Radical--even for catholic school

[CroCatholic]

um 1ke…Kids today are hovered over? So why is it that I see plenty of 12-17 year olds in the park next to my house at all hours of the night? Why do I have to listen to 15 year olds “get it on” and then find their used condoms when I take my children to play there? Why is it that I had my car stolen by a 12, 14 and 16 year old. Who’s hovering over them? Who hovers over the little girls on birth control or the ones smoking meth? If you ask me, the world could use a few more hovering parents!

KIDS TODAY LACK SUPERVISION…THAT’S WHY SOCIETY IS GOING TO H*LL IN A HAND BASKET…

I realize that writing a bad word is far from these things but you know what, It wouldn’t have crossed my mind to ever write something like that in anyone’s book. I’m “only” 27 so it’ not even like I grew up in a different time. My parents taught me respect, and how to govern myself accordingly. They “hovered” and you better believe that I’ll be a helicopter with my three.

OP good on you for reacting but I’m glad that the teacher also reacted it might have been in the wrong way, but she reacted. I don’t know what her response was to the student who wrote the bad word ( I stopped reading posts after 1ke’s) but I’m sure your daughter and the other girl learned a lesson…

 

[Kimothy80]

pammie~Fair warning: I’m not a parent.

I personally think the teacher over-reacted. He/she should not have torn the page out of your daughter’s yearbook. Concerned and taken by surprise? Absolutely! Ripped it out? Absolutely not!

If I were in your shoes (which I am not) I would’ve called the principal about it. Glad the situation got fixed and that your daughter got a brand new, clean yearbook.

 

[DWC_RC]

um 1ke…Kids today are hovered over? So why is it that I see plenty of 12-17 year olds in the park next to my house at all hours of the night? Why do I have to listen to 15 year olds “get it on” and then find their used condoms when I take my children to play there? Why is it that I had my car stolen by a 12, 14 and 16 year old. Who’s hovering over them? Who hovers over the little girls on birth control or the ones smoking meth? If you ask me, the world could use a few more hovering parents!

KIDS TODAY LACK SUPERVISION…THAT’S WHY SOCIETY IS GOING TO H*LL IN A HAND BASKET…

I realize that writing a bad word is far from these things but you know what, It wouldn’t have crossed my mind to ever write something like that in anyone’s book. I’m “only” 27 so it’ not even like I grew up in a different time. My parents taught me respect, and how to govern myself accordingly. They “hovered” and you better believe that I’ll be a helicopter with my three.

OP good on you for reacting but I’m glad that the teacher also reacted it might have been in the wrong way, but she reacted. I don’t know what her response was to the student who wrote the bad word ( I stopped reading posts after 1ke’s) but I’m sure your daughter and the other girl learned a lesson…

 

[The_Bucket]

Quite frankly, it’s one extreme or the other. Either kids are being smothered or they’re allowed to run free and teens are treated like adults who have “choices that need to be respected.” Ugh.

When I was younger I was allowed to ride my bike to the park at the end of the street (maybe 10 houses down) by myself. And yeah, we played there basically unsupervised. A big gang of us kids ages 7-11. Think that would be considered normal today? Not a chance. When I was a teenager I didn’t have a curfew but that’s only because I repeatedly proved that I was not the kind of kid that was going to get himself into trouble. I earned that right and yet was still required to say where I was going, check in with a phone call once in awhile and if I ever did something wrong I was dead and I knew it. That’s probably why I didn’t drink with buddies until I was in college; no way was I driving home drunk and I surely didn’t want to have to call home and ask to be picked up because I had been drinking.

But all the kids in my family were treated differently based on their personalities and how they demonstrated that they were mature. Siblings with “questionable” friends had a tighter leash. Those without were given more slack. And anyone that even considered doing something like drugs, drinking, smoking or sex was going to be grounded for life and we all knew that. So we all knew it was in our best interests not to abuse the freedoms we were given because they’d be snatched away quickly and permanently if we did. Parents just don’t follow through on those threats anymore or think they need to switch to being their kids’ buddy once they hit their teen years. Ridiculous. Teens need parents more than ever and aren’t afraid to tell everyone that they need rules and limits mixed in with their freedoms! I wonder why parents are so afraid to give their kids what they want in terms of discipline.

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

The damage to the yearbook was done by the daughter’s friend, not the teacher. The teacher was trying to clean it up. Very proper response IMO.

While the friend was the one who started the mess, the teacher nonetheless has no right to deface another person’s property. She could have given a verbal warning, taken the book away until parents were called, but not deface another’s property.

 

[PatriceA]

Really? Even among friends? Two men are in a boat, fishing. One takes the last worm, unknowingly. The other reaches for a worm, realises that there are none and that his buddy took the last one, and says “you (choose your favorite derogitory term - perhaps even the b-word), you took the last worm!” and they share a laugh. Is that “totally inappropriate”? My friends and I do that sort of thing all the time, I don’t see any downside to it.

It would be in my book. Would you call your mom that word, or a nun, or a random stranger? Would you use that language in front of a priest, or your boss, or even Jesus? The problem is that its become “acceptable”, it shows a lack of consideration and manners that our society does not seem to be concerned about in the least. Cuss words, deragotory terms, slang whatever used in everyday language is more the norm, but that does not mean its appopriate.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Seems like there was a fair amount of rash overreaction and misplaced blame to go around. First, the teacher overreacted by ripping out the page instead of confiscating the yearbook. Second, the teacher misplaced blame by punishing your daughter, rather than the friend who wrote the curse word. Is there a common punishment for swearing at that school? Should the offending child have received said punishment? Your daughter bears some blame for allowing it to be written, but the page-ripping definitely punished the wrong person. The teacher was probably caught off guard though, and people make mistakes. A simple, I’m sorry for overreacting would be nice.

OTOH, I would call your dd’s reaction an over-reaction as well. Sure, kids get attached to yearbooks and signatures, but she shouldn’t be devastated over the loss of this page. Angry yes, devastated no. That degree of reaction sounds more like pulling out all the drama you can to get what you want. The good news is that the page was recovered, but chances are, your dd might have been able to have her friends re-sign her page. And whether it is the daughter or you, it is understandable that there is some anger at the teacher for making the wrong move when she was put on the spot. But rather than throw the teacher under the bus for being human and making a mistake, remember that the real culprit here is the girl who wrote the bad word. I’d be pretty darn mad at her for being the cause of all this trouble. The teacher may have over-reacted a bit, but she was reacting to something wrong, and I think it would be a shame if the girls come out of this experience thinking that they were wronged and the teacher was bad.

I would frame this to my child as, “yes, i would’ve preferred that the teacher didn’t react quite so strongly, but when you go writing swear words in school, you’re the one to blame not the teacher. You’ve learned a lesson now about what happens when you let your friends do whatever they want with your property” If you think about it, this situation could be paralleled in other aspects of your child’s life. When she’s older and has a facebook page, will she be more careful now about what she allows to be written on her page? Will she be more mindful of who is reading her wall and judging her (like employers) based on what other people write? There are lots of other situations in life where this sort of situation can happen. It’s a shame that this happened with your dd’s yearbook, but this could be a good teaching opportunity.

 

[Suzq2]

First of all, I’m so sorry your daughter had to have a negative experience at such a special time.

You did not overreact! As some of the other posters have replied, I would have called the school rather than e-mail (the teachers at my child’s catholic school take pride in telling you that they don’t check their school e-mail accounts.) The teacher was totally out of line and unprofessional.

And you are not hovering! Had you not gotten involved, what message would have been sent to your child? Teachers have a right to show uncontrolled anger and destroy your property? (Maybe that teacher was raised by a parent that didn’t hover enough and now has anger management issues.) Your first responsibility is to your child.

You’re a good mom and you have your priorities straight. Prayers to you and your daughter.

 

[gmarie21]

Seems like there was a fair amount of rash overreaction and misplaced blame to go around. First, the teacher overreacted by ripping out the page instead of confiscating the yearbook. Second, the teacher misplaced blame by punishing your daughter, rather than the friend who wrote the curse word. Is there a common punishment for swearing at that school? Should the offending child have received said punishment? Your daughter bears some blame for allowing it to be written, but the page-ripping definitely punished the wrong person. The teacher was probably caught off guard though, and people make mistakes. A simple, I’m sorry for overreacting would be nice.

OTOH, I would call your dd’s reaction an over-reaction as well. Sure, kids get attached to yearbooks and signatures, but she shouldn’t be devastated over the loss of this page. Angry yes, devastated no. That degree of reaction sounds more like pulling out all the drama you can to get what you want. The good news is that the page was recovered, but chances are, your dd might have been able to have her friends re-sign her page. And whether it is the daughter or you, it is understandable that there is some anger at the teacher for making the wrong move when she was put on the spot. But rather than throw the teacher under the bus for being human and making a mistake, remember that the real culprit here is the girl who wrote the bad word. I’d be pretty darn mad at her for being the cause of all this trouble. The teacher may have over-reacted a bit, but she was reacting to something wrong, and I think it would be a shame if the girls come out of this experience thinking that they were wronged and the teacher was bad.

I would frame this to my child as, “yes, i would’ve preferred that the teacher didn’t react quite so strongly, but when you go writing swear words in school, you’re the one to blame not the teacher. You’ve learned a lesson now about what happens when you let your friends do whatever they want with your property” If you think about it, this situation could be paralleled in other aspects of your child’s life. When she’s older and has a facebook page, will she be more careful now about what she allows to be written on her page? Will she be more mindful of who is reading her wall and judging her (like employers) based on what other people write? There are lots of other situations in life where this sort of situation can happen. It’s a shame that this happened with your dd’s yearbook, but this could be a good teaching opportunity.

And she should be thankful the teacher didn’t embarrass them more. In high school, I had a teacher that if he caught anyone passing a note he’d not only take it, but then read it to the whole class and then rip it up and then give a detention or an essay (if an essay, that too would be read to the class the following day when it was due). If the student vocally objected to any of the above, the punishment would steepen. We learned real fast to not pass notes and to respect the classroom. He was my favorite teacher of all time (and many of my classmates agreed).

 

[armywife]

Seems like there was a fair amount of rash overreaction and misplaced blame to go around. First, the teacher overreacted by ripping out the page instead of confiscating the yearbook. Second, the teacher misplaced blame by punishing your daughter, rather than the friend who wrote the curse word. Is there a common punishment for swearing at that school? Should the offending child have received said punishment? Your daughter bears some blame for allowing it to be written, but the page-ripping definitely punished the wrong person. The teacher was probably caught off guard though, and people make mistakes. A simple, I’m sorry for overreacting would be nice.

OTOH, I would call your dd’s reaction an over-reaction as well. Sure, kids get attached to yearbooks and signatures, but she shouldn’t be devastated over the loss of this page. Angry yes, devastated no. That degree of reaction sounds more like pulling out all the drama you can to get what you want. The good news is that the page was recovered, but chances are, your dd might have been able to have her friends re-sign her page. And whether it is the daughter or you, it is understandable that there is some anger at the teacher for making the wrong move when she was put on the spot. But rather than throw the teacher under the bus for being human and making a mistake, remember that the real culprit here is the girl who wrote the bad word. I’d be pretty darn mad at her for being the cause of all this trouble. The teacher may have over-reacted a bit, but she was reacting to something wrong, and I think it would be a shame if the girls come out of this experience thinking that they were wronged and the teacher was bad.

