Questions about first confession for an old sinner

[Tommy999]

Would a Protestant who converts to Catholicism in his 50’s be expected to try to remember all the sins he’s ever committed in his lifetime and confess them to the priest on his first confession or just the worst ones that he remembers?

When I have sinned since becoming a Christian in my late teens, I have confessed my sins soon after committing them or when I felt guilt for having done them, which is usually soon afterwards, either immediately or within a day or so.

I received Christ as my personal Lord and Savior at a Billy Graham Crusade, for those of you familiar with Billy Graham crusades and started confessing and repenting of my sins to the Lord at that time.

I confessed them to God in the name of Jesus Christ and I honestly can’t remember all the sins I committed in my lifetime because I believe that God forgave them and removed my transgressions as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12 ).

I find the thought of having to remember all of them again and recount them to a priest a daunting task. I remember my most serious ones, but a person does a lot of sinning in 50+ years, unfortunately.

I am considering Catholicism and find the idea of Reconciliation refreshing, liberating, and necessary along with the possibility of receiving godly counsel from a priest in the process.

However, I suspect my first official confession would be a long one. In my case, I suppose I would need to schedule a special one outside of normal confession hours because I envision my first one being long and a bit embarrassing while recalling the sins of a lifetime.

By the way, how much detail is asked for by the priest? Is it a general description, like “I cheated on a test back in high school” or “I purposely sat next to Mary Lou because she was the best student in the class in that subject and I hadn’t studied appropriately for the exam”.

Is it typical for an older person’s first Reconciliation to be a long one in which he makes a special appointment outside of normal confession hours?

Thanks. Sorry if I am asking too many questions.

 

[St_Pancake]

Would a Protestant who converts to Catholicism in his 50’s be expected to try to remember all the sins he’s ever committed in his lifetime and confess them to the priest on his first confession or just the worst ones that he remembers?

When I have sinned since becoming a Christian in my late teens, I have confessed my sins soon after committing them or when I felt guilt for having done them, which is usually soon afterwards, either immediately or within a day or so.

I received Christ as my personal Lord and Savior at a Billy Graham Crusade, for those of you familiar with Billy Graham crusades and started confessing and repenting of my sins to the Lord at that time.

I confessed them to God in the name of Jesus Christ and I honestly can’t remember all the sins I committed in my lifetime because I believe that God forgave them and removed my transgressions as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12 ).

I find the thought of having to remember all of them again and recount them to a priest a daunting task. I remember my most serious ones, but a person does a lot of sinning in 50+ years, unfortunately.

I am considering Catholicism and find the idea of Reconciliation refreshing, liberating, and necessary along with the possibility of receiving godly counsel from a priest in the process.

However, I suspect my first official confession would be a long one. In my case, I suppose I would need to schedule a special one outside of normal confession hours because I envision my first one being long and a bit embarrassing while recalling the sins of a lifetime.

By the way, how much detail is asked for by the priest? Is it a general description, like “I cheated on a test back in high school” or “I purposely sat next to Mary Lou because she was the best student in the class in that subject and I hadn’t studied appropriately for the exam”.

Is it typical for an older person’s first Reconciliation to be a long one in which he makes a special appointment outside of normal confession hours?

Thanks. Sorry if I am asking too many questions.

As someone that converted to Catholicism slightly less than a year ago, I’m still familiar with the process. I’m also in my 50s, 54 to be exact, so my first confession covered a considerable long time too.

All of your sins prior to baptism, have been forgiven. If you were never baptized, no confession for your prior sins would be necessary as those sins would be forgiven with baptism. If you were baptized in your youth, as I was at the age of 5, then you need to confess all of your sins since then.

You’ve been on this site long enough to know there is a difference in sins. Some are venial and some are mortal. While it is good to confess all sins, it isn’t necessary to confess venial sins. There are three conditions that must be met for a sin to be mortal.

