Raising children protestant-is it ever permissable

[Karen107]

I agree with what Aggie says but also would like to add a little more about the fact that the boyfriend is adamant about the children not being raised Catholic. It sounds like he is probably adamantly anti-Catholic in his beliefs. That is a problem. I’ve come into disagreement with some pretty non-budging Pentecostals with regards to their beliefs about Catholics.

 

[Rau]

I agree with what Aggie says but also would like to add a little more about the fact that the boyfriend is adamant about the children not being raised Catholic. It sounds like he is probably adamantly anti-Catholic in his beliefs. That is a problem.

And I think that’s a touch unfair. I am a Catholic, and would have a problem raising my children Anglican. I am not anti-Anglican, just pro-Catholic.

 

[Karen107]

And I think that’s a touch unfair. I am a Catholic, and would have a problem raising my children Anglican. I am not anti-Anglican, just pro-Catholic.

It may seem unfair to you but Anglican is not Pentecostal. Anglican is more similar in their beliefs and practices to Catholics. Many Pentecostals adamantly are against many things about the Catholic church and the fact that he adamantly refuses to have his children raised Catholic speaks to that. I’m not referring to you, I’m referring to the poster.

 

[AbideWithMe]

And I think that’s a touch unfair. I am a Catholic, and would have a problem raising my children Anglican. I am not anti-Anglican, just pro-Catholic.

I agree. Good grief, folks, if he was really anti-Catholic as some of you assume, he wouldn’t be willing to go to Mass with the OP.

 

[AbideWithMe]

It may seem unfair to you but Anglican is not Pentecostal. Anglican is more similar in their beliefs and practices to Catholics. Many Pentecostals adamantly are against many things about the Catholic church and the fact that he adamantly refuses to have his children raised Catholic speaks to that. I’m not referring to you, I’m referring to the poster.

Throwing around the label “anti-Catholic” when someone is simply not pro-Catholic or respectfully does not believe all Catholicism requires, ultimately waters down the meaning of anti-Catholic so much that it just becomes a meaningless slur in itself.

 

[Karen107]

I guess I feel that way running into dialogue with stonch Pentecostals who believe that we are following false teachers and prophets who because we believe in the things we believe in, is why there is problems in the church. The sufferings are not from God and so no one should be sick to the point that they try to make a person who is sick feel guilty for not praying hard enough, and the crucifix? That’s making a graven image and is idolatry. Need I go on? How does one live with that being thrown in their face every day?? That seeing people speak in tongue means more to them to prove themselves a Christian than in loving and serving others. It’s black and white, either your saved or not depending on your feelings of being born again.

I pray that I have the understanding to see Pentecostals the way you are but, I don’t feel it from them, I’ve been attacked for my beliefs too much. Pray for me…

 

[maryjk]

Honey, you need to get your priorities straight. You are a Catholic. You are obligated to raise your kids Catholic. The fact that you are even contemplating the idea of raising them in a faith that lacks the sacraments and the fullness of truth is a real problem. Perhaps you are not strong enough in your faith to understand that you are basically saying you do not care about the souls of your future children.

You should not be considering marriage in this situation. Go talk to your (Catholic) pastor.

OP
Not raising your kids Catholic should be a deal breaker.

I couldn’t imagine withholding the Eucharist from my child/children.

 

[scrupulousGirl]

Thank you all for your replys. And believe me, I have taken these things into consideration. Its a lot to think about.

 

[scrupulousGirl]

Please pray for his change of heart, he is not at all anti-Catholic as some have assumed. He respectfully disagrees.

 

[vsedriver]

Please pray for his change of heart, he is not at all anti-Catholic as some have assumed. He respectfully disagrees.

so the real question is… are you willing to deny your children the Eucharist? The chance to encounter Christ’s real presence?

deal breaker for me, in fact when my husband proposed I made it a condition for me to accept his marriage proposal. Both sons are active, practicing Catholics and even go while in college.

 

[AbideWithMe]

I guess I feel that way running into dialogue with stonch Pentecostals who believe that we are following false teachers and prophets who because we believe in the things we believe in, is why there is problems in the church. The sufferings are not from God and so no one should be sick to the point that they try to make a person who is sick feel guilty for not praying hard enough, and the crucifix? That’s making a graven image and is idolatry. Need I go on? How does one live with that being thrown in their face every day?? That seeing people speak in tongue means more to them to prove themselves a Christian than in loving and serving others. It’s black and white, either your saved or not depending on your feelings of being born again.

I pray that I have the understanding to see Pentecostals the way you are but, I don’t feel it from them, I’ve been attacked for my beliefs too much. Pray for me…

Karen, you have my sympathy–that is tough to tolerate. But, those sorts of views and attitudes are not characteristic of most Pentecostals. I’m just asking you to not paint all Pentecostals together with too broad a brush. I do understand that it’s hard not to be gun-shy towards Pentecostals as a whole when your faith is wrongly attacked by the ones you personally know, though.

 

[Adamski]

Here is information from one of the apologists on this site: catholic.com/quickquestions/what-are-the-requirements-for-marrying-a-non-catholic-christian

In short, here are the requirements for permission to marry a non-Catholic:

To obtain permission to marry a non-Catholic baptized Christian, the following conditions must be fulfilled: (1) You declare that you are prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith; (2) you make a sincere promise to do all in your power so that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church; (3) the other party is to be informed at an appropriate time about the promises which you are to make, in such a way that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and your obligation; and (4) both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage which neither of the contracting parties is to exclude.

I think there’s something you should consider. If Catholicism is important for you and if you want to be able to receive the Eucharist, why wouldn’t you want that for your children as well? Why deprive them of this gift that you have received?

I am married to a baptist in the Catholic Church. It can be extremely stressful but she knows I am doing 100% to keep them catholic we go to mass every week and she goes to a Lutheran church now she has slowly moved away from the baptist tradition

Unless your goal to to raise your kids catholic and bring him to the truth you would be living in contradiction to church teaching.

Also if you do this you must be very open with him.

I originally got married in a baptist church “outside the church”. Then I read the entire bible and said I have to return to the church I sat for 2 years not receiving communion until she went to Catholic Church with me to have our marriage recognized in the church
She was advised my many in her former church community to leave me.

 

[1ke]

Please pray for his change of heart, he is not at all anti-Catholic as some have assumed. He respectfully disagrees.

That is fine. But that just means he is not husband material for a Catholic.

You will continue to search for a way to “compromise” but there just is not one. You believe different things, and that is just the way it is.

 

[TexCatholic4JMJ]

Please, please listen the comments you have heard here. It is difficult enoough raising
children when a couple shares a faith, it is supremely more so when you face the problems
you mention.
I had a friend who became a member of Assembly of God, it was heartbreaking for me to
see her reject the Eucharist. I can only imagine how it would feel to have my children
not be taught the truth of the Catholic Church, especially about the Eucharist.

 

[Marysann]

Dear scupulouGirl, you say that he is not all that anti-Catholic, but he respectfully disagrees?! Please think hard and long about marriage with this fellow. He would be denying you what you want most from marriage, a Catholic family life. You would be denying him what he obviously wants, a Pentecostal family life. Free him to marry someone who can fulfill his dreams, and move on so that you can meet the Catholic man God has for you. Please do not think that I am being callus, I know how you feel. At one time I was so in love with a fine young man who was not Catholic that I would have done anything to marry him. I was even looking into Protestant churches that might be a compromise for us. Thank the Lord, he broke up with me, and several years later I met and married the wonderful Catholic man God sent to me. We have been married thirty-seven years. Just read the sad stories on this forum. These poor people thought that love would conquer all, and that they would never have any serious problems over religion in their marriages. I have seen mixed marriages in which the conflicts over religion were so severe that as adults the children don’t want to have anything to do with any church. Sometimes it works, but why take that risk? So much unhappiness and so many souls lost. Don’t let this happen to you.

 

[Xantippe]

Marysann wrote:

“He would be denying you what you want most from marriage, a Catholic family life. You would be denying him what he obviously wants, a Pentecostal family life.”

Exactly.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Marriage has 2 purposes.
1-for spouses to help each other get to heaven
2-to bring children into the world, and help them get to heaven
While biological problems sometimes prevent #2, even in perfect marriages, you can’t go into marriage without the intention to fulfill both of those purposes. If you plan NOT to fulfill part 2, then there is no reason to get married. A Catholic will not help her children get to heaven by intentionally keeping them from the one vehicle established by God to get them there. Quite the opposite. So this isn’t just a matter of your own soul, but the matter of the souls of your children. Once you have them, you will find that it is much more upsetting to consider that their souls are not being led in the right direction than you can imagine now. Of course, Pentecostals probably feel similarly, which is why your boyfriend is taking the stand he is. You should take the same stand, and only consider marriage to a person who will support you in leading your children to heaven through the Catholic Faith.

 

[scrupulousGirl]

Dear scupulouGirl, you say that he is not all that anti-Catholic, but he respectfully disagrees?! Please think hard and long about marriage with this fellow. He would be denying you what you want most from marriage, a Catholic family life. You would be denying him what he obviously wants, a Pentecostal family life. Free him to marry someone who can fulfill his dreams, and move on so that you can meet the Catholic man God has for you. Please do not think that I am being callus, I know how you feel. At one time I was so in love with a fine young man who was not Catholic that I would have done anything to marry him. I was even looking into Protestant churches that might be a compromise for us. Thank the Lord, he broke up with me, and several years later I met and married the wonderful Catholic man God sent to me. We have been married thirty-seven years. Just read the sad stories on this forum. These poor people thought that love would conquer all, and that they would never have any serious problems over religion in their marriages. I have seen mixed marriages in which the conflicts over religion were so severe that as adults the children don’t want to have anything to do with any church. Sometimes it works, but why take that risk? So much unhappiness and so many souls lost. Don’t let this happen to you.

Thank u. This post has sincerely spoke to me.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

My mother broke up with a college boyfriend because they both realized that they would want to raise kids differently. He couldn’t budge on raising them Lutheran, and she wouldn’t budge on raising kids Catholic. They split amicably when they realized that, while they did care about each other, they weren’t marriage material for either of them.

My mom married my father, who said he would agree to raise kids Catholic, and after my younger sister was born, he tried to tell my mom he decided if I was going to be raised Catholic it would be only fair to let him raise the next child protestant. (This did not go over well.) Long story short, me and my sister were and are still Catholic, my parents had a lot of problems that led to their divorce, but I sincerely think that if they had even been slightly unified religion-wise things could have been much different.

Remember, if something happens to you, will that person raise your kids the way you want them raised? That is a big question before marrying someone. You never know what your future has in store. You may pass away and your spouse will be 100% in control of how your children are raised. Choose someone that you don’t have to worry about. I married my husband knowing that if something happened to me, between his Catholic family and my Catholic family our kids would still have a very good chance of growing up in my Faith.

 

[ClearWater]

Well, even before the marriage, there would also be contentions. If you asked him to go to the marriage preparation classes, would he be able to? Precana.

So, from before the marriage, this begins…no Catholic marriage preparation classes.

No Catholic wedding.

Even if he does accompany you to your church, now, do you think he would do that after you have children? Would he be willing to go to, not one, but 2 services each Sunday? I think he’d be tempted to skip those, once kids came, if not before.

and on from there…If has a lot of ramifications that you might not have fully considered, and there probably would be even more.