I would frame this to my child as, “yes, i would’ve preferred that the teacher didn’t react quite so strongly, but when you go writing swear words in school, you’re the one to blame not the teacher. You’ve learned a lesson now about what happens when you let your friends do whatever they want with your property” If you think about it, this situation could be paralleled in other aspects of your child’s life. When she’s older and has a facebook page, will she be more careful now about what she allows to be written on her page? Will she be more mindful of who is reading her wall and judging her (like employers) based on what other people write? There are lots of other situations in life where this sort of situation can happen. It’s a shame that this happened with your dd’s yearbook, but this could be a good teaching opportunity.

The best response, in my opinion, so far.

 

[Redratfish]

I don’t understand parents today. Getting involved in every little thing and coming to the rescue of kids on every little happening. Your kids will be unable to function as adults if you don’t let them learn to take their lumps and deal with stress, controversy, disappointment, etc. Let your **kid **work it out with the principal, teacher, etc.

I don’t get it. Kids today are hovered over to the extreme. Makes for incompetent adults with entitlement complexes.

So, yes, IMHO you are totally overreacting and I don’t know why you think the school should have called you or gotten you involved. The teacher might have overreacted in tearing out the page, but I mean-- get over it.

Too true

 

[micahmike]

It would be in my book. Would you call your mom that word, or a nun, or a random stranger? Would you use that language in front of a priest, or your boss, or even Jesus?

No. I use it in front of my friends who I am in an equal, close and comfortable relationship with.

The problem is that its become “acceptable”, it shows a lack of consideration and manners that our society does not seem to be concerned about in the least. Cuss words, deragotory terms, slang whatever used in everyday language is more the norm, but that does not mean its appopriate.

Why exactly is it a problem? Certainly insulting people is and always has been wrong…but calling a close aquaintance a name that you would not call “a random stranger on the street” or “Jesus” doesn’t seem wrong to me. I would not call a random stranger a scoundrel - he would take offense and for good reason. When I lose a card game to a friend, I just might exclaim “you scoundrel!” and throw my cards on the table in mock disgust. I think you’re being over-scrupulous. Context. there are lots of things that are appropriate alone or in the company of close friends or family that are not approriate in front of random strangers.

 

[msumissa]

I am amazed at the number of PP who think your daughter some how possesses the ability to read minds and know exactly what her friend was going to write and therefore some how prevent it.

We should call some one in the Vatican because she has surely been blessed beyond measure.

In 8th grade, this is something I would have expected my Mom to back me up on.

 

[tafan]

No. I use it in front of my friends who I am in an equal, close and comfortable relationship with.

Why exactly is it a problem? Certainly insulting people is and always has been wrong…but calling a close aquaintance a name that you would not call “a random stranger on the street” or “Jesus” doesn’t seem wrong to me. I would not call a random stranger a scoundrel - he would take offense and for good reason. When I lose a card game to a friend, I just might exclaim “you scoundrel!” and throw my cards on the table in mock disgust. I think you’re being over-scrupulous. Context. there are lots of things that are appropriate alone or in the company of close friends or family that are not approriate in front of random strangers.

Very poor analogy. There is such a thing as a dignified and civil society. Certain words, because of their typical use, are so crass one should not use them, even in jest and definitely not directed towards another. To do so, corrupts us all.

 

[micahmike]

Very poor analogy. There is such a thing as a dignified and civil society. Certain words, because of their typical use, are so crass one should not use them, even in jest and definitely not directed towards another. To do so, corrupts us all.

so if I exclaimed “You (b-word)!” and I threw down my cards in mock disgust before sharing a laughit would be bad, but calling him a scoundrel is okay? I’m pretty sure I’d rather be called a (b-word), that just implies that I’m a complainer - being described as a scoundrel is certainly much worse…though again, lightheartedly and among friends I wouldn’t take offense to either.

 

[leonie]

Personally, I don’t think it’s that big a deal. I would have just told my daughter not to worry about it. It’s just a page in a book.

Plus, I’d probably tell my daughter that her teacher is an adult and made a decision, and that’s that.

I would not have reprimanded the teacher or gone to the principal. Why make such a drama about it?

Why are kids so powerful these days? I don’t think it’s good for them.