A mortal sin requires three conditions:

The object is grave matter
It is committed with full knowledge
It is done with deliberate consent

You need to examine your conscious and decide what your sins are. There are several guides in examination of conscious and here is one of those fatima.org/essentials/requests/examconc.asp

You need to be able to confess your sins in “name and number”. Confess what the sin is and how many times you committed it. That sounds quite a bit more daunting than it is. If one of your sins is murder and you’ve only done it a few times, then it is probably easy to put a number to that. Let’s say that during your twenties, you had sex with different people over a period of a few years. You could say I engaged in premarital sex, often, for a period of about 3 years during my early twenties. In the sentence above, you would have confessed to the sin of fornication (or adultery if either of you had been married) and the number of times you did it was “often”. Often, frequently, several times, etc., will be your friends in a first confession since it is impossible to remember an actual number.

You’re not required to do a “play by play” of each and every sin. Rather than admit each sin in minute detail, such as, One time, I told my parents I was going to the football game and instead went to my girlfriend’s house. Instead, you might say something like, In my teens, I frequently dishonored my parents and wasn’t truthful with them.

As to length of time, my first one lasted about a hour. As a good friend of mine said, even though there had been a lot of time since my baptism, there are only so many sins. My pastor will stop you with each admission to make sure he understands and sometimes give immediate counsel. You will be told that confession is not a counseling session but everyone of my confessions, except one, has included some counsel. Usually the priest will pick one, that he probably thinks is your biggest struggle and offer some advice. The one priest that didn’t offer counsel, didn’t really have a grasp of the English language but his English was better than my Spanish.

 

[St_Pancake]

Also, you’re supposed to feel contrite. While I did feel contrite, like you, I had confessed those sins to God as they happened and felt they were long gone, for a long time. I told my pastor going in that I didn’t even feel attached to those sins any longer and though I felt bad about what I had done, it no longer even felt like something even connected to me. He indicated that was normal.

I’m a frequent confessor now. When possible, I like to go two or more times a month even if I don’t have a mortal sin. I can confess the venial sins and being connected to my pastor through confession makes me stronger to better be able to avoid sin.

 

[St_Pancake]

There are going to be some sins that you just don’t remember. God does not expect the impossible from you. If you can’t remember, that’s ok. If you remember later, it is recommended that you confess those sins too. However, once the priest has absolved you of your sins, you are absolved. God isn’t going to penalize you for being fifty something years old and unable to remember something that happened 30 years earlier.

 

[Tommy999]

There are going to be some sins that you just don’t remember. God does not expect the impossible from you. If you can’t remember, that’s ok. If you remember later, it is recommended that you confess those sins too. However, once the priest has absolved you of your sins, you are absolved. God isn’t going to forgive you for being fifty something years old and unable to remember something that happened 30 years earlier.

Very helpful and reassuring, St Pancake. (I like that name, by the way). It makes me hungry on a Saturday morning.

Just fyi… I was baptized in my late teens.

 

[St_Pancake]

Very helpful and reassuring, St Pancake. (I like that name, by the way). It makes me hungry on a Saturday morning.

Just fyi… I was baptized in my late teens.

thank you.

I had another user name that I used for over two years here that was too close to my own name. I didn’t want all my posts known to people that I know in real life. Therefore, I chose a new one. It was IHOPs national pancake day, so I made it st pancake.

 

[Jon_S_1]

Would a Protestant who converts to Catholicism in his 50’s be expected to try to remember all the sins he’s ever committed in his lifetime and confess them to the priest on his first confession or just the worst ones that he remembers?

When I have sinned since becoming a Christian in my late teens, I have confessed my sins soon after committing them or when I felt guilt for having done them, which is usually soon afterwards, either immediately or within a day or so.

I received Christ as my personal Lord and Savior at a Billy Graham Crusade, for those of you familiar with Billy Graham crusades and started confessing and repenting of my sins to the Lord at that time.

I confessed them to God in the name of Jesus Christ and I honestly can’t remember all the sins I committed in my lifetime because I believe that God forgave them and removed my transgressions as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12 ).

I find the thought of having to remember all of them again and recount them to a priest a daunting task. I remember my most serious ones, but a person does a lot of sinning in 50+ years, unfortunately.

I am considering Catholicism and find the idea of Reconciliation refreshing, liberating, and necessary along with the possibility of receiving godly counsel from a priest in the process.

