Questions about Convalidation

[sjmitch02]

I’m Episcopalian and my future husband is Roman Catholic. We are getting married in the Episcopalian church back in my hometown by an Episcopalian priest, but we opted to not have a Catholic priest present, which means we opted out of a Dispensation. I respect he’s Roman Catholic and do not expect him to convert, as he respects that I’m Episcopalian and that I do not want to convert to Catholicism.

Anyway, my future husband’s brother had to do a small ceremony in the Catholic church, since he got married at the zoo (so not in a house of God), so we actually assumed - and welcomed the idea - that we would also have to do a small ceremony in the Catholic church, since we were opting out of Dispensation. We wanted/liked that idea of a small ceremony in our Catholic church, because it’s honor/respecting that our faith are different, along with having a way for our family that couldn’t make it to attend such a special part of our lives.

Shortly after getting engaged, my mom started experiencing cognitive issues, which has made it that she cannot be invited to my Episcopalian wedding due to those issues, which is a long story in itself. However, since we were already planning on a small second ceremony after our Episcopalian ceremony when we got back home in the Catholic Church, we thought it was a great way to include my mom (she can no longer handle big crowds, and since this would be smaller, this is better/easier for her brain to understand/enjoy).

I briefly spoke with a Catholic deacon in regards to this matter today, and he informed me that it’s actually called a Convalidation, and it is not considered a “second ceremony”. He also informed me that we shouldn’t look at it as a second ceremony, or even call it that, because it would not be a “big wedding”, but we never intended this Convalidation to be big. That was the point: intimacy and respect. Even before the issues with my mom, we were wanting a small ceremony in the Catholic church afterwards.

So now I’m a little confused, because everything I’m seeing online from people who have actually done Convalidations, are saying it was a second ceremony… I just wanted to get more information on a Convalidation, and see if this is a good way to have our “second ceremony” to have our marriage validated in my future husband’s religion, while creating a way for my mom to be involved in “a wedding planning process”. I also wanted to know if I needed to do Pre-Cana in order to do Convalidation? Mainly, I wanted to know what information I need since I do not plan on converting, but would still love to do this ceremony out of respect for my faith with God, and my future husband’s faith with God.

Thanks in advance.

 

[1ke]

but we opted to not have a Catholic priest present, which means we opted out of a Dispensation. I respect he’s Roman Catholic and do not expect hi

This is a duplicate post, several people have already answered your question.

First of all you do not need a Catholic priest present if you get a dispensation from Catholic form. There is no reason to pursue a marriage in the Episcopal church and a convalidation in the Catholic Church. You can simply get the dispensation and have a valid marriage in the first place

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

You’re approaching this backwards. Instead of planning for an invalid marriage that you will convalidate later, why not do it right in the first place. Meet with your husband’s pastor and take the steps needed for a dispensation to be married in your church. No convalidation will be needed because you will have taken things in the right order.

 

[Hereiam]

Talk to a priest…you are likely to get a mix of answers from this site…Advice given here is free, and quite often only worth every cent you pay for it!

 

[Vico]

I’m Episcopalian and my future husband is Roman Catholic. …

Catholic Diocese of Witchta:

Marriages between two Catholics are to be celebrated in a parish church. Marriages between a
Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic person are to be celebrated in a parish church or in a
church of the non-Catholic with the granting of a dispensation from canonical form and
permission for extraordinary place along with the permission for a mixed marriage.
…
To avoid scandal and confusion, couples may not plan two separate ceremonies (i.e. a civil or
other religious ceremony in addition to a Catholic Church ceremony, e.g. a small ceremony in
the Catholic parish and an additional ceremony prior or later outdoors, etc.)

http://catholicdioceseofwichita.org...o-be-married-in-an-extraordinary-place-1/file

 

[mjmiller1024]

I recently had my marriage convalidated on March 17, 2018 (my husband is Catholic and I’m in the RCIA process now). The Thursday before we met with the priest who asked my husband and I a few questions separately, about a half hour total time I would say. Then that Saturday my husband and I, along with our three children and parents who were our witnesses went through the ceremony which consisted of an opening prayer, a reading from the Gospel, and exchanging of vows and rings. A total of 15 minutes. There was no pre-cana, no walking down the aisle, it was a simple exchange in the church.

 

[sjmitch02]

Initially, we thought we needed the Convalidation after our wedding, then a Dispensation was explained to us, which we were going to do, but then everything happened with my mother’s cognitive issues, so we wanted to re-explore the idea of a Convalidation in order for my mother to be a part of the wedding.

 

[sjmitch02]

Thank you so much, this is information that’s nice to hear and appreciated. I know that it all depends on your parish, so we will have to speak directly with the Pastor at my husband’s church in regards to this, but thank you for sharing your experience with me

 

[RoseScented]

I think what the deacon was trying to get at with the “it isn’t a second ceremony” thing and it’s not a “big wedding” is that a Convalidation isn’t a second wedding where people show up if they aren’t able to make it to the first wedding. It is a ceremony where weddings are made valid and recognized by the Catholic Church because something was lacking in the wedding ceremony on the Catholic’s (in this case your husband) part in his responsibility to the sacrament of marriage and being married in the Catholic Church. Your future husband has a responsibility to marry you in a manner that he works with his priest or deacon on; in this case getting a Dispensation to marry in an Episcopal church. Right now, they way you have worded things, it seems like you are treating a Convalidation as a chance for others see you marry when in fact the Catholic Church is having you do the Convalidation because your marriage was not valid for your future husband.

Hopefully, since you both are not yet married you have both also already been doing the pre-cana classes as well. Even as a non-Catholic you are expected to learn and acknowledge what it means for your husband (the Catholic) to be married in the Catholic Church and what expectations there are for you in the marriage as well.

 

[Horton]

I recently had my marriage convalidated on March 17, 2018 (my husband is Catholic and I’m in the RCIA process now). The Thursday before we met with the priest who asked my husband and I a few questions separately, about a half hour total time I would say. Then that Saturday my husband and I, along with our three children and parents who were our witnesses went through the ceremony which consisted of an opening prayer, a reading from the Gospel, and exchanging of vows and rings. A total of 15 minutes. There was no pre-cana, no walking down the aisle, it was a simple exchange in the church.

Thank you so much, this is information that’s nice to hear and appreciated. I know that it all depends on your parish, so we will have to speak directly with the Pastor at my husband’s church in regards to this, but thank you for sharing your experience with me

These are two very different situations. @mjmiller1024 had a previous non sacramental marriage made sacramental after she entered the Catholic Church.

To avoid scandal and confusion, couples may not plan two separate ceremonies (i.e. a civil or other religious ceremony in addition to a Catholic Church ceremony, e.g. a small ceremony in the Catholic parish and an additional ceremony prior or later outdoors, etc.)

This is the key quote you need to pay attention to.

 

[1ke]

These are two very different situations. @mjmiller1024 had a previous non sacramental marriage made sacramental after she entered the Catholic Church.

Actually, no, this would be the same situation. In both cases, A Catholic married (or in the case of the OP plans to marry) a non-Catholic outside the Church without dispensation.

The couple then exchanged (or plans to exchange) consent in Catholic form.

The poster mjmiller spoke to her experience with premarital preparation-- which consisted of a couple of meetings with the priest. Perhaps because they had been married civilly for a long time, we don’t know.

The OP might have the same experience regarding premarital preparation, or might have a totally different experience because it is up to the pastor based on diocesan guidelines.

The only difference is that mjmiller plans to become a Catholic while the OP sjmitch does not.

 

[TheLittleLady]

According to the Church, convalidation is not a “second wedding”, it is the real wedding. It can be as big or as small as the priest will allow/couple wishes.

There are some priests will will not immediately convalidate a marriage that was done intentionally outside the Church, they will want a waiting period of up to 1 year. This is because of the caviler attitude that we humans tend to get “oh, I’ll do it my way then just have it convalidated”… same as the “I’ll just go ahead and sin then go to Confession.” That is actually, for the Catholic, adding the sin of presumption.

 

[Horton]

What I meant is mjmiller1025 convalidated a marriage that was in place already and wasn’t planning two marriage ceremonies at the same time. The OP is planning two ceremonies within the same time frame to concede to her soon to be husband’s faith. I was under the impression this was not to be done.