Rant about Confirmation Program

[marci]

Ok, this is part rant and part advice seeking.

I just started teaching 1st year sacramental prep for first grade and 1st year confirmation. Our parish confirmation program is 3 years; pre-con, 1st year con, and 2nd year con. We meet during the school year twice a month for two hours. In addition to classes, kids are required to perform 5 community service projects during each year and they must attend Mass and go to a day long retreat each year. The kids must sign in when they come to Mass at our parish and if they attend another parish they must bring in a bulletin signed by the presiding priest to prove they went to mass.

So here are my issues:

1. We rotate kids during the year. So I get a class of 20 for 3 - 4 classes, then a new class of 20 rotate in. I don’t like this because just as you are developing trust with these kids they are moved out.
2. The curriculum is ok (wouldn’t be my choice), but they didn’t purchase the workbook for the kids, they only purchased the bibles. I have a teacher’s guide, but much of the session material requires usage of the workbook so I have to do alot of improvising.
3. The service project guidlines are very rigid. Babysitting for free for a neighbor just cuz -won’t be approved. Babysitting for a neighbor who is a single mom going to a job interview is acceptable.
4. The retreat! The kids went to the retreat on Saturday and we were supposed to discuss it with them tonight in class. My son went to the retreat last year as a pre-con and he hated it, but he’s not much of a talker so I really didn’t get a good impression as to why, other than “too much singing”. Well, the kids in my class tonight didn’t hold back a thing. The basic analysis was this; too much singing, too long, too much time spent on don’t be a bully and “be nice”, feeling pressured to participate in ways that made them feel uncomfortable, feeling “talked down to”, not getting to sit with friends.

When I asked them what they did like about it, surprisingly all of them said they liked getting to go to confession and they liked one of the speakers who spoke about abortion. About half said they like participating in the skits (mostly the girls). Only 4 out of the 20 said they felt like they got anything positive out of it (all girls). They rest said it was a waste of time and a handful were down right angry. One of the boys said that when he got in his mom’s car afterwards he told her he felt like punching someone. (Which comes close to discribing the level of anger my son had after he was finished with his retreat)

I feel completely exasperated tonight. The majority of these kids HATE confirmation and I don’t blame them! They deal with burocracy and drudgery of school all week and then have to have it on Sunday night as well. I feel for them as a catechist and as a parent of a child going through it. There has to be a better way. We are creating a spirit of anger in these kids that is driving a wedge between them and God and their faith.

I have an episcopal friend who heads a Wyldlife group (jr high version of Young Life) with her husband. There are alot of catholic kids in the group, including two of my own kids. She told me that she listens to the catholic kids talk about how much they hate going to confirmation and the protestant kids are hearing all of this!

I’ve got more, but I have to take a break. Any thoughts?

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Your complaints are somewhat vague. You don’t like the service project and the music and the skits at the retreat.

I don’t know what skits have to do with Confirmation prep! I can tell you that my reaction to that as a teenage boy would have been hostile as well.

What is wrong with studying the New Testament and the Catechism as Confirmation prep? Are you in a liberal parish/diocese where that would be discouraged?

 

[agnes_therese]

Concerning the issues you list:
#1 – On the face of it, I’d agree with you. Have you asked the DRE what the reasoning is behind this?

#2. Again, have you asked the DRE? It seems silly to use a teacher’s guide when you can’t have the workbook.

#3. That sounds perfectly reasonable. What’s the problem? Do you have any better examples of the rules being too “rigid.”?

#4. I can understand some of it, but the DRE should know that the kids feel they’re being talked down to.

 

[coachdennis]

Your complaints are somewhat vague. You don’t like the service project and the music and the skits at the retreat.

I don’t know what skits have to do with Confirmation prep! I can tell you that my reaction to that as a teenage boy would have been hostile as well.

What is wrong with studying the New Testament and the Catechism as Confirmation prep? Are you in a liberal parish/diocese where that would be discouraged?

So the knee jerk reaction is that if a program is poorly constructed it MUST be a liberal parish/diocese? Is Hurricane Sandy now going to be blamed on Vatican II as well?

This program sounds like it is being poorly managed but as other posters have said, there needs to be specific examples and **specific **comments from students brought to attention of the DRE, parish council, and the pastor.

