Raising Godly Teens

[Estevao]

I’d recommend some apologetics and basic philosophical and theological training to combat common atheistic propaganda (I would say “arguments” but they are hardly that). High school is about the level of discourse of famous atheists such as Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris and as a result these propagandists through their large and cultish following on the internet (where many teens spend too much time these days) have permeated their sophmoric “reasoning” to a large section of society. The sophmoric reasoning that these “new atheists” propagate could, in my opinion, only spread with emotion and a childish desire for rebellion, and hormonal teenagers have that in spades.

So you need to make sure your teen can combat the kinds of arguments that compare God to “a flying spaghetti monster” or “fairies/elves/santa claus” and other such arguments that Dawkins and Harris and the like put forth.

Most of the stuff that I know is from Protestant philosophers and apologists, but Trent Horn on Catholic Answers has written some good articles on the front page so maybe some of his published work would be good, along with Peter Kreeft’s works.

Edit: we’ll thinking it over these men are kind of a little advanced for a 11 year old. A book entitled “The Defense Never Rests: A Workbook for Budding Apologists” by the top notch Christian apologist William Lane Craig is geared towards 11-15 year olds. I haven’t seen this myself (I’ve mostly stuck to his work geared towards adults) but I assume it would be good. And there is also a teacher’s handbook to learn the material to teach it.

It seems like you are doing everything you can to impart your values. The teen years are when kids start to question if their parents’ values are their own, and that time of questioning can be hell for parents, but it’s necessary.

You need to give yourself a break and accept that no matter what you do, your child will eventually decide to leave the church or not on his own, and it isn’t a reflection of you.
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OP I think you can also safely ignore the advice of an atheist who uses the weasel words “your values” as if the natural law and divine revelation were something of mere subjective opinion. It is such thought that has lead to the culture of death, depravity and illogic into which your son will soon be heading ever more independently, and you need to educate your son that atheism is not rational. Perhaps educate him on the effects that atheism had in the twentieth century in the numerous atheistic regimes which all together killed so many innocent human beings that any ill results of theocracies in the past utterly pale in comparison.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

OP I think you can also safely ignore the advice of an atheist who uses the weasel words “your values” as if the natural law and divine revelation were something of mere subjective opinion. It is such thought that has lead to the culture of death, depravity and illogic into which your son will soon be heading ever more independently, and you need to educate your son that atheism is not rational. Perhaps educate him on the effects that atheism had in the twentieth century in the numerous atheistic regimes which all together killed so many innocent human beings that any ill results of theocracies in the past utterly pale in comparison.

If you have a problem with the advice I gave, at least have the courage, intellect, respect, and charity to refute it and offer a counter perspective, rather than say “just ignore the atheist”. That’s a cop out and you know it.

 

[Phil_Marinus]

It’s all very much a Lucky Dip…
Because you can have Children growing up in a Wonderful home…
but they still go off the rails… my personal advise is to involve them in catholic youth groups… some are fantastic,they have camps,dances,hiking…theatre groups…
but even that can be a lucky dip… i have been lucky…it worked for me

 

[Estevao]

If you have a problem with the advice I gave, at least have the courage, intellect, respect, and charity to refute it and offer a counter perspective, rather than say “just ignore the atheist”. That’s a cop out and you know it.

I really have no need to justify myself to somebody who bashes the Catholic church for the media hype of the “sex abuse scandal” but probably completely ignores what goes on in the public school system. Nor do I feel any need to exchange with a godless heathen who when not routinely approving of sodomy or the abortion holocaust, injects herself into a thread where the OP asks for advice on how to raise a Godly son, as if a person who approves of abortion and the slaughter of tens of millions of innocent and defenseless human beings could really be a source of moral judgement. Learn where you’re not needed. Nor do I have any desire to have an exchange with someone who thinks that the universe and humanity came to be by nothing, from nothing and for nothing, and suggests that natural law and divine revelation can be referred to with the weasel words “your values” as if such things were a matter of mere subjective opinion.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I really have no need to justify myself to somebody who bashes the Catholic church for the media hype of the “sex abuse scandal” but probably completely ignores what goes on in the public school system. Nor do I feel any need to exchange with a godless heathen who when not routinely approving of sodomy or the abortion holocaust, injects herself into a thread where the OP asks for advice on how to raise a Godly son, as if a person who approves of abortion and the slaughter of tens of millions of innocent and defenseless human beings could really be a source of moral judgement. Learn where you’re not needed. Nor do I have any desire to have an exchange with someone who thinks that the universe and humanity came to be by nothing, from nothing and for nothing, and suggests that natural law and divine revelation can be referred to with the weasel words “your values” as if such things were a matter of mere subjective opinion.

So…just so we’re clear, you feel that a better response would have been “You’re slacking off and must do more. Just remember, if your children end up leaving the church, it is a direct reflection of your character and parenting”? Guess what, that response would have been unfair, inaccurate, and cruel.

It isn’t a Catholic thing or even a religious thing. The fear parents have over their children rejecting their upbringing and what their parents believe and hold dear is universal. As someone who did reject pretty much every sacred belief my mother has, I think my (name removed by moderator)ut might be valuable, especially since I have a very close relationship with my mother despite our differences.

But no, you’re right, name calling makes much more sense.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

It is important for parents to stay close to their teens - naturally close not hovering. Be interested in their activities. Support their interests and continue family traditions. Even simple things like going out to a particular place for donuts after Mass are the kinds of things that kids remember and treasure even while they may be rolling their eyes at you.

I have two older teens who take their faith seriously and practice it. Even when away from home they go to Mass weekly, go to confession regularly, and participate in activities with other Catholics like talks, adoration, and special liturgies.

They have grown up with daily prayer and parents who are active in the church. We talk about our faith and even our struggles. It helps that we have always had good priests. My son, as an altar boy, knows them all and has a “insiders” view of Mass.

Is it possible that one or both of them could have a crisis of faith? Certainly, it is possible for any of us. I continue to pray for them and ask God’s protection over them.

 

[heavenlyhost]

I am the origial poster. thank you to everyone who replied.

I can see there are a lot of different perspectives on this issue and respect everyone’s experiences.

What I was really hoping to find were a group of parents who had raised up teens into young adults without the teens and young adults ever departing the faith, I.e Those that stayed true to their Christian faith in belief and practice even through the temptations of the teen and young adult years. I was hoping to find some common unique practices that these successful parents adopted.

I was able to find research by the Barna group published in a book called Revolutionary Parenting: Raising your kids to become spiritual champions - what the research shows really works. This book details the practices in a look-back fashion that parents of faithful teens/young adults used, and identified the common denominators.

According to the research there is a lot that those parents did that resulted their in their kids staying true to the faith and that we parents can emulate. Many of you who were kind enough to post identified some of these strategies. Thank you.

I wonder if there is specific Catholic research regarding the same question.

 

[ynotzap]

Thank you Dancer l409 for your sharing. To an on-looker these religious activities may not seem very important but its been my experience that there is really a supernatural effect that takes place when Jesus is presented to us through prayer, kindness and teaching. Jesus said that if you say you love Him and don"t love your neighbor (hard words) you are a liar. I have witnessed youth on their own conduct religious meetings with the Bible as their guide and experience a real change in their lives (getting off drugs, and acknowledging Christ as their Redeemer.) These youths will tell you that they actually experience supernatural effects, even exorcism. I have encountered and witnessed these spiritual phenomena. The Bible itself has the power to convert, it is the Word of God, to believers, and to those who will become believers and stll remains the Word of God to those who don’t believe. God gave everybody the desire to know the truth, its the appetite of the intellect. We all need enlightenment, and that is a “grace” of the Holy Spirit There is only one way to get the Holy Spirit and thats through Jesus. We need to encounter Him with a humble, repentant attitude. When we experience His personal love for us, we love Him in return. He loved us first. There is a tendency to not believe youths in these matters, but I have witnessed it. (And the children shall lead you) If you do not become child-like you will not enter the Kingdom. By the way, anytime humans are involved in anything scandal is enevitable.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

I am the origial poster. thank you to everyone who replied.

I can see there are a lot of different perspectives on this issue and respect everyone’s experiences.

What I was really hoping to find were a group of parents who had raised up teens into young adults without the teens and young adults ever departing the faith, I.e Those that stayed true to their Christian faith in belief and practice even through the temptations of the teen and young adult years. I was hoping to find some common unique practices that these successful parents adopted.

I was able to find research by the Barna group published in a book called Revolutionary Parenting: Raising your kids to become spiritual champions - what the research shows really works. This book details the practices in a look-back fashion that parents of faithful teens/young adults used, and identified the common denominators.

According to the research there is a lot that those parents did that resulted their in their kids staying true to the faith and that we parents can emulate. Many of you who were kind enough to post identified some of these strategies. Thank you.

I wonder if there is specific Catholic research regarding the same question.

My children are as you describe. My 20yo has never left practice of her faith and she fully owns it as her own faith.

As I said in my previous post, I strongly believe that when parents stay close to their children in general, than the children stay close to the family values. You very rarely hear about families that are all off doing their own thing and just occasionally being together where the children feel strongly about the values and beliefs of the parents.

I also think that our children need to see us truly practicing our own faith for them to see why faith is necessary as they grow older. If faith is one hour a week only for adults and any learning or activities are just for kids ( CCD and youth group) then they will logically say that “all this” is just fuss. So for example, family prayers should be because mom and dad need to pray as much as because jr needs to learn his prayers.

I don’t know of any particular catholic study such as you describe , and I’m not familiar with the other study. I base my suggestions on what has worked for family and other families I know where all the adult children are still practicing Catholics.

 

[Estevao]

OP, a few posts ago I recommended some paper/book apologetics material, but there’s also some good video stuff on churchmilitant.tv on their premium section which costs only $10/month to sign up for. They have two good video series on Catholic apologetics that answer lots of typical atheist objections.

Now I’m not just saying “do more and the blame is on you if you son apostasizes”, no people who reject the good news of Jesus Christ will be judged on their own choice to reject this saving message, but it is absolutely necessary that your son know some apologetics.

 

[felsguy]

The key is TALKING to your child. So many parents drop their kids off and expect that we will fix them or indoctrinate them for them. We help yes, but YOU are the primary educator of your child. You sound like you are a good parent. Keep the conversation going. let you child know that nothing is off limits to talk about. Share your story. Comment on stories that are awful. Explain why they are bad, what the ramifications are to loose morals. Be real. Kids can handle a lot more than their parents think. Whatever you do, don’t try to “hide” the real world from them. Naïve children are the first victims. Teach your child to rely on his Catholic teachings, morality and family values. Everyone needs a moral compass. Find a parish with your same vision and trust that the Holy Spirit will direct you.

As the parent of and now “unpaid parenting consultant” to a grown son with three children of his own, I heartily agree with the advice above.

Also, I’m sure that when Clare says “The key is TALKING to your child” she means talking WITH and not just AT your child although I realize that he’s fast approaching the age when that is easier said than done.:yup: