Questions for Women Discerning Religious Life?

[FlatAffect]

Hi, I have been discerning religious life for about a year now. I was wondering how other females on the board handle these issues, because I am struggling with them quite a lot.

While you are in discernment, are you still dating men?

If you are dating or are attracted to other men, do you feel like you are betraying Jesus?

If you do go into religious life, are you afraid of being around women all the time?

How much would you miss male companionship if you go into religious life?

 

[Diamantina]

Hi, I have been discerning religious life for about a year now. I was wondering how other females on the board handle these issues, because I am struggling with them quite a lot.

Hi! I’ve been discerning fairly seriously for five years. Due to my health, it seems that life in a secular institute or consecrated virginity lived in the world are my options, but I would prefer a religious community that would accept me.

While you are in discernment, are you still dating men?

I have not dated a man for at least 10 years.

If you are dating or are attracted to other men, do you feel like you are betraying Jesus?

If I were dating while discerning, I would feel like it is betraying Jesus. Dating while discerning is like dating another guy when you are already going steady with a man whom you think might make a good husband.

If you do go into religious life, are you afraid of being around women all the time?

No. Why would I be afraid?

How much would you miss male companionship if you go into religious life?

Not very much. My friendships with men tend to be with men who are either happily married, priests or seminarians – in other words, men who are not interested in me romantically. That would not change if I were to enter consecrated life.

 

[Inity]

While you are in discernment, are you still dating men?

Oh, not. And I don’t feel any need in it.

If you are dating or are attracted to other men, do you feel like you are betraying Jesus?

Fortunately, I don’t feel attracted to other men. I don’t think it would be a real betrayal though - when you’re discerning, you’re still trying your path, and may be your path is married life…
But I already believe that marriage is not my destiny, and I say no to men who try to date me and ever to those who propose (one guy actually did; but he’s very weird person who did hurt me badly in the past, and I would say no to him even if I’d believed I’m destined to married life).

If you do go into religious life, are you afraid of being around women all the time?

No, I don’t afraid.

How much would you miss male companionship if you go into religious life?

Right now I have only few male friends, and with most of them we communicate only online. I think I would still be able to write letters to my close friends from the monastery.

 

[kristie_m]

Hi, I have been discerning religious life for about a year now. I was wondering how other females on the board handle these issues, because I am struggling with them quite a lot. I’ll have to answer as one who was in discernment about nine years ago…

While you are in discernment, are you still dating men?
I was dating while discerning, yes. In fact, my discernment was a topic for discussion with the man I was dating at the time. He was quite supportive, actually.

If you are dating or are attracted to other men, do you feel like you are betraying Jesus? I didn’t at the time, and I don’t really see it as such now. My love for Jesus can’t really be compared with the love I have for my husband. It is, for me, a very different relationship.

If you do go into religious life, are you afraid of being around women all the time? Okay, this isn’t an issue for me obviously, but the answer then, was no.

How much would you miss male companionship if you go into religious life?

At the time I was discerning, I had FINALLY come to a place in my life where I was okay with the idea of being single for the rest of my life. Then God sent me a wonderful husband! Go figure.

 

[iamMyBeloveds]

While you are in discernment, are you still dating men?

Early on in my discernment I still dated, but as I grew more and more serious to the point of visiting more and more communities and became a candidate for one, I stopped dating. Early on, if one is still quite uncertain about becoming a priest or religious, I would actually recommend dating depending on the personalities of the individuals involved. Dating helped me to strengthen my conviction about my decision to enter a religious order and made me seriously discern the vocation to the married life. In the end, I know exactly what I am saying “no” to.
Now, however, as a candidate who has been accepted into an order, I am not allowed to date, even though I am still finishing college. I am so happy with that because it helps me guard my weak emotions that are still easily attracted to men! (Totally normal, by the way ) If I do date, I must be honest with my community and inform them of my decision to date. If that would happen, I would no longer be able to be a candidate. You definitely want to feel alright about your decision to a sufficient degree before making the first step and asking to enter.

If you are dating or are attracted to other men, do you feel like you are betraying Jesus?

Yes, at times I feel like I am betraying Jesus when I am attracted to other men. It’s difficult, especially now that I am engaged to Jesus as a candidate for entrance into a religious order, with a set entrance date. It’s so hard because in a college environment, I am surrounded by good and holy men, even those who pray the rosary with me and such in prayer groups I am involved with. It’s hard. When you are called to religious life, the attraction toward the opposite sex will probably not go away. We’re only human, after all! The important thing my Superior told me is to guard my heart. Be on alert on how I am dealing with guys. Am I flirting too much? Am I leading anyone on? Are my attitudes and actions suggesting that I do not already belong to someone, namely Jesus? I also must be honest with guys. It really helps me, especially when there is a man I am attracted to, to ask him to pray for me, because I am entering religious life. It lets him know I’m serious about my decision and it helps me to get it out in the open. To make a confession, I cannot say that I have been perfect in this regard! How I regret that!! Those are the times I felt such an upset heart at betraying my Lord. I continue to trust that He loves me in spite of it all and forgives me. I am still learning constantly.

If you do go into religious life, are you afraid of being around women all the time?

Hmm, not really. I just think it will help me focus more totally and completely on my Lord Jesus.

How much would you miss male companionship if you go into religious life?

