Questions Regarding Lust and Confession

[CatholicSooner]

I have a few random questions. The first one involves lust (or forms of lust). I’m kind of perplexed on what constitutes lust. I think that men can agree that it is almost impossible in today’s age to walk down the street or the hall of an office and not encounter a female that is inappropriately dressed. Or turn on the TV and see people on basic cable barely wearing clothes. I think it is also a basic human instinct to “check out” the opposite sex. This doesn’t make it right but i believe it is natural.

So I guess my question is, is “window shopping” a sin? Is it a mortal sin? In my mind, I want to think that if there is that split second where you see a beautiful creation of God and admire her but then realize what you are doing and stop that it isn’t a mortal sin? Obviously, if you act on this “lust” by masturbating it is a mortal sin. But what if you catch yourself staring too long? Not necessarily imagining what it would be like to be with that person but just simply staring and knowing that you are staring?

My second question is more simple. I know the point of NFP is abstinence during fertile periods. But what if during this time, or for example during the six weeks after a child is born where you must abstain, married couples perform other acts to one other? Is this considered a mortal sin?

 

[The_Bucket]

So I guess my question is, is “window shopping” a sin? Is it a mortal sin? In my mind, I want to think that if there is that split second where you see a beautiful creation of God and admire her but then realize what you are doing and stop that it isn’t a mortal sin? Obviously, if you act on this “lust” by masturbating it is a mortal sin. But what if you catch yourself staring too long? Not necessarily imagining what it would be like to be with that person but just simply staring and knowing that you are staring?

What did Christ say on the topic? Any time you look at a woman with lust you are committing adultery in your heart. Now of course, Jesus was dialing up the extreme here to note that you can’t just sit there and think “well I’m not actually physically cheating, so it’s OK if I look or fantasize, etc.” So yes, that’s sinful. Mortally sinful? No. It’s not grave matter. But it’s still venially sinful and a bad habit. We can’t really do anything about natural attraction. It is indeed, natural. But not checking yourself once you are aware of what you’re doing… yeah that’s wrong. And while it may not be grave matter, I wouldn’t advise doing it either because next thing you know, you might be doing something that is indeed mortally wrong.

My second question is more simple. I know the point of NFP is abstinence during fertile periods. But what if during this time, or for example during the six weeks after a child is born where you must abstain, married couples perform other acts to one other? Is this considered a mortal sin?

So, so many threads on this. And way too many theological debates too. I’m not touching it.

 

[CatholicSooner]

What did Christ say on the topic? Any time you look at a woman with lust you are committing adultery in your heart. Now of course, Jesus was dialing up the extreme here to note that you can’t just sit there and think “well I’m not actually physically cheating, so it’s OK if I look or fantasize, etc.” So yes, that’s sinful. Mortally sinful? No. It’s not grave matter. But it’s still venially sinful and a bad habit. We can’t really do anything about natural attraction. It is indeed, natural. But not checking yourself once you are aware of what you’re doing… yeah that’s wrong. And while it may not be grave matter, I wouldn’t advise doing it either because next thing you know, you might be doing something that is indeed mortally wrong.

So, so many threads on this. And way too many theological debates too. I’m not touching it.

Thanks for the response! I appreciate it.

 

[Celtic_Maiden]

Sometimes its wise to ask the priest this while in Confession without dragging it out as there are other people waiting, but a quick question can always be asked.

 

[smichhertz]

So I guess my question is, is “window shopping” a sin? Is it a mortal sin? In my mind, I want to think that if there is that split second where you see a beautiful creation of God and admire her but then realize what you are doing and stop that it isn’t a mortal sin? Obviously, if you act on this “lust” by masturbating it is a mortal sin. But what if you catch yourself staring too long? Not necessarily imagining what it would be like to be with that person but just simply staring and knowing that you are staring?

Hi CatholicSooner,

It’s a little more involved than that. If it’s just a “Oh look that’s an attractive woman”. That’s fine. If you start overly staring at her, or desire her, or any kind of lustful thoughts start kicking off in your head, that’s when it crosses the line. Remember: sexual attraction is natural, but lust is the sin.

My second question is more simple. I know the point of NFP is abstinence during fertile periods. But what if during this time, or for example during the six weeks after a child is born where you must abstain, married couples perform other acts to one other? Is this considered a mortal sin?

Generally, yes. Of course there’s nothing wrong with being physically intimate in other non-sexual ways, but any sexual act taken on between a married couple is a sin if it is not open to life.

You’re asking good questions! It shows a true desire to learn and understand Catholic teaching on sexuality to remain pure. Keep it up!

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Noticing that a woman is good looking is not lust. Staring, dwelling on appearance or body parts, sexual thoughts, is. Intent is what defines lust.

A mere look is not a sin. “Window shopping”, as you put it, is.

 

[CatholicSooner]

I agree with what you all have said. But what kind of sin? Mortal or venial?

 

[GangGreen]

What did Christ say on the topic? Any time you look at a woman with lust you are committing adultery in your heart. Now of course, Jesus was dialing up the extreme here to note that you can’t just sit there and think “well I’m not actually physically cheating, so it’s OK if I look or fantasize, etc.” So yes, that’s sinful. Mortally sinful? No. It’s not grave matter. But it’s still venially sinful and a bad habit. We can’t really do anything about natural attraction. It is indeed, natural. But not checking yourself once you are aware of what you’re doing… yeah that’s wrong. And while it may not be grave matter, I wouldn’t advise doing it either because next thing you know, you might be doing something that is indeed mortally wrong.

I think you’re being a little too light here. Jesus said you are committing ADULTERY in your heart. Adultery is a big deal. It’s right in the Ten Commandments. Adultery is adultery and is always a mortal sin. If Christ says you are committing adultery, then that’s a huge deal. Unfortunately, society has trained men to look at every attractive woman as a sexual object. Top that off with women flaunting it all and leaving little to the imagination and you have a recipe for disaster. It amazes me to hear married men ogling over random girls. It’s a large effort for men to change the way they think about and look at women. It’s something that they must train to do.

 

[CatholicSooner]

I It amazes me to hear married men ogling over random girls. It’s a large effort for men to change the way they think about and look at women. It’s something that they must train to do.

Why does it amaze you? I think the attraction is natural. Add in Satan it isn’t amazing at all. I don’t think any amount of training will change nature but it can train what one does when they feel this attraction.

 

[GangGreen]

Why does it amaze you? I think the attraction is natural. Add in Satan it isn’t amazing at all. I don’t think any amount of training will change nature but it can train what one does when they feel this attraction.

You’re right it shouldn’t amaze me. However, I disagree with the second half. Prayer, fasting, a hatred for sin, and love of God can make anyone change. It’s a matter of if they have the desire and want to put the effort to do so.

I know even in myself the way I think or even look at other women has changed drastically with the more I’ve grown in faith. I’m still not perfect, I cannot say that I am. One thing I made a point of doing is never externalizing any kind of attraction I feel for anyone, it’s unnecessary, unimportant, and leads into further lusting for that person. If someone asks me, I just say, yeah, she’s cute. Looking at someone else should be just that, a look with no desire to think about it. If you start thinking about what you’re looking at then it leads to lust. The truth of the matter is that short shorts/dresses, tiny bikinis, low cut shirts, tight pants/shirts, etc. are here to stay for the foreseeable future. Men need to learn to try to stop looking or at the very least stop thinking about what they’re looking at and then look away as soon as possible and don’t keep looking.

 

[The_Bucket]

I think you’re being a little too light here. Jesus said you are committing ADULTERY in your heart. Adultery is a big deal. It’s right in the Ten Commandments. Adultery is adultery and is always a mortal sin. If Christ says you are committing adultery, then that’s a huge deal. Unfortunately, society has trained men to look at every attractive woman as a sexual object. Top that off with women flaunting it all and leaving little to the imagination and you have a recipe for disaster. It amazes me to hear married men ogling over random girls. It’s a large effort for men to change the way they think about and look at women. It’s something that they must train to do.

Ease up rider, all I’m doing is pointing out that there is a difference between actually following through with the acts of adultery and being lustful in one’s heart. I’m not saying that the latter is good or even OK. I’m saying it doesn’t rise to the level of fornication, adultery, pornography use or masturbation.

Just because something is venially sinful as opposed to mortally sinful doesn’t mean it’s OK to do it.

 

[GangGreen]

and from the words of Christ it seems that it’s still a mortal sin. Whether it’s not as serious as actually committing the act, adultery is adultery, whether people want to believe it or not. Just like masturbation isn’t as bad as fornication, which isn’t as bad as adultery, which isn’t as bad as rape. However, all of them are still mortal sins. No one ever said being Catholic was easy.

 

[smichhertz]

I agree with what you all have said. But what kind of sin? Mortal or venial?

Usually venial.

If you intentionally focus on the lustful thoughts for a longer period of time, than it could be mortal. A priest once gave me a guideline of a few minutes, but it is somewhat subjective.

 

[CatholicRaven]

As a woman, I’m not sure what you mean by “window shopping” when talking about looking at women. If you’re talking about simply admiring her beauty, but not intending to think of her for your own pleasure… yeah, okay, not sinful. But if you’re suggesting it’s okay to think of these women as objects to admire for your own pleasure as long as you don’t touch… that would be wrong. Or if you’re saying you have a wife, and you are purposely “checking out” other women to see if there is something “better” out there… that wouldn’t be good, either.

In my mind, I want to think that if there is that split second where you see a beautiful creation of God and admire her but then realize what you are doing and stop that it isn’t a mortal sin? Obviously, if you act on this “lust” by masturbating it is a mortal sin. But what if you catch yourself staring too long? Not necessarily imagining what it would be like to be with that person but just simply staring and knowing that you are staring?

The first scenario is not a sin. You simply noticed and admired her beauty–that’s not sinful. Even heterosexual women notice the beauty in other women (sometimes we’re even more aware of it than you men are). Though many women struggle because of our own insecurities with the fact that men are wired to notice feminine beauty, it’s not sinful for men to simply take notice of beauty.

Perhaps you were tempted to think of a woman lustfully, but you rejected the temptation; that also would not be sinful. If you realize you’re staring, and stop as soon as you realize it, that’s still probably not mortally sinful (though it may be venial if, for example, you should have better control over how long you’re looking)… but if you then let your gaze go back to her and start thinking of her as an object for your own pleasure, then that is probably mortally sinful. You don’t have to masturbate for it to be mortal–just entertaining thoughts of using her (or part of her) is sinful.

Lust is selfish, not giving. It’s not about giving of yourself, it’s about getting pleasure. Lust is focused on the pleasure you could (or do) get from her, usually regardless of who she is or what she’s like. Lust is generally when you stop thinking of a woman as a complete person, and think only of her body, or part of it. Therefore, it may be helpful when tempted by lust to remember that she is someone’s wife, mother, sister, daughter, etc. She is a daughter of God; a whole person, not just a pretty face and a nice pair of legs, or whatever.

Mortal sin requires: that it is grave matter (sexual sin usually is), that there is full knowledge (you know it’s wrong and you know what you’re doing), and there is full consent of the will (i.e., you choose to do it). If you are thinking of something else while you’re staring, then you probably didn’t sin by staring… though you might appear “creepy” to the girl you’re staring at!

HTH.

 

[smichhertz]

Hi CatholicSooner,

You may find the following thread helpful:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=554525

Hope it helps!

 

[TMO]

Ease up rider, all I’m doing is pointing out that there is a difference between actually following through with the acts of adultery and being lustful in one’s heart. I’m not saying that the latter is good or even OK. I’m saying it doesn’t rise to the level of fornication, adultery, pornography use or masturbation.

Just because something is venially sinful as opposed to mortally sinful doesn’t mean it’s OK to do it.

I think Jesus was pretty clear about this: “If you look at a woman with lust, you have commited adultery in your heart”. So this means:

LUST = ADULTERY = MORTAL SIN

There’s no other way around it. I do believe that if these thoughts catch a person by surprise without really taking conscience of it, it can be taken as a venial sin; if on the other hand, the person realizes he or she is having lustful thoughts, know it’s sinful and still do it, then it can be a mortal sin.

Jesus said that what taints a person’s heart is what comes from the inside, not the outside. It happens to me sometimes though not with men or women but with my boyfriend; sometimes I start having intimate thoughts about us without realizing at first. When I take notice I snap out of it and ask God for forgiveness, recognize those thoughts as temptations and acknowledge the fact it will always be there but I decide to ignore it. I don’t know if it’s any helpful but that’s what I do when it happens to me.

