Rape.

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Tyler1234

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My friend was recently the victim of a sexual assault. She confided in me the other day that while she was at a party, slightly drunk, she ended up alone with a guy. They eventually got intimate, and he took it too far after she had said no. Admittedly, she is not the most catholic person, as shown above. However, I still care about her and do not like the fact that she was assaulted.

I have had a few mini-confrontations with the guy before. Small ones. I saw him disrespect a girl verbally once, and so I spoke up. And then it happened again. And then this happened. He has no restraint or respect for women.

As a Christian in a public high school, what should I do in this situation? I am afraid that if nothing is done, he will do it again. My friend insists that she wants no action taken though.

I am not looking for vengeance, but simply for a way to protect others from what could be.

Thanks in advance for your advice,
Tyler.

God bless.
 
Kudos to you for being such a good friend to her! 🙂 Since you’re in high school, my first thought was, does the school administration know about this guy? If not, then they should, pronto! If they do know about his history of being inappropriate with people, then they need to know that he’s escalating to sexual assault. Turn him in anonymously. As long as nobody speaks up, he’ll get the message that what he’s doing is perfectly acceptable, and we all know it’s totally not.

If your school has a Student Resource Officer, he or she also needs to know about this, if for no other reason than to protect your friend from further harm and to protect whoever’s next on this creep’s hit list. Whatever your friend did or didn’t do, said or didn’t say is moot at this point. What matters is that she said no, he knew she was drunk and couldn’t consent to anything, and he ignored all of that. Has she been to a doctor? If she hasn’t, then she should go to one, maybe you can offer to take her if you’ve got the means to do so.

Do her parents know about this? She should tell them if she hasn’t already.
 
I would be careful in who you tell. Having gone through something similar, many places vary quite widely in how they respond. Frankly I am sorry that I ever told anyone, either at school or that my parents found out. It did not go well. Unfortunately there are still a lot of negative attitudes out there, especially if she was drinking many people will see her as “deserving it.”

Please, above all else, do not tell anyone without her permission. It’s hard for people to understand if you haven’t been through it, but…the biggest damage is saying “no” and not having it be respected. She’s likely to be hypersensitive to people doing things against her will.

I would encourage her to see a doctor. Check into local charities, some may have someone she can talk to. Unfortunately it will be more difficult as she is a minor; you may need to look into the local laws. Also look into reporting laws - some places have laws that they will overlook more minor crimes in the report of an assault, if she’s worried about getting in trouble for drinking.
 
DarkLight said:
Please, above all else, do not tell anyone without her permission. It’s hard for people to understand if you haven’t been through it, but…the biggest damage is saying “no” and not having it be respected. She’s likely to be hypersensitive to people doing things against her will.
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good advice.
 
If the victim is a kid, I don’t think there is any option but to tell someone and right away! I would start with your parents, and then the three of you could report it to the proper authorities. I highly recommend that you not confront the rapist personally.
 
I don’t think that you should do anything on your own. She was the victim, so it’s up to her. Even if you tried, I doubt anything would get done if you were to report it. The authorities, be it school, law enforcement, etc, would probably just ask you why she isn’t the one reporting the crime if she is the victim. I am assuming, though I am not sure in this, that most schools and/or law enforcement agencies can’t do anything unless the victim comes forward.

I would encourage her to see a doctor immediately though. Even disregarding the pyschological aspect of rape for a moment (which is a concern by itself), if there was sexual contact it would be a good idea to get tested for STDs.
 
I am a SANE nurse (sexual assault nurse examiner) Please tell your parents. Try to talk her into telling her parents. It’s never to late get an exam. There are many groups all over that can help her with councelling that she doesn’t even know she needs. She will need STD testing for sure.
God Bless. PM me if you wish further information.
 
Canuck000 said:
I am a SANE nurse (sexual assault nurse examiner) Please tell your parents. Try to talk her into telling her parents. It’s never to late get an exam. There are many groups all over that can help her with councelling that she doesn’t even know she needs. She will need STD testing for sure.
God Bless. PM me if you wish further information.
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I second this.
 
I would warn people around you, but don’t give victim names or tattle too much. It’s the victim’s responsibility to convict/tell an authority figure. You can warn people like “this guy’s aggressive–watch out.”

If they continue on, it’s their own fault, because they were warned.

Don’t try to save the world too much, or pressure the victim, just do what you can.