Well, I went to an all-girls high school and then a co-ed college. I enjoy being with my male friends who have been such a loving and supportive presence throughout my vocational journey. I will miss male companionship to a degree. Nothing, however, will compare to the relationship that I will have with Jesus Christ as His bride! Pray for me, for perseverance. I am so incredibly weak!

[SIGN]God bless you in your discernment! [/SIGN]

 

[NovemberFourth]

Hi, I have been discerning religious life for about a year now. I was wondering how other females on the board handle these issues, because I am struggling with them quite a lot.

While you are in discernment, are you still dating men?

No, I am not dating men, and have not been throughout my discernment. For me, discernment is about putting a large period of time aside to have a long conversation with God. For me, at this time, a relationship or dating would be like someone constantly interrupting the dialogue. Not dating just feels like the right thing for my process, but, I have heard that the discernment process is different for everyone.

If you are dating or are attracted to other men, do you feel like you are betraying Jesus?

Occasionally, I will meet a man who will gently “blip” my radar. I’m a flesh and blood heterosexual woman so of course I will get moments of attraction. But, at the moment no man could give me as much pleasure as watching my relationship with God develop and strengthen does - so the attraction is a momentary biological reflex. If it happens I remember the scale of God’s love and - well, nothing else seems to compare.

If you do go into religious life, are you afraid of being around women all the time?

Not at all, I enjoy the company of women as much as I enjoy the company of men.

How much would you miss male companionship if you go into religious life?

I’m not looking at cloistered orders, I hope that, if I discern a religious vocation, my work will take me out into the wider community either teaching or in the area of social justice. This being so, I would come into conversational, social and work-related contact with men every day. Probably as much, if not more so, as I do now.

If you are asking me if I would miss physical contact - then I have being living a physically celibate life for a few years now, so I don’t anticipate any new surprises there.

N4

 

[Joyful_1]

Hi, I have been discerning religious life for about a year now. I was wondering how other females on the board handle these issues, because I am struggling with them quite a lot.

While you are in discernment, are you still dating men?

No. I don’t want to date if and until I find out that I’m not called to religious life. I feel like that would only complicate matters. My flesh is bound to get into it and I just don’t want to make it harder than it already is.

If you are dating or are attracted to other men, do you feel like you are betraying Jesus?

I think that is part of the reason I’m not dating other men - discernment is sort of like dating Jesus. You wouldn’t want to cheat on Him would you?

If you do go into religious life, are you afraid of being around women all the time?

No. I have no reason to worry about that. I have always gotten along fine with women.

How much would you miss male companionship if you go into religious life?

I don’t think I need male companionship to complete me. When a woman becomes a sister, she is marrying Christ. He is supposed to complete her. I don’t think I will miss it much if at all.

 

[dakotagirl]

Hi, I have been discerning religious life for about a year now. I was wondering how other females on the board handle these issues, because I am struggling with them quite a lot.

While you are in discernment, are you still dating men?

If you are dating or are attracted to other men, do you feel like you are betraying Jesus?

If you do go into religious life, are you afraid of being around women all the time?

How much would you miss male companionship if you go into religious life?

I would miss boys a LOT. Hanging out with and teasing boys is one of life’s simple pleasures. I think being around women all the time would make me die. Truthfully, I think mine is more a vocation to the single life.

 

[PatriciaGabriel]

I think I have discerned a religious vocation, but right now I am still waiting for God to reveal what community for me to enter.

However, I actually entered the Dominicans last year and stayed for about four months.

While I was discerning, I heard it is best to discern one vocation at a time. Therefore, if you are choosing to discern marriage, act like you are dating Jesus (or at least just “seeing him”), and Jesus alone. If you are discerning marriage, date men (of course you should still pray and such, but you love for Jesus is slightly different in this setting). Doing these two things separately greatly help with clarity I believe.

Also, while I am in the world, I find it very difficult to not think about dating and marriage. It’s something very natural and good, so when we are surrounded by it, of course we desire it to some extent. However, when I was in the convent and my whole life was Jesus, I was surrounded by a different, more fitting beauty. Dating paled in comparison, and I very, very seldom thought about it.

Being around women all the time was not so difficult. The women of a good, faithful community are mostly all growing in virtue, and it is refreshing and joyful. There are of course many very difficult times when it is hard to have cheerful, prompt, and complete obedience to one’s superiors, or you feel frustrated just by the very temperament of another postulant or sister in your group, but community life sharpens charity with this friction, and it is very good for the soul.

May our Lord bless your discernment!

 

[hhdavid]

Hi, I have been discerning religious life for about a year now. I was wondering how other females on the board handle these issues, because I am struggling with them quite a lot.

While you are in discernment, are you still dating men?

If you are dating or are attracted to other men, do you feel like you are betraying Jesus?

If you do go into religious life, are you afraid of being around women all the time?

How much would you miss male companionship if you go into religious life?

1. No. I am focusing on my discernment.
2. Doesn’t apply.
3. No. Those women, especially the ones who are my superiors, are the women who will be teaching me how to live that life. Why should I be afraid?

4)Not much at all. I would have the companionship of my Lord, so I think that counts as male companionship.

And one more thing. I heard this recently, and it really touched me. I wish I had heard this before I got married. (I’m widowed.) IF I were to discern marriage and find I should marry again, I would want a man that had his heart so lost in God that I would have to go to God to find it. That would be the man for me.