Quick advice needed please,thank you

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bethanysamuel

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Today i’l have to face a situation which i’m so nervous about, i have stomach cramps and shortness of breath. I havent felt this nervous since my school days when i was bullied and terrified of seeing the school girls. Anyway, it involves someone who’s been emotionally harrassing me+bullying me for months. Its not completeely unavoidable in the sense that i can back out, but i feel that this person will have succeeded if i do that, amd i want to rely on prayer, but if i pray and it doesnt work, i’l feel like i’v put God to the test which is blasphemy and i know Jesus isnt some kind of magician who suddenly makes answers+solutions pop out of a hat i am so so nervous. I’ve been very fragile lately and i’ve tried the cops thhing, didnt work. Dont want to get even with this person just want peace, have no energy please give advice soon thank you
 
Today i’l have to face a situation which i’m so nervous about, i have stomach cramps and shortness of breath. I havent felt this nervous since my school days when i was bullied and terrified of seeing the school girls. Anyway, it involves someone who’s been emotionally harrassing me+bullying me for months. Its not completeely unavoidable in the sense that i can back out, but i feel that this person will have succeeded if i do that, amd i want to rely on prayer, but if i pray and it doesnt work, i’l feel like i’v put God to the test which is blasphemy and i know Jesus isnt some kind of magician who suddenly makes answers+solutions pop out of a hat i am so so nervous. I’ve been very fragile lately and i’ve tried the cops thhing, didnt work. Dont want to get even with this person just want peace, have no energy please give advice soon thank you
 
How often are you feelng like this? why cant you avoid them?
 
Bethany

It is very difficult to give good advice when you have disclosed so little (but I certainly understand your reluctance to spill the details). I can only say it seems to me that usually when one is being harassed in a situation involving an ex-spouse or stalker, the advice given by police and other professionals is to avoid all contact with that person. In most cases, the harassment will eventually stop.

Years ago I was harassed by telephone, and for some reason even when I suspected it was that person on the other end of the phone, I would insist on picking it up! I wanted to confront and solve the problem. The police suggested that I always use the answering machine to avoid giving the harasser the feeling of having power over me. That is what gives bullies such a thrill, to feel that power in controlling their victims! It seems, from your limited information that you are reacting the same way I did all those years ago,insisting on “facing” him and “dealing” with the problem; but isn’t that giving him just what he wants: You in a victim’s role and he as the one having all the power over you?

Avoiding threatening situations is no lack of faith; the reason we feel the impulse to flee when we feel threatened is because that is the way God made us! It is a part of our survivor instinct.

I’m so sorry about what you are suffering; and I understand it. Even now, when I think back on what happened to me all those years ago, or if the phone rings at an odd hour, etc. . . my stomach gets sick. I will be praying for you, dear sister in Christ.
 
bethanysamuel said:
Today i’l have to face a situation which i’m so nervous about, i have stomach cramps and shortness of breath. I havent felt this nervous since my school days when i was bullied and terrified of seeing the school girls. Anyway, it involves someone who’s been emotionally harrassing me+bullying me for months. Its not completeely unavoidable in the sense that i can back out, but i feel that this person will have succeeded if i do that, amd i want to rely on prayer, but if i pray and it doesnt work, i’l feel like i’v put God to the test which is blasphemy and i know Jesus isnt some kind of magician who suddenly makes answers+solutions pop out of a hat i am so so nervous. I’ve been very fragile lately and i’ve tried the cops thhing, didnt work. Dont want to get even with this person just want peace, have no energy please give advice soon thank you
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Sorry, you must fight back.
There are sadistic persons who want to beat the peaceful people.
I was always fighting the STRONGER than me and I always was beaten back. So, I have little respect for the cowards who beat the weak ones.
sorry, you’ve got to learn how to fight. Remember the person who bullying you is a weak person, strong person fight hard do not bully.

Study in the net the idea of “Assertiveness”. Start slowly, very slowly, follow the people with experience on that. Start slowly and he will start to learn that you have changed. Do not feel frustrated by failures. Go on. Go on. Go ahead. If you fear, go ahead, do not back.

You have no other option but win. People who teach assertiveness teach very nice things. Learn how to explore his weaknesses for he has many and deep.

Go for it. Pray 10% fight 90%.
GBY
 
Sorry yes i havent given many details, although i have mentioned this in other threads, stuff about my ex. Half of me is saying why should i have to quit this , especially since its something i used to enjoy, but he’s gradually made it something i dread. If i quit, i’l lose a lot(not money, social contact) and he wants to isolate me. That’s the thing. Oh i’m probably not making any sense at all. I’m so so nervous. The reason i put this in moral theology is cuz its a moral dilema for me, what would Jesus want me to do, i’m so confused
 
Mods, for some reason i have 2 threads on the exact same topic, would you be able to merge them please thank you
 
This “fight or flight” feeling is to be expected.
I can truly appreciate how frightened you must feel.

Are you able to spend any time before the blessed Sacrament or even better, receive communion before you go?

I hope that this confrontation is to take place in public and that you will have a witness present…

May God give you strength.

Peace
James
 
You might want to take a friend with some strength along with you as support, and like James said, the meeting should occur someplace in public for your safety.

Praying, and having your asked-for outcome not occur, is NOT putting God to the test: It is simply indicative of His permissive Will. And it doesn’t mean that God wants the bullying to continue, either (He doesn’t.) It means He has another way in mind that is of to your spiritual benefit. So you should pray for His guidance and ask Him to let you lean on His strength for an outcome of this situation that is in accordance with His will. Before you talk to this person, take a deep breath and ask the Holy Spirit to form your thoughts and words to proclaim the truth.
 
I did it! And you know what, it was really funny because beforehand, several things happened that made it easier for me to face it. There were a couple of v challenging moments because he was trying all sorts of tactics, but i somehow stayed strong+didnt react. I went to Mass this morning and begged Jesus for help. I prayed the Rosary and i just poured my heart out and said pleasex50 after Communion. I literally have the sign of a cross on my arm because i had a stitch removed from my arm today. I hope it leaves a permanent scar! So I was “armed” with the Cross!
 
bethanysamuel said:
I did it! And you know what, it was really funny because beforehand, several things happened that made it easier for me to face it. There were a couple of v challenging moments because he was trying all sorts of tactics, but i somehow stayed strong+didnt react. I went to Mass this morning and begged Jesus for help. I prayed the Rosary and i just poured my heart out and said pleasex50 after Communion. I literally have the sign of a cross on my arm because i had a stitch removed from my arm today. I hope it leaves a permanent scar! So I was “armed” with the Cross!
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So Glad that to hear. Thank you for sharing this.
I especially like this…“he was trying all sorts of tactics, but i somehow stayed strong+didn’t react”…
It reminded me of a situation I was in many years ago where manipulation was a big factor. I had to go into “emotional shutdown” - not react - in order to defend against the manipulations. Not an easy thing to do.

I’m Glad that you were able to get to mass and take the time to become fortified with grace.

Peace
James
 
Thank you, and thank you to all the other posters who offered advice. Thank you.
 
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