However, I suspect my first official confession would be a long one. In my case, I suppose I would need to schedule a special one outside of normal confession hours because I envision my first one being long and a bit embarrassing while recalling the sins of a lifetime.

By the way, how much detail is asked for by the priest? Is it a general description, like “I cheated on a test back in high school” or “I purposely sat next to Mary Lou because she was the best student in the class in that subject and I hadn’t studied appropriately for the exam”.

Is it typical for an older person’s first Reconciliation to be a long one in which he makes a special appointment outside of normal confession hours?

Thanks. Sorry if I am asking too many questions.

Great questions!

Yes it can be a daunting task, but God is not out to say “Gotcha, you missed one!” . So find grace and peace in the sacrament and healing.

You are required to confess all your sins in kind and number since you were baptized. Baptism erases all previous sins. If your not baptized, your sins will be washed away at that time and you will only have future sins to confess.

It is typical for first confessions to take a long time. Typically RCIA programs set aside a special time for this.

If you cheated as example on a test, but can’t remember how often, then you can say “I cheated on tests several times” or “many times” or something like that. No further detail is needed.

Remember too you need only confess your mortal sins. Sins that you knew were grave matter, and chose to do anyway.

The priest recommended to me as I prepared for a year plus beforehand, to keep a journal and write down stuff I remember as I remember things. This seemed to help.

If you leave the confessional and later remember a sin, it doesn’t cause any problems with your forgiveness, just confess it at your next confession.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

The Church differentiates between mortal sins and venial sins.

Mortal sins are the serious sins that lead to a spiritual “death” or separation from God. Venial sins are the more minor things that we should still avoid but aren’t as serious. A venial sin may also include serious matter but done with a lack of understanding or free will. If you are interested, you can read the section of the Catechism dealing with this topic here.

While venial sins may be confessed, there are other ways they can be forgiven. Mortal sins, however, must be confessed in order to be forgiven. And that applies to someone who is a lifelong Catholic as well as someone who is coming into the Church. The only difference is that the lifelong Catholic confesses them close to the time they happened while the person coming into the Church confesses them all at once.

I know that a lot of people are uncomfortable with the idea of confessing to a priest, but there’s a real feeling of God’s love and mercy that comes from hearing that your specific sins are forgiven. It’s different from the general sense of Jesus died for all of us. Instead it’s specifically that Jesus died for you, Tommy, and he died for me, Suscipe. It’s very personal.

 

[JimG]

I remember a priest mentioning once during a retreat that a confession after a long period of time need not necessarily take up a lot of time. He gave some examples: One might, for example, confess, “ got drunk about twice a week for 20 years, committed fornication about three or four times weekly for 10 years, addicted to masturbation daily for 30 years, treated other people unkindly nearly every day, etc.” In other words, one need not remember and plod through every instance of every sin in such a case.

 

[SeekerWillie]

I made my first confession yesterday morning.

I think most of the salient points have already been covered, but since mine is quite “fresh,” I wanted to add my two cents.

Those who needed first confession were strongly encouraged to schedule an appointment. Those who haven’t yet been baptized are exempt for the moment. And some of our class members who received first communion but not confirmation have already been going to confession.

Just so you know, I’m 53 and was baptized in the Church of the United Brethren in Christ at 14. Although I was going back over 39 years of living and sinning, it was a relief to know I didn’t have to go further. I spent some time going over some notes on examination of conscience before I met with Father, which was incredibly helpful. It helped me see patterns and connections that hadn’t really clicked before. My parish priest was AWESOME, asking questions to help clarify some things, offering counsel when I needed it, and giving me some wonderfully helpful feedback.

After I performed my penance, I noticed that I felt almost lightheaded. It feels like this cloud of guilt and gloom has been lifted from my head and shoulders. Our RCIA team told us it would be a blessing, and they were spot on!

So many of my Protestant friends annd family don’t understand why anyone would think of conessing their sins to a priest when they can just take them directly to God. I only hope I can adequately describe the effect this sacrament has had. I think I can honestly say that any “fear” of confession that I had is completely gone.

 

[OurLadysServant]

Yep.
Mortal sins from birth must be confessed to a RC priest. Including ones confessed as a protestant because only a RC priest can forgive sins.

Write them down.

Find a priest who will meet with you a few times. Confess what you remember amd write down. Then wait a few days or a week and write down any other mortal sins you remember.

In confession we must confess all remembered mortal sins, we are forgiven and then afterwards if we remember more must confess this at our next possible confession.

Mortal sins, we must mention the number of times if remembered, or approximation, the type of sin, and an example to show how serious the sin was.

Would a Protestant who converts to Catholicism in his 50’s be expected to try to remember all the sins he’s ever committed in his lifetime and confess them to the priest on his first confession or just the worst ones that he remembers?

When I have sinned since becoming a Christian in my late teens, I have confessed my sins soon after committing them or when I felt guilt for having done them, which is usually soon afterwards, either immediately or within a day or so.

I received Christ as my personal Lord and Savior at a Billy Graham Crusade, for those of you familiar with Billy Graham crusades and started confessing and repenting of my sins to the Lord at that time.

I confessed them to God in the name of Jesus Christ and I honestly can’t remember all the sins I committed in my lifetime because I believe that God forgave them and removed my transgressions as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12 ).

I find the thought of having to remember all of them again and recount them to a priest a daunting task. I remember my most serious ones, but a person does a lot of sinning in 50+ years, unfortunately.

I am considering Catholicism and find the idea of Reconciliation refreshing, liberating, and necessary along with the possibility of receiving godly counsel from a priest in the process.

However, I suspect my first official confession would be a long one. In my case, I suppose I would need to schedule a special one outside of normal confession hours because I envision my first one being long and a bit embarrassing while recalling the sins of a lifetime.

By the way, how much detail is asked for by the priest? Is it a general description, like “I cheated on a test back in high school” or “I purposely sat next to Mary Lou because she was the best student in the class in that subject and I hadn’t studied appropriately for the exam”.

Is it typical for an older person’s first Reconciliation to be a long one in which he makes a special appointment outside of normal confession hours?

Thanks. Sorry if I am asking too many questions.

 

[Catholic1954]

Would a Protestant who converts to Catholicism in his 50’s be expected to try to remember all the sins he’s ever committed in his lifetime and confess them to the priest on his first confession or just the worst ones that he remembers?

When I have sinned since becoming a Christian in my late teens, I have confessed my sins soon after committing them or when I felt guilt for having done them, which is usually soon afterwards, either immediately or within a day or so.

I received Christ as my personal Lord and Savior at a Billy Graham Crusade, for those of you familiar with Billy Graham crusades and started confessing and repenting of my sins to the Lord at that time.

I confessed them to God in the name of Jesus Christ and I honestly can’t remember all the sins I committed in my lifetime because I believe that God forgave them and removed my transgressions as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12 ).

I find the thought of having to remember all of them again and recount them to a priest a daunting task. I remember my most serious ones, but a person does a lot of sinning in 50+ years, unfortunately.

I am considering Catholicism and find the idea of Reconciliation refreshing, liberating, and necessary along with the possibility of receiving godly counsel from a priest in the process.

However, I suspect my first official confession would be a long one. In my case, I suppose I would need to schedule a special one outside of normal confession hours because I envision my first one being long and a bit embarrassing while recalling the sins of a lifetime.

By the way, how much detail is asked for by the priest? Is it a general description, like “I cheated on a test back in high school” or “I purposely sat next to Mary Lou because she was the best student in the class in that subject and I hadn’t studied appropriately for the exam”.

Is it typical for an older person’s first Reconciliation to be a long one in which he makes a special appointment outside of normal confession hours?

Thanks. Sorry if I am asking too many questions.

You must confess the really, really bad sins (the mortal sins); the smaller sins (venial) should be confessed also, but it will not prevent you from receiving the Eucharist if you don’t. For your first confession, you would try, to best of your memory, to recall all of the mortal sins you have committed since you were baptized. Not every bad thing you have ever done is a mortal sin; what is and what isn’t will be discussed in RCIA, if you decided to go. You certainly can make an appointment with your favorite priest and have a face to face, longer than usual, first confession. He will walk you through the process and it shouldn’t take as long next time. It would be helpful to spend some time in reflection before you go and make a list of the mortal sins and you can also ask for clarification if you are not sure. The priest is most interested in the general facts, you don’t need names or dates or the gory details but just the approximate number of times, so he can see if there is a pattern and can give you the advice you need. Don’t worry if you can’t recall every single mortal sin of a lifetime, confess the ones you do remember and if you recall more later, confess them next time.

 

[Used2beSherryG]

I made my first confession yesterday morning.

I think most of the salient points have already been covered, but since mine is quite “fresh,” I wanted to add my two cents.

Those who needed first confession were strongly encouraged to schedule an appointment. Those who haven’t yet been baptized are exempt for the moment. And some of our class members who received first communion but not confirmation have already been going to confession.

Just so you know, I’m 53 and was baptized in the Church of the United Brethren in Christ at 14. Although I was going back over 39 years of living and sinning, it was a relief to know I didn’t have to go further. I spent some time going over some notes on examination of conscience before I met with Father, which was incredibly helpful. It helped me see patterns and connections that hadn’t really clicked before. My parish priest was AWESOME, asking questions to help clarify some things, offering counsel when I needed it, and giving me some wonderfully helpful feedback.

After I performed my penance, I noticed that I felt almost lightheaded. It feels like this cloud of guilt and gloom has been lifted from my head and shoulders. Our RCIA team told us it would be a blessing, and they were spot on!

So many of my Protestant friends annd family don’t understand why anyone would think of conessing their sins to a priest when they can just take them directly to God. I only hope I can adequately describe the effect this sacrament has had. I think I can honestly say that any “fear” of confession that I had is completely gone.

Wonderful!

 

[Tommy999]

Great questions!

Yes it can be a daunting task, but God is not out to say “Gotcha, you missed one!” . So find grace and peace in the sacrament and healing.

You are required to confess all your sins in kind and number since you were baptized. Baptism erases all previous sins. If your not baptized, your sins will be washed away at that time and you will only have future sins to confess.

It is typical for first confessions to take a long time. Typically RCIA programs set aside a special time for this.

If you cheated as example on a test, but can’t remember how often, then you can say “I cheated on tests several times” or “many times” or something like that. No further detail is needed.

Remember too you need only confess your mortal sins. Sins that you knew were grave matter, and chose to do anyway.

The priest recommended to me as I prepared for a year plus beforehand, to keep a journal and write down stuff I remember as I remember things. This seemed to help.

If you leave the confessional and later remember a sin, it doesn’t cause any problems with your forgiveness, just confess it at your next confession.

Thanks a lot, Jon S. Regarding the part I highlighted, I have a follow up question, if you don’t mind.

Theoretical Question:
If I genuinely forgot or couldn’t recall a particular mortal sin during my first confession but had confessed it to God years ago when it happened, would I still be forgiven if I were to die between my first confession and my next one that I would’ve had if I had not passed away?

In other words, my understanding of mortal sins is that one should confess all mortal sins in order to be in good standing with God and the RCC when a person dies. Would un-remembered mortal sins keep us from the same good standing with the Lord and the Church?

Note: heaven forbid that would happen to anyone.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

In other words, my understanding of mortal sins is that one should confess all mortal sins in order to be in good standing with God and the RCC when a person dies. Would un-remembered mortal sins keep us from the same good standing with the Lord and the Church?

No. If you do remember something later you can confess it at your next confession. But as long as you’ve done your best to remember and confess your sins, you’re fine.

Remember, the point of confession is to experience God’s love and forgiveness, not to obsess over what we might have forgotten. It sets us free and allows us to move forward.

 

[Tommy999]

No. If you do remember something later you can confess it at your next confession. But as long as you’ve done your best to remember and confess your sins, you’re fine.

Remember, the point of confession is to experience God’s love and forgiveness, not to obsess over what we might have forgotten. It sets us free and allows us to move forward.

Thanks a lot, SuscipeMeDomine. That is a relief to know.

Follow up:
Is a priest obligated to forgive, provided the person is contrite and asks forgiveness with the intention to never sin again in that manner? Or does the priest have the option to say “I don’t think I can forgive that particular sin”

I am more concerned with confessing sins to a particular priest, only to potentially be around him later in other venues, perhaps even socially. Could he potentially look at me and think, “Boy you were one messed up dude”, or could he possibly tell other people at the parish what some of my sins were? .

