Raising children. - Atheist vs Christian

[frankblahnik]

What are some of the differences of raising a child to believe he/she has an eternal soul belonging to God, and raising a child to believe he/she is not eternal and God is a delusion? How does a child develop differently regarding the two views? What kind of attitudes and character does the child develop?

Please keep this thread loving, kind, understanding, and respectful. Thank you.

 

[BamaRider]

Well Frank I dunno, since I have no experience at being atheist.

But I’ll use me as a experiment of one. If I was brought up atheist, and truly believed this was all there is/gonna be, you doggone right I’d a done stuff different when I was growing up. :hypno:

 

[frankblahnik]

Well Frank I dunno, since I have no experience at being atheist.

But I’ll use me as a experiment of one. If I was brought up atheist, and truly believed this was all there is/gonna be, you doggone right I’d a done stuff different when I was growing up. :hypno:

Thank you for your feedback BamaRider, but like you said, since you never experienced that lifestyle you really dunno.

 

[survive]

I was raised atheist. I also grew up in Cold War times.
The world was going to end, leaving nothing, not even judgment, at any moment, for no good reason, because adults hadn’t protected us. We were mistrusted and dismissed and not even allowed to do anything independent, spontaneous, creative or productive int eh real world. If we just hung out we were branded delinquents and put away.
Thus, this world was all we had or ever could have. Good and evil, right and wrong, were entirely points on a scale of *long-term usefulness *to a dying society that had no long term. Therefore they didn’t exist. Pleasure was the only possible goal remaining, and it couldn’t be the pleasure of achievement because nothing available to us was worth achieving. We were allowed to function only in terms of a future that we believed would never come. Because actual adulthood was apparently not in our grasp, since we thought it would all be over before we got that old, to act more grown up than we were was the way we tried to have whatever amount of a full life we could. We pretended to be adults while actually the pleasures we could understand were those of children – sugar, basically, and watching cartoons. We got into drugs, which affect the young brain a lot like sugar and cartoons do only more so, and became tired of life at an early age, still in the teens or sometimes even before the teens.

 

[frankblahnik]

I was raised atheist. I also grew up in Cold War times.
The world was going to end, leaving nothing, not even judgment, at any moment, for no good reason, because adults hadn’t protected us. We were mistrusted and dismissed and not even allowed to do anything independent, spontaneous, creative or productive int eh real world. If we just hung out we were branded delinquents and put away.
Thus, this world was all we had or ever could have. Good and evil, right and wrong, were entirely points on a scale of *long-term usefulness *to a dying society that had no long term. Therefore they didn’t exist. Pleasure was the only possible goal remaining, and it couldn’t be the pleasure of achievement because nothing available to us was worth achieving. We were allowed to function only in terms of a future that we believed would never come. Because actual adulthood was apparently not in our grasp, since we thought it would all be over before we got that old, to act more grown up than we were was the way we tried to have whatever amount of a full life we could. We pretended to be adults while actually the pleasures we could understand were those of children – sugar, basically, and watching cartoons. We got into drugs, which affect the young brain a lot like sugar and cartoons do only more so, and became tired of life at an early age, still in the teens or sometimes even before the teens.

Thank you for your honest and poetic post. :console:

I am 33 years old, and I remember the cold war as well. As children we thought that the president of the U.S. had a “red button” he could push to destroy the world. We also thought the leader of the U.S.S.R had a “red button” of his own. I’m not sure how I felt about that. I guess I never thought anyone would actually push the “red button” because that would just be plain stupid. It would be like, hey, we can’t agree so lets just destroy the world. :imsorry:

 

[4Squarebaby]

Thank you for your honest and poetic post. :console:

I am 33 years old, and I remember the cold war as well. As children we thought that the president of the U.S. had a “red button” he could push to destroy the world. We also thought the leader of the U.S.S.R had a “red button” of his own. I’m not sure how I felt about that. I guess I never thought anyone would actually push the “red button” because that would just be plain stupid. It would be like, hey, we can’t agree so lets just destroy the world. :imsorry:

During your time did you consider yourself as being raised during the Cold War? I was a soldier during your time. There was the nuclear freeze movement, the midium range missles going to Europe and a few end times movies like War Games and The Day After in the media. The generation of the early 60s when I was an infant actually did duck and cover drills which morphed into earthquake drills and thought the war was going to begin during the Cuban missle crises. My fear only because I was just then becoming politically aware of the world was the Yom Kippur War.

I only know a few who were raised atheist. Most were raised as the Christmas and Easter Christian or the Japanese equvalent for Shintos and Buddiest, Japanese were the minority group where I grew up. For a few church was a major part of their social life as they lost half their weekend plus an additional night to Bible study/rehersal to church. As my brother and I grew up church going decreased as Ram season tickets came into the house and then the major league sports begin to broadcast early games on Sunday. I spent 20 years denying Christ and my brother joined the Nation of Islam. Although nominally we were raised to be Methodist men. As a soldier my dogtags read Methodist but that was the early days of the Rapid Deployment Force and facing possible capture by the Iranian Revolutionary Guard I made the choice to fake being a man of the book, as Muslims would see me, rather then someone who denied God.

 

[Eucharisted]

What are some of the differences of raising a child to believe he/she has an eternal soul belonging to God, and raising a child to believe he/she is not eternal and God is a delusion? How does a child develop differently regarding the two views? What kind of attitudes and character does the child develop?

Please keep this thread loving, kind, understanding, and respectful. Thank you.

Being a born-atheism, there was much different spiritually in my life than now, when I am Catholic. As an atheist I grew up with morals, wanting to serve and do good, trying my best to succeed at life (which is defined as being good and having fun); for me, the purpose of life was to be good and have fun. Now that I am Catholic, spiritually I have God and so I have a greater desire to serve and do good, try my best to succeed at life (which is now defined as doing God’s will); for me, the purpose of life is to do the will of the Lord. As an atheist I was good for reward and for the sake of love; as a Catholic, it is not much different, save now I know that God is my life and my joy and my law and now I live and do good for His sake, He who is goodness itself.

 

[frankblahnik]

Can I please get some more (name removed by moderator)ut into this thread? I believe this is an important topic to discuss…

 

[frankblahnik]

Equal viewpoints from each side would be ideal. I do realize we are on a Catholic forum, but I don’t want this thread to be biased. Lets hear the positive attitudes and character children can develop from both sides. No negativity please. Thank you

 

[DL82]

Having been raised by a mixture of atheist, Christian and nominally Christian parents and step-parents, I don’t honestly think the deciding factor is belief in God, but belief in something that’s worth striving for.

In fact, I have always been oddly impressed by my atheist step-mum’s steadfastness in continuing to live by her own set of values, even when she’s seen the damage those values have done to her and to those she loves, I guess she thinks if she was to change just so that people would love her back, she would be less herself.

The one thing I feel I lacked in my upbringing was the sense that there were values that were so important that they were worth making life less comfortable for you. That there were things to strive for even if they didn’t make you happy. That there is such a thing as a human will, which, if properly developed with the help of God, is steadfast no matter what circumstances throw at it.

I think either committed believers in any religion or committed atheists with a set of principles would be able to instil that sense of purpose in a child. Even now I feel spiritually poorer for the lack of it.

 

[Viki63]

Raised by parents who were nominal Christians, or believed that religion was a private matter not to be discussed, and that the readings at church were some kind of fairy tales, the primary feeling I recall is fear.
I had a night as a teen when I realized I would die, and became terrified of non-existence. That still seems the most horrible fate to me, to cease to exist, not to even know it. . . my main comfort has been C.S. Lewis’ book The Silver Chair, where Puddleglum says something like, even if that other world doesnt exist, even the hope, even the dream of it it worth more than this shabby underworld existence we lead now.
Now my faith has increased and I believe the promises of Christ, but it’s been scary. I never knew how to act as a young adult – I was raised to be revengeful, vindictive, cruel, but never could get into it. I had no place to stand, no moral compass. When I first read the gospels and paid attention, I couldn’t believe the life they opened up to me. Fantastic! Forgiveness, love, kindness. Amazing stuff.
Much better to raise a child with the hope of heaven and the knowledge that he’s not alone in the universe.

 

[EmBee]

I was raised more agnostic than atheist I suppose … my mom never took a stance on the issue, and I never asked. We didn’t go to church, or pray, or talk about what the meaning of life. The future (death) seemed to be a whole lot of nothingness. I dealt with a lot of problems growing up. I’m not sure how many of them would have been different had I been raised Christian (depression, after all, has some genetic basis), but I do believe if I had known God I would have saved myself from much suffering. I also believe that had I been raised Christian, my family life would have been much better and I would respect my mother much more.

My parents divorced when I was about 6 years old. My mom was never the SAHM type, although she did it for 10 years while married to my dad. Two years after the divorce, my mom, older brother and I moved to another state so my mom could finish her PhD. During the 9 years we spent in IA, she relived her 20’s - going out, leaving town for a week, bringing her boyfriends home to stay the night, etc. I grew up a lot faster than most of my friends. I voluntarily took a lot of pressure off my mom. I was her best friend, her psychiatrist, and her spouse (nothing sexual, just that I was the one she relied on for lots of things) - all starting at 8 years old. As I grew older, I began resenting my mom for not taking care of me as much as I took care of her. She’s proud and I was a child, so she never saw it my way. Recently she did tell me that she was sorry she wasn’t the best mother she could’ve been and that she hadn’t even tried all that hard at it either. Surprisingly, I felt great comfort in that.

When I converted to Catholicism my mother said to me “Well, if you’re really serious about all this then I guess I’m happy for you. I mean, I’m just too intellectual to go for all that religion stuff, but I’m glad it works for you!” My FI is Catholic, and I think my mom believes I converted to please him. Ever since my conversion, her favorite dinner conversation is abortino. She aborted my younger brother or sister shortly after her and my dad divorced. She isn’t remorseful, and talks openly about it. Sometimes I wonder what makes me (her child whom she says she loves) so different that my younger sibling? It kinda throws a wrench in the unconditional love thing for me.

Anyway, one of the ‘better things’ about having grown up not knowing God is that now I am so thankful to have met Him! I don’t remember a lot of my childhoon (everything before I was 7 or 8 is blank and everything else is spotty at best), but looking back on the really dark periods during my preteen/teenage years, it is so comforting to know that Jesus was with me - I just couldn’t see it at the time. I still have abandonment issues and blahblahblah, but knowing that Jesus will never leave me helps with those now. It’s strange to talk about, because had I continued my life as an atheist I never would have felt like I had been missing anything, but now, as a Catholic, I can’t imagine not knowing God!

I’m not sure if any of that made any sense - I had a lot of thoughts going on at once

–

 

[frankblahnik]

Thank you EmBee for your honesty and humility. You truely are loved. :hug3:

 

[frankblahnik]

The one thing I feel I lacked in my upbringing was the sense that there were values that were so important that they were worth making life less comfortable for you. That there were things to strive for even if they didn’t make you happy. That there is such a thing as a human will, which, if properly developed with the help of God, is steadfast no matter what circumstances throw at it.

I think either committed believers in any religion or committed atheists with a set of principles would be able to instil that sense of purpose in a child. Even now I feel spiritually poorer for the lack of it.

Thank you for your honest post.

Sometimes the unhappy things to strive for oddly turn out to be the things that make us most happy.

You’ve got what it takes! :knight2:

 

[frankblahnik]

Thank you Viki63 for your sharing and honesty in this thread.

Our hopes and desires help develop who we are. Good point.

 

[sanctamaria17]

I was raised by a nominally Christian mother and an agnostic father. I remember hearing faint references of God and heaven (usually when someone died) but I remember at the age of six being terrified of death and non-existence.

I’ve always been a seeker of deep meaning and searched for answers to the many questions I had. I was always reading, trying to find answers, but I had questions that couldn’t be answered by books.

I’m from the NYC area and September 11th really pushed me to find meaning from a senseless tragedy, as well as a search for role models (I was entering my teens and am the oldest child in my family). I started talking to God more.

I started searching for ways to express my desire for God. We had a family Bible, so I read it and started praying. I started attending different churches and ultimately chose Catholicism.

My parents raised us to do good, to work hard, and to care about other people. Yes, it can be done without religion. But choosing my faith gave my life meaning and purpose. It fleshed out what my parents taught me and gave me a reason to love.

 

[EmBee]

My parents raised us to do good, to work hard, and to care about other people. Yes, it can be done without religion. But choosing my faith gave my life meaning and purpose. It fleshed out what my parents taught me and gave me a reason to love.

Wonderfully stated!

–

 

[frankblahnik]

I suppose I should open up and share a little too…

I was raised in a Catholic family with three brothers and three sisters…we were a closely knit bunch.

I’m not sure how my character and attitude were developed by my Christian upbringing. I guess I rebeled against the system, and learned that it only brought pain. Forgiving others came easy, but forgiving oneself was much more difficult.

