Questions About Anger

[FlatAffect]

Is it okay to go to Communion if you are angry with someone? How upset to you have to be before you shouldn’t go? And if you are angry at a multiple groups of people, what should you do? We saw in the Gospel reading this week that Jesus wants us to settle our anger with our brothers before we go to the Altar.

If you are angry with someone, should you let them know–even if you know that telling that person would cause them a lot of pain? It is better to suck it up and work on it internally? Jesus says he desires mercy, not sacrifice, but what if the act of mercy is sacrificing your feelings to avoid hurting someone else?

Are you lying to someone if you don’t let them know you are angry with them and pretend everything is okay?

 

[PBP]

Is it okay to go to Communion if you are angry with someone? How upset to you have to be before you shouldn’t go? And if you are angry at a multiple groups of people, what should you do? We saw in the Gospel reading this week that Jesus wants us to settle our anger with our brothers before we go to the Altar.

If you are angry with someone, should you let them know–even if you know that telling that person would cause them a lot of pain? It is better to suck it up and work on it internally? Jesus says he desires mercy, not sacrifice, but what if the act of mercy is sacrificing your feelings to avoid hurting someone else?

Are you lying to someone if you don’t let them know you are angry with them and pretend everything is okay?

Being angry with someone is ok as long as you are not malicious in word or action. St. Paul (I think) warns against offering sacrifices and receiving communion if holding a grudge. This is why the sign of peace is so important.

 

[Trishie]

If you’re not intending to voice your anger to the person involved, it might be good for your mental and emotional health to tell God exactly how you feel and why. A sense of justice is very alive in us from infancy. It’s not for me to figure whether or not it might help the other person to grow if you calmly and quietly say, "I feel angry because… "your feelings are your own so you can’t blame anyone else for your reaction, you can’t say “You made/make me angry…” because that gives your responsibility for your own feelings away. But you may need to acknowledge your anger clearly to God if you don’t feel you can to the person or people involved. Face your anger with God.

It is also healthy…if you find you can’t forgive, or any sense of forgiveness quickly dissipates…to speak honestly with God about that. Then say to God, I find I can’t forgive, or retain forgiveness towards, this injustice or hurt. I have to trust You to forgive them in me, and I ask You to forgive them, however hurt I feel. But I also ask You to heal my hurt, to begin and to heal this hurt and anger. " You may need to do this over and over…but you’re doing the best you can by asking God to forgive them in you. Your intention is good.

Finally, whatever you feel about the way they have acted and whatever you feel about them at anytime, the healthy and charitable thing is to pray for them. Pray for their wellbeing.

In doing these things you have done the best you can manage. You may need to repeat them many times…but you can go th the Sacraments with a pure heart.

I wrote the following prayer to help me with forgiveness. Maybe it’s of use to you. All God’s loving blessings to you…Trishie

Forgiveness
Dear God, You do not merely suggest that we love and forgive each other. You command it. Yet sometimes it is difficult to love and forgive. I ask grace to pray for anyone who hurts loved ones or me through misunderstanding, frailty, or malice. I ask grace not to judge anyone for real or imagined injustice or injury.

You know all judgments that I have made in my life since infancy, even those so habitual that I hardly notice. They may contribute to unloving or mistrustful attitude, and thus prevent me from living a life of love, grace and joy.

Every time anyone hurts or angers me, let Your grace remind me to acknowledge my real feelings. The matter may be trivial, but if ignored, my feelings may fester into resentment. Grant me forgiveness that rejects negative feelings and leads to compassion and reconciliation.

Heal my lack of love for myself, for any other, and for You. Let me view my flaws and others’ with humility and patience.
God, I forgive and bless anyone who hurts or neglects my loved ones or me. Restore and bless anyone I have offended or neglected. Give them grace to accept my repentance. Procure reconciliation where I am afraid to risk the other’s bitterness or rejection.

Holy Spirit please go to each person I have ever hurt, flooding him or her God’s abundant gifts of love and healing. Allow us to experience Your love, and help us to accept Your will, Your timing and Your ways. I trust all relationships and situations into Your love. 2001

 

[KingAlfred]

Is it okay to go to Communion if you are angry with someone? How upset to you have to be before you shouldn’t go? And if you are angry at a multiple groups of people, what should you do? We saw in the Gospel reading this week that Jesus wants us to settle our anger with our brothers before we go to the Altar.

If you are angry with someone, should you let them know–even if you know that telling that person would cause them a lot of pain? It is better to suck it up and work on it internally? Jesus says he desires mercy, not sacrifice, but what if the act of mercy is sacrificing your feelings to avoid hurting someone else?

Are you lying to someone if you don’t let them know you are angry with them and pretend everything is okay?

‘People problems’ are a common feature of life. Although we must try to mend our differences, as Christ instructed us, I think it’s safe to say there will always be certain people in our lives with whom we will never get along, but must endure as best we can. I can think of several co-workers who fall into that category. That’s life. As long as we refrain from hostility and do our best to be cordial, I think we’re ‘okay’.

 

[MarieVeronica]

St. Faustina raised this very concern, one day during Mass. She gives this account, in her Diary (1628)…

"During Holy Mass, I saw Jesus stretched out on the Cross, and He said to me, “My pupil, have great love for those who cause you suffering. Do good to those who hate you”. I answered, “O my Master, You see very well that I feel no love for them, and that troubles me”. Jesus answered, “It is not always within your power to control your feelings. You will recognize that you have love if, after having experienced annoyance and contradiction, you do not lose your peace, but pray for those who have made you suffer and wish them well”.

Something to think about, for certain. Even if all we can muster up is one Hail Mary… for a person who is causing us distress, it will be greatly pleasing to Our Lord. The more it costs us… to do this… the more pleasing to Jesus. Because we do it, out of love for Him. God bless.