Questions about a guy

[fin]

I met a guy online who wants to know me better. We messaged and talked on the phone. We are from the same area. Last week I was sick and gave a late response. I told him that and he seemed annoyed, saying how can he know me more if I did not communicate often. I was relieved, thinking he was not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, because I only want to be friends with him. He asked me out for the weekend but I still wasn’t feeling that well.

I did not hear from him for several days, then last night he called. I hesitated in answering; I thought I would never hear from him again. We talked and texted. He said that we should continue communicating since we are both looking for that special someone and see how it goes. This guy says he is serious about his faith, goes to daily Mass, and obeys Church teachings. I wonder if he is okay in general, because he did not even ask how I was doing when I was sick, like it never happened It is so different with my gal pal who asked a lot of questions when she found out I got sick, and telling me to be careful with what I eat. He said that from now on, he wants us to give more time for each other; I didn’t say yes or no.

I was wondering if I should tell him now that I just want to be friends, or give it more time? I’m already thinking of possible reasons to give him, like him being a little younger, or he’s out of my league, or something. I already told him that I have several flaws. He said he’s also imperfect, and that I seemed to be a good girl. I don’t even know if it’s a good idea to meet each other in person. I’m kind of wary with a few things, like when he repeatedly asked for my address and he asked again last night but I didn’t give it. Or in a previous conversation when he said that most men only think about their own pleasure and satisfaction. Seems a bit negative to me.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

After reading your post my spidey sense is tingling.

I met a guy online who wants to know me better. We messaged and talked on the phone. We are from the same area. Last week I was sick and gave a late response. I told him that and he seemed annoyed, saying how can he know me more if I did not communicate often. I was relieved, thinking he was not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, because I only want to be friends with him. He asked me out for the weekend but I still wasn’t feeling that well.

The bolded is worrisome to me.

I did not hear from him for several days, then last night he called. I hesitated in answering; I thought I would never hear from him again.

Were you hoping he wouldn’t call so you wouldn’t have to let him down?

We talked and texted. He said that we should continue communicating since we are both looking for that special someone and see how it goes.

How long have you been communicating?

This guy says he is serious about his faith, goes to daily Mass, and obeys Church teachings.

Unfortunately, there are some very not nice people who do the same thing.

I wonder if he is okay in general, because he did not even ask how I was doing when I was sick, like it never happened It is so different with my gal pal who asked a lot of questions when she found out I got sick, and telling me to be careful with what I eat.

You can probably expect the same if you are dating.

He said that from now on, he wants us to give more time for each other; I didn’t say yes or no.

He seems rather pushy.

I was wondering if I should tell him now that I just want to be friends, or give it more time? I’m already thinking of possible reasons to give him, like him being a little younger, or he’s out of my league, or something.

I’m not going to tell you what to do or think, but it seems like you are already looking for a way out. Trust your gut. He doesn’t have to be a serial killer or potential abuser to be a “no” for you.

I already told him that I have several flaws. He said he’s also imperfect, and that I seemed to be a good girl.

This is why I wouldn’t give him a reason for going your separate ways. He will just find another way to argue with you and undermine your reasoning. If you are not feeling it he should respect that.

I don’t even know if it’s a good idea to meet each other in person.

I’m thinking probably not. I met someone online and when we wanted to meet it was mutual but we also IM’d, emailed and talked for quite some time before meeting and even then it was brief because it was a stopover between flights. It was public with a scheduled getaway.

I’m kind of wary with a few things, like when he repeatedly asked for my address and he asked again last night but I didn’t give it.

Very smart. Like I said, trust your gut.

Or in a previous conversation when he said that most men only think about their own pleasure and satisfaction. Seems a bit negative to me.

Yeah, and he’s trying to distance himself from the kind of guy he probably is. Like the guy who rants about how bad porn is but you find a subscription card between the sofa cushions.

 

[fin]

Hi Bruised Reed,

Yes, I was hoping he would lose interest in communicating with me. We have been conversing since December, a month ago. And yes, I did get the impression that he was rather pushy.

I don’t know what I’m going to say when he texts or calls. Perhaps ignore them and say I was busy…

After reading your post my spidey sense is tingling.

The bolded is worrisome to me.