There can be many opportunities for discussion and clarification about why things ae done a certain way, and if changes need to be made and what those changes can and should be.

While this forum can be a source of support, the bottom line is that the discussion has to be done** in** the parish

 

[mommy_k]

How about having some charismatic catholics come for a few sessions or for the retreat? They will get the kids going I am sure! How about doing group community service project ?about a field trip to a shrine or something of that. How about finding a talented. "Cool"guitar player that is the same age group play some uplifting contemporary music for them? I would think that at this age group it would be important to show that being a Catholic can be fun.of course follow the outlined plan of instruction but interject some fun ideas too. The reason the service is rigid is so kids do not get credit for things they should be doing anyway such as chores. If there are no workbooks, have pages copied or uploaded to the internet.

 

[RPRPsych]

So the knee jerk reaction is that if a program is poorly constructed it MUST be a liberal parish/diocese? Is Hurricane Sandy now going to be blamed on Vatican II as well?

Good one! it reminds me of what Father Jurgens said in his introduction to Faith of the Early Fathers: "Today, it seems, one can write nothing without some reference to Vatican II…in the hands of some authors, not even a grocery list."

Honestly, such issues are often related to the way in which the programme is organized. I’ve had Confirmation classes where we just had to memorize the answers to a set number of questions, and go to Confession once.

If the programme already includes such things as a Mass, retreat, Confession and a pro-life lecture (as the OP said), it’s unlikely that they’re being “liberal”. I think those involved should sit down together, reflect on the feedback they’ve received from the children, and try to have a more balanced programme that reflects the true nature of the Sacrament of Confirmation. This could include the New Testament, the early Church Fathers, and the Catechism. General stuff such as peer relationships, community service, anti-bullying measures and such are of secondary importance.

 

[marci]

Your complaints are somewhat vague. You don’t like the service project and the music and the skits at the retreat.

Not me, the kids. They thought their was too much music, but they DID like the skits.

I don’t know what skits have to do with Confirmation prep! I can tell you that my reaction to that as a teenage boy would have been hostile as well.

 

[marci]

Concerning the issues you list:

#1 – On the face of it, I’d agree with you. Have you asked the DRE what the reasoning is behind this?

I plan on telling her

 

[marci]

So the knee jerk reaction is that if a program is poorly constructed it MUST be a liberal parish/diocese? Is Hurricane Sandy now going to be blamed on Vatican II as well?

This program sounds like it is being poorly managed but as other posters have said, there needs to be specific examples and **specific **comments from students brought to attention of the DRE, parish council, and the pastor.

There can be many opportunities for discussion and clarification about why things ae done a certain way, and if changes need to be made and what those changes can and should be.

While this forum can be a source of support, the bottom line is that the discussion has to be done** in** the parish

I wrote down a list of things that the kids hated and a list of what they liked, as well as ideas for future retreats. I plan on speaking with the DRE about them. However, as someone who is new, I don’t really feel like I can speak up much about anything beyond relaying what the kids say

 

[marci]

How about having some charismatic catholics come for a few sessions or for the retreat? They will get the kids going I am sure! How about doing group community service project ?about a field trip to a shrine or something of that. How about finding a talented. "Cool"guitar player that is the same age group play some uplifting contemporary music for them? I would think that at this age group it would be important to show that being a Catholic can be fun.of course follow the outlined plan of instruction but interject some fun ideas too. The reason the service is rigid is so kids do not get credit for things they should be doing anyway such as chores. If there are no workbooks, have pages copied or uploaded to the internet.

The retreat is charismatic. We already do group service projects. There were young “cool” musicians playing “uplifting contemporary music”. I addressed the service project criteria above.

I think the problem is that what older people think is “cool” and what they think is “cool” are completely different.

 

[marci]

If the programme already includes such things as a Mass, retreat, Confession and a pro-life lecture (as the OP said), it’s unlikely that they’re being “liberal”. I think those involved should sit down together, reflect on the feedback they’ve received from the children, and try to have a more balanced programme that reflects the true nature of the Sacrament of Confirmation. This could include the New Testament, the early Church Fathers, and the Catechism. General stuff such as peer relationships, community service, anti-bullying measures and such are of secondary importance.

