Questions about a first confession

[jimsnew]

I am currently in RCIA classes, and this week will finish up a formal case for annulment of a former marriage, that was years ago, (married at 20, divorced at 28, and I’m 58) I have been married to my wife for 28 years, she is pretty much a lapsed Catholic at the moment but we are fixing that so that our children and grandchildren will also become more involved with the Church. I’m not too worried about the annulment, as my ex was adamant about never having children, and that is the basis of having it ruled invalid.

My wife says that the first confession has to cover every mortal sin since my baptism, which was when I was 10. How can I be expected to remember all of the offenses, and how detailed does it have to be? Honestly, I am feeling like I need to write a book, and start on it now, mostly due to my younger days when single (fornication mostly), I’m not really a bad person, most of my offenses would be related to sex, but there is no way I can come up with times, places, names, or dates. How much detail is needed, and what about things I forget?

 

[Confiteor_Deo]

All you have to do is state the mortal sin and any circumstances that substantially change the gravity of it (for example, blaspheming in front of others which causes serious scandal or something). Superfluous information, such as dates or names, should not be given in the confessional due to time constraints and futility. It is strongly advised to state the number of times the sin was committed, but if you can’t remember then you can guess. If you examine your conscience well, but forget a mortal sin until after the Confession (or never remember it), then that is fine. The absolution has already pardoned you of it. It is strongly advised to bring it up at your next Confession but, since it was absolved already, you can approach the Communion rail to receive (if nothing else impedes you).

 

[Bonnie]

I was younger than you at my first confession & still had trouble remembering! The priest I got at random didn’t speak very good English, so we went down the 10 commandments. I probably left things off, but as has been said, absolution took care of it.

Generally, if one intends to confess something, but forgets, it’s covered.

 

[Don_Ruggero]

I am currently in RCIA classes, and this week will finish up a formal case for annulment of a former marriage, that was years ago, (married at 20, divorced at 28, and I’m 58) I have been married to my wife for 28 years, she is pretty much a lapsed Catholic at the moment but we are fixing that so that our children and grandchildren will also become more involved with the Church. I’m not too worried about the annulment, as my ex was adamant about never having children, and that is the basis of having it ruled invalid.

My wife says that the first confession has to cover every mortal sin since my baptism, which was when I was 10. How can I be expected to remember all of the offenses, and how detailed does it have to be? Honestly, I am feeling like I need to write a book, and start on it now, mostly due to my younger days when single (fornication mostly), I’m not really a bad person, most of my offenses would be related to sex, but there is no way I can come up with times, places, names, or dates. How much detail is needed, and what about things I forget?

First, best wishes to you as the process to become Catholic goes forward. I assure you of my prayers.

Second, please do not be anxious about your confession. My experience is that there is typically a lot of concern for the person about what it is going to be like and how they are going to do it…surprise at how quickly the confession is actually accomplished when it happens…and great relief, happiness and peace after it is done.

I have been a confessor for decades. Be assured we do NOT want details. Time, places, names, dates have no place in the confessional. It is the sin and, when the sin is serious, the number. When we are dealing with years, it is always an approximation in terms of number.

One does not make a confession of this type using linear time (“Starting the day after my baptism, I remember I did X and then the next day I remember I did Y”). We would never finish; it would be torture for you and the confessor! We don’t need a book of one’s life story. Rather, you confess according to the types of sin and approximate the number.

The easiest formula, using your example, would be “I committed the sin of fornication approximately X times per week or month for X years.” That would cover it. There can be some extraordinary circumstance that would change the nature of the sin and that would make it more grave and that would be added to what you said. (Continuing this example, had you had relations while single with a married woman, that would impinge on the virtue of justice because of her marriage and so, in that instance, the sin would be adultery instead of fornication and that would be confessed as a separate sin, adding the approximate number of times, as I indicated above.)

Similarly, “I was given to anger about X times per week for X years” or “I remembered, as a high school student, I had a phase of lying. Never more than 5 times per week and throughout the years I was in high school.” It is really very straight-forward.

