Quiet: The Power of Introverts

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I had the book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Just Can’t Stop Talking” recommended to me by my therapist. I’m a life-long introvert, but I’ve never done much digging on the subject.

There’s an interesting chapter in the book about the premium placed on extroversion in Evangelicalism. In the chapter, the author meets with a Presbyterian minister, an introvert, at Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church. During their interview the Presbyterian minister laments the fact that things like liturgy, quiet time for contemplation and reflection seem to take a backseat at Saddleback and elsewhere across the changing landscape of American Evangelicalism. While he does not directly say so it’s pretty clear from comments like this why he chose to become a Presbyterian.

In another chapter the author touches on the influence the Great Awakening in America had on our growing obsession with showmanship and extroversion. Itinerant preachers were more successful the further away from the intellectualism and high-Church trappings that came with Catholicism and other similar denominations. While this author does not make the connection, a separate talk on YouTube I’ve seen draws direct parallels between this mistrust of intellectualism, systematic theologies and liturgies and what would become the “Fundamentalist” wing of modern of American Protestantism.

What’s the point here? A major reason I became Catholic is precisely because of our rich history of making spiritual growth a priority. Many of the Doctors of the Church have led lives of heroic charity, but the fuel for those holy deeds has always been much time alone with God. As an introvert I felt like I’d found a system that really understood my temperament and inclinations while holding action (corporal works of Mercy) in high regard. The Catholic Church knows we need the introverts who naturally love language, theology and prayer to unite powerfully with our more extroverted counterparts who lead our lay ministries or start charities. We can’t have only one “type” of personality, and truly our personalities will change the closer to Christ we get in this lifetime (check out von Hildebrand on that subject).

In some ways I can see I left Protestantism because of its emphasis on the need to be extroverted. I always felt a little guilty when approached to “do more” or asked if I’d be bringing anyone new to Wednesday night service. For me I love that being Catholic means sharing the faith of the Teresa of Avilas alongside the Francis de Sales. Our saints often embody both ideals of introversion and extroversion- people who grow more inclined to spend time alone with the God they love, while that time continually pushes them out into a world who needs Him.

If you’ve got an introvert you don’t understand in your life you might consider this book. And, if you are an introvert this book might help you understand why your extroverted friends can get frustrated with you for things you feel you have little control over.
 
I read Quiet a few years back RKS ,it started off well but (shrug) I don’t want to change who I am,God made me this way and I function well enough for what He intended for my life.
Much ,much more helpful than this book was simply learning about the four temperaments,and about my own combination -Plegmatic/Melancholic.
I had joined CM and took the extensive self test there ,then read about how my own kind of personality can interact with people of other Temperaments.
 
It can come across as a little militant and sort of superior, if you weren’t comfortable with yourself I think it could cause some undue mental anguish.

I’ve heard about the 4 temperaments, do you have a link or resource for that material?
 
It would have been one of the greatest things if I had learnt about the four temperaments when I was a teenager 🤔
 
I get a bit frustrated sometimes with extroverts, as well. I have a tendency to see them as needy and weak in their great difficulty and aversion to being alone and their need to always have more people around them. A one on one interaction seems lacking to them, and sometimes they seem rather superficial in the way they think and relate to others.

I know this is largely a very skewed perspective. But the feelings of misunderstanding can go both ways.

I’ve read some parts of the book. It’s popular, but it didn’t manage to hold my attention as I would have hoped for. Granted, I do have ADD. Not a bad book, though.
 
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I’ve gotten better at my more superficial social interactions, like with coworkers and people at the grocery store. But my best friend growing up is like a textbook extrovert. Through higschool we drifted apart and after college we sort of had a heart to heart about it, because it was painful for both of us. I expressed that I felt like he was more interested in “collecting friends” and climbing the social ladder, whereas I spent a lot of my time with books or in really small groups talking for hours. We both valued our friendship but just expressed it and saw it differently. There are pros and cons to every type, and I’m slowly growing into being an introverted adult. I hear what you’re saying, my wife’s family is extremely extroverted and holidays and gatherings cause me a lot of stress because there’s a lot of pressure to be doing something or taking charge of whatever situation you’re in. And that’s just not me. I’m an observer, I calculate things and gather information. And I don’t always communicate I’m in a “process” which is sometimes taken as being lazy, aloof, or uncaring.
 
As an introvert I feel like it simply makes me more mindful and self aware in conversation and everyday life. We are usually reserved and think carefully about what we say. (Key word is USUALLY) It allows us to pick up on things that others might miss.
 
That’s true in my experience. I can identify patterns or see potential repercussions of actions a lot quicker than other people. But I also need extroverts around to balance me out so I’m not locked up in my private think tank.
 
I understand what you mean about why you left Protestantism…I felt the exact same way, it is comforting to hear someone else had this experience.
I too am an introvert, so thanks for the tip on the book and the thread. Feels good not to feel so alone…

M
 
I like the book, but mostly for the historical perspective on where we place our values. Hopefully, it will swing back.
 
I also found that most interesting because, as I said, I like patterns and seeing why something that happened in the 19th century set the stage for events and mindsets in the 21st.
 
I had a good friend in high school. We did everything together - hockey matches, football matches, we went to see them even when we graduated to support our teams. My time in university was, at the beginning, aided by his ability to talk to other people. He actually dragged me to meet several friends of his that he’d get along with. We also got distant - for the same reasons. I got distant from that friend group. I was far too quiet and reserved, and loved books, and loved parties too - but only with my small group in the corner.

It’s a weird combination, an extrovert and an introvert. But extroverts are a God-send, because I wouldn’t have had as much fun or made as many connexions without him being there. He’s still my friend, but we talk only on occasion to catch up and I wish we could be closer, but it is what it is.

Regarding your OP, I need to read this book. The relation between extroversion and Evangelicalism is stark. There is also a more psychological link between being introverted, able to grasp more intellectual concepts, and the ‘High Church’ way of doing things.
 
It is a weird yin-yang of a relationship. Two of my daughters are the same, one is just like me and the other is a social butterfly. Together they work pretty well 🙂

Von Hildebran writes about the change in personality that happens as we grow nearer to Christ via prayer, the liturgy and the sacraments. He makes the argument that authentic personality only comes from Christ, and that people like St. Augustine show us that, while we all start out with an individuality, it’s only our life in Christ that reveals who we really are/ought to be. We become, by grace, our most authentic selves the more like Christ we become (grace perfects nature). That’s what I found so interesting about her chapter on Evangelicalism- that premium on extroversion at the expense of introversion (and the habits that come with it) isn’t really, at its root, Christian. Our Lord spends time with a lot of people, people he doesn’t “know”. But he also spends a lot of time in private prayer and with a relatively small group of men. Our saints are largely the same- they are contemplative and thoughtful, yet they are also known for heroic action. It seems to me that authentic Christianity would produce men and women like this, those who understand the importance of both solitude and service. Also, the Evangelicals I know lack the frame of reference to talk about solitude and contemplation precisely because they’re so far removed from Catholicism.
 
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