Questions about homosexuality

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Hello! I started RCIA last month, and I understand that the temptation itself to engage in homosexual behaviors is not sinful because their existence is not a choice (although homosexual actions are since they are decisions to act sinfully), and that God will not extricate our sin natures and temptations to sin. When he was 12, a close Catholic friend of mine discovered he was gay. He asked God not to remove those attractions, but to grant him new attractions to girls. He prayed every day for 5 years before giving up. I met him 2 years who when we were 18. He had lost all hope that he would ever experience heterosexual desire. Seeing the pain that led to his choice to walk away from Christ led to my decision to run towards Christ, despite having zero faith background. I knew he had stopped praying and believing that the “yes” answer to his prayer was coming, and it seem like God does not answer many prayers of this nature with this “yes”. I trust that the Lord knows best, but I also obviously do not know what the Lord is doing in his life. All I know is that something is compelling me to keep praying for these attractions to manifest, but I have serious doubts because I know it is rare. Yet I have such peace and joy as I pray. I keep asking God if I should keep praying for this, and the burden so to speak increases constantly. I am unsure if this is the Spirit leading me, or just my emotions. Why would the Spirit lead me to pray for this specific thing if He knows that my friend will never be heterosexually attracted? The thought of stopping my prayers leaves a sick feeling in my stomach, while continuing fills me with a strangely high level of happiness I have not felt before about anything. But the fact that I’m writing this post disavows complete peace because my mind is saying “This doesn’t work!” But how am I supposed to know that he hasn’t received these attractions yet because the timing for their manifestation is in the future? I know this is a sensitive matter, and I have not told my friend about my prayers. I’ve only been in RCIA for a month and of course my ability to discern the voice of God is super small and developing. I know it takes time. For those experienced in the Catholic faith, does this seem like the Spirit is leading me to pray for my friend and giving me peace about it because He knows the yes answer is coming, or that this peace derives from knowing that God’s perfect will shall come to pass I will find joy in it, even if my friend does not receive these new attractions? I do not doubt that God knows best and if He does not want to give my friend them, I know it was because God had a better plan. It’s just hard to mentally understand, knowing that my friend does not feel called to be celibate.
 
God may be using your friend as the vehicle to lead you yourself to a closer relationship with Him (God).

It is fine to pray for your friend, you can keep doing it. But it’s incorrect for you to be so focused on whether your friend gets an answer or you yourself get an answer concerning your friend. What goes on between God and your friend is their business, and it may be that your friend will struggle his whole life and finally come directly to God or receive clarity from Him at the moment of friend’s death. You can keep praying but as Padre Pio said, “Pray, hope, and don’t worry” and also now that you are in RCIA it might be a good idea to focus on your own needs and issues in your own life and concentrate on building your relationship with God around those.
 
St. Paul himself prayed for deliverance from an unspecified ‘thorn’ that deeply troubled him and the Lord did not deliver him. God does not answer our prayers with the answers we want, expect, and desire. He has his own time and reasonings. God knows better than we do and can use even the worst things in life to help us grow in our relationship with Him.

I have a dear friend whom I have loved for thirty-five years who suffers from same-sex attraction. I pray for him every day, that he will come to a right relationship with God. My friend does not see a problem with his homosexual activities but does see a problem with the Church’s stance. He has left the Church, has since ‘married’ his male friend and they now live on the other side of the country. I have not stopped praying for him and for all who suffer same-sex attraction.

I know I cannot change my friend, only God can give my friend the grace to come to his senses. I do not despair of my friend’s future, immediate or eternal. I have placed all in God’s merciful hands. This trial, for me, has taught me charity, patience, and trust. My prayers will continue, whether I hear the answer I want or not, and I am at peace. I wish the same for you.
 
Mf2 said:
He prayed every day for 5 years before giving up.
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He was praying for the wrong thing. You are, too, I think. Mind you, it would be beautiful if he could experience the natural desire of a man for a woman. But we do not set conditions on God. What your friend needs is to “accept the things he cannot change.” He doesn’t need to rage against the machine, or insist that things change. God loves him just the way he is, and he can love God just the way he is.
 
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Matthew 26:39
39 And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt.”
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I hope this has helped

God Bless You

Josh
 
Mf2 said:
. It’s just hard to mentally understand, knowing that my friend does not feel called to be celibate.
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I am not sure anyone is called to be celibate. I think celibacy is a choice one makes if and when a given life experience mandates that discipline.

I’m fairly sure that this next sentence may bring some objection. I am not sure the question of whether homosexuality is nature or nurture has been definitively answered. Is it a biological imperative or a conscious choice. I don’t think anyone but God Himself knows the answer to that.

Given that thought, I think the above posters are correct in their observations. Continue to pray for your friend that he may discern God’s will for his life. But don’t do it with the expectation of receiving or even deriving an answer to your prayer and your questions. Let God be God. Concentrate on your own salvation and pray for the good of others.
 
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joeybaggz said:
Is it a biological imperative or a conscious choice.
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Eating, drinking and their consequent actions, and sleeping…these are biological imperatives. Sexual relations is not an imperative, but may be strongly desired.
 
A point of clarity. By biological imperative, I am referring to skin color, shape of eyes and physical features, hair color, pattern baldness, and other human features determined by genetics.

If I may, eating, drinking, sleeping are biological necessities. They are subject to choice. Sexual relations are a function of choice. They are not an imperative. Sexual orientation is what I question. Is it a conscious choice, or is it something that is genetically or physiologically determined.

Before this thread is hijacked in a different direction than the OP posted, I am looking at the question of biological imperative from the standpoint of how God will judge the actions of the OP’s friend. Not how we see it.
 
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joeybaggz said:
Sexual orientation is what I question. Is it a conscious choice, or is it something that is genetically or physiologically determined.
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Nearly no one ssserts That a man “chooses” to be attracted to men while simultaneously “choosing” not to experience any attraction to women. Why that may be his experience is not understood. But given the conflict with his body that such an experience represents - we can conclude something is amiss, however it comes to be.
 
I read an interesting “statistic” once. It was that male homosexuality is more common in second sons than in first. The supposition was that in a first pregnancy bearing a male child, the mothers body is flooded with testosterone, a foreign body in the quantity present. The body builds a defense, and when a second pregnancy occurs that will bear a male child, the mother’s immune system, now “prepared” for testosterone attacks it in the developing fetus, and retards the grow or maybe maturation of certain parts of the brain and endocrine system organs. I also read in a medical journal that a study of homosexual men at autopsy revealed that the hypothalamus was much smaller than in heterosexual men. These were studies done in laboratory/medical venues but no empirical conclusions were drawn.

Methinks there is some organic/anatomical connection, but that is only speculation on my part.
 
Due to the Fall we are all subject to tests both internally and externally. Your friend must accept that it’s Gods will he carry the cross of SSA. He’s not being asked to act differently than anybody else either. Heterosexuals must also live a chaste life unless they enter into marriage.
 
Cruciferi said:
He’s not being asked to act differently than anybody else either.
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This is, at very least, not a helpful way of saying things. Heterosexuals are not asked to spend their whole lives not pursuing a romance IN ANY WAY with the type of person they desire. In that sense, gay people are asked something far more difficult. That is not to say that the actual challenges faced by gay people are worse, since the life of a straight person who is consistently rejected is certainly not easier than the life of a gay person who never pursues romance.
 
My friend is currently carrying the cross of not being attracted to women when he so longs for a wife and a family, but only the Lord knows if he will bear that cross for the rest of his life. He very well may. I cannot ignore the possibility of such a reality. Here is my confusion: since the Holy Spirit knows everything that will happen to my friend in his life, including whether or not he will ever experience heterosexual attraction, why would He move me to pray so frequently for my friend? But not everyone who prays for healing receives it because it is not always God’s will. This is a mysterious aspect of faith to someone so new in it. I appreciate all these responses.
 
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I think due to our fallen nature sex in general has become an overwhelming problem for humanity. It’s not evil but it’s the source of many problems. Simply look at the news or think for a moment about the scandals, murders, fights, arguments, etc. that have occurred because people give into their most basic animalistic desires. All of my friends, some I grew up with, have or are currently living in sin. At the very least they’ve had many impure encounters. I just stop and think how lucky I am to be single and not damaging myself with bad relationships or child support or worse diseases! If God has a woman out there for me that’s just dandy. If not, it just means I’ll have more time and energy to make the world better.
 
There’s only guilt when you know you did something wrong 😁 The Church clearly outlines how sex is to be used. Humanity in general stumbles all over and misses the mark every which way on this subject.
 
Cruciferi said:
Humanity in general stumbles all over and misses the mark every which way on this subject.
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I give more credit to humanity. But from what I understand of the Catholic perspective, sex is only to be used:
  1. not for pleasure
  2. not for thoughts (fantasies)
  3. not for pleasure
  4. not by yourself ever
  5. not by gay people ever
  6. not until you’re married
is that a correct assessment?
 
Married people can entertain some thoughts about their spouse. Obviously the act is gonna be pleasurable too. Oh, and it has to be open to life. No contraceptives! Natural Family Planning is approved.
 
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