Raising children protestant-is it ever permissable

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scrupulousGirl

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I have a protestant boyfriend, he goes to a pentecotal holiness church, and is very dedicated. I am a Catholic and believe and will adhere to everything that the Church teaches. I am aware that i can get a dispention to marry in the protestant church, if we marry in a protestant church, can we raise the children protestant? He is completely unwilling to budge on raising the kids Catholic (he will not). So can we do this? (Marry in his church and raise the kids pentecostal?) Will i be able to recieve Communion? (For raising the kids protestant) , or will i be in a continual state of mortal sin for doing so? He is totally fine with me attending Mass, and he might occasionally attend with me. Thanks! By the way, i am a new convert, and converted while we were dating, he had many misconceptions about the Church, but i have cleared many of them up.
 
I have to rush off to a baby, so apologies if this sounds curt, but why would you allow your future husband to teach your children things that you did not believe were true? Why would you want to deny your children your faith? That would be as bad as knowing that Vitamin C or iron is essential for your diet, making sure that you yourself ate foods with those nutrients, but denying your children those nutrients on your husband’s say-so.
 
Here is information from one of the apologists on this site: catholic.com/quickquestions/what-are-the-requirements-for-marrying-a-non-catholic-christian

In short, here are the requirements for permission to marry a non-Catholic:

To obtain permission to marry a non-Catholic baptized Christian, the following conditions must be fulfilled: (1) You declare that you are prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith; (2) you make a sincere promise to do all in your power so that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church; (3) the other party is to be informed at an appropriate time about the promises which you are to make, in such a way that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and your obligation; and (4) both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage which neither of the contracting parties is to exclude.

I think there’s something you should consider. If Catholicism is important for you and if you want to be able to receive the Eucharist, why wouldn’t you want that for your children as well? Why deprive them of this gift that you have received?
 
I have to rush off to a baby, so apologies if this sounds curt, but why would you allow your future husband to teach your children things that you did not believe were true? Why would you want to deny your children your faith? That would be as bad as knowing that Vitamin C or iron is essential for your diet, making sure that you yourself ate foods with those nutrients, but denying your children those nutrients on your husband’s say-so.
 
scrupulousGirl said:
I have a protestant boyfriend, he goes to a pentecotal holiness church, and is very dedicated. I am a Catholic and believe and will adhere to everything that the Church teaches. I am aware that i can get a dispention to marry in the protestant church, if we marry in a protestant church, can we raise the children protestant? He is completely unwilling to budge on raising the kids Catholic (he will not). So can we do this? (Marry in his church and raise the kids pentecostal?) Will i be able to recieve Communion? (For raising the kids protestant) , or will i be in a continual state of mortal sin for doing so? He is totally fine with me attending Mass, and he might occasionally attend with me. Thanks! By the way, i am a new convert, and converted while we were dating, he had many misconceptions about the Church, but i have cleared many of them up.
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How nice of him to “allow” you to attend Mass, but deny it to his children. Raising the kids Catholic is a deal breaker for me; I would be fine with him continuing to go to his church, but the children must be Catholic and go to Mass with me. I can see you drifting away from the Catholic Church, for good, or a very long time if you marry this guy.
 
I think you should speak to a priest about this situation. I highly doubt you can get a dispensation to marry in a Protestant Church knowing for sure the children will not be raised Catholic.

I’m sure you love the man but think of the children you will have together.
They deserve to be raised in the Faith Catholic.

Mary.
 
I’d imagine it’s at least a grave matter seeing that you are supposed to agree that you will raise your children Catholic if you get married.

This is a question that is asked during your marriage prep time. I can’t imagine you could get a dispensation to marry a protestant if you aren’t going to agree to raise your children Catholic.

I converted a couple of years ago…as did my husband. He was raised Pentecostal but left the faith for some time.

If I converted to Catholicism, knowing what I know now, there is no way I’d stay in a relationship with someone who refuses to allow me to raise my children Catholic. It would be a total deal breaker.

If you believe that Catholicism is the one true faith…why would you deny your children this?
 
scrupulousGirl said:
I have a protestant boyfriend, he goes to a pentecotal holiness church, and is very dedicated. I am a Catholic and believe and will adhere to everything that the Church teaches. I am aware that i can get a dispention to marry in the protestant church, if we marry in a protestant church, can we raise the children protestant? He is completely unwilling to budge on raising the kids Catholic (he will not). So can we do this? (Marry in his church and raise the kids pentecostal?) Will i be able to recieve Communion? (For raising the kids protestant) , or will i be in a continual state of mortal sin for doing so? He is totally fine with me attending Mass, and he might occasionally attend with me. Thanks! By the way, i am a new convert, and converted while we were dating, he had many misconceptions about the Church, but i have cleared many of them up.
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Ummm, Red Flags! Red Flags! These are all issues worth breaking up over! No boyfriend/girlfriend is ever worth compromising your faith obligations over.
 
scrupulousGirl said:
I have a protestant boyfriend, he goes to a pentecotal holiness church, and is very dedicated. I am a Catholic and believe and will adhere to everything that the Church teaches. I am aware that i can get a dispention to marry in the protestant church, if we marry in a protestant church, can we raise the children protestant? He is completely unwilling to budge on raising the kids Catholic (he will not). So can we do this? (Marry in his church and raise the kids pentecostal?) Will i be able to recieve Communion? (For raising the kids protestant) , or will i be in a continual state of mortal sin for doing so? He is totally fine with me attending Mass, and he might occasionally attend with me. Thanks! By the way, i am a new convert, and converted while we were dating, he had many misconceptions about the Church, but i have cleared many of them up.
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I am not sure what you learned regarding the Faith - as a recent convert :confused: … Ask yourself why you wanted to receive Baptism, Confirmation and Eucharist [you do understand what we believe regarding the Eucharist - correct?] … Or if you were already baptized - then repeat the promise you made at your Confirmation about believing ans holding true all that the Catholic Church teaches … and you probably will have the answer you seek -

However, though this seems odd for a recent convert question … A paraphrase of your question might read like this …

Is it permissible for me - as a recent convert - to become a cultural Catholic where I attend Mass [occasionally? or all the time?- that is left unclear in your post] and allow my children to be raised and instructed [by you and others?] in another faith tradition … all the while feeling entitled to receive the sign of unity of belief - the Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ?
 
scrupulousGirl said:
I have a protestant boyfriend, he goes to a pentecotal holiness church, and is very dedicated. I am a Catholic and believe and will adhere to everything that the Church teaches. I am aware that i can get a dispention to marry in the protestant church, if we marry in a protestant church, can we raise the children protestant?
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Um, no.
scrupulousGirl said:
He is completely unwilling to budge on raising the kids Catholic (he will not). So can we do this? (Marry in his church and raise the kids pentecostal?)
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No.
scrupulousGirl said:
Will i be able to recieve Communion? (For raising the kids protestant) , or will i be in a continual state of mortal sin for doing so? He is totally fine with me attending Mass, and he might occasionally attend with me. Thanks! By the way, i am a new convert, and converted while we were dating, he had many misconceptions about the Church, but i have cleared many of them up.
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Honey, you need to get your priorities straight. You are a Catholic. You are obligated to raise your kids Catholic. The fact that you are even contemplating the idea of raising them in a faith that lacks the sacraments and the fullness of truth is a real problem. Perhaps you are not strong enough in your faith to understand that you are basically saying you do not care about the souls of your future children.

You should not be considering marriage in this situation. Go talk to your (Catholic) pastor.
 
scrupulousGirl said:
I have a protestant boyfriend, he goes to a pentecotal holiness church, and is very dedicated. I am a Catholic and believe and will adhere to everything that the Church teaches. I am aware that i can get a dispention to marry in the protestant church, if we marry in a protestant church, can we raise the children protestant? He is completely unwilling to budge on raising the kids Catholic (he will not). So can we do this? (Marry in his church and raise the kids pentecostal?) Will i be able to recieve Communion? (For raising the kids protestant) , or will i be in a continual state of mortal sin for doing so? He is totally fine with me attending Mass, and he might occasionally attend with me. Thanks! By the way, i am a new convert, and converted while we were dating, he had many misconceptions about the Church, but i have cleared many of them up.
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I’m really not sure why you think this would be OK. You’re saying that you want to lie to your children. How could that be OK?

I’m not one to say that Catholics can’t marry Protestants, but I’m also not one to support lying to children and keeping them from the truth. It seems to me that you’re not thinking about this with a clear head. 😦
 
i see in the future he and his church trying to “bring you back to your senses with this rebellion against god” and trying to make it impossible for you to attend mass.

is it worth putting this man before god and is teaching your children to rebel against his church what you want to do?
 
Would you want the truth taken from you? Why would you take the truth away from your children. If your children are raised in truth more than likely your husband will come into the fullness of truth. Pray hard for your boyfriend and yourself. I’ll pray for you also.

God bless
 
The way it is starting off, from the sound of it, is that you will go to your (Catholic) church, on weekends and Holy Days of Obligation. He will go, and take the kids, to his church.

If there is a disagreement on religion, he (and the kids) will all be of the pentecostal faith, and probably all agree. You will be outnumbered, never on equal footing.