Were you hoping he wouldn’t call so you wouldn’t have to let him down?

How long have you been communicating? Unfortunately, there are some very not nice people who do the same thing.

You can probably expect the same if you are dating.

He seems rather pushy.

I’m not going to tell you what to do or think, but it seems like you are already looking for a way out. Trust your gut. He doesn’t have to be a serial killer or potential abuser to be a “no” for you.

This is why I wouldn’t give him a reason for going your separate ways. He will just find another way to argue with you and undermine your reasoning. If you are not feeling it he should respect that.

I’m thinking probably not. I met someone online and when we wanted to meet it was mutual but we also IM’d, emailed and talked for quite some time before meeting and even then it was brief because it was a stopover between flights. It was public with a scheduled getaway.

Very smart. Like I said, trust your gut.

Yeah, and he’s trying to distance himself from the kind of guy he probably is. Like the guy who rants about how bad porn is but you find a subscription card between the sofa cushions.

 

[1ke]

This person could be dangerous. Under no circumstances give out identifying information that could lead to his ability to locate you. Do not give your address. Do not meet him.

There are numerous red flags, and he sounds like trouble. I would not try to let him down easily, I would tell him that I am not interested and to please not contact me again. You may need to block him from your communications.

Please be very careful in your future interactions with men online. Do not give your phone number, full name, etc. These things make it easy to find you.

 

[z_0101]

:bigyikes: :bigyikes: :bigyikes: run, don’t walk, away from this situation, I won’t rehash the above analysis of the posts as I think you should be able to see the red-flags!.
Also keep every text and email… you may need these to establish cause for a restraining order.

 

[Irishmom2]

The very fact that you are here having to ask about him shows something is not right with him. He sounds pushy and controlling and you haven’t even met in person yet!

Under no circumstances should you give him your address. I would just say that you are no longer interested in continuing to talk to him. No reason, no white lies. Just say it isn’t working out for you and leave it at that. If he asks for more details don’t get into it with him. You owe him nothing.

 

[Robyn_p]

Yeah I’m with everybody else here. This doesn’t sound good. The fact that he’s being so pushy when he’s never even met you is creepy. Go with your gut. You’re uncomfortable about this for a reason.

 

[z_0101]

St Micheal the Archangel and all of the Angels and Saints

Please hear our prayer, protect this young lady from any and harm that this person intends her.

St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls.

We ask this in the name of the Father and of Son and of the Holy Spirit
Amen…

 

[esieffe]

I pray you do not ignore your own misgivings about this, as well as the feedback you have gotten here. This guy seem manipulative at best. The fact he said most guys are just out for sex bothers me a great deal, I am not sure why. I am feeling danger here. He should have inquired about your health, over and over again. He assumed you lied about being sick because others have done it to escape him and or he does it himself.

He is hounding you for your address? Any normal guy would understand that he should let YOU offer to give him your address after several face to face encounters over dinner. Your afraid of him already aren’t you? Don’t ignore that. I would be afraid. Other posters here are afraid for you.

A good out might be to tell him you need some time to think things over. [Lots and lots of time.] Then block his number, and filter his email straight to the trash. Then pray for protection.

 

[Rob_in_Oregon]

I’m in agreement with the other posters. This man sounds dangerous. If I were you, I’d get out of this as soon as possible, and not give him any personal information.

 

[on_the_hill]

Well…it’s easy to be pushy online. I wouldn’t necessarily take it to be a danger sign.

To answer one of the first questions, yes, tell him you only want friendship, right from the start.

 

[PolarGuy]

Guy talking here: this man sounds like bad news. Take 1kes advice; run, don’t walk; and block his calls and emails. He sounds like bad news.

On the hill, OP is already hoping he goes away. She shouldn’t have any further contact. Pushy on line? It’s never ok to be pushy with a young woman you’re interested in, especially to be pushy about getting her home address. That’s not pushy, it’s scary. Scary.

 

[styrgwillidar]

I .

…
I was wondering if I should tell him now that I just want to be friends, or give it more time? I’m already thinking of possible reasons to give him…

Well, trust your gut. The way he’s acting-- do you actually want to be friends with him? To what limit- i.e. just online/penpal kind of thing?