In my humble opinion, what the kids want ( and the parents for that matter) are not considered. The whole program is run like a boot camp. As a parent, the kids are not the only ones talked down to, we are as well. I know it’s a large group of kids so they have to maintain control, but the kids feel like they are never seen as individuals. I think they are too quickly dismissed as just a group of whinny teenagers who need to “take their medicine” and shut up about it. As a parent of three teenagers I agree there are times for just “do it because I said so”, but in this case, don’t we want their hearts to be in it?

As far as the “be nice, don’t be a bully” lectures, honestly I think that this is one of the ways they feel talked down to. I give the same lectures to my 1st year catechism six year olds, this is not the first time they’ve heard this. I think they are capable of much more than they are given credit for. Maybe I’m just dreaming, being a newbie, but I know what my own kids are capable of understanding so why not the kids in my class.

I think they need more substance and to be treated with a little dignity and respect. They want to be listened to, not just talked at.

 

[coachdennis]

I wrote down a list of things that the kids hated and a list of what they liked, as well as ideas for future retreats. I plan on speaking with the DRE about them. However, as someone who is new, I don’t really feel like I can speak up much about anything beyond relaying what the kids say

Not to take this out of the spiritual into the everyday world, but what the “kids” say IS important. If this was a business, they would be the customers. If this was a piece of entertainment (which I know sacramental preparation is not), the kids would be the audience. Either way you look at the analogy the people who this program is being directed to are not being served.

Being new should not be a disqualifier in offering your observations. Sometimes the new person can see things with fresh eyes.

However, you need facts. Are there feedback forms the children can fill out – anonymously of course? If not, can one be developed? The young people in the program can be directed to be honest in the feedback so they can “help” make the program more effective and not just a reason to complain. These can be your resources of information.

I worked as a confirmation director many years ago but I can assure you that our program was scriptually and liturgically based. However, the “techniques” we used to communicate the faith changed over the years but was always balanced with tradition. It took us several attempts before we found a retreat that both we and the young people found fruitful.

Again, asking questions will help you understand why certain things are done certain whys, what are the limitations that the parish/program have to work with, and what changes (if any) can be made.

Doing nothing will not change the situation for anyone.

 

[Usige]

The retreat is charismatic. We already do group service projects. There were young “cool” musicians playing “uplifting contemporary music”. I addressed the service project criteria above.

I think the problem is that what older people think is “cool” and what they think is “cool” are completely different.

That is very true. When my oldest son went through 1st year confirmation prep two years they had an overnight retreat with a contemporary band and charismatic youth speakers. He hated it. Last year they had the same type of program and he refused to go. We talked to the DRE about options for something more like a silent/contemplative retreat and were told “Come on, all the kids love having energetic speakers and music.” Since my son has issues with sensory stimulation that’s not the case. We were able to convince her to let him do a silent retreat at a benedictine monastery instead.

We also had similar issues with the service projects. Not him having to do them, but the fact that there were only so many pre-approved projects and each only had 30 - 40 slots or so. Unfortunately when you have 130+ confirmandi each year that means a bunch of kids having to find and document their hours.

The only suggestions I would make is to see if you can setup alternatives similar to the silent retreat we did. Perhaps you and some others could offer to be service project advisers. If you talk to the DRE about deficiencies you will need to have alternate suggestions and be willing to pitch in if they agree. I truly wish you the best of luck. It can be an uphill battle if people are entrenched on how good the think their program is.

 

[jilly4ski]

How about having some charismatic catholics come for a few sessions or for the retreat? They will get the kids going I am sure! How about doing group community service project ?about a field trip to a shrine or something of that. How about finding a talented. "Cool"guitar player that is the same age group play some uplifting contemporary music for them? I would think that at this age group it would be important to show that being a Catholic can be fun.of course follow the outlined plan of instruction but interject some fun ideas too. The reason the service is rigid is so kids do not get credit for things they should be doing anyway such as chores. If there are no workbooks, have pages copied or uploaded to the internet.

I find this is part of the problem. Kids are becoming increasingly critical of this, and feel like the adults can’t share the adult Catholic faith with them and instead have to give them the “cool” guitar music, which lets face it, the music and the instrument is not that cool anymore. They feel the adults are talking down or bringing the material down to them and trying to be cool (we all know how teens see adults who do this).

I, in fact grew up in a charismatic parish, and it was helpful for a time, but by the time I had been confirmed I was increasingly skeptical of the coerced participation, the unbridled emotion, (crying and loosing control and even faking), the replacement of traditional devotions, with these write your sin on the piece of paper and then we will burn it, type rituals. It now represents for me an immature faith (which some young adults and teens have) and this is a way to engage it, but it can also be dangerous if it backfires (boys in particular are more hostile to the overly emotional emphasis) and if when all the feelings and emotions are over do they have anything to fall back on. I luckily also had an intellectual knowledge of the faith, and a small perspective of the larger Church and its place in history. Thus when the “mountain top” feelings were gone I was able to maintain may faith, many of my peers were not so lucky.

 

[RPRPsych]

In my humble opinion, what the kids want ( and the parents for that matter) are not considered. The whole program is run like a boot camp. As a parent, the kids are not the only ones talked down to, we are as well. I know it’s a large group of kids so they have to maintain control, but the kids feel like they are never seen as individuals. I think they are too quickly dismissed as just a group of whinny teenagers who need to “take their medicine” and shut up about it. As a parent of three teenagers I agree there are times for just “do it because I said so”, but in this case, don’t we want their hearts to be in it?

As far as the “be nice, don’t be a bully” lectures, honestly I think that this is one of the ways they feel talked down to. I give the same lectures to my 1st year catechism six year olds, this is not the first time they’ve heard this. I think they are capable of much more than they are given credit for. Maybe I’m just dreaming, being a newbie, but I know what my own kids are capable of understanding so why not the kids in my class.

I think they need more substance and to be treated with a little dignity and respect. They want to be listened to, not just talked at.

That’s what I meant, actually.

Adolescents these days are intellectually very sharp. They want to be treated as proto-adults, not as kids being told to play the “Good Behaviour Game”.

Involving a few high school and college teachers (who know how to deal with adolescents much better) would be a first step, as would emphasizing the historical and theological aspects. Use the Catechism. Have a debate or two. Ask them to come up with assignments or projects on the Scriptural basis for Confirmation. In other words, treat them on an equal footing. “Children, be good” may be a nice message, but it doesn’t work well at that age.

 

[1ke]

Marci,

In reading the way you approached the DRE, my observation is that it was a very passive approach. You were not at all direct. You are going to have to be. Be professional, factual, and direct. Be prepared also to talk to your priest about the situation, especially since you are both a teacher and a parent.

I would address getting the workbooks, even if only a classroom set that students do not write in, suggest that a group of post-confirmation students plan the retreat for the current students with adult assistance, and suggest a survey be completed by current students and parents.

Don’t be shy about talking to the pastor. If the DRE is not willing to listen to (name removed by moderator)ut and feedback, she is not in the right position.

 

[marci]

I find this is part of the problem. Kids are becoming increasingly critical of this, and feel like the adults can’t share the adult Catholic faith with them and instead have to give them the “cool” guitar music, which lets face it, the music and the instrument is not that cool anymore. They feel the adults are talking down or bringing the material down to them and trying to be cool (we all know how teens see adults who do this).

I, in fact grew up in a charismatic parish, and it was helpful for a time, but by the time I had been confirmed I was increasingly skeptical of the coerced participation, the unbridled emotion, (crying and loosing control and even faking), the replacement of traditional devotions, with these write your sin on the piece of paper and then we will burn it, type rituals. It now represents for me an immature faith (which some young adults and teens have) and this is a way to engage it, but it can also be dangerous if it backfires (boys in particular are more hostile to the overly emotional emphasis) and if when all the feelings and emotions are over do they have anything to fall back on. I luckily also had an intellectual knowledge of the faith, and a small perspective of the larger Church and its place in history. Thus when the “mountain top” feelings were gone I was able to maintain may faith, many of my peers were not so lucky.

You pretty much nailed it! The group that organizes the retreat tries to make it “hip”, they use high school kids as facilitators when they break into small groups. They use contemporary music, but somehow all of this still falls flat. It’s like the kids see through it all, like they know that your giving them cherry flavored cough syrup, it may be flavored, but it still tastes bad.

The problem i see with the retreat is that it’s not very substantive. The purpose seems to be more about community building through shared emotional response than learning anything about the purpose of confirmation. They want them to “spill their guts” about personal issues, problems at home or school. I don’t like this because the teenage group facilitators are not equiped to deal with the issues that may come out. Not to mention the fact that some of these kids go to the same schools so they are revealing things about their lives in a highly emotional setting that may not be given the confidence that is required and expected.

 

[marci]

Marci,

In reading the way you approached the DRE, my observation is that it was a very passive approach. You were not at all direct. You are going to have to be. Be professional, factual, and direct. Be prepared also to talk to your priest about the situation, especially since you are both a teacher and a parent.

I would address getting the workbooks, even if only a classroom set that students do not write in, suggest that a group of post-confirmation students plan the retreat for the current students with adult assistance, and suggest a survey be completed by current students and parents.

Don’t be shy about talking to the pastor. If the DRE is not willing to listen to (name removed by moderator)ut and feedback, she is not in the right position.

I agree I need to be more direct. I just don’t know how well received it will be considering I’m new to teaching, but I know that I am a parent as well so I do have valid opinion

 

[kkollwitz]

“What is wrong with studying the New Testament and the Catechism as Confirmation prep?” Absolutely true. Kids respond to being treated like adults and seriously learning about the Church, the Bible, the Sacraments, how those thing influence and give meaning to one’s life.

The problem that I see is too few adults are in a position in their own faith journeys to impart that kind of content to anyone else. Thus time is filled up with condescending pap which the kids of course will loathe.

 

[MarkInOregon]

Ok, this is part rant and part advice seeking.

I just started teaching 1st year sacramental prep for first grade and 1st year confirmation. Our parish confirmation program is 3 years; pre-con, 1st year con, and 2nd year con. We meet during the school year twice a month for two hours. In addition to classes, kids are required to perform 5 community service projects during each year and they must attend Mass and go to a day long retreat each year. The kids must sign in when they come to Mass at our parish and if they attend another parish they must bring in a bulletin signed by the presiding priest to prove they went to mass.

Confirmation is a three year process? I’ve never heard of that before. Why is it a three year process? How long is the RCIA process? I have just a few observations:

#1 – I am resistent to this type of thing as an adult and I was resistent to it as a high schooler–Your Mass sign in and the requirement to bring a signed bulletin to prove attendence elsewhere. Nothing screams I don’t trust you, I think you’ll lie to me any louder than this and it seems the wrong way to get kids to attend Mass. It would make me resentful and drive me to want to do the opposite. How would those who came up with this requirement like it if when they presented themselves to receive the Eucharist–they had to present a log book of Mass attendence, a doctors note if they had missed when they were sick, or a sheet signed by the priest they went to confession to? The Church doesn’t operate that way and neither should the confirmation process.

#2 --the whole process sounds unappealling–it sounds like boot camp. Our kids need to see us loving God, loving Mass, loving our faith, living our faith. They need to see us involved in service and getting great joy from it. What they don’t need are mandates, attendence sheets and a checklist of requirements to robotically complete and checkoff. Confirmation is a process of helping them prepare to receive the Holy Spirit–not get a diploma for meeting certain competency requirements. Obviously you don’t confirm the child who was never there but neither should you confirm the child who attended but just went through the motions–there needs to be some engagement.

#3–regarding 5 service projects a year–how does you parish define a service project? As I think of a service project–5 sounds like a little much–unless you simply mean a one day thing–i.e one shift at a soup kitchen–but then I wouldn’t call that a project. I think it would be more meaningful–if the confirmation leaders organized group opportunities for service–around the service things they do in their own lives. I assume they are involved in service activities in their personal lives after all they are requiring 5 per year for 3 years from the confirmation candidates. If Bob regularly serves at a soup kitchen–he should take groups of confirmation candidates with him so that they can participate and see him in action–see an active parish member actually doing service in his daily life–see an active parish member living out his faith. Now if the parish members who came up with this requirement are not doing these things in their own lives it will seem hypocritical of them to require it of others. We teach best by our actions.

Peace,
Mark