Questions from a new catholic about children

  • Thread starter Thread starter catholicmumof2
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

catholicmumof2

Guest
I am a new catholic and I was wondering if you could give me some advice please?

To give you some background I have recently completed the RCIA and was baptised and confirmed last Easter. I found this to be a wonderful, humbling experience and it just feels really right, almost like I’m “coming home” when I attend a mass service.

I was brought up as a child without any religion but I always had a belief in God. My Dad had been brought up a catholic but I think he felt he was pushed into it a bit much as he attended a strict catholic boarding school and consequently he stopped going to church and never had me baptised. My Gran (his mother) was always a devout catholic and prayed often that I would find her faith.

Because of my belief in God I always wanted to go to a church but I never had the confidence to just turn up and I didn’t know which one to go to (CofE/catholic/baptist etc). But when I gave birth to my daughter, after years of struggling to conceive and nearly losing her at the birth I just felt so grateful to have her and really wanted to go to church and thank God. Because of my Gran’s beliefs I chose to go to a Catholic church and I promised her I would become a catholic before she died.

My husband is not a catholic but because we were married before I became catholic I am told our marriage is recognised by the catholic church. The problem is though he is happy for me to have faith but he doesn’t want our children to be “pushed” into catholicism. He was happy to have our children baptised catholic but he wouldn’t want them to go to mass (unless they chose to themselves at an older age). So at the moment I attend mass on my own. My daughter is now 3 years of age and this issue will start to become more of a problem as she starts school. I would have wanted her to go to a catholic school but my husband would feel uncomfortable about her being taught catholic beliefs as facts and about her having to complete the sacraments.

We thought our local Church of England school might be a good compromise if that’s the right way of putting it as it still teaches the christian morals but is quite inclusive of all faiths and wouldn’t require our children to complete their sacraments at a young age. If they attended this school I would hope to teach them gently at home “mummy believes this, daddy believes that, you choose what you want”. But would that be acceptable to the catholic church?

The other issue is that to attend this CofE school you need to attend a CofE church at least monthly. Would it be a sin if I attended this CofE church once a month, alongside my normal catholic mass? Would God mind? It feels wrong in my head but my husband says I would be worshiping God and Jesus whether I went to a catholic or an anglican church so it shouldn’t matter.

This is so hard, I feel like whatever I do I’m letting either my children, my husband, myself, my Gran or God down.

Any advice would be so appreciated, thank you.
 
First off, I’m assuming you live in England. The answer to that question will probably be of help to those offering you advice.

As a Catholic you are supposed to do you best to see that your children are raised in the Catholic Faith. But the Church realizes that when a spouse who already has children with a non-Catholic spouse joins the Church it is not always so simple.

I would suggest that you get some guidance from your parish priest. I’m sure you are not the only Catholic parent with a spouse who is reluctant to have the children raised Catholic.

I’m not sure at what age your children will enter school but it sounds like you have at least a couple of years before you have to face choosing a school. Hopefully your husband will have a softening of opinion regarding Catholic education. That will make things easier for everyone. Prayers for you and for him.
 
I’m not sure how it is in England, or the UK in general, but in the United States, I’ve found that the Catholic School system here is better than what is typically offered by the public schools and some other private schools, despite the fact that we are also being taught about faith. In my high school, we also learned about some other faiths, like buddhism. Also, there was a day in my high school years when we had students from our school swap with students from a local public school. Our students were bored in the classes that were being taught on the same grade level because it was something they had already learned a year or more before.

So, if the UK schools are anything compared to the US schools, I’d say that your children would get a better education at a Catholic school. And even though Catholic schools teach about faith, they also teach science (even evolution of species :eek:, lol)
 
Your husband consented to allow your children to be baptized. He should have been informed that, once baptized, your children already are Catholic and that both of you are now responsible to ensure they are raised according to our faith.

By denying his children access to Catechesis and the Sacraments, he actually does more damage to them than if they were not baptized in the first place.

He should have raised his objections before the baptisms.
 
Was your husband present during your children’s baptisms? Didn’t he understand what a Baptism meant, or was it sugar-coated in order to get his consent? Your kids are Catholics. They should be raised Catholic. Whether or not that involves a parish school, you should be taking them to Mass (once they’re old enough), praying at home together, and teaching them about the faith. These are the expectations when you baptise a child in the Catholic faith. Why are you considering the Protestant school instead? Is your husband a member of that church? I don’t understand how sending kids there would be a compromise. I wouldn’t mess with that. I would rather send my kids to a secular school and teach them about faith at home then have them instructed in half-truths.
 
Ask every person who was given a “choice” about religion growing up, and almost all of them either have no faith at all, or have had to struggle mightily to believe in anything like God. You see, what you are telling them by doing that, is that there is no right or wrong and everything is just the same, has the same exact value, so why choose any of it? It leads to agnosticism and atheism. (You are the exception, not the rule.)