You do owe someone honesty if there seems to be a large imbalance in the interests. If you just want someone to converse with online- be upfront and let him know that’s all you’re interested in maintaining. Let him know he will need to look somewhere else for his special person- it isn’t you. ANY and I mean ANY indication he doesn’t accept that- then like most of the other posters have said, end things completely.

You do not owe him any explanation or rationale - you feel how you feel, why is your business. This isn’t a long courtship where he has invested a lot of time and you’ve given him indications of interest. This is an online pal you really don’t know very well at all, who has tried to push your boundaries on things like your address. A polite, I’m no longer interested in communicating with you, have a good life is more than appropriate. Again, you don’t owe him any explanation.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I met a guy online who wants to know me better. We messaged and talked on the phone. We are from the same area. Last week I was sick and gave a late response. I told him that and he seemed annoyed, saying how can he know me more if I did not communicate often. I was relieved, thinking he was not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, because I only want to be friends with him. He asked me out for the weekend but I still wasn’t feeling that well.

I did not hear from him for several days, then last night he called. I hesitated in answering; I thought I would never hear from him again. We talked and texted. He said that we should continue communicating since we are both looking for that special someone and see how it goes. This guy says he is serious about his faith, goes to daily Mass, and obeys Church teachings. I wonder if he is okay in general, because he did not even ask how I was doing when I was sick, like it never happened It is so different with my gal pal who asked a lot of questions when she found out I got sick, and telling me to be careful with what I eat. He said that from now on, he wants us to give more time for each other; I didn’t say yes or no.

I was wondering if I should tell him now that I just want to be friends, or give it more time? I’m already thinking of possible reasons to give him, like him being a little younger, or he’s out of my league, or something. I already told him that I have several flaws. He said he’s also imperfect, and that I seemed to be a good girl. I don’t even know if it’s a good idea to meet each other in person. I’m kind of wary with a few things, like when he repeatedly asked for my address and he asked again last night but I didn’t give it. Or in a previous conversation when he said that most men only think about their own pleasure and satisfaction. Seems a bit negative to me.

You are clearly not interested in him and you need to make that clear. It is also for his benefit that you do so. That you were sick and his response was anything more than worrying about how you are doing, is concerning. I see red flags, plus the idea that you obviously do not like him, means cut off all contact. And do not worry about being rude or such, just cut it off.

 

[decatholic]

When in doubt don’t. Pretty simple- sometimes hard to do.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Online dating is like a crapshoot. I tried it for a while. Works for some but very few in reality.

First law of online dating is don’t take it too seriously. View it as a way to meet someone who might be a really cool friend but the love of your life that sort only comes after you meet and get to know each other. No one should ever push the other person for more info or moving the relationship ahead faster than the other person is comfortable. Any guy who tried to get you to move too fast is either a player, a commitment phobic (out for a fast thrill only to drop you a short while later) or a scammer.

A guy who is serious may ask to meet right away I don’t think that’s bad as it’s something I like to do sooner rather then later if the other person sounds ok …it’s less time wasted on both sides but never give them id information like where you live, your last name, phone number even unless you’ve met them and feel ok with it. My rule was a guy never got my last name till we had been out 3xs. I may be more open on a phone number because that’s easier to change if things go bad.

Putting all that aside the biggest red flag I noted was you said he called you a “good girl”…that’s never a good thing when a guy says that…it’s sort of creepy really like their looking for a school girl or something. Just the vibe I get you’d have to judge for yourself. Best of luck and prayers.

 

[z_0101]

Guy talking here: this man sounds like bad news. Take 1kes advice; run, don’t walk; and block his calls and emails. He sounds like bad news.

On the hill, OP is already hoping he goes away. She shouldn’t have any further contact. Pushy on line? It’s never ok to be pushy with a young woman you’re interested in, especially to be pushy about getting her home address. That’s not pushy, it’s scary. Scary.

 

[z_0101]

You are clearly not interested in him and you need to make that clear. It is also for his benefit that you do so. That you were sick and his response was anything more than worrying about how you are doing, is concerning. I see red flags, plus the idea that you obviously do not like him, means cut off all contact. And do not worry about being rude or such, just cut it off.