 

[Cat]

I disagree that a yearbook is just a book.

My husband and I are hardly sentimental. Those of you who have read some of my other posts know that I am not a mushy person; I’m hard as nails.

But when it comes to our yearbooks–we have them on display in our bookshelves and we highly value these books nearly 40 years later. My husband was President of the Yearbook Committee in high school, so he values his Senior album immensely.

I love my Junior High albums (7th and 8th grade). My young teen years were wonderful, a time of discovery and growing up and moving out into the big world. I won all kinds of writing awards in Junior high. I had a lot of friends and we often worked on school projects together.

And my mother was still healthy. She used to walk to the school to see any programs that I was involved with (we only had one car and she didn’t know how to drive). At that point in my life, my mother was the healthiest she would ever be. After that year, things started going downhill for her (rheumatoid arthritis), but when I was in 8th grade, she was as lively as a teenager and lots of fun and she enjoyed all my teenaged interests almost as much as I did. (I remember how excited she was to buy a Tom Jones album–she said she was buying it for me. Now that I’m grown up, I think she had ulterior motives!).

And in spite of all the horrible things that happened in 1968, the world was still an exciting place for me when I was a young teenager. I had a whole lifetime ahead of me, and everything seemed possible.

Several years ago, my husband and I were looking through our middle school albums, and I discovered the strangest autograph in mine. A friend that I don’t even remember signed my album and mentioned that I would name my first child Evangeline.

And that’s exactly what happened. But I can’t remember ever coming across the name Evangeline in Junior High; I didn’t read Uncle Tom’s Cabin until I was in high school, and I didn’t read the Longfellow poem until I was grown up. I have no idea why my school pal made that prediction, but she did. ??? Ah, the mysteries of teenaged life!

Anyway, I don’t think we should belittle someone’s love for something that means something special to them. It’s not “just a book.” It’s a yearbook–a book about a year of precious life.

 

[CroCatholic]

Personally, I don’t think it’s that big a deal. I would have just told my daughter not to worry about it. It’s just a page in a book.

Plus, I’d probably tell my daughter that her teacher is an adult and made a decision, and that’s that.

I would not have reprimanded the teacher or gone to the principal. Why make such a drama about it?

Why are kids so powerful these days? I don’t think it’s good for them.

:clapping: ITA. Kids have far too much power.

 

[SMHW]

I disagree that a yearbook is just a book.
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Anyway, I don’t think we should belittle someone’s love for something that means something special to them. It’s not “just a book.” It’s a yearbook–a book about a year of precious life.

I agree! Granted, I tend to be a bit sentimental about such things. But a yearbook is a precious item. Like I said, my Catholic school didn’t have yearbooks but I still have many souvenirs and items from eighth grade. I keep in contact with several of those classmates.

I think the teacher was way out of line. The mother was right to protest and rectify the situation.

 

[pammie]

Follow up-my daughter is happy with the new yearbook and has managed to get most signatures again. Old book returned to the school.

This yearbook was the first one my daughter has ever received and she has been in this school for 9 years with a class total of 24 children. Her devastation was the result of a precious item destroyed without her (name removed by moderator)ut or knowledge. She was not aware of the girls “b***h” entry. Thirteen year old girls are very emotional to begin with–she saves lollipop wrappers given to her by special friends. A treasure for a 13 yr old child is different than what most adults would view as treasures. I would never tell her that the way she feels is “wrong”.

I believe a hovering parent is one who micromanages a child’s life and shields them from pain and suffering. A loving parent is one who uses experiences like the yearbook to teach a child that life can be unfair and unfortunate. A parent must also teach a child what is right and wrong. Writing the bad word was wrong of my daughter’s friend. Tearing a page out of another person’s property was also wrong. Teachers are not perfect and, in hindsight, I believe this teacher acted the way she thought was right at the time. This could be a learning experience for her too. The principal backed my daughter—the message was clear.

Thanks to everyone of you for all the astute analysis and observations. It has been very helpful.