Lily
 
Allegra said:
If the victim is a kid, I don’t think there is any option but to tell someone and right away! I would start with your parents, and then the three of you could report it to the proper authorities. I highly recommend that you not confront the rapist personally.
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Unfortunately this really depends on the parents. I say this because someone told mine and it has caused nothing but grief for any of us. I truly regret having them involved.
 
I recommend keeping your head down and not getting involved in the drama of people who violate Natural Law. Don’t be a hero, because it usually makes things worse. Just finish high school, Ty, and be on your way.
 
Rainaldo said:
I recommend keeping your head down and not getting involved in the drama of people who violate Natural Law. Don’t be a hero, because it usually makes things worse. Just finish high school, Ty, and be on your way.
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Your comment is disgusting and cowardly. I’d tell you what I really think, but I’d end up getting banned.
 
oldcatholicguy said:
Your comment is disgusting and cowardly. I’d tell you what I really think, but I’d end up getting banned.
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Well, I find your comment frighteningly naive.

How did you rule out the possibility that the sex was consensual and that this girl is falsely accusing him of rape because she now regrets it?

Don’t you have any concept of what a single false rape allegation can do to a man’s life?
 
Rainaldo said:
Well, I find your comment frighteningly naive.

How did you rule out the possibility that the sex was consensual and that this girl is falsely accusing him of rape because she now regrets it?

Don’t you have any concept of what a single false rape allegation can do to a man’s life?
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Does someone insisting that they want no action taken really sound like someone making up accusations?

And really - lying about rape doesn’t appear to be more common in any reliable statistics than lying about any other crime. We can never completely “rule out” the possibility that the victim is lying, in a lot of cases. Should we refuse to even investigate because she might be lying?

I tried to keep my own assault quiet because of this attitude. And when people did find out this is what I had to face at my home church - that I got labelled a “slut” because after all, I probably wanted it and was just lying. You know the one person that never faced any consequences? The man involved.
 
Canuck000 said:
I am a SANE nurse (sexual assault nurse examiner) Please tell your parents. Try to talk her into telling her parents. It’s never to late get an exam. There are many groups all over that can help her with councelling that she doesn’t even know she needs. She will need STD testing for sure.
God Bless. PM me if you wish further information.
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As a former Assistant District Attorney, I wholeheartedly second Canuck’s advice.

Ignore Rainaldo.
 
DarkLight said:
Does someone insisting that they want no action taken really sound like someone making up accusations?
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Yes. Not only is the alleged victim’s behavior consistent with consent followed by regret, but also keeping the police out of it is consistent with knowing that the truth is different and would come out upon investigation. Remember, this is all on her say-so and she was drunk at the time.

But also:
  • OP mentioned the accusation first, and only afterward brought up the character issue. I’m not saying OP is gullible, but we all have a tendency to “find” things to convince ourselves that accusations like this are believable after the fact, when we want to believe them. Thus we fool ourselves into thinking an innocent person is guilty.
  • Is it more believable that *someone *would rape her, or is it more believable that *someone with that kind of reputation *would rape her? Always be suspicious of an accusation that dovetails with what you think you already know about someone. Could she have had consensual sex with someone else at the party but pinned the blame on the bad-boy?
  • Furthermore, if OP’s description of the guy is accurate, then maybe the girl is into the bad-boy type and the situation get out of hand. She did, after all, consent to intoxication, and further consented to intimacy. It would be unfair to the accused if we ignored her role in creating the situation in the first place.
  • Am I blaming the victim? Well, I’m just pointing out that there could be a whole lot more to this story than she is letting on. She may very well be no victim at all.

    That’s why I stand by my advice to stay out of it. You don’t know what happened, and you don’t know why she is behaving this way. Think about it: why would someone reveal a serious and actionable offense to you and then swear you to secrecy? That strikes me as manipulative.
 
michelleds said:
As a former Assistant District Attorney, I wholeheartedly second Canuck’s advice.

Ignore Rainaldo.
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Mike Nifong is also a former Assistant District Attorney. The boys on the Duke lacrosse team were put through hell partly because enough people wanted to believe something that confirmed their own prejudices.

But I agree that Canuck’s advice is good.
 
Report it to police let them be the investigators and heroes.

You dont know for sure that what she claims, is a fact. You dont want to spread false info around until you know for sure. Let the cops do their thing.
 
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