There are excellent examinations of consciences available to use and I recommend them. Certainly, you can write out a list for your confession…I still do that as a priest when I go. (Burn or shred the list after confession.) But the confession should go much faster than what you are envisioning. I have heard the confessions of everyone who was to be received into the Church in a couple of hours over the course of a day of recollection.

An important point: It can happen that a penitent will remember something later on…a memory triggered by something. The sin was forgiven but you can mention it in a subsequent confession, especially if it is something that troubles you.

One who has made a general confession, however, should not continue to try to conjure up memories of past sins or wonder if the confession covered everything. Once you have made a thoughtful examination of conscience and gone to confession, one should know that you are well and truly forgiven.

 

[Bookcat]

Once your able to make your confession - when that time comes - remember that Jesus loves you and wants to give you* true life*.
So once your able to go to confession:

One is to confess all mortal sins (see Catechism on what mortal sin is) that one has committed in number and kind and that which changes the kind (like it was your brother you murdered or a church that you burned down (thus also sacrilege)).

One does a diligent examination of conscience. * If *one does not know the actual number one may approximate according to what you know. So it may be around 5 times or it may be between 10-15 times if that is what you know or it may even have to be many times or a few times for that is all one knows…

So one gives the number and kind (murder 3x) and if one does not know that actual number then one does what one can approximate according to what one does know.

If one forgets something honestly - one is to mention it in the next confession (unless it is forever forgotten…).

 

[BartholomewB]

**Jimsnew

Don Ruggero,** in the post #4 on this thread, has said everything that needs to be said, I think. I would just add this: remember that you’re not on your own. The priest is there is help you with your confession, and he knows his job. He knows what he’s doing. Place yourself in his hands and you’ll be okay.

 

[Bookcat]

Once your able to make your confession - when that time comes - remember that Jesus loves you and wants to give you* true life*.
So once your able to go to confession:

One is to confess all mortal sins (see Catechism on what mortal sin is) that one has committed in number and kind and that which changes the kind (like it was your brother you murdered or a church that you burned down (thus also sacrilege)).

One does a diligent examination of conscience. * If *one does not know the actual number one may approximate according to what you know. So it may be around 5 times or it may be between 10-15 times if that is what you know or it may even have to be many times or a few times for that is all one knows…

So one gives the number and kind (murder 3x) and if one does not know that actual number then one does what one can approximate according to what one does know.

If one forgets something honestly - one is to mention it in the next confession (unless it is forever forgotten…).

PS: for venial sins one does not need to give number and can be more general (and one of course does not have to confess venial sins necessarily). Whereas for mortal sins one is to give number.

And so if one forgets a venial sin - even one that you planned to confess - one does not need to confess it. Such is different for mortal sins - if they are remembered they are to be confessed in the next confession.

 

[jimsnew]

First, best wishes to you as the process to become Catholic goes forward. I assure you of my prayers.

Second, please do not be anxious about your confession. My experience is that there is typically a lot of concern for the person about what it is going to be like and how they are going to do it…surprise at how quickly the confession is actually accomplished when it happens…and great relief, happiness and peace after it is done.

I have been a confessor for decades. Be assured we do NOT want details. Time, places, names, dates have no place in the confessional. It is the sin and, when the sin is serious, the number. When we are dealing with years, it is always an approximation in terms of number.

One does not make a confession of this type using linear time (“Starting the day after my baptism, I remember I did X and then the next day I remember I did Y”). We would never finish; it would be torture for you and the confessor! We don’t need a book of one’s life story. Rather, you confess according to the types of sin and approximate the number.

The easiest formula, using your example, would be “I committed the sin of fornication approximately X times per week or month for X years.” That would cover it. There can be some extraordinary circumstance that would change the nature of the sin and that would make it more grave and that would be added to what you said. (Continuing this example, had you had relations while single with a married woman, that would impinge on the virtue of justice because of her marriage and so, in that instance, the sin would be adultery instead of fornication and that would be confessed as a separate sin, adding the approximate number of times, as I indicated above.)

