Random Lustful thoughts?

[Arturo_Ortiz]

Well I am 18 and lately I’ve been having many sexual arousing thoughts that come from nowhere. I have been having many sexual dreams in general as well. I used to have a problem with masturbation, but it has been 2 years since I have stopped, and have not done it since. It’s just that I have been having these thoughts lately and it’s not that I have been watching sexually inducing things like porn neither. I don’t do that.

Are these thoughts in theme self sinful if they just seem to come out of nowhere?

It’s not like I have been trying to have these type of thoughts, but recently I have been getting them.

 

[Bookcat]

(from previous posts of mine)

Regarding unwanted thoughts

While Jesus makes it clear that one can sin in ones thoughts…just cause some lustful thought or other like thought happens does not mean that one has sinned…

What should we do with* unwanted* sexual thoughts or other “bad thoughts”…thoughts against God etc? Those pesky temptations that can come …even though we are not seeking them or doing anything to bring them etc…

Are they mortal sins?

For a mortal sin one needs a grave matter …full knowledge AND deliberate consent!!!

A. If you do not want the thought…it the thought displeases you: it can be a sign actually that you did not give any consent or do not give full consent.

B. Even if you felt a temptation for the thought – and were drawn to it involuntarily —but rejected it and maybe even turned right to God : again a sign not full consent (if there was any).

C. But what if one has a tempting thought --say of a sexual nature and even hesitated for a moment…but then rejected it for one did not want to sin?: it can be partial consent perhaps (and thus a venial sin)-- or it may be no sin at all but rather a strong temptation that drew you but then you saw what was happening and turned away.

D. A temptation can even be very strong or the thoughts very often – but this does NOT mean one has consented!

Remember --for it to be mortal there must be that deliberate consent!

What to do? on the spiritual side–relax first of all and remember the above.

Next – know that the more one fears the thoughts the more likely they are to come… or said another way --the more a person stress about seeking to avoid the thoughts the more likely he will have a problem with them.

for example: for the next 10 seconds try NOT to think of an apple.

tick tock …

tick tock…

Ok what did you think of?

Most likely an apple.

So it is best to ignore them and just not consent and then turn your attention to some other good thing…for instance whatever you are doing.
Simply do not consent and move on…

Another point – thoughts can just happen --they are the stuff with which we think…it is up to us to consent and take them further or not. And just because they are REAL VIVID and almost “think themselves” does not mean per se that one has given ANY consent.

They can be annoying…but need cause no actual harm …

(Now difficulties with thoughts can happen to anyone…and has for centuries…nothing new!..but I will note too that “some” have a condition known as OCD (I knew someone with this once…it was a painful experience)…and thus should seek further professional help to work at overcoming it and to live a more peaceful life…)

(also some suffer from scrupulosity and ought to have a* regular confessor*)

---

Another help…is the distinction of “first thoughts and emotions” (as Baur calls em) what they call the prima of the prima…“the first of the first” (as one of my Professors called em…he was a Dominican)…these are the first involuntary things that just come up…such are not sins. They can tempt one of course to sin…or one can then proceed to some sin…but they are the stuff of the mind and emotions which “happen to one” …and really the are opportunities for growing in virtue etc as well…

How to deal with these? First of relax…don’t scruple…don’t fear them…to try to swat them all as the come…just simply turn to other things…or the thing you are doing…or to God…(of course do not consent)…but if you are too defensive against them…they may get worse actually…and confuse you more…instead turn to God or again other good things…accept that hey…somethings wild thoughts will come to you…

(and these can happen to all of us by the way…)

---

There is a story from the desert of the early Centuries of the Church where a younger hermit when to an older one with the problems of thoughts happening to him all the time…the older hermit told him to go outside open his cloak and catch the wind.

The younger hermit said such is not possible…

the older hermit replied --neither is it possible to stop all the thoughts that can come to you…your choice… is to consent or not…

 

[Arturo_Ortiz]

Thanks for the reply Bookcat

Yea I know that we can’t prevent all thoughts that we find intrusive. It’s just that I fill guilt having these thoughts.

Usually I know that these thoughts happen randomly but they still make me feel like if I thought about them purposely.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Well, being 18 years old, makes your biology a problem in itself. Your raging hormones are going to be a factor in having sexual desires. This is programed into us, which is how we are driven to mate. Confessors are also trained to understand the maturity of the individual in these matters.

That being said, there is sexual desire and there is lust, and lust is where we begin the desire to possess for self gratification. We possess the thoughts and if we could, we would possess another human being for our own gratification.

The first part, you will grow out of, trust me. I’m 61 and I recall how I was at 18, and I’m not even close to that anymore.

Another way is what I have been reading from the Eastern Orthodox Saints. St Ignatius the Syrian, advises to follow what our Lord Jesus Christ taught and that is, “to watch and pray.”

To watch Jesus is talking about being mindful of everything in our being, especially the thoughts which come into our consciousness. Watch these thoughts and when they are inappropriate, let them discard them, or let them dissolve. We can not stop thoughts from coming into our mind, and think is necessary, but we have so many useless and even evil thoughts, that we need to be mindful of those thoughts and become habitual in learning how to let go of the unwanted ones.

Next, when a thought that you are aware of that is unwanted, let it go and then pray.

The Eastern Orthodox are big fans of the Jesus Prayer, and I’ve become one to.

When the thought comes, mindfully let it go, and then recite the prayer, “Lord Jesus Christ Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.”

It works because you are calling on the Lord for help, and he will never let anyone down who calls on his name for help in resisting sin.

Centered In Jesus Christ
Jim

 

[Bookcat]

Thanks for the reply Bookcat

Yea I know that we can’t prevent all thoughts that we find intrusive. It’s just that I fill guilt having these thoughts.

Usually I know that these thoughts happen randomly but they still make me feel like if I thought about them purposely.

Get a regular confessor to assist you. Do not confuse temptations etc with consent and sin.

Feelings do not always = reality.