Questions about Knights of Columbus

[phil19034]

NevermoreLenore:

Our KOC only do fundraising. My husband got involved hoping to meet Catholic men and build friendships, but they were constantly at him to participate in fundraising work. He has limited time because he works, has a family, my daughter and I both have cancer, and he didn’t have time to spare every single week. Our group is 95% older retired men who have tons of time. Younger men with families will join but never stay because the demands are high.

Same here. My husband was disappointed. We think their original mission sounds really neat, but our parish’s group wasn’t a great fit for a busy dad in his 30’s. I hope your husband finds a better fit!

Honestly, sometimes a man has to find a different council (even if it isn’t attached to his parish). If a council gets too stuck in their ways and becomes a “retirees only club,” it will be destined to fold.

Successful councils and parishes find ways to diversify KoC events, even if it’s simply by the KoC sponsoring men’s nights open to all men from parish.

God Bless

 

[NevermoreLenore]

I hadn’t considered other chapters–thanks for the suggestion, I’ll pass it along to my husband. My husband was active on our KOC for years but the older men wouldn’t budge and adapt so it became an effort in futility. Again I want to emphasise that our Knights are wonderful men, just that they aren’t willing to consider doing things to reach younger generations or meet spiritual and social needs.

 

[MikeInVA]

I don’t know why you and @Lara are so quick to judge my situation.

I didn’t judge your situation, in fact I stated that I do not know your situation.

Thanks for the entertainment though; I’ve been reading this thread to my daughter and we’re having some laughs over the whole thing’.

You asked a question and I (among others) tried to answer it. I am disappointed that you would laugh at me.

 

[NevermoreLenore]

I’m disappointed you’ve judged me. No, you don’t know my exact situation but I’ve stated here I have cancer and my daughter has a deadly brain tumour and we don’t know how it will play out. Yet you and Lara demonstrate not a modicum of empathy and keep counterpointing my experiences with ‘you should think of others’ and insinuating that I am selfish regarding my thoughts on the pressure KOC has applied to my husband.

I just had to borrow two pennies in order to pay for Christmas gifts for my girls–I emptied my wallet of EVERY single bill and coin, we have no balance on our debit card, we’re drowning in medical debt, my husband I are forgoing Christmas gifts so our kids can open a few gifts, an old lady yelled and honked at me for not loading my car fast enough, then ran me out of the loading zone of my handicap spot (to park on the hash marks illegally) by driving her car at me, scaring the ever living daylights out of me…which was the proverbial straw/camel and I just sobbed in my car and called my husband to hear his voice.

My responses on this thread have a lot more emotion right now than warranted because I’m barely holding my self, family, and finances together. I’m going through hell and excuse me for finding the humour in all the oblivious ‘be happy others aren’t suffering like you’ and ‘I don’t know your situation’ when I’ve repeatedly stated our situation.

You asked a question and I (among others) tried to answer it

I asked no questions. The OP asked a question and I offered my experience from my parish. Perhaps you should reread my posts because in all my posts I’ve mentioned how much I love and respect the older men and women and how I miss talking with them and learning from their wisdom. You and @Lara dropped what I took to be quite unwarranted and harsh responses.

I am disappointed that you would laugh at me.

Sorry to disappoint you again, but we weren’t laughing at you. We were laughing at the comments on this post as well as similar comments we received in person yesterday. We were laughing because the lack of empathy was astounding to us. We were laughing because we’re trying to get through the days without sobbing. You do you, but I’d be disappointed in myself if I failed to show empathy to someone deeply struggling, even anonymous posters online.

 

[Lara]

You totally misunderstood my post. That guy who pressured your husband was oblivious to the amount of time it takes to manage things when anybody in the home is ill. I bet if you talked to him, instead of to us, you would learn why he completely misunderstands you. I was going to write that most guys are oblivious to most things going on in others’ lives, but figured that would raise people’s ire. Do you know how many men spend hours on the golf course while their wives are struggling with young kids? You must wonder, how is that possible? I’m saying, I don’t wonder at these sorts of things in the least.

. . . . I do have empathy for your situation. . . . .

 

[EugeneCharles]

are a young man and don’t have any kids?

Yes, Ma’am!

This would be a great way to surround yourself with older, wiser men. It could be a great blessing to you. They’ll let you participate for awhile before you decide to join, so I say go for it.

When you said this, I was thinking like “God is giving me an opportunity to grow my Catholic faith and nurture my knowledge. I won’t waste this opportunity.” Please pray that God may call me for KOC.