It’s hard to look at myself and say what my character and attitude really is. I see myself through others reactions to me. I currently do not have any children. I was hoping we could get some parents involved in this thread to tell us how they have seen there child develop as a result of their parenting. Once again, it would be nice to hear from both sides. I’m sure there are positive and negative child development to both ways. There is no perfect way to raise a child. We are not perfect people. There are no perfect parents.

 

[PassingThrough]

The problem with answering your question is that you can’t attribute certain characteristics or traits to a single aspect of a child’s upbringing, so it’s impossible to know if Billy’s anger issues or drug problems are a result of his parent’s lack of faith or something else is at work there. There is so much that goes into making us who we are. A child is born with his or her own unique personality, and they may be genetically predisposed to certain conditions that affect how they react to or view the world. Even in the same family children raised with the same religious beliefs (or lack of) can be vastly different from one another. Really, the only way you could test the differences is to raise identical twins in identical situations with the only difference being Christian vs. Atheist parents. Not possible, because you could never totally control the situation enough to replicate everything between the two. They’re going to have different friends and different experiences that uniquely shape them along the way.

Plus, parenting styles vary tremendously. There are wonderful, kind, loving Atheist and Agnostic parents that raise great kids with strong moral values and there are Christian parents that shouldn’t even be allowed to have a puppy. How the parents approach religion also has an affect. I know a couple people that were raised Catholic, but they were turned off by overbearing, intolerant parents, while on the flip side, my best friend in high school was raised by outspoken Atheists, but they encouraged their son to learn about the various religions and make up his own mind. They sent him to Sunday school and church every week with the neighbor’s kid and last I checked he was still a Methodist and his parent’s are just fine with that.

Anyhow, parents can’t take all the credit for a great kid, nor should they totally blame themselves for their failings. I think it’s rather arrogant to believe you have that much control over another human being’s thought process, that every quality they have, every decision they make is somehow a result of your influence. They are their own people with their own thoughts who make their own decisions that affect them as they grow up. Just look at the kids that not only survive, but thrive through horrible, abusive childhoods, the ones that stay out of trouble and educate their way out of poverty despite their parents. Then on the opposite end there are the kids that always seem to make poor decisions for themselves even with the “ideal” family (rather subjective I know).

 

[frankblahnik]

The problem with answering your question is that you can’t attribute certain characteristics or traits to a single aspect of a child’s upbringing, so it’s impossible to know if Billy’s anger issues or drug problems are a result of his parent’s lack of faith or something else is at work there. There is so much that goes into making us who we are. A child is born with his or her own unique personality, and they may be genetically predisposed to certain conditions that affect how they react to or view the world. Even in the same family children raised with the same religious beliefs (or lack of) can be vastly different from one another. Really, the only way you could test the differences is to raise identical twins in identical situations with the only difference being Christian vs. Atheist parents. Not possible, because you could never totally control the situation enough to replicate everything between the two. They’re going to have different friends and different experiences that uniquely shape them along the way.

Plus, parenting styles vary tremendously. There are wonderful, kind, loving Atheist and Agnostic parents that raise great kids with strong moral values and there are Christian parents that shouldn’t even be allowed to have a puppy. How the parents approach religion also has an affect. I know a couple people that were raised Catholic, but they were turned off by overbearing, intolerant parents, while on the flip side, my best friend in high school was raised by outspoken Atheists, but they encouraged their son to learn about the various religions and make up his own mind. They sent him to Sunday school and church every week with the neighbor’s kid and last I checked he was still a Methodist and his parent’s are just fine with that.

Anyhow, parents can’t take all the credit for a great kid, nor should they totally blame themselves for their failings. I think it’s rather arrogant to believe you have that much control over another human being’s thought process, that every quality they have, every decision they make is somehow a result of your influence. They are their own people with their own thoughts who make their own decisions that affect them as they grow up. Just look at the kids that not only survive, but thrive through horrible, abusive childhoods, the ones that stay out of trouble and educate their way out of poverty despite their parents. Then on the opposite end there are the kids that always seem to make poor decisions for themselves even with the “ideal” family (rather subjective I know).

I sense a lot of negativity in your post.

Yeah, mabye this is not a good thread. Soome people might not like talking about how they were raised or how they raise their children, but for some people it helps to talk about things.

I understand situations and circumstances differ greatly and effect the development of the child, but doesn’t the parenting play a bigger role in the development?