I think Jesus was wise to put thoughts as sins too because they’re basically the script to our actions, and if you start dwelling in lustful thoughts, next thing you’re going to commit physical adultery, and that’s why we have to be very careful. In my case, I don’t take those thoughts about my boyfriend lightly, because I know if I indulge in them, it will be more likely for us to fornicate and sin together when I’m choosing to keep my virginity until marriage. I hope the example helps.

 

[Vico]

I have a few random questions. The first one involves lust (or forms of lust). I’m kind of perplexed on what constitutes lust. I think that men can agree that it is almost impossible in today’s age to walk down the street or the hall of an office and not encounter a female that is inappropriately dressed. Or turn on the TV and see people on basic cable barely wearing clothes. I think it is also a basic human instinct to “check out” the opposite sex. This doesn’t make it right but i believe it is natural.

So I guess my question is, is “window shopping” a sin? Is it a mortal sin? In my mind, I want to think that if there is that split second where you see a beautiful creation of God and admire her but then realize what you are doing and stop that it isn’t a mortal sin? Obviously, if you act on this “lust” by masturbating it is a mortal sin. But what if you catch yourself staring too long? Not necessarily imagining what it would be like to be with that person but just simply staring and knowing that you are staring?

My second question is more simple. I know the point of NFP is abstinence during fertile periods. But what if during this time, or for example during the six weeks after a child is born where you must abstain, married couples perform other acts to one other? Is this considered a mortal sin?

Compendium of the Catechism

492. What are the principal sins against chastity?
2351-2359
2396
Grave sins against chastity differ according to their object: adultery, masturbation, fornication, pornography, prostitution, rape, and homosexual acts. These sins are expressions of the vice of lust. These kinds of acts committed against the physical and moral integrity of minors become even more grave.
CCC 2351 *Lust *is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

Baltimore Catechism No. 3
Q. 300. What is lust?
A. Lust is an excessive desire for the sinful pleasures forbidden by the Sixth Commandment.
Q. 301. What effect has lust on our souls?
A. Lust begets in our souls a distaste for holy things, a perverted conscience, a hatred for God, and it very frequently leads to a complete loss of faith.

Q. 1282. What are we commanded by the sixth Commandment?
A. We are commanded by the sixth Commandment to be pure in thought and modest in all our looks, words, and actions.
Q. 1283. It is a sin to listen to immodest conversation, songs or jokes?
A. It is a sin to listen to immodest conversation, songs or jokes when we can avoid it, or to show in any way that we take pleasure in such things.
Q. 1284. What is forbidden by the sixth Commandment?
A. The sixth Commandment forbids all unchaste freedom with another’s wife or husband; also all immodesty with ourselves or others in looks, dress, words, and actions.
Q. 1285. Why are sins of impurity the most dangerous?
A. Sins of impurity are the most dangerous:

1. Because they have the most numerous temptations;
2. Because, if deliberate, they are always mortal, and
3. Because, more than other sins, they lead to the loss of faith.
   Q. 1289. What places are dangerous to the virtue of purity?
   A. Indecent theaters and similar places of amusement are dangerous to the virtue of purity, because their entertainments are frequently intended to suggest immodest things.

Q. 1316. What are we commanded by the ninth Commandment?
A. We are commanded by the ninth Commandment to keep ourselves pure in thought and desire.
Q. 1317. What is forbidden by the ninth Commandment?
A. The ninth Commandment forbids unchaste thoughts, desires of another’s wife or husband, and all other unlawful impure thoughts and desires.
Q. 1318. Are impure thoughts and desires always sins?
A. Impure thoughts and desires are always sins, unless they displease us and we try to banish them.

Q. 1324. In what does the sixth commandment differ from the ninth, and the seventh differ from the tenth?
A. The sixth commandment differs from the ninth in this, that the sixth refers chiefly to external acts of impurity, while the ninth refers more to sins of thought against purity. The seventh commandment refers chiefly to external acts of dishonesty, while the tenth refers more to thoughts against honesty.
baltimore-catechism.com