Similarly, “I was given to anger about X times per week for X years” or “I remembered, as a high school student, I had a phase of lying. Never more than 5 times per week and throughout the years I was in high school.” It is really very straight-forward.

There are excellent examinations of consciences available to use and I recommend them. Certainly, you can write out a list for your confession…I still do that as a priest when I go. (Burn or shred the list after confession.) But the confession should go much faster than what you are envisioning. I have heard the confessions of everyone who was to be received into the Church in a couple of hours over the course of a day of recollection.

An important point: It can happen that a penitent will remember something later on…a memory triggered by something. The sin was forgiven but you can mention it in a subsequent confession, especially if it is something that troubles you.

One who has made a general confession, however, should not continue to try to conjure up memories of past sins or wonder if the confession covered everything. Once you have made a thoughtful examination of conscience and gone to confession, one should know that you are well and truly forgiven.

Thanks a lot, that puts my mind at ease. I was worried that I had to have names and numbers, exactly for them to be forgiven, which is impossible at this date. I actually like the idea of a confession, saying it aloud to another person is different than asking in private for forgiveness. I probably will write out as much as I can remember, just because.

 

[jimsnew]

What are the ‘examinations of conscience’ and where do I find that?

 

[Don_Ruggero]

Thanks a lot, that puts my mind at ease. I was worried that I had to have names and numbers, exactly for them to be forgiven, which is impossible at this date. I actually like the idea of a confession, saying it aloud to another person is different than asking in private for forgiveness. I probably will write out as much as I can remember, just because.

You’re welcome. It’s a journey I made back in the 70s and it began an amazing odyssey in my life. I can say that helping others in their journey has been a great blessing in my priesthood.

Forty eight years is a span of time, it’s true. But, with a good confessor to help you, it should be a positive and healing experience.

You’re right, there is something unique about going to confession, entering with an awareness of sin, unburdening oneself through confession, having the sin absolved, and leaving the confessional without the sin that one entered with. It’s a moment of profound grace. It’s a special encounter with the Savior. Sacramentally, it’s to experience what we read in the gospels when Jesus absolved Peter of his guilt or the paralytic on his mat or the woman caught in adultery. We hear Him speak through the confessor’s voice, as the priest is using the Lord’s power to forgive.

Confession is a different experience than kneeling beside our bed and asking God to forgive all our sins without having to really confront them and take ownership for them in the way we do when we go to confession and say to God, through another human being, yes I did that. I’m sorry I did it. And I’m going to do my best, with God’s help, not to do it again.

The examination of conscience is what we do before confession, when we look inside ourselves to see what we are aware of, what we have chosen and done, that contravenes how we are supposed to live our lives. As St. Thomas Aquinas says, sin is at its heart a disordered act…something we do or omit to do that is not ordered to its proper end – God; it is against the wisdom and law He has given us which governs our lives and how we relate to Him, to other people, to His creation, and ourselves.

One help I propose regarding confession is to ask the person, knowing that they are appearing before the Lord, what things immediately come to mind they would want to say, “Lord I am sorry that I did X or that I did not do Y.” The answer can be an important starting point.

Also, for a general confession, you will be looking principally at sins in your life that were serious and also at major categories of sinfulness that may be less serious but marked broad swaths of your life.

With those two points laid out, there are helps available called examinations of conscience that pose questions to us, contrasting our actions to various standards, such as the 10 commandments and the Beatitudes, for example. Your first confession will have unique elements because you will make it before you’re actually in full communion with the Church and you will not have been bound by those elements of the law which oblige Catholics – for example, the obligation to hear Mass on Sunday.

The examination of conscience I knew best and liked most from the United States was published by the Redemptorists at Ligouri Publications. It’s called, as I remember, “How To Examine Your Conscience.” I can’t see it online, unfortunately. It’s very thorough. (I am not a Redemptorist and I am not selling their product. Besides, it was .35 cents back years ago.)

I am sure those responsible for your RCIA will have materials to help you make an examination of conscience; I don’t want to preempt them. In the United States, though, you have a national program promoting confession and their materials seem helpful in answering general questions as well as providing an examination of conscience. I recommend visiting several different formats of examination of conscience and praying over them as you begin the process of making your list and checking it twice. (I still make a list myself and it’s many decades of frequent confession.)

