Questions on marriage vocation

[peregrinator_it]

Hello all,

I have a few questions for all the married and about-to-be-married folks on the board.

I’d be surprised if this hasn’t already been discussed, so I hope I’m not duplicating another thread. My search of the forums didn’t turn up a thread that addressed my questions. My apologies if you’ve heard this all before.

I’m curious as to how you came to realize you had a vocation to married life- specifically:

When did you realize you had a vocation to marriage?

Was it something you felt called to from a young age or did you discover your vocation when you met your spouse?

I’m just a youngster searching for some general wisdom on this topic. Thanks in advance for your answers.

 

[Mamamull]

Having been a Protestant for the first 20-odd years of my life, I never really considered anything but marriage.

I do think that if I am widowed and the kids are grown, that I would become a consecrated religious. Not that my marriage is awful, but I would love to serve God in a different way. My husband is hoping to become a permanent deacon in about five years and that would prevent him from remarrying if I were to die.

We have been married for 19 years without killing each other:thumbsup:
At least that is toast each year.

Perhaps some cradle Catholics can give you a better idea.
AMDG,
Mamamull

 

[BLB_Oregon]

I think I heard “you would make a great mom” and “you will make someone a wonderful wife” a great deal when I was growing up. I considered religious life, but although it had its attractions, that was not where I felt called. Then I met my husband, and making a life with him seemed to be the best course my life could take. Not that it has been without its difficulties, but the choice of a vocation can’t be made on the basis of what will theoretically be the easiest.

The choice of vocation is not like an Easter egg hunt, where God has this hidden surprise plan that you go looking for without a clue of what or where it might be. It has everything to do with who you are. You may know that the source of the word “education” is to “educe”… to draw out. A vocation is like that. It is how God uses your service to Him to draw the you that He created you to be out of the seed of you that you are now. It may be a surprise as it happens, but in retrospect you find it was just a matter of finding who you were in the real sense, rather than in the popular sense.

If you want to ease your search, develop a relationship with God in prayer. If given the chance to teach you who you are, it will be much easier for God to tell you what you should do.

 

[peregrinator_it]

BLB & Mamamull,

  Thanks for the replies and the good advice.

BLB_Oregon:

The choice of vocation is not like an Easter egg hunt, where God has this hidden surprise plan that you go looking for without a clue of what or where it might be. It has everything to do with who you are.

BLB, your advice was a great reminder- I’m not out turning over rocks trying to find God’s plan for me, but I suppose I DO get a bit impatient sometimes(I want to be there already! )

Still- I’m curious to know what others’ experiences have been. Anyone else?

 

[YinYangMom]

Cradle catholic here. Catholic education K-9, public 10-12, university catholic. Parents married over 50 years. Happy childhood for siblings and me. They and the nuns who taught me were my role models. Down side was the nuns who taught me were rather liberal. I remember how thrilled they were when they were allowed to no longer wear the head dress and could actually wear pants. They were strict with regard to teaching but politically they were feminists.

I entertained the thought of being a nun, particularly around confirmation preparation time when we did extra studying about saints and all. In my heart, however, I wanted to be like my mother - with children of my own some day.

By college I didn’t want to be a mom or a nun. It was the early 80s - ‘me’ generation and all. Dated someone seriously during that time, talked about marriage but his family and I did not get along and I wasn’t willing to take them on as in-laws so I broke it off. I was very selfish at the time.

Was all set to live a single life happily ever after from that point on. I wasn’t spiritual at that time, though I still attended mass regularly. Was looking forward to having time to expand all my horizons - including my faith. Moved away from home and within 2 weeks met my husband at a community college. I didn’t even have time to find my own parish after moving into the new town. 6 months later we were engaged, found a parish together, signed up to get married there, did so a year after we met and had both chlidren baptized there.

We’ve been married 18 years now. I was terrified about being a mom at first but it has all gone so smoothly I am certain it was meant to be. At the time we married we thought the vocational aspect was the part about being open to life, having children and raising them to be good Catholics so we took that very seriously.

Turns out we missed the boat on that one, but now that the kids are teens we’re focusing more on our relationship being vocational in and of itself. I’m rather enjoying this stage of our marriage - rediscovering our Catholic roots together to help each other be the best we can be. With each year as the kids get closer to college age we volunteer more at our parish, getting involved with various groups there, learning more about the faith.

I agree with the other posters - focus on being the best person you can be at all times and your purpose will be revealed to you by God. Keep talking to Him and remember that marriage and becoming a nun aren’t the only options, there is much you can do religiously as a single person while you’re waiting for your path to become clearer (I don’t think it’s ever ‘clear’ since it’s a journey).

What I found most interesting about my path is I was so certain I was meant to be single that I got really excited about all the possibilities that would mean for me. So much so that when I met my husband it was so obvious how wrong I was. It really was like a knock on the head telling me to stop trying to control my own destiny. You can’t rush God. I think I tried to when I almost married that first fellow, and again when I decided not marrying him meant I was supposed to remain single. God moved me 150 miles in order to cross paths with my husband. That always astounds me.