Iand we made a commitment to purity ever since then. But for some reason within the last few months I want nothing more but to have sex with him again.
Sometimes all I have to do is look at him and I am overwhelmed with sexual desire.
I masturbate almost every day and am constantly filled with impure thoughts.
Purity does not mean not having sex with one another. It means not being filled with impure lustful thoughts that lead to masturbation or other sexual activity.
Sexual thoughts and activities whether self stimulation or sex with another person trigger the realease of chemicals into the body that result in temporary pleasure. In a sense it is like taking certain drugs. They are addictive. Addicts have no control over their impulses. Their desires and impulses contril them. But with sex the body produces the chemicals. All that is necessary to produce them is thought.
You can control your thoughts. You will see certain patterns repeat themselves. You do not instantly find yourself raging full of lust. This is a fire that is lit. There is a spark and then you blow on it and make it a flame and then fan the flame and add more fuel to it until it is a raging inferno. All along you are feeding the fire with more thought. Jesus says before we commit this sin with our bodies it is in our hearts.
He says whoever sins is a slave to sin. We use the term addict, but that is the same thing as a slave.
When temptation first comes you have a choice. Before the fire is raging you can put it out. You can refuse to allow it. You can reject it. You can push it away. You can turn from it. You can call out for help in prayer then.
Another poster said every time you give into the sin the enemy or wolf gets stronger. This is true. You can regain purity and overcome the slavery to this sin with God’s help.
Recognize the moment the spark appears in your mind. At that instant do not allow your mind to go there to begin to think sexual thoughts. Refuse them.
Asking for help is the right thing to do. Going to confession is seeking the grace that you need. Prayer is a necessity and a lot of it will be needed to be free of lust. It is like being at war with an enemy. You can not turn your back on your enemy or get lazy.
In the process of breaking addictions it is in the beginning that it is the most difficult. When people quite smoking, they crave the nicotene for a period of time. They tell themsleves all kinds of fantastic things to have a cigarette. Having just one will be ok, and then they will quit tomorrow. Or, just lighting one up and having a puff or two and they will put it out. After they go two weeks or a month the craving slowly subsides. The longer they go without the nicotene easier it gets to live without it.
Our culture makes it difficult on young people. We are biologically ready for marriage before we are able to support families, finish college, get jobs. In times past people married much younger and began having families. So you are biologically healthy, but we are also spiritual creatures. Sex is a physical act, but also spiritual at the same time. Men and women join together with God in the creation of a being with an immortal soul. This is a great gift to us. The angels can not do this. They do not have this power. In sex we share with God the power to create other beings. This is a holy thing, the transmission of life.
We can see that for some people there is nothing holy about sex. It is supposed to take place within a sacrament, Holy Matrimony, the Holy Office of Motherhood, in English. The sacrament is named after the woman. It is about and for her. The creation of a being who will live forever takes place in a place, in the woman. She is a sacred vessel, a vessel of life.
When we use our sexual faculties as they are meant to be used sex is very fulfilling, not just for a moment’s pleasure, but integrated into our whole life. My wife and I have children and grandchildren. We see the fruit of our love for one another, of years of life together, belonging to one another. It is good.
Other posters advised you to move your marriage date up. This is probably good advice. There is no spiritual reason to wait so long. There may be economic reasons, but they are imaginary. You both need the same amount of resources to stay alive whether you are married or single. In times past young couples lived with one of their families. Is that possible for you? If not and you are maintaining two residences while you are single it is actually cheaper to have one. That is a reason couples give for living together. Why not do it in marriage?
God bless you.
