Radical Sanation question from a re-vert

[Lordhavemercy1]

I am a recent re-vert, and while trying to get my soul back on track with Our Lord and His Church. I was prompted by my conscience (I have been going frequently to confession and mass) to ask my local pastor about the validity of my marriage that was held outside the Church. My wife was baptize Catholic and received her first communion, but fell away from the church. I went through all the sacraments of initiation, but fell away in my 20’s and just came back at the beginning of lent by the grace of God.
My pastor explained that Radical Sanation would be possible, and that my wife and I could sit down and answer some questions and he would write a letter of petition to the bishop. I have a few questions on this, and I’m sure the pastor would be the more appropriate person to ask, But I also know how busy he is.

1.) I’m not really sure how to approach the subject with my wife about getting the church to recognize our marriage that wont offend her. I believe that our marriage is valid although not sacramental as it is our first for both of us. As such I believe that she is my vocation and that I am to love her as Christ loves the Church.
Her never ending love for me through all my faults is what guided me back in the first place. What would be a good way to phrase this.
2.) my parish priest said that it was on my conscience if I wanted to keep receiving Sacraments. I wasn’t sure if that was right, and until my marriage is made right with the church or I find a concrete answer I am abstaining from the Eucharist out of respect for the Sacrament. My disobedience to the Mother Church and Our Lord created this situation and I am trying to be obedient to its resolution.
3.) I know my wife wont like the idea of going through another marriage ceremony and being told that our marriage is only valid from that point on. The Con validation option will be a tough sell. How often/Likely is our diocese to grant the Radical Sanation?

I know that the answers are going to be situational and that this may not be enough information to get a solid yes or no. I just wasn’t sure how much of a “practicing” Catholic I can be during the sanation process. Please keep me in your prayers during this process and pray for my wife’s conversion.

 

[CilladeRoma]

I have gone through the sanation process. My situation was much like what you write.
A lot of it depends on your diocese, your situation and your wife.
I suggest that you and her have a meeting with your pastor and discuss all the particulars together.

I will pray for you both.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

1.) I’m not really sure how to approach the subject with my wife about getting the church to recognize our marriage that wont offend her.

Make sure she doesn’t think you’re saying that your marriage needs a “radical sanitation”!

 

[1ke]

I’m not really sure how to approach the subject with my wife about getting the church to recognize our marriage that wont offend her. I believe that our marriage is valid although not sacramental as it is our first for both of us. As such I believe that she is my vocation and that I am to love her as Christ loves the Church.

Your marriage is not valid because the Church has authority over her members and requires Catholics to marry in Catholic form or receive a dispensation from form. A valid marriage between the baptized is automatically a sacrament. You are taking the right steps to make the marriage valid through the radical sanation. So glad you are returning to the faith.

If you truly believe your wife will be offended, you can petition for the radical sanitation by yourself. In the case of radical sanitation, it may be possible to proceed without your spouse being informed or involved. If you want to keep her conscience at peace, this may be the best route. It is something to talk to the Curia office about.

 

[1ke]

How often/Likely is our diocese to grant the Radical Sanation?

Given that you only lacked form, but you exchanged public vows, and there are no impediments such as prior marriages, radical sanation should be no problem.

[i.e. nothing leads the bishop to believe that either of you excluded an essential property of marriage or lacked proper consent. That could happen if people made up some kind of wonky vows, but that would be rare .]

 

[HeDa]

Invite the priest over for dinner so that all of you can talk in a more relaxed situation. Ask him to touch the subject of marriage maybe by asking where you were married or talk of the beauty of marriage in the Catholic Church.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

OP, aside from the question of marriage status, the greater issue is your wife’s relationship/attitude toward the Church. You don’t really mention this, and don’t have to discuss it in the forum. Remember to pray for her daily.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

If you can get it “in secret” I would still suggest asking her in a not-so-confrontational way as “radical sanation”. Perhaps, “Would you be ok if I had our marriage recorded and blessed in the Catholic Church? You don’t need to do anything, it’s just for my sake.”

Should she come around to Catholicism in years future, it could be a big blow to her trust that you went behind her back and did something.

 

[Lordhavemercy1]

Thank you so much for the replies. My wife and I would have considered ourselves spiritual but not religious at the time of marriage. She doesn’t mind me going to Mass and she adores my mom who has always been a practicing Catholic (my wife has gone a coupe times with me on special occasions to see the family). She loves that I am able to go and be there with my sister and nephews and nieces. My sister is in a very tough spiritual place with her husband of 20 years, but that’s not my story to tell.

I do believe that it is important to be open with my wife about the subject because it’s a marriage, and vocation, and she is an equal part of it. I think I have the verbiage now of explaining to her that the radical sanation is a catholic verification of the form of marriage and a blessing that elevates our marriage to a sacrament in the eyes of the church (not just paper issued by the state). I pray for her daily just like I pray for perseverance for myself.

Thank you again for all the wonderful replies, and please keep us in your prayers.