Quite odd Confession experience today

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coolduude

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Hi all,

I haven’t posted here in a while. I still lurk though 😃

Anyway, I went to Confession in a different place today for the first time. A few things stood out as strange.

One is that there was no option for anonymous Confession. I don’t think that’s a problem though right? Just checking.

The priest also started the Confession instead of me. He introduced himself then turned the conversation over to me saying “So what’s weighing on your mind tonight?” expecting me to say my sins. I went ahead and did the traditional start to Confession (“Bless me father for I have sinned…”) anyway.

When he did the absolution he took my hands and folded them one on top of the other. Then he said the formula (which was valid). But the hand folding/grabbing was really strange. And he made the sign of the cross over me instead of me crossing myself.

This particular Confession was extremely out of the ordinary, but was anything actually wrong? Some help please? :o

Thanks,
Coolduude
 
Anonymous confession is your right. I’m sorry that wasn’t available. I don’t know about the other things you mentioned, but every one of the half dozen priests I’ve ever confessed to has always made the sign of the cross over me at that point in the absolution.
 
Uh, that does sound strange. I’ve only been to Confession once (didn’t enter the Church), but I would absolutely hate hate hate not being able to confess anonymously. I was nervous about Confession already, the only comfort I felt was that at least I didn’t have to look at the priest. Not being allowed the possibility of anonymous confession would make the process more anxiety laden than it already is. And it might even cause me to not go as often.
Anyway, I’ll let someone else chime in on whether this is a common practice, or on it’s validity.
 
As Evelyn said, anonymous confession is your right. When confronted with a situation where that option is not offered, one thing you can do is to kneel near the priest without facing him, bow your head, and make the confession as though you were in an anonymous confessional. That will allow you to keep your focus on the fact that it is our Lord who absolves you through the actions of the priest.
 
Of course it is a valid absolution. The power is vested upon them and you just have to accept it in faith. In our country anonymity is so rare these days. Sometimes you actually go for confession, sitting side by side, or kneeling beside the priest, but hey, God knows that we are all sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God. God bless.
 
Hmmmm. Your situation sounds strange indeed. Because you went to a different parish, you might want to check with the parish office to see if that is the way confession is traditionally heard there. I’m not sure if the priest was trying a different approach, but it didn’t seem to come off very well.

The part that bothers me the most is when the priest took your hands and actually folded your hands for you. I HAVE NEVER HAD A PRIEST TOUCH MY HANDS OR PERSON IN ALL THE YEARS I ATTENDED CONFESSION–EVEN FACE TO FACE.

Your concern over the matter is a legitimate one. While priests have a status that puts them “above the law”, know that they are just as human as you and I. And, priest or not–I don’t believe touching another person is okay, even in confession. Your instincts are telling you that something is not right here my friend, so I would go with it. You might think about calling the pastor or associate pastor of that parish (or your parish priest even) regarding this matter. The point is, even our priests sometimes fall from grace, and whether or not anything wrong occurred during confession, the matter certainly needs to be addressed.

Lastly, please call upon the Holy Spirit to guide you so that this issue may be dealt with as justly and compassionately as possible.

God Bless
 
Cryptic1 said:
Hmmmm. Your situation sounds strange indeed. Because you went to a different parish, you might want to check with the parish office to see if that is the way confession is traditionally heard there. I’m not sure if the priest was trying a different approach, but it didn’t seem to come off very well.

The part that bothers me the most is when the priest took your hands and actually folded your hands for you. I HAVE NEVER HAD A PRIEST TOUCH MY HANDS OR PERSON IN ALL THE YEARS I ATTENDED CONFESSION–EVEN FACE TO FACE.

Your concern over the matter is a legitimate one. While priests have a status that puts them “above the law”, know that they are just as human as you and I. And, priest or not–I don’t believe touching another person is okay, even in confession. Your instincts are telling you that something is not right here my friend, so I would go with it. You might think about calling the pastor or associate pastor of that parish (or your parish priest even) regarding this matter. The point is, even our priests sometimes fall from grace, and whether or not anything wrong occurred during confession, the matter certainly needs to be addressed.

Lastly, please call upon the Holy Spirit to guide you so that this issue may be dealt with as justly and compassionately as possible.

God Bless
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It’s not a parish. It’s a university. 😦
 
Cryptic1 said:
Hmmmm. Your situation sounds strange indeed. Because you went to a different parish, you might want to check with the parish office to see if that is the way confession is traditionally heard there. I’m not sure if the priest was trying a different approach, but it didn’t seem to come off very well.

The part that bothers me the most is when the priest took your hands and actually folded your hands for you. I HAVE NEVER HAD A PRIEST TOUCH MY HANDS OR PERSON IN ALL THE YEARS I ATTENDED CONFESSION–EVEN FACE TO FACE.

Your concern over the matter is a legitimate one. While priests have a status that puts them “above the law”, know that they are just as human as you and I. And, priest or not–I don’t believe touching another person is okay, even in confession.

Lastly, please call upon the Holy Spirit to guide you so that this issue may be dealt with as justly and compassionately as possible.

God Bless
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There is an old retired French priest who can hardly hear, but you should see the queue…all the young and old want him to hear their confession. The minute he holds your hands, you cannot help but weep and weep…men as well (me too). Somehow he reminds you of God the Father. I guess it may not be the same elswhere.🙂
 
mirandajb said:
There is an old retired French priest who can hardly hear, but you should see the queue…all the young and old want him to hear their confession. The minute he holds your hands, you cannot help but weep and weep…men as well (me too). Somehow he reminds you of God the Father. I guess it may not be the same elswhere.🙂
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lol Hopefully you don’t have to yell out your sins for him to hear you.

Oh … but I do know what you mean. My mother is a retired nurse and she says the most appreciated action she ever took with patients that was most appreciated and helpful was to simply hold their hand.
 
coolduude said:
Hi This particular Confession was extremely out of the ordinary, but was anything actually wrong? Some help please?
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not out of the ordinary, outside your experience which admittedly has been limited. yes it is fine.
 
I will go to my grave still pondering why, if people are not embarrassed in sinning right in front of God almighty and all His Angels and Saints, would they be embarrassed to tell a mere man their sins? Confessions here in my Church are always right in front of the Priest. In the adoration there´s confession to the left of the Holy Eucarist right in front of the whole congregation. Everybody gets to look at the big long line and whose in it. I´m sure there´s some gossip as this small town is the gossip capitol of the world, but so be it. I think embarrassment as well as remorse and all the other negative feelings we have should be a requirement for a good confession. In a way, it´s a small purification process for our pennance. I wouldn´t change this for the world. God bless:thumbsup:👍👍
 
Ben_F said:
I will go to my grave still pondering why, if people are not embarrassed in sinning right in front of God almighty and all His Angels and Saints, would they be embarrassed to tell a mere man their sins? Confessions here in my Church are always right in front of the Priest. In the adoration there´s confession to the left of the Holy Eucarist right in front of the whole congregation. Everybody gets to look at the big long line and whose in it. I´m sure there´s some gossip as this small town is the gossip capitol of the world, but so be it. I think embarrassment as well as remorse and all the other negative feelings we have should be a requirement for a good confession. In a way, it´s a small purification process for our pennance. I wouldn´t change this for the world. God bless:thumbsup:👍👍
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I have found face-to-face Confession to be a supreme exercise in humility, which certainly cannot be bad for my proud soul. And I quite agree with what you have written above.
 
Ben_F said:
I will go to my grave still pondering why, if people are not embarrassed in sinning right in front of God almighty and all His Angels and Saints, would they be embarrassed to tell a mere man their sins? Confessions here in my Church are always right in front of the Priest. In the adoration there´s confession to the left of the Holy Eucarist right in front of the whole congregation. Everybody gets to look at the big long line and whose in it. I´m sure there´s some gossip as this small town is the gossip capitol of the world, but so be it. I think embarrassment as well as remorse and all the other negative feelings we have should be a requirement for a good confession. In a way, it´s a small purification process for our pennance. I wouldn´t change this for the world. God bless:thumbsup:👍👍
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Well said…God bless.
 
I always confess face to face, because for a very long time my parish did not have anonymous, so that’s what I got used to and I’m happy with it. The fact remains, though, that anonymous confession is supposed to always be available. I do wonder if anonymous confession cuts down on the tendency of people to seek spiritual direction in the confessional and keep others in line from having a chance.

I have a good friend who insists that the priest hold her hands while she confesses. I cheerfully insist that after the blessing he actually put his hand on my head for a moment, not just float it up there. I expect everyone has their preferences, and ime university settings can be their own little universe where one never knows quite what to expect.
 
What the priest did was not different to what was quite common in the past, though I suppose not every priest nowadays does it because of fear of any possible repercussions through lies. It is a sin to to assume that he was doing something wrong and from your limited understanding to try and categorize him as something, I certainly hope you didn’t do that, because you would have to confess that.
 
Alexander_VI said:
What the priest did was not different to what was quite common in the past, though I suppose not every priest nowadays does it because of fear of any possible repercussions through lies. It is a sin to to assume that he was doing something wrong and from your limited understanding to try and categorize him as something, I certainly hope you didn’t do that, because you would have to confess that.
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Relax. I really think he was just asking a question. I didn’t get the impression that he was making any assumptions at all.
 
Well, my understanding and experience are not limited but extensive and I have never in my life had a priest touch me during the Rite of Reconciliation (Sacrament of Penance), especially holding my hands, and if he did the Bishop would have a letter on his desk the next day detailing the situation. Just an objective description and my concern that this is not the right procedure. It is intimate, personal, invasive and inappropriate.

We already know there is a disregard for propriety because no arrangement was set up for anonymity. We see the priest is one of those (let me guess, middle aged?) who likes to add his own interpretations that are not part of the Church’s practices; that was clear when he adopted his pal-counselor approach instead of letting the penitent begin in the proper fashion with the correct words.

There is also the POSSIBILITY he was making a pass at you, whether you are male or female. Don’t freak out people, I said possibility and it is one. If 40% of US priests are gay, a confessional is a perfect place and we already said his attitude was overly casual.

The entire episode sounds to me repulsive, unprofessional and weird. I would avoid being alone with that priest.
 
I believe the current rite does allow for the imposition of hands. I have had several confessors do this, although I think recently with the abuse scandal many priests have stopped the practice. I found it very healing. I also had a priest make the sign of the cross on my forehead instead of my doing it. I will check the rites book when I get to work tomorrow just to make sure I am not mistaken.
 
Ben_F said:
I will go to my grave still pondering why, if people are not embarrassed in sinning right in front of God almighty and all His Angels and Saints, would they be embarrassed to tell a mere man their sins? … I wouldn´t change this for the world. God bless:thumbsup:👍👍
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While I prefer face-to-face confession, I do understand the difference in telling a “mere man” my sins versus the exposure of my sins before God: God knows me through-and-through. He knows me better than I know myself. He knows my paltry justifications as well as my extreme sense of personal guilt. Even more than a very best friend, God listens to me and responds to me in the ways He knows is best. The priest doesn’t truly know me and I wonder if maybe he judges me on a worldly level just a little bit. I know this sounds like I’m making myself more important to the priest than I am, but it’s just the way this faulty being sometimes thinks. We don’t walk around proclaiming our sins to the public, but we try to maintain some sort of facade of having more goodness within than we might feel is true. God already knows our sins, but the bottom line is that we fear the earthly ramifications of the judgement of man.
 
While certainly odd, I don’t believe anything was wrong necessarily. While most have mentioned either touching you or the lack of anonymous confession, the thing that I find most odd was his overly casual conversation before your confession. Typically, the rite begins with the sign of the cross, both the priest and penitent, followed by how you began. His words “So what’s weighing on your mind?” is certainly more casual than is strictly appropriate and seems to imply a lack of disregard for the sanctity of the sacrament. Your confession and absolution was valid so I wouldn’t be worried about that.

On the anonymity part which many are commenting on, did you know that in the early Church confessions were not private at all, but done in front of the entire congregation (which I can imagine would lead to some awkward moments)? It wasn’t until the 8th century (I think) when some Irish monks had a brilliant idea that anonymous one on one confessions might make things easier did such a thing exist. I, myself, regularly avail myself of this innovation and confess behind the screen 🙂
 
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