I had some former students who were pentecostals, some of which were always trying to convert me. Once, I had where one invited me to a dinner at her church. I went only after reassurances that it would only be a dinner, nothing more. Turned out it was a SERVICE and a dinner. So, since the family had taken me in their car, I didn’t know what else to do than to stay for the service. Further, it was a really long drive away.

I talked to someone else who had the same experience, being tricked with a dinner into attending a couple of services. He said that it happens a lot with different faiths.

When I wore medals or had a crucifix at my house, they would tell me they didn’t like these.

Once, one of them graduated from sort of like divinity school. I honestly tried to get a nice present, went to a Christian bookstore and everything, picked out a cross for the wall (NOT a crucifix). From the reaction, I gathered that even THAT seemed to even be a mistake!

When these students got sick, they resisted going to the hospital, preferring to call the pastoral and others so they could pray and put up affirmations on the walls.

If you are a good, practicing Catholic, I think you will eventually clash with several of their beliefs. They seemed VERY anti-Catholic.
 
Do Pentecostals believe in Natural Family Planning?

So, as important as your children would be, it’s also about YOU!
 
It’s always better to marry someone of the same faith because faith is at the core of our being and if a couple wants to become one, they should become one in their faith lives as well as other aspects of their lives. I am so thankful my husband is Catholic! I may have not understood how important this was then as I do now as I’ve grown in my faith. If this one is growing in their faith as a protestant and that one is growing in their faith as a Catholic, than they’re not necessarily going in the same direction with their faith lives and it’s better when a couple can help each other grow in their faith lives. (It’s traveling up the same pathway to heaven so to speak). It’s an awful feeling if one person goes to mass without their spouse week after week because mass should be a family affair. Yes people do it, but it’s not ideal and can be a source a contention between a couple.

Also, I believe it is better for married couples to have the same faith that way the parents can come to a consensus on faith issues and have a unified front in knowing what they believe so they can better share their faith with their children as a couple and support each other in it. A decision to marry is not one to take lightly because it’s a life-long decision. So if there are issues to be worked out regarding the couples Christian life, it should be worked out before the marriage happens.

God bless…
 
He’s okay with you attending mass and he may even attend with you?
Why is he okay with you going and even possibly okay attending but not willing to have his kids attend?
Why is he willing to marry a Catholic but not have his kids be Catholic? Especially when marrying a Catholic means your kids have to be Catholic…?
 
scrupulousGirl said:
I have a protestant boyfriend, he goes to a pentecotal holiness church, and is very dedicated. I am a Catholic and believe and will adhere to everything that the Church teaches. I am aware that i can get a dispention to marry in the protestant church, if we marry in a protestant church, can we raise the children protestant? He is completely unwilling to budge on raising the kids Catholic (he will not). So can we do this? (Marry in his church and raise the kids pentecostal?) Will i be able to recieve Communion? (For raising the kids protestant) , or will i be in a continual state of mortal sin for doing so? He is totally fine with me attending Mass, and he might occasionally attend with me. Thanks! By the way, i am a new convert, and converted while we were dating, he had many misconceptions about the Church, but i have cleared many of them up.
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Does it disturb you that he is adamant that the children can’t adopt your faith, and yet you sound potentially ok with that? Why are your wishes so readily cast aside, by him and by you?

If you would be comfortable raising the children Pentecostal, then I assume you’d be comfortable leaving the Church and becoming Pentecostal too?

I think it is very difficult for two people, committed to different churches, to deal with this situation. Why should the Catholic person compromise? Why should the Pentecostal person compromise?
 
While I agree with what everyone says, I see this as a huge obstacle to marriage to this gentleman. I disagree a little with what everyone else is saying in that he has his beliefs and believes his children should be reared that way – the same as we Catholics have our beliefs and want our children reared a certain way. Please don’t get me wrong – I’m a reverted Catholic and I have many friends that are Protestants and I love them and value their friendship – and while I think that Protestants are genuine in their beliefs, I believe that they’re not fully in communion with God and that the Catholic faith IS the faith. BUT I don’t think you can marry someone who is just as adamant about his faith and not expect major troubles – you either compromise your faith or you end up resenting him for not allowing you to rear the children in your faith.

This is why it’s important to be equally yoked, as they say. And I’m not saying that Catholic/Protestant marriages can’t work, but someone’s going to be compromising their faith.
 
When you think about it, all Churches, or at least the major ones who claim a special place for their Church in respect of God and Truth (Catholic, Anglican, Moslem…) should really have the same rule as the Catholic Church, in requiring children to be brought up in their faith. That would give pause for thought I’m sure…
 
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