into my mind, though. Unless there has been something in one’s history which may affect the relationship, I don’t think so.
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EsclavoDeCristo
Guest
I think you should be open. That is just my opinion. Your spouse should be your best friend and if you can’t tell your best friend who can you tell?
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Zahmir
Guest
I think your spouse should be entitled to hear anything that might become between the two of you. So… yes… wandering thoughts, for example, if it is a consistent behavior, would probably be somethinng to confess. Don’t overdo it though. Like… I may have cursed or something… I don’t really need to confess that to her. Or… I might have refused to help someone because I was too lazy… that’s really not important. Then again, if you feel like by telling your spouse you can become better for it, then I would hope that you would do so.
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Benedictus
Guest
On the contrary, that’s the type of information that should probably not be volunteered. It serves to useful purpose to share that. It may, however, trouble the other person unnecessarily.
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AnonymousOne
Guest
Anything that might reasonably dissuade a person from marrying you should be disclosed. Not being a virgin, for example. The details are not necessary, but the general information is. Otherwise, the person cannot give full consent. This is especially true if there are circumstances that could come back to haunt you, for example, if you slept with so many people before your conversion that you might be a father without knowing it (happened to a good friend of mine).
Other examples might be: an incurable illness, a mental illness, a history of depression, conviction for a serious crime.
That being said, however, I would be very suspicious of marrying someone who would not be willing to love you and accept you as you are. When we marry, we promise to love someone AS THEY ARE, which includes all their past deeds and misdeeds, NOT as we would wish them to be.
I think it’s important to remember, though, that people generally have a right to their privacy. Even spouses. The intimacy we can reasonably hope to experience with our spouses here on earth is not perfect. No matter how deep the intimacy we achieve with another person in this life, it is a pale reflection of (and preparation for) the intimacy we shall have with Jesus in heaven.
Other examples might be: an incurable illness, a mental illness, a history of depression, conviction for a serious crime.
That being said, however, I would be very suspicious of marrying someone who would not be willing to love you and accept you as you are. When we marry, we promise to love someone AS THEY ARE, which includes all their past deeds and misdeeds, NOT as we would wish them to be.
I think it’s important to remember, though, that people generally have a right to their privacy. Even spouses. The intimacy we can reasonably hope to experience with our spouses here on earth is not perfect. No matter how deep the intimacy we achieve with another person in this life, it is a pale reflection of (and preparation for) the intimacy we shall have with Jesus in heaven.
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1ke
Guest
No, you are not obligated to tell anyone. Confession and absolution are private and need never be revealed. Now, if you commit a sin against someone and as part of penance are to make restitution or reconcile with that person, then certainly follow the directions of your priest/confessor. But, sins in the past? No.
If asked a direct question, I would never lie. But, I see no good in spilling out every thing you did in your past-- that serves no purpose, most especially when it’s been Sacramentally confessed and forgiven, and your life ammended.
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snoopy
Guest
I agree with your post wholeheartedly. And, I have something to add. My dear Grandmother used to say: " We all have thoughts that would shame hell". So don’t worry about it. Confess and go about your life.
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wabrams
Guest
You tell your priest and God and leave it at that.
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blessedrosary
Guest
I dont know the answer, but I think you would be more motivated to tell you spouse your sins since you’ve already been forgiven. Plus if you are willing to confess it to a priest, then why not your own partner?
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DreadVandal
Guest
It depends on the situation. Suppose, for example, you have struggled with pornography either before, or even during your marriage. You confess your sins and receive absolution. Do you tell your spouse? (lets say for the moment you are married). Well, it is a question that requires prudence to answer. Most confessors will tell you not to tell your spouse since it serves no good purpose and will only serve to hurt your spouse and can cause feelings of distrust that will hurt the marriage. On the other hand, if one knows that one’s spouse is emotionally and mentally strong and can help you with your problem, it might be useful to share your struggle. There is no simple answer to this. It really does depend on the situation.
But I would say that, as a general rule, do not reveal any sins you have confessed to priest to anyone unless there is some really good reason. If you reveal something like dabbling in pornography in the past and your spouse is emotionally hurt by it, it can severely imperil your marriage. Your conjugal life will be hurt seriously (she will think to herself "when we are together is he thinking about me or fantasizing about some woman he saw in a magazine?).
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Mary
Guest
My boyfriend and I, who are also discerning marriage, do share our struggles with each other. While it is certainly not necessary (I’m forgiven by God! Thanks be to God!!) we both feel strongly that we are called to help each other gain heaven. In knowing what our temptations are, what we have struggled with, we are better able to help each other. Not that we rely only on each other… we rely completely on the Cross… But we watch out for each other- especially in areas of sexual temptation…
Everything everyone has said is really good… Really it’s up to you. My boyfriend and I are best friends… we really like to tell each other things… but you should also watch to guard yourself from emotional hurt… Telling someone a lot about yourself, if you’re not in a very committed (married) relationship, can end up making you feel like you’ve given away part of yourself…
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