Your children ARE Catholic now. They’ve been baptized and that makes them Catholic. You are now under the obligation to bring them up in the faith. This is not going to be easy. Your husband is not going to be happy about it, evidently. But you can’t let your kids down. If your husband won’t send them to Catholic schools, you must do their early catechism. NO, do not attend the C of E church! That will just muddy the water. They need you to be their Catholic advocate, so to speak. Pray, and talk to your priest. Maybe he can talk to your husband and explain that letting children “choose” means they will choose unbelief.
 
Thanks so much for your replies, I really appreciate your time and your help.

Yes I am in England, thank you for your prayers.

Yes it’s the same in the uk, the catholic schools get better results than state schools in similar areas.

Yes my husband was present at the baptism. We had a meeting with the priest a few weeks before who was lovely and very understanding of my husband’s non belief. He just said it was his responsibility to turn our children ‘towards good’. I have never sugar coated anything to manipulated my husband into having our kids baptised!

We are considering the cofe school because it teaches the same Christian morals as the catholic schools. I attended a very light cofe school myself and it lead me to where I am today, a catholic. Whereas my dad and my cousins who went to catholic schools now don’t have any faith. Part of me worries that if I push the faith too much at an early age I’ll push them the other way?
 
catholicmumof2 said:
. Part of me worries that if I push the faith too much at an early age I’ll push them the other way?
Click to expand...
The whole world is pushing kids away from the Church, if you don’t push back, you haven’t a hope of raising children who stay catholic. It sounds like you husband regards faith as something you do on Sunday mornings, but as Chesterton said, religion isn’t the church one goes to but the cosmos one lives in. Your daughter needs God in her life, she will be lost without him, do what you have to to see that she has him.
 
catholicmumof2 said:
Thanks so much for your replies, I really appreciate your time and your help.

Yes I am in England, thank you for your prayers.

Yes it’s the same in the uk, the catholic schools get better results than state schools in similar areas.

Yes my husband was present at the baptism. We had a meeting with the priest a few weeks before who was lovely and very understanding of my husband’s non belief. He just said it was his responsibility to turn our children ‘towards good’. I have never sugar coated anything to manipulated my husband into having our kids baptised!

We are considering the cofe school because it teaches the same Christian morals as the catholic schools. I attended a very light cofe school myself and it lead me to where I am today, a catholic. Whereas my dad and my cousins who went to catholic schools now don’t have any faith. Part of me worries that if I push the faith too much at an early age I’ll push them the other way?
Click to expand...
A C of E school does not teach CATHOLIC morals, or Catholic theology. You are the exception, not the rule. Most people raised with, “Pick your own religion,” pick NONE. You are not PUSHING the faith, you are raising your children as the Catholics that they are now. There is no other option and your priest was weak to imply that turning your children “towards good” was going to be good enough!! I am sorry that he took that position, although I can understand why he did. What about your childrens’ god-parents? Can they help support you in this matter? It is what they promised to help with.
 
Welcome to the family! Religion is about family. God is the Father of our family.

You have just joined us in fraternal love to serve and love Jesus Christ and to love and serve each other. In going to Mass you are joining with all your fellow parishioners (every part of the world - past -present - & future) to become one with the Body, Blood, Soul, & Divinity of Jesus Christ. When you miss Mass the completion of this gathering is incomplete. It is a Mystery we embrace.

As for, “Choice of religion”, it’s like telling your children you can choice your family. You can decide who is worthy of being in the family, who can be the mother, father, grandparents, uncles/aunts, brothers/sisters. Would your husband say, " I don’t want to push your family on the children. Why don’t we just let the kids goto the park and hey can choice who their family is". Some people look only to the crazy in family, but I urge you to seek the beauty and grace of the family.

Here is more you should know about your family. We are members of the oldest Christian religion in the world…The Catholic
Church was founded in the year 33 by ourLord Jesus Christ.We have the real body and blood of Christ in our communion.**
*
The next oldest Christian Church isthe Lutherans and they have only been around for about 500 years. The Mormons have only been here since 1829.**
*
In theyear 33 there were no hospitals. Today, one out of five people in this country receive their medical care at aCatholic hospital.****
*
In the year 33 there were no schools. Today, the Catholic Church teaches 3 million students aday, in its more than 250 Catholic Colleges and Universities, in its more than 1200 Catholic High School and its morethan 5000 Catholic grade schools.****
*
Every day, the Catholic Church feeds, cloths, shelters and educates more peoplethan any other organization in the world. We should all be proud to be
Catholic.***
*
 
Giggly_Giraffe said:
As for, “Choice of religion,” it’s like telling your children you can choose your family. You can decide who is worthy of being in the family, who can be the mother, father, grandparents, uncles/aunts, brothers/sisters. ** Would your husband say, “I don’t want to push your family on the children. Why don’t we just let the kids go to the park and they can choose who their family is.”** Some people look only to the crazy in family, but I urge you to seek the beauty and grace of the family.
Click to expand...
That is an excellent analogy! (I corrected some typos in your post)

:clapping::clapping:

Very appropriate and a good visual image.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top