Remember that it is the Lord you will be speaking to you. The confessor is, as we say theologically, present “in persona Christi”…in the person of Christ…and it is Christ who pronounces the absolution, borrowing (as it were) the voice of the priest. Also, after years as a confessor, we’ve heard everything. The seal of confession is absolute – we could never talk about what we hear – and what happens in confession does not alter our thoughts of the penitent. To paraphrase a jingle, “What is said in the confessional, stays in the confessional.”

The light is on for you campaign:
thelightisonforyou.org/confession/

The Fathers of Mercy, who were founded in France but work in the United States, have a fruitful examination of conscience that is broader than the commandments and invites a penitent to look at other aspects of the spiritual life.
newmanconnection.com/ccwatershed/Examination.pdf

Someone I knew well years ago, Father John Zuhlsdorf, has a wonderful thing he said to someone making their first confession, who was concerned about trying to be comprehensive: “Keep in mind that when you make a good confession, to the best of your ability, even the sins that you have forgotten are forgiven. If you remember them later, include them in your confession, by all means. But don’t worry that you have to have a perfect, machine-like memory. Just do your best and all your sins are forgiven. The confessional may be a tribunal in which we ourselves are our own prosecutor, but the confessional isn’t a torture chamber. Making a confession can be hard, because we really have to look hard at ourselves, but it isn’t a vivisection. I am glad you want to be so thorough. But remember that you are a human being, not an angel with an angelic mind which can never forget. None of us are.” Good words to end on.

 

[Bookcat]

I was worried that I had to have names and numbers, exactly for them to be forgiven, which is impossible at this date. I actually like the idea of a confession, saying it aloud to another person is different than asking in private for forgiveness. I probably will write out as much as I can remember, just because.

No worries. We are yes required go to give “kind and number” for mortal sins - “lying under oath 6X” (one has to get to what the mortal sin was and the number)…but if one examines diligently and you do not know the actual number for a mortal sin - one may then approximate according to what one does know - around 5 …even if that means “many times”. We are not expected to do the impossible or to be “Mr. Spock”.

Venial sins can be rather general.

I too am a convert - trust me once you get to where you can go to confession - it is a great joy despite the nervousness. And all these years later I love to go to frequent confession for venial sins - it really helps one to follow Christ and is a joy.
*
If you use a list - make sure to destroy it well afterwards!*

And if you forget a mortal sin - but where contrite for all mortal sins and seeking to confess ones mortal sins - they are forgiven “indirectly” with the rest. That goes too for those things that are not possible to be remembered when you examine your conscience - no worries - be sorry for all your mortal sins and they too will be absolved.

If one later remembers it then one is to confess it in the next confession.

Jimmy Akin the senior apologist at Catholic Answers: jimmyakin.com/2006/09/a_reader_writes_1.html

---

And let us remember Jesus of Nazareth is The Lamb and the Good Shepherd…

"Jesus is called the Lamb: He is the Lamb who takes away the sin of the world. Someone might think: but how can a lamb, which is so weak, a weak little lamb, how can it take away so many sins, so much wickedness? With Love. With his meekness. Jesus never ceased being a lamb: meek, good, full of love, close to the little ones, close to the poor. He was there, among the people, healing everyone, teaching, praying. Jesus, so weak, like a lamb. However, he had the strength to take all our sins upon himself, all of them.

“But, Father, you don’t know my life: I have a sin that…, I can’t even carry it with a truck…”.

Many times, when we examine our conscience, we find some there that are truly bad! But he carries them. He came for this: to forgive, to make peace in the world, but first in the heart. Perhaps each one of us feels troubled in his heart, perhaps he experiences darkness in his heart, perhaps he feels a little sad over a fault… He has come to take away all of this, He gives us peace, he forgives everything. “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away sin”: he takes away sin, it’s root and all! This is salvation Jesus brings about by his love and his meekness. And in listening to what John the Baptist says, who bears witness to Jesus as the Saviour, our confidence in Jesus should grow. Many times we trust a doctor: it is good, because the doctor is there to cure us; we trust in a person: brothers and sisters can help us. It is good to have this human trust among ourselves. But we forget about trust in the Lord: this is the key to success in life. Trust in the Lord, let us trust in the Lord! “Lord, look at my life: I’m in the dark, I have this struggle, I have this sin…”; everything we have: “Look at this: I trust in you!”. And this is a risk we must take: to trust in Him, and He never disappoints."

~Pope Francis

vatican.va/holy_father/francesco/homilies/2014/documents/papa-francesco_20140119_omelia-parrocchia-sacro-cuore-gesu_en.html

"Jesus is the “Good Shepherd” who goes in search of lost sheep, who knows his sheep and lays down his life for them (cf. Mt 18:12-14; Lk 15:4-7; Jn 10:2-4, 11-18). He is the way, the right path that leads us to life (cf. Jn 14:6), the light that illuminates the dark valley and overcomes all our fears (cf. Jn 1:9; 8:12; 9:5; 12:46).

He is the generous host who welcomes us and rescues us from our enemies, preparing for us the table of his body and his blood (cf. Mt 26:26-29; Mk 14:22-25); Lk 22:19-20) and the definitive table of the messianic banquet in Heaven (cf. Lk 14:15ff; Rev 3:20; 19:9). He is the Royal Shepherd, king in docility and in forgiveness, enthroned on the glorious wood of the cross (cf. Jn 3:13-15; 12:32; 17:4-5)."

~Pope Benedict XVI

(http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/b...011/documents/hf_ben-xvi_aud_20111005_en.html)

 

[Bookcat]

What are the ‘examinations of conscience’ and where do I find that?

Here is one from Catholic Answers (the adult one is good):

shop.catholic.com/tag/product/list/tagId/56/

Also you can see this short one online

catholicnewsagency.com/resources/sacraments/reconciliation/examination-of-conscience/

More info here:catholicnewsagency.com/resources/sacraments/reconciliation/

And the moral section of the Compendium can be of help:

vatican.va/archive/compendium_ccc/documents/archive_2005_compendium-ccc_en.html

Or the longer treatment of the Catechism.

 

[Bookcat]

I was worried that I had to have names and numbers, exactly for them to be forgiven, which is impossible at this date. I actually like the idea of a confession, saying it aloud to another person is different than asking in private for forgiveness. I probably will write out as much as I can remember, just because.

No worries. We are yes required go to give “kind and number” for mortal sins - “lying under oath 6X” (one has to get to what the mortal sin was and the number)…but we examine our conscience well and if we do not know the actual number for a mortal sin - one may then approximate according to what one does know - around 5 …even if that means “many times”. * We are not expected to do the impossible or to be “Mr. Spock”. * Especially over a long period of time.

Venial sins can be rather general.

I too am a convert - trust me once you get to where you can go to confession - it is a great joy despite the nervousness. And all these years later I love to go to frequent confession for venial sins - it really helps one to follow Christ and is a joy.
*
If you use a list - make sure to destroy it well afterwards!*

And if you forget a mortal sin - but were repentant for all mortal sins and seeking to confess ones mortal sins - they are forgiven “indirectly” with the rest. That goes too for those things that are not possible to be remembered when you examine your conscience - no worries - be sorry for all your mortal sins and they too will be absolved.

If one later remembers it then one is to confess it in the next confession.

Jimmy Akin the senior apologist at Catholic Answers: jimmyakin.com/2006/09/a_reader_writes_1.html

---

And let us remember Jesus of Nazareth is The Lamb and the Good Shepherd…

"Jesus is called the Lamb: He is the Lamb who takes away the sin of the world. Someone might think: but how can a lamb, which is so weak, a weak little lamb, how can it take away so many sins, so much wickedness? With Love. With his meekness. Jesus never ceased being a lamb: meek, good, full of love, close to the little ones, close to the poor. He was there, among the people, healing everyone, teaching, praying. Jesus, so weak, like a lamb. However, he had the strength to take all our sins upon himself, all of them.

“But, Father, you don’t know my life: I have a sin that…, I can’t even carry it with a truck…”.

Many times, when we examine our conscience, we find some there that are truly bad! But he carries them. He came for this: to forgive, to make peace in the world, but first in the heart. Perhaps each one of us feels troubled in his heart, perhaps he experiences darkness in his heart, perhaps he feels a little sad over a fault… He has come to take away all of this, He gives us peace, he forgives everything. “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away sin”: he takes away sin, it’s root and all! This is salvation Jesus brings about by his love and his meekness. And in listening to what John the Baptist says, who bears witness to Jesus as the Saviour, our confidence in Jesus should grow. Many times we trust a doctor: it is good, because the doctor is there to cure us; we trust in a person: brothers and sisters can help us. It is good to have this human trust among ourselves. But we forget about trust in the Lord: this is the key to success in life. Trust in the Lord, let us trust in the Lord! “Lord, look at my life: I’m in the dark, I have this struggle, I have this sin…”; everything we have: “Look at this: I trust in you!”. And this is a risk we must take: to trust in Him, and He never disappoints."

~Pope Francis

vatican.va/holy_father/francesco/homilies/2014/documents/papa-francesco_20140119_omelia-parrocchia-sacro-cuore-gesu_en.html

"Jesus is the “Good Shepherd” who goes in search of lost sheep, who knows his sheep and lays down his life for them (cf. Mt 18:12-14; Lk 15:4-7; Jn 10:2-4, 11-18). He is the way, the right path that leads us to life (cf. Jn 14:6), the light that illuminates the dark valley and overcomes all our fears (cf. Jn 1:9; 8:12; 9:5; 12:46).

He is the generous host who welcomes us and rescues us from our enemies, preparing for us the table of his body and his blood (cf. Mt 26:26-29; Mk 14:22-25); Lk 22:19-20) and the definitive table of the messianic banquet in Heaven (cf. Lk 14:15ff; Rev 3:20; 19:9). He is the Royal Shepherd, king in docility and in forgiveness, enthroned on the glorious wood of the cross (cf. Jn 3:13-15; 12:32; 17:4-5)."

~ Pope Benedict XVI

vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/audiences/2011/documents/hf_ben-xvi_aud_20111005_en.html

 

[Don_Ruggero]

In March, Pope Francis gave a most incredible and lovely meditation on what it is to be a confessor and how we are to fulfill that ministry and I happily share this article about it with you, jimsnew.

What he writes puts into splendid words what those of us who are confessors actually experience and should exude in the administration of this sacrament.

It is a profound meditation from the Vicar of Christ, our Holy Father, on how we are to love and cherish and live this sacrament…priests and laity. It has much to say. I have returned often to it and now I share it with you as I think it is a gift also for you, in those parts where he speaks about what is critical to confession and also about journey. May you be filled with profound peace as you prepare to receive this very special sacrament.

+++++

Confession should be an experience of “peace and understanding” and never one of “torture”, Pope Francis has said.

Addressing 500 seminarians and newly ordained priests at the Vatican, the Pope said, “Everyone should leave the confessional with happiness in their hearts and a face radiant with hope even if sometimes, as we all know, it is bathed with the tears of conversion and the joy that comes from that.”

The seminarians and priests were attending a course on the sacrament of penance organised by the Apostolic Penitentiary, the Vatican office that also coordinates the work of confessors in St Peter’s Basilica and the other major basilicas in Rome.

Hearing a Confession should be awe-inspiring for a priest, an experience that makes him look at his own life and willingness to convert, Pope Francis told the men who hear Confessions in the major basilicas of Rome.

“Let yourselves be educated by the sacrament of reconciliation,” he said.

Hearing someone’s Confession, he said, should lead the priest to make an examination of his conscience, asking, for example, “Do I, the priest, love the Lord like this old lady does?” or, “Am I, as a confessor, willing to change and convert like this penitent, who I am here to serve?”

“These people edify us. They edify us,” the Pope said.

Cardinal Mauro Piacenza, head of the Apostolic Penitentiary, introduced the Pope and thanked him for emphasising the importance of the sacrament of reconciliation during his first two years in office. “In everyone’s hearts,” he said, “you are the Pope of mercy.”

Pope Francis, who made substantial additions to his prepared text, told the priests and seminarians that in their ministry, the sacrament of reconciliation must be an opportunity to educate Catholics about God’s unending mercy and an opportunity for priests themselves to grow in holiness.

The only people God will not forgive are those who do not want God’s forgiveness, just like only those who stand in the shade are not warmed on a sunny day, Pope Francis said.

A good minister of God’s mercy, he said, is one who is able to find balance, gently leading the penitent to recognise his or her sins without conducting “a heavy, finicky and invasive interrogation”.

Taking both God and the penitent seriously, he said, means not pretending that nothing the person confesses is really a sin, but neither can the priest put on the robes of a judge.

“Too often people confuse being merciful with being lenient,” he said. Saying, “Oh, go on, that’s not a sin” is just as bad as insisting over and over, “but the law says this,” he told them. “Neither response takes the penitent by the hand and accompanies him or her on the journey of conversion.”

“This is very important,” he said. “Mercy means taking a brother or sister by the hand and helping him or her walk.”

The best way to find the right balance, the Pope told the group, is for the priest to pray often and to recognise his own sinfulness and need for mercy.

“If you’ve never done that horrible thing the penitent tells you about, it’s always because of God’s grace,” he said.

Administering the sacrament of confession is a blessing, the Pope said. It is the occasion for seeing how good people are and how sincerely they love God. Most priests, he said, will have witnessed “real and true miracles of conversion” in the confessional.

“How beautiful it is to welcome these repentant brothers and sisters with the blessing embrace of the merciful Father,” the Pope said.

Priests always must remember that they were not chosen as priests because of their expertise in theology or canon law or because they have a special talent, he said. “We all have been made ministers of God’s mercy purely by the grace of God, freely and for love, or rather, for mercy.”

Remember, he said, “I’ve done this, this and this, but now I am called to forgive.”

When listening to someone confess a sin “with so much pain or fragility,” Pope Francis said, the priest should experience shame for his own sins. “This is a grace.”

catholicherald.co.uk/news/2015/03/13/confession-should-not-be-a-form-of-torture-says-pope-francis/

 

[DAML72]

You have already gotten a lot of great advice. I will just share my experience as a convert. I came into the church when I was 40, and I had a lot to confess. I was anxious to do so, and was thinking about it and preparing for it for months. I went over various examinations of conscience, wrote it all out, then tried to boil it down as much as I could into general terms, being perhaps a bit more specific for the most serious sins (but leaving out details, of course - the Confessor does not want the gory details).

Keep in mind your first confession will most likely be during Lent, and the priests are exhausted, so they will appreciate you trying to keep it condensed. I went into the confessional with about 4 memo-sized pages written - I think it was both sides. After I read the first paragraph, the priest counseled me, then was ready to give me my penance (even though he knew it was my first confession). I said, ‘Father, I’m not done, I have more to confess.’ I read the next paragraph or two, he counseled me more, was about to give me my penance again, and I said with a bit of a chuckle, “Father, I’m 40 years old, and this is my first confession, I have a lot more.” Lol. Anyway, at first I felt a little like he just wanted to get through it, as they all do at that time of the year, but as the confession went on, the atmosphere changed, and it became a very beautiful experience. I won’t say that I felt an immediate relief like was advertised (and that probably had a lot to do with the fact that, when I left the confessional, I realized my car alarm had been going off the whole time and I had to run out and take care of that and do my penance in the car), but looking back, when I am tempted to return to guilt for the sins that I confessed that day, I feel so much peace because I know I gave a really good confession.

So, my advice would be to do what you need to do for your own peace of mind. If you feel the need to be more specific about something, then do that. But no, you don’t need to detail every instance of sin your whole life. I would focus on the gravest sins and then speak in terms of your habitual sins.

Another thing I would also suggest - I decided that, even though I was not raised Catholic and there were perhaps grave sins that would not necessarily be mortal for me because of lack of knowledge, I basically left out any mitigating factors. Just lay it all out there - if the priest wants to know more, he’ll ask. Oh, and consider asking Padre Pio to pray for you - for a good, thorough confession and to make sure you have the right confessor.

Welcome to the church, and best of luck. You are on a beautiful journey!

 

[AttendeDomine]

What are the ‘examinations of conscience’ and where do I find that?

An examination of conscience is basically a list of sins which have the potential to be mortal sins. We should invoke the Holy Spirit, and then read through a good examination to analyze our moral lives, and to help provide us with material for Confession. There’s lots of different examinations, but I have a couple of good ones to recommend.

The first is this one: sensustraditionis.org/ExaminationConscienceLong.pdf. (Keep in mind that the mere fact of a sin being listed does not make it mortally or gravely sinful. For example, neglect of prayer is obviously a sin. But it can be both venially and mortally sinful: praying once every three months is different from praying for a few seconds a day. Knowing the difference between the two becomes easier the more experience you gain.)

Also of use might be this one, which very conveniently separates venial from mortal sins: catholicparents.org/oxcart/Examination%20of%20Conscience.pdf

Also, I would **REALLY **urge you to purchase this little book: amazon.com/Go-Peace-Guide-Purpose-Confession/dp/1932927956. It will tremendously help answer just about any question you might have about Confession, and it will guide you in your approach in a gentle but orthodox way.

 

[jimsnew]

You have already gotten a lot of great advice. I will just share my experience as a convert. I came into the church when I was 40, and I had a lot to confess. I was anxious to do so, and was thinking about it and preparing for it for months. I went over various examinations of conscience, wrote it all out, then tried to boil it down as much as I could into general terms, being perhaps a bit more specific for the most serious sins (but leaving out details, of course - the Confessor does not want the gory details).

Keep in mind your first confession will most likely be during Lent, and the priests are exhausted, so they will appreciate you trying to keep it condensed. I went into the confessional with about 4 memo-sized pages written - I think it was both sides. After I read the first paragraph, the priest counseled me, then was ready to give me my penance (even though he knew it was my first confession). I said, ‘Father, I’m not done, I have more to confess.’ I read the next paragraph or two, he counseled me more, was about to give me my penance again, and I said with a bit of a chuckle, “Father, I’m 40 years old, and this is my first confession, I have a lot more.” Lol. Anyway, at first I felt a little like he just wanted to get through it, as they all do at that time of the year, but as the confession went on, the atmosphere changed, and it became a very beautiful experience. I won’t say that I felt an immediate relief like was advertised (and that probably had a lot to do with the fact that, when I left the confessional, I realized my car alarm had been going off the whole time and I had to run out and take care of that and do my penance in the car), but looking back, when I am tempted to return to guilt for the sins that I confessed that day, I feel so much peace because I know I gave a really good confession.

So, my advice would be to do what you need to do for your own peace of mind. If you feel the need to be more specific about something, then do that. But no, you don’t need to detail every instance of sin your whole life. I would focus on the gravest sins and then speak in terms of your habitual sins.

Another thing I would also suggest - I decided that, even though I was not raised Catholic and there were perhaps grave sins that would not necessarily be mortal for me because of lack of knowledge, I basically left out any mitigating factors. Just lay it all out there - if the priest wants to know more, he’ll ask. Oh, and consider asking Padre Pio to pray for you - for a good, thorough confession and to make sure you have the right confessor.

Welcome to the church, and best of luck. You are on a beautiful journey!

Sounds like I’m not the only one! I was afraid it would take hours!

 

[jimsnew]

Thanks to everyone, but I get ahead of my RCIA classes, and honestly a good bit of the teaching is review from Bible study as a kid. I seem to just get one thing figured out, then have questions about everything else, but I’ve been listening to some of the Catholic Answers Live broadcasts, etc mainly because I don’t want to feel uneducated about what I’m doing. I’m by nature a voracious reader and one that likes to study whatever I’m doing, rather than just muddle along.

Sorry for all the questions, but I’m sure I’ll come up with more.