B
BT3241
Guest
Plenty of other men in the world he’s taken he’s married to Christ - hands off.
- Status
E
edward_george1
Guest
That doesn’t mean to unnecessarily scare people by immediately jumping to “your problem is clearly demonic.” Let’s not give the devil that kind of power.
G
Gab123
Guest
That’s not scaring people, it is sobering people up to the reality of the devil and his tactics. We learn this from Saints such as St. John Bosco who wrote much about how the devil finds his way into the minds of people via seemingly innocent situations.
The OP mentioned the second stage:
I fantasize about us spending time together, nothing romantic/sexual, just talking together usually.
The devil always starts with tiny seeds in the mind, that, if not uprooted, will begin to take root in the mind. Which then readies for the next stage, which is to fantasize; eventually temptation is presented by the devil perfectly justified and rationalized.
Being that priests are especially targeted by hell, the devil’s machinations, schemes, plots, devices, ploys, tricks and tactics, these have to be at least pointed out, especially this day and age.
Simply look up Padre Cutie
The OP mentioned the second stage:
I fantasize about us spending time together, nothing romantic/sexual, just talking together usually.
The devil always starts with tiny seeds in the mind, that, if not uprooted, will begin to take root in the mind. Which then readies for the next stage, which is to fantasize; eventually temptation is presented by the devil perfectly justified and rationalized.
Being that priests are especially targeted by hell, the devil’s machinations, schemes, plots, devices, ploys, tricks and tactics, these have to be at least pointed out, especially this day and age.
Simply look up Padre Cutie
E
eve.mich
Guest
Thank you for your response! I realize what his duties are for, and that they’re not all about me. I’m not misinterpreting any situation in which we talk together if that’s what you were implying. I know he’s just doing a part of his job in being a respectful, active listener, conversationalist, and counselor. I believe I just find myself attracted to these qualities, and others, about him, leading me to find any opportunity to talk to him or roll through my thoughts about him in order to experience the joy I get from being around him. I feel then that I classify my relationship with him as for my enjoyment because I’m really only thinking about the satisfaction it gives me. The fact that he is off limits is what makes it more difficult for me to let go, but thankfully it also prevents me from trying to turn the friendship into something more. Of course, I do care on his part about his vocation. I never had the intention of establishing an inappropriate relationship with him that would put his priesthood or reputation in vain, but I’m realizing now that continuing these thoughts and actions could still be dangerous and end up leading to such unwanted cases.
E
eve.mich
Guest
I know. I’m not trying to tempt him or hurt his vocation. I just enjoy his company/talking with him.
blackforest
Well-known member
When a client develops strong feelings for a therapist, it’s called transference. I think what you’re feeling for your priest is more akin to this than to lust.
I don’t think that transference is a sin. But I do think it’s problematic. For one thing, you’ve developed a particular idealized image of your priest that most likely isn’t accurate or even fair.
For another, if he were to return your feelings, even an “emotional affair” can be extremely harmful to his vocation.
Do a web search on the whole concept of transference. I don’t have a specific answer as to what you should do because I lack enough context. But keep in mind that sometimes the best thing is to distance yourself from him to the extent that you can, even by moving to another parish if possible.
Last edited:
E
eve.mich
Guest
Yes of course. Thank you.
Last edited:
J
Jessie
Guest
But can’t it just be that the poster is friends with the priest? Can’t the priest be friends with women at all? Is this impossible, or always unwise and unthinkable? Surely the priest needs friends too? If they are only seeing each other in public, I mean, meeting alone would be open to question, but enjoying a friendship can’t always be so suspect, surely?
V
VonDerTann
Guest
I think it’s extraordinarily risky, physically and emotionally, for a “friendship” between a woman and a priest, where the woman “fantasizes” about the priest and rather pines for contact with him.
Whether or not it’s sinful or an occasion is sin, it’s also just smart and/or a waste of time for the OP. Every minute OP spends fantasizing; seeing her “friend,” whatever, she’s not only preventing herself finding someone who is available and might pursue her, but she’s also creating a situation where if such a man did come along, she either would compare him unfavorably to the priest, or else she’d make it that much harder to cut ties with the priest or commit to the man.
So under any scenario what she’s doing is really not smart IMHO.
Let’s say you were happily married. Would you be comfortable with your spouse having a friend of the opposite sex who your spouse “fantasizes” about spending time with; happily replays every conversation with, endlessly; and the like, even if they only see each other in public? I suspect you’d have a serious problem with it, and IMHO you’d be right to - it’d be tantamount to an emotional affair by your spouse, even if it really was harmless to the “friend.”
Whether or not it’s sinful or an occasion is sin, it’s also just smart and/or a waste of time for the OP. Every minute OP spends fantasizing; seeing her “friend,” whatever, she’s not only preventing herself finding someone who is available and might pursue her, but she’s also creating a situation where if such a man did come along, she either would compare him unfavorably to the priest, or else she’d make it that much harder to cut ties with the priest or commit to the man.
So under any scenario what she’s doing is really not smart IMHO.
Let’s say you were happily married. Would you be comfortable with your spouse having a friend of the opposite sex who your spouse “fantasizes” about spending time with; happily replays every conversation with, endlessly; and the like, even if they only see each other in public? I suspect you’d have a serious problem with it, and IMHO you’d be right to - it’d be tantamount to an emotional affair by your spouse, even if it really was harmless to the “friend.”
Last edited:
P
PennyinCanada
Guest
And that is why you should do whatever you can to make sure you don’t invent opportunities to have conversations.
Honestly, if you were my friend who found a married man at work very attractive and started sitting with him at lunchtime and enjoying conversations that made you daydream about him, I would advise you to stay clear and don’t give in to the temptation of spending more time with him. Practice this discipline of self denial and offer it in union with Christ for your sins and the sins of others.
E
eve.mich
Guest
Since this is going to be closing in a couple of hours, I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded to my post. I take every response seriously and I am learning to take this whole situation more seriously. I realize more now how wrong it is and I will choose to direct my thoughts, feelings, actions, etc. elsewhere. I doubt I’ll actually see this priest in person for at least couple months (could be more), so this should help me let go of my feelings as well. I’m even beginning to appreciate/admire his choice in vocation now as a priest, because priests truly do so much for us, and that is something to look up to. Don’t worry, I won’t let that give me deeper feelings for him, and really, I think it’ll help me realize instead just how important priests are to this world and that they constantly need our prayers (especially when there’s people like me developing feelings for them, haha [side note: he’s the only one I’ve liked like this]). Of course I’m not completely over him already, but I can already tell a difference in how I feel about him, and one day the only feelings I’ll have towards him is a deep respect (or maybe I’ll end up greatly disliking him, who knows!). Once again, thank you everyone for your help. You will all be in my prayers
Last edited:
- Status