 

[Jon_S_1]

No. If you do remember something later you can confess it at your next confession. But as long as you’ve done your best to remember and confess your sins, you’re fine.

Remember, the point of confession is to experience God’s love and forgiveness, not to obsess over what we might have forgotten. It sets us free and allows us to move forward.

What he said!

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

Is a priest obligated to forgive, provided the person is contrite and asks forgiveness with the intention to never sin again in that manner? Or does the priest have the option to say “I don’t think I can forgive that particular sin”

Here are a couple of quotes from canon law on the subject:

Can. 978 §1. In hearing confessions the priest is to remember that he is equally a judge and a physician and has been established by God as a minister of divine justice and mercy, so that he has regard for the divine honor and the salvation of souls.

Can. 980 If the confessor has no doubt about the disposition of the penitent, and the penitent seeks absolution, absolution is to be neither refused nor deferred.

I am more concerned with confessing sins to a particular priest, only to potentially be around him later in other venues, perhaps even socially. Could he potentially look at me and think, “Boy you were one messed up dude”, or could he possibly tell other people at the parish what some of my sins were? .

He can’t and won’t tell other people. There’s this whole idea of the seal of the confessional. Again from canon law:

Can. 983 §1. The sacramental seal is inviolable; therefore it is absolutely forbidden for a confessor to betray in any way a penitent in words or in any manner and for any reason.

§2. The interpreter, if there is one, and all others who in any way have knowledge of sins from confession are also obliged to observe secrecy.

Can. 984 §1. A confessor is prohibited completely from using knowledge acquired from confession to the detriment of the penitent even when any danger of revelation is excluded.

A priest who violates the seal is excommunicated and only the Pope can lift it (canon 1388).

Beyond canon law, I think we all have a fear of “what will the priest think of me after confession?” It’s a weird sort of pride – my sins are soooooooo bad that they’ll shock the priest. They won’t. I remember one priest saying that within six months of his ordination he had heard confessions naming each of the Ten Commandments. You’re not going to shock them any more than you would shock a parent by admitting that your son spilled a glass of milk or your daughter refused to go to bed on time.

So unless you’re maybe a serial killer and kidnapper who sells drugs on the side, I don’t think you have to worry about being unique.

 

[Tommy999]

Here are a couple of quotes from canon law on the subject:

Can. 978 §1. In hearing confessions the priest is to remember that he is equally a judge and a physician and has been established by God as a minister of divine justice and mercy, so that he has regard for the divine honor and the salvation of souls.

Can. 980 If the confessor has no doubt about the disposition of the penitent, and the penitent seeks absolution, absolution is to be neither refused nor deferred.

He can’t and won’t tell other people. There’s this whole idea of the seal of the confessional. Again from canon law:

Can. 983 §1. The sacramental seal is inviolable; therefore it is absolutely forbidden for a confessor to betray in any way a penitent in words or in any manner and for any reason.

§2. The interpreter, if there is one, and all others who in any way have knowledge of sins from confession are also obliged to observe secrecy.

Can. 984 §1. A confessor is prohibited completely from using knowledge acquired from confession to the detriment of the penitent even when any danger of revelation is excluded.

A priest who violates the seal is excommunicated and only the Pope can lift it (canon 1388).

Beyond canon law, I think we all have a fear of “what will the priest think of me after confession?” It’s a weird sort of pride – my sins are soooooooo bad that they’ll shock the priest. They won’t. I remember one priest saying that within six months of his ordination he had heard confessions naming each of the Ten Commandments. You’re not going to shock them any more than you would shock a parent by admitting that your son spilled a glass of milk or your daughter refused to go to bed on time.

So unless you’re maybe a serial killer and kidnapper who sells drugs on the side, I don’t think you have to worry about being unique.

Thanks again, SuscipeMeDomine. You have put all my concerns to rest regarding this subject. :tiphat:

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

Thanks again, SuscipeMeDomine. You have put all my concerns to rest regarding this subject. :tiphat:

Glad I could help. You ask interesting questions.