I miss a lot about ‘non pandemic times’ at Mass, but one of the biggest things is I miss my elders and their kindness and warmth. My 14yo daughter has mentioned this dozens of times over the last nine months–a teenager, missing the older people of our parish. She’s been especially worried about two widows in particular. I really miss them.

It’s been the same thing here, Ma’am. In our parish, they’re the sweetest and the most pious. They guide the children and treat them like a family member that it drew our hearts close to them. I remember the time when we have our meetings for the Legion of Mary, they make us laugh and we’re able to learn much from them while enjoying each meeting.

our 17yo nearly died from a brain stem tumour; a shunt provided temporary relief but we have to figure out how to extract the tumour without losing her.

I thought that the reply from above is a word of empathy : ( I’m sorry about your situation! I do understand you. My grandmother, who was bedridden had been combating her illness. It’s really unpleasant for me to see her suffering. It’s not a good thing for both of us to see our loved ones suffering from illnesses. May I ask you, how you and your daughter have been? Did she recover already?

I hate that CAF are coming to an end. I did not always agree with you on matters, but I know that your heart is passionate for God and I know He will honour your quest for Truth and Knowledge.

I’m really thankful for this very kind message. I’m thankful to God to have you, wonderful people, here. I’m still in need of guidance and help from the elderly and for this short length of time, everyone in CAF helped me to know many lessons. Sorry if I made a lot of mistakes! Let’s never lose hope that CAF will return. Goodbye @NevermoreLenore! I will always pray for you and your family.

 

[NevermoreLenore]

Please pray that God may call me for KOC.

You can count on it!

Ma’am

Ma’am

Lol, you’re so polite and adorable! I suppose a forty year old is you’re elder…

they’re the sweetest and the most pious

I agree and I hope someday someone views me this way. My teen kids miss the these lovely people so much.

My grandmother, who was bedridden had been combating her illness. It’s really unpleasant for me to see her suffering. It’s not a good thing for both of us to see our loved ones suffering from illnesses. May I ask you, how you and your daughter have been? Did she recover already?

My daughter is out of immediate danger and just finished a course of radiation. The large team of surgeons are doing research and consulting neurosurgeons around the world trying to figure out how to remove this tumour. My dad had the same tumour, they tried and failed to remove it, and I had to watch my best friend and only true parent lose the ability to talk, eat, swallow, walk, and breathe. It still haunts me and I’m begging God for a better outcome for my sweet girl. She’s only seventeen and yet a pious, old soul who loves God and others deeply.

I’m having a hard time. I am steady and strong in crisis and was on top of things when it was touch and go (since October). Now, well, now I’m falling apart. However, my husband who kinda panics in crisis (personal experiences, that is–he was a rock as a law enforcement officer) is the healer and is steady after the storm whilst I stand around in all the damage with more storms on the way frozen and panicky. So we’re a great team, for many reasons. For now, my rosary is my constant companion.

I’m deeply sorry about your grandmother. Yes, it is heartbreaking to see our closest family suffer. I can only imagine how hard it is for your whole family. I was thinking last night about how Jesus came and helped the poor, the downtrodden, the widows, orphans, the sick, the dying…whilst He healed many, not everyone was healed. I think about those people often–how they mentally integrated the blind man finally seeing and a daughter brought back to life and the fact they weren’t healed, their daughter died. Our God has strange and magnificent ways we cannot fathom as of now. I’ve learned to be okay with the mystery and walk through life hour by hour. I will pray for your grandmother, for you, for your family. Again, I’m so sorry.

Continued…

 

[NevermoreLenore]

…continuation:

I’m still in need of guidance and help from the elderly

Here you are, calling me elderly again! I’m totally kidding–I love how kind and respectful you are and it warms my heart. If you have anything you want to discuss in our remaining days on CAF, feel free to ask via posts or PM.

Sorry if I made a lot of mistakes!

We must make mistakes to grow. I’m reading a book called Falling Upward and it talks about how only those who’ve falling all the way down truly know what ‘up’ is, and how God guides us if we let Him.

I treasure your prayers. You have a good heart.

 

[NevermoreLenore]

Besmirched?! :woman_facepalming:t2: Complaining about ONE knight and recognising that OUR chapter focuses strictly on fundraising does not dismiss those Knights I love dearly nor the organisation as a whole. I do not believe most men are oblivious. The man pressuring my husband after he said ‘no’ is a friend. I do not ‘wonder at men on the golf course’ and no, I don’t ‘wonder how this is possible’–I know I’m especially blessed to have a husband who spends his off work hours with his family. I don’t find anything funny about having a bumper hitting my legs, regardless of from where she was coming.

It’s like we’re having two completely different discussions. We’re talking past each other. I wish you well and I’m out.

 

[dochawk]

you must be 18, male, and a “practical Catholic.”

The activities and activity level vary wildly by parish, and who joins there.

Some councils are downright geriatric, while others seem to have a median age in the 30s.

Some folks join and don’t make it to a meeting for a decade or two. Some dive right in.

And in large part, it’s what you make of it. You’re not going to offend many if you leap in head first, and try to start a project after getting to know members a couple of months. You will, though, get a cold shoulder if you expect people to go all in on time with your pet project. If you’re an active member, yes, people will jump in and help. If your an “agenda” member, who sees the KofC as a labor pool for your cause, you’ll get shunned rather quickly.

[not sure I"ll be back; I can be found on the byzcath.org forums with the same user name.]

 

[EugeneCharles]

I suppose a forty year old is you’re elder…

Ay! I’m sorry! I felt weird calling older people by their name only. I don’t know how to address them. I’ll try to use it not so often

I hope someday someone views me this way.

I do… All people here are very sweet and they help people through when they’re troubled like you, Ma’am.

My daughter is out of immediate danger and just finished a course of radiation.

Thank You, Jesus! I’m still praying that her tumor and for the safety of your whole family.

My dad had the same tumour, they tried and failed to remove it, and I had to watch my best friend and only true parent lose the ability to talk, eat, swallow, walk, and breathe. It still haunts me and I’m begging God for a better outcome for my sweet girl. She’s only seventeen and yet a pious, old soul who loves God and others deeply.

I’m very sorry to hear this. For sure, God will be merciful to anyone who loves Him dearly. Don’t lose your hope that Jesus will always help you, your family, and your daughter no matter what happens. He will heal your cancer and heal your heart. Let’s offer all difficulties to God’s hand and remain strong! God is fighting with and for us. Please tell your daughter for me that she’s blessed (to have a mother like you) and loved by God. Let’s fight together against all illnesses with prayers. Stay strong and we can do this with God’s grace!

Now, well, now I’m falling apart.

After all troubles, God will give us bountiful blessings. There are times in which I’m falling apart also, but despite these troubles, there are many blessings which we owe from God and there are more reasons to be thankful than to feel sad. For a moment, let’s try to forget these problems and offer all things to God, remembering the things for which we have been grateful. Please don’t worry yourself too much, it won’t do any good for your mental and physical health. Allow yourself to relax despite the problems, after a moment, let’s fight again and win over them.

I’m deeply sorry about your grandmother. Yes, it is heartbreaking to see our closest family suffer.

Aww! Thank You so much, Ma’am! I visited my grandma yesterday, it always made my day when I saw her smiling even just a little bit. It made me happy to see her being lively again. She had changed a lot ever since. Hopefully, in God’s grace, granny can stand or sit again.

Our God has strange and magnificent ways we cannot fathom as of now.

This is so true. I have many questions to ask God and this is one of them.

To be continued…

 

[EugeneCharles]

…Continuation:

Here you are, calling me elderly again! I’m totally kidding

Oops! LOL, this made me laugh so hard Thank You for the laughter. I’m praying that you have a nice day coz you gave me an awesome day. It’s only 7 o’clock in the morning but my day is completed already.

If you have anything you want to discuss in our remaining days on CAF, feel free to ask via posts or PM.

Can you PM me, please? Because your profile is hidden in public, I can’t PM you, Ma’am. Thank You!

We must make mistakes to grow. I’m reading a book called Falling Upward and it talks about how only those who are falling all the way down truly know what ‘up’ is, and how God guides us if we let Him.

This is so meaningful!!! As for the book, I’m taking a look at it and saw one at Amazon. Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life by Fr. Richard Rohr It sounds interesting and I need it to learn more lessons in life.

I treasure your prayers. You have a good heart.

Thank You so much, Ma’am! You made my day greater! You have a good heart too, a golden heart so dear and very welcoming. You reminded me of how so kind and sweet my granny is. Advance Merry Christmas for you and the whole family!!! May you have a meaningful and blessed Holiday… :